


Soul Compass

by NeuroticSoulGobbler



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, aot, snk - Fandom
Genre: Adulthood, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Car Accidents, F/F, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-03-13 11:35:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 127,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3380051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeuroticSoulGobbler/pseuds/NeuroticSoulGobbler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A modern college AU. When you feel lost the other half of your soul feels it. Someday we all hope to find them and along the way we met some of the most interesting kinds of people. But sometimes your soulmate isn't who you end up with. (Various pairings and hints along the way)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Prolouge Before the Journey

“It’s about time we leave this shithole.”

That was Eren's response. I didn’t expect him to come with me. It took me all night to properly prepare for this moment as dramatic as it sounds, it's true. I was trying to say goodbye. He really does surprise me sometimes even after knowing each other all these years.

“Eren, it’s not going to fit.” Mikasa, Eren’s adopted sister told him as we both stood not too far from him.

“Shut up, I know what I’m doing.” Eren held his hand out for another suitcase. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I was on Mikasa’s side this time. After an hour of cursing Eren somehow broke the laws of physics and managed to fit everything into the small ragged truck his dad left him.

“There! I did it! Told you I knew what I was doing." Eren jumps down from the tailgate and quickly double checks the covering with a proud smile across this face. He youtubed how to pack yesterday night. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Mikasa tighten her arms that are wrapped around her thin waist. "Come on, we should get going.” 

“I don’t like this.” She bluntly states looking at the truck then to Eren. “What would Mom and Dad say?”

“They’d say get the hell out of here while you still can.” Eren scoffs a bit unconsciously copying his older sister’s stance. It’s really funny how much they can be alike sometimes. “Armin already has an apartment waiting for us over there. You don’t have to worry so much.”

“It’s already been paid for the year.” I chime in making eye contact with her. She turns around to look at me and I try my best to give her a reassuring nod. She’s been like the older sister I never had, but Eren told me to be thankful that I was an only child. She quickly turns her stare back at Eren.

“If something happens I’m going down there.” Eren looks like he’s about to shout something. “You can't stop me.”

With a loud sigh Eren nods and makes his way over to us. This isn't the first time they've argued like this. If Mikasa is set on doing something consider it done. It's both admirable as it is frightening.

“Fine, fine.” He walks up to her and gently pulls her into a hug. “You be careful too, sis.”

“Don’t cry, Eren.” Mikasa pulls back and wipes invisible tears off his face.

“I’m not crying!” Eren pulls away quickly as he vigorously rubs his eyes. Before I can even laugh at the scene, Mikasa puts her hands firmly on my shoulders staring right into my eyes. I could hear myself take in a small gasp and could feel myself holding my breath. People may not believe this, but I’ve never received stoic look from her.

“Protect his innocence.” I really want to laugh, but I can only nod out of fear. It's always been Eren protecting me, but I dare not upset her.

“Mikasa! Stop glaring and let Armin go! It’s gonna be dark soon.” Thank God Eren didn’t hear that. I’d die out of embarrassment. Mikasa walks me to the passenger side and gives me one last hug. She then reaches over and ruffles Eren’s hair. In return he tries to smack her tender hand away with a pout on his lips and a frown on his face. “Don’t touch me.”

And of course as sibling relationships seem to deem as loving, she gets a good grip on the back of his skull before forcing Eren’s forehead to become good acquaintance with the driver’s wheel. 

“Don’t be a punk.” Her gentle smile not matching her words at all. Eren blushes pushing her away again mumbling that he won’t before starting the truck. Mikasa stays standing where she is pulling her red scarf closer to her neck and arms wrapped around her own small thin waist. “Drive carefully, Eren.”

“I will.” Eren nods and gives a quick wave good-bye. I do the same for as long as she’s in sight. Once I turn to properly sit in my seat it dawns on me…we’re really leaving. I never thought we would, well, that we would together like this. It’s always been the three of us, but now we’re leaving Mikasa behind. That doesn’t seem fair. 

“We’ll be back, Armin. It’s not like we’re never coming back. If she really wanted to come with us then she would’ve said something.”

“I guess you’re right.” It does help to ease the guilt. “Still I hope she’s not lonely by herself here.”

“She’ll be fine.” There’s no annoyance or bitterness in his voice. Just comfort. I’m glad he’s coming with me. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. “Maybe she’ll finally start thinking about herself for once.”

“It’s more than likely she’ll finally take that job promotion.” Eren makes a sound of agreement slowly for the stoplight right before the freeway entrance. 

“That would be nice.”

The small drumming on the wheel is the only thing that gives away his nervousness. It’s been a tick of his since we were in preschool except it was more obvious then. Not too much longer another one of his habits start showing itself. His brow furrows and he gently bites on the side of his thumb. 

“Damn light. What’s taking it so long? There better not be any traffic.” Eren’s number biggest hate next to cats. Traffic. If he could he would kill all traffic, but his reasons are understandable. It’s amazing Eren’s driving at all. With a frustrated sigh he pulls his hand away and bites lightly on his lip. 

“It’ll be all right.” There’s a bag of Doritos in my backpack. Quickly I find it and open it offering Eren a chip. He looks surprised at first then graciously takes it with a smile. His mood improves almost instantly. I personally don’t like them, but brought some for his sake. 

  


The light changes and it’s off we go.

It’s now official.

We’re on our way into the “real world” and our journey to adulthood has now begun. 

  


  



	2. Making Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble comes in double

The morning wasn’t too bad, it was fairly easy to drive to the first rest stop. However, the second they were back on the highway it became so packed you could literally put your hand out the window and shake the other person’s hand. You would probably have enough time to even strike up a decent conversation…which was exactly what Armin was involved in at the moment much to Eren’s discontent. 

“So where are you heading blondie?” The man leaned over lazily outside his car window flicking the ashes of his cigarette on the road.

“We’re heading to—“

“It’s none of your damn business.” Eren snapped angrily without taking his eyes off the traffic. 

“Nice to meet you too.” The frowned briefly then looked back at Armin with a wide smile. Before he would ask again Eren lunged forward to crank the window up.

“You shouldn’t be talking to him.” Eren gritted out trying his hardest to put the window. His elbow was at a hella awkward angle and genetics were also working against him making his stretch limited. Armin nearly jumped in his seat when the dark haired boy’s elbow jabbed slightly again his thighs. The small squeak went unnoticed mainly because Eren was determined to gain back the privacy of their truck. 

“E-eren, your seatbelt.” 

Armin glanced over. The belt was indeed still buckled and causing most of the trouble. The blond reached out pressing himself a little further back into his seat to give Eren more room. He would have cranked the window himself, but he never hand the arm muscle to ever do such a thing. It was embarrassing to admit and one of the reasons why Mikasa usually sat passenger. 

“Pfft! Hey, hey dude. You probably shouldn’t do that. Look like you’re—“Before the other driver could say anything one of the passengers in his vehicle woke up rubbing his eye.

“Jean who are you talking—“ 

Jean looked over his shoulder giving the other a rather interesting view. Marco’s entire face suddenly turned red making his freckles fade. Jean enjoying his reaction too much didn’t bother much to explain the situation, he just openly laughed. 

“JEAN!!” 

“Shut up, Marco.” The third passenger kicked the back of the seat Marco was sitting in grumbling profusely. “I’m trying to sleep.” 

“B-but—“ 

“Fuck! I give up!” Frustrated with only getting the window two inches up Eren sat up throwing his hands in the air sighing.

“At least you tried.”

Armin weakly smiled all too conscious of how it must’ve looked like. Eren on the other hand, well, it was the expression incarnate of: Ignorance is bliss. Mikasa’s voice rang in his ears. Protect Eren’s innocence? That may prove to be harder than he thought. When he turned to talk with Jean again he was greet not only by one, but two---well—one and a half pair of eyes looking at him from the other car.

“Oh, sorry we woke you.” It was amazing how Armin perfected the “pleasant” smile. Eren too had seen the passengers next to them and wasn’t as good at hiding his confusion and horror. The one in the in the back seat grunt and threw a jacket over his head as he curled in the trying to go back to sleep. Armin’s attention was drawn away from him when Eren hit his shoulder.

“Damn! What happened to your eye?” Armin tensed elbowing Eren in his rib giving him a scolding look. Eren winced rubbing his side, but didn’t get the message. “Are you a pirate or something?”

Jean threw Eren a glare so sharp Armin could swear it could drew blood.

“Good one. Like I haven’t heard that a million times—“

“Jean, it’s fine—“ Marco nervously chuckled trying to pull him away from the window. 

“No, it’s not—“

“Fucking hell! Can’t a guy sleep in peace?”

“You’re not sleeping, Marcus! We all know you’re hung over.” Jean shouts over his shoulder. 

The back passenger once again sat up, but this time pulled off his jacket he was using as a blanket. He turned around looking angrily at the two in front before turning to see Eren gaping at him as if he were some kind of freak show.

“A twin!” Eren couldn’t help laughing then smiled widely. “Which one is the evil one?”

“Why don’t you find out?” Another glare to add to their collection. Great…

Armin slapped a hand over his eyes letting out a sigh. There was no way he could fix this now. It was a little disheartening seeing how Armin had a pretty nice conversation with the other man. It wasn’t often he found someone who’s as enthusiastic about the shows he like to watched. His top favorites usually on the History or Travel channel. Anytime Armin was close to possibly widening their circle of friends Eren would unconsciously destroy it. It seemed to always happen like this. God bless his soul, but Armin hoped that they could include others in their life other than his grandparents and Mikasa. Sadly this wasn’t the worse introduction slash conversation they ever had. As if answering their prayers the traffic started to pick up again and their cars soon separated. The third passenger though kept giving Eren a murderous glare from the back seat window.

“Eren…that was really inappropriate.” Armin sighed rubbing his temple.

“Yeah, it was. Who does that guy think he is glaring at us like that?” Eren huffed switching shifts and pulling forward. “And what’s up with that hair? He looks like trash.”

“Eren!” Armin rarely shouted at him, but to judge someone so quickly on looks. The other boy jumped slightly looking back at him with wide curious eyes.

“What?” 

“Just…nevermind.” Armin bit his lip then sighed trying to get comfortable again. The silence in the small truck was deafening. The heat didn’t help either.

“I’ll fix it.” Eren said off handedly earning himself a curious tilt of his head. “The air conditioning…and the crank. I’ll fix it as soon as I find a job.”

“Oh, well, those things can wait until we get settled in.” This was Eren…his best friend and fleeting childhood crush. It would take more than awkward conversation to make him leave him. “But having a radio would be nice…”

“Here.” Eren reached blindly into his pocket and handed the blond his ipod. “Think there’s a mini speaker you can plug it into in the glove.”

Nodding opened the compartment and there is was along with several folded expired fast food coupons. The truck again wheeled to a stop. Frustrated beyond all reason Eren let out a groan and punched his steering wheel. He then leaned his arms forward on it resting his head. It was hotter than he thought it was going to be and he already rolled up the sleeves on his long sleeve. Quietly he glanced at his friend who didn’t have an ounce of sweat on him. His cheek were pink tho…it looked cute on him.

“Do you think we’ll ever see them again?” Armin stretched putting the device on the dashboard letting it play. He then turned and proceeded to attempt rolling up the window in consideration of other drivers. 

“Just leave it. It’s so fucking hot in here.” Eren let out a long sigh leaning his head back falling again the driver’s seat. “And I hope not. They were weird.”

“But you looked excited for a moment.”

“Yeah, cause they were twins. How often do we ever see that? I mean, I thought it was like only the movies kind of stuff like that eye patch.” Eren pointed at Armin with a wide grin. “You have to admit, it would’ve been cool if he WAS a pirate.”

“Ha, yeah it would have.” Armin lightly chuckled shaking his head. The more Eren talked about it the more curious he became too of their situation. “I might be wrong, but it looked like he had a prosthetic hand too.”

“Well that’s dumb.” Eren sat back with an unsatisfied expression. “He should have a hook for a hand.”

“You’re horrible.” Armin bit his lip trying to contain his laughter. 

“I bet I’d look like a bad ass with a hook for a hand.” Eren smiled gleefully stretching his hand out towards the front windshield of the truck. 

“No, Eren, no.” Armin chuckled pushing Eren’s hand down between them. 

His laugh was cut short the moment leaned forward only a few centimeters from his face. All sound drowned out and he could’ve sworn he felt his heart in his throat beating loudly. The light shone in Eren’s eyes just the right way making it hard for Armin to look away. Eren turned his hand palm up lacing his more callous fingers with Armins softer ones.

“Hey…” Eren’s face softened. “I’m sorry.”

“I-it’s all right.” Armin tried to pull back. He tried to forget the expression right in front of him. He turned to forget feeling the difference between their hands. Eren was so close he could smell the slight musk of Axe and the green apple gum Eren had been chewing. His mind screamed as it slowly went into sensory overload.

“No, I keep chasing away people for you.” Armin was starting to gain a hate for traffic that would rival Eren’s for putting him in this kind of situation. “I’m…I’m going to try to be better. I mean I want to be better at it, I promise. But…just be patient with me, Armin.”

And there it was…THAT melted and touched Armin’s heart. This was the Eren not too many ever saw, even Mikasa. The vulnerable, scared, honest man who rarely ever showed his face to the world. When Eren Yaegar made a promise his words were strong as steel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking of doing small chapters, but a lot of them. :) It just makes it easier since I work so much so trying to get a set schedule for updates would be really hard. 
> 
> I've had the idea for the Marco twins for awhile though. Ha, I just really like writing for them and seeing how they both interact differently with Jean. 
> 
> Also hope to show a different side to Eren too.
> 
> I'm going to try and post colored sketches every 100 views on my tumblr too: http://neuroticsoulgobbler.tumblr.com/image/111629035053


	3. Photograph

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The son they left behind.

It was getting dark and the two teens still had such a long way ahead of them. It would have helped if Armin didn’t insist on stopping at nearly every historical landmark along the way or every quirky local store. They switched half of the way, but the two of them were starting to feel very weary. To imagine if Armin decided to travel alone, just thinking about did strange things to Eren’s insides.

“There’s a local motel and diner a few miles ahead.” The darker hair boy grunted in response. They really were in tune with one another. “I brought some cash, we should be fine for one night.”

“All right, but if it looks shady we’re going to keep driving.” The blond nodded in agreement.

The motel looked innocent enough, small, quaint, and best of all quiet. They probably didn’t get travelers too often in the middle of the dessert. There were a few buildings, small dirt parking lot, but no pool. The sign flickered slightly as they pulled up, the poor truck sputtering and huffing as hard as it could. The presumed own who was sitting on the porch of the main house stood up and made his way over with an even older dog at his side. With its last breath Eren parked the truck and immediately a huge billow of smoke snuck out from underneath its hood.

“SSshit!” Eren panicked unbuckling himself as fast as he could rushing outside. Armin just as worried followed him.

“Eren, don’t—“ Before he could finish his warning Eren hot-headedly reached to pop the hood of the vehicle.

“Goddammit!! It’s HOT!” Armin arrived just in time to pull Eren’s hands away before the hood could fall and potentially trap and crush him.

“Be careful, Eren!” Another close escape, it was no wonder Mikasa was always so protective of him.

“But…the truck…” Eren turned looking at Armin with wide eyes unable to finish his sentence. Armin still held his hand and continued to as the two of them glumly watched the smoke seep out. Briefly Eren tightened his grip taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. With a small smile Armin returned the squeeze.

“At least we found somewhere to sleep before this happened.” Tiredly Eren nodded letting his shoulders slump. “We’ll get through this. I’m sure of it.”

“Looks like you’re having a little car trouble over there.” Immediately Armin tried to shake off Eren’s hand, but the other just tightened his grip before turning to face the strange with cautious cattish glare.

“It overheated, that’s all.” Unconsciously he stood straighter trying to make his chest seem broader moving Armin behind himself while taking a step forward.

“From the sound of it I’d say you’re low on transition fluid too.” The older man pulled out a flask unabashedly taking a large swig of it before walking closer to the truck. “Such a shame. This beaut has seen so much I bet.”

“What makes you say that?” Shaken Eren dropped his guard as he watched the blond man examine his dad’s truck. 

“Paint job for one.” The man chuckled then makes a thoughtful noise tilting his head. “The rest I can’t explain. Guess you can call me a car whisperer.”

“It’s a truck.” Armin gently pushed Eren’s shoulder giving him a disapproving look.

“Ha, that it is.” The old man laughed taking one last drink before capping his flask. “I’m guessing you’ll need a place to stay. You’re in luck cause all rooms are empty. Well, nearly empty. It’s $40 a night per single and $50 for a double. I can take a look at your lady tomorrow for an extra charge of course.”

“That would be—“ Before Armin can finish Eren interrupts him.

“We just need a room.” He says a bit arrogantly. “And some water. Then we’ll be on our way.”

“Are you sure about that?” There’s a slight glint in the man’s eye as if he’s laughing at the recklessness of youthful thinking. “Where exactly are you heading to?”

“We’re heading—“ Once again Armin is interrupted.

“None of your business. Are you going to let us rent or not?”

Armin tightens his lips and again shoves the other gently giving him an harder disapproving look. This time Eren notices, but gives him an equally hard look. True, it wasn’t wise to tell a stranger your destination when you’re in the middle of nowhere. But in a situation like this it they could use all the help they could get. Something told Armin that this man was not a threat. If it was one thing Armin knew well it was reading their intent. Casually he tucked the flask inside his jacket and put his hands in his pockets. The dog that had been following him waited obediently a few feet away from them.

“The name is Hannes by the way. The keys are in my office. Come whenever you’re ready.” With that he made his way back to the small house.

“He was only trying to help.” The smaller boy pouted slightly. “And we could have really used it. You and I hardly know anything about cars.”

“It’s a truck.” Eren replies with a slight smirk before opening up the driver’s door. “I’ll look it up on youtube. We’ll be fine. Come on, get anything valuable and let’s get a room.”

“Not everything can be solved with youtube, you know.”

“Yes it can.” Eren grins challengingly.

“Can youtube tell you how to fly?”

“Yes and it has English subtitles.” Eren grinned making sure to take his laptop with him.

“We should probably bring a change of clothes.” Armin noted making sure to collect anything of value in his backpack. “Are you sure you’re okay leaving everything else?”

“Look around us, Armin.” Eren slammed the door holding his arms wide open taking a few steps back looking from one end of the horizon to the other. “Not another human being for miles. If they steal it most likely they won’t make it far. The truck is too banged up to get far either. Although I hate to say it, if I can’t figure it out later tonight we might have to take the old man up on his offer.”

“That sounds like a wise decision.” Armin cheerfully chuckled walking beside him with a large book in his arms. 

“You brought that with you?” Eren raised his eyebrow. 

“Before we get there…I wanted to try and make the same stops they did.” Armin blushed clutching the large travel journal to his chest. “You know, like we said we always would.”

“Oh yeah, I kinda forgot about that.” Eren hold out his hand. “We should take a second look at that in case anything else comes up.”

“That’s what I’ve been doing.” Armin smiled gently handing over the precious treasure. “We’d have to get passports for some of them.”

The travel log was more like a travel scrapbook of places Armin’s parents visited within their first year of the marriage before his birth. It was filled with countless of photos, small hilarious side notes, illustrated maps, and unforgettable moments. Towards the back was a map that marked all the locations. There were a few left empty as well so not all was explored.

When he was little he could remember his mother reading to him the notes and adding in small tibits that were left unwritten such as his dad’s terrifying experience with a holler monkey or the jealous fawn that wouldn’t let anyone come near her. When Eren had discovered the log he too was obsessed with hearing about their adventures. It was something they both loved. Eren was more drawn to the images than the writing though as he still was now.

“Next trip we take, let’s go to Japan.” Eren gives him an excited smile while handing the book back.

“Sure, if we can get that heaping hunk of metal working.” Armin lets out a shout laugh at Eren’s insulted expression. 

“It’s been through worse.” Eren strolls up the steps holding the door open for his friend. “Remember that one time when it actually caught on fire—“

“I hope you don’t plan on starting any fires here.” Hannes looks up from the small television he has playing and sits up taking his feet off the desk. There wasn’t much on the desk other than the typical stationary and a few picture frames. “Pyromaniacs aren’t taken too kindly here. Us being a desert and all.”

“We aren’t—“ Eren stopped freezing up not taking another step towards the man.

“Eren, what’s wro—“ For the third time Armin’s interrupted.

“Where did you get that picture?” Hannes glanced down at the smallest frame he had and picked it up.

“Oh this one? It was taken when I first started the place.” Not realizing the connection between the people in the photo and Eren he continued talking. “They were some of my first customers. I was so damn excited. Nice folk, beautiful couple.”

“Eren, that’s—“ Armin quickly shut his mouth.

“That truck…you know them, don’t you?”

“They were my parents.” 

“Were, huh?” Hannes rolls his tongue against the inside of his cheek and sullenly puts it down. “Explains why I haven’t seen them in a while. Such a shame.”

The air is heavy and thick. No one really knowing how to continue the conversation. Eren’s hands at his side slowly start to clench into fists as he fights to not look away from the framed photograph. Admitting their passing away was still a bullet to the heart and the wound was still too tender to touch. Everyone in town politely avoided the subject out of respect. Now in a new place, it would be fair to assume others would ask about his parents when so many still had theirs at his age. The loud clank of metal keys on the desk made the two of them jump. 

“Here. Take the room. No charge.” Hannes placed the photo back on the desk and turned back to the television show. “I’ll take a look at your truck tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you.” Armin stepped forward taking the keys bowing his head slightly. He turned to Eren and took his hand leading him out of the room back to the fresh air of the night.

The two of them walked in silence. The crunch of the dirt and slight gravel echoed with each step they took closer to their shelter for the night. Luckily it was a double, with a generous amount of room. Quickly Armin lead Eren in sitting him down on one of the chairs around the small eating table. He took off his backpack and set it on the ground and then proceeded to help Eren take off his laptop bag placing it on the table near him.

“Looks like there’s a TV and a shower in here too.” Armin walked back to his backpack and place his change of clothes in the drawers underneath the television. “If you want you can use it first. I wanted to see what was showing on the history channel tonight and I know how it bores you.”

“I hate that truck.” Eren whispers out finally.

“Eren—“ 

“I fucking HATE that truck!” Eren shouts out angrily before slamming the palms against the sockets of his eyes to keep from sobbing. He grits his teeth furiously as his body violently trembles from the mere force of resisting. “Mom and Dad, Mom and Dad—“

“Don’t cry, Eren…” For the first time of that night Armin is the one interrupting.


	4. Noisy Neighbors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some talks can wait

That night Armin didn’t watch the history channel like he initially planned. It was really too bad because according to his short time friend, Jean, there was going to be a special about Italy during the Renaissance. No, it was instead overruled by lying beside Eren with his laptop somewhere set comfortably between the two of them playing various videos. Each one handpicked by Eren to help lighten both of their moods. Armin didn’t mind in the least as they were both pretty snug underneath the covers. Eren even let him use his arm as a pillow to prevent any neck strain for him. After a few suggestions, Eren looked up more informational videos on trucks to prepare for tomorrow morning which was approaching fast. Right when the laptops just about reach the end of its battery life, there was a rather loud thump that sounded right above the headboard startling both of them out of their current positions.

“What the hell was that?” Eren whispered clutching the blanket tightly to his chest.

“Aliens.” The blond cracked at him. He would’ve said ghosts, but Eren didn’t believe in such thins. Aliens however, were one of his secret biggest fears which he would never admit. 

“No shit. I bet it was.” Armin bit his lip watching Eren nearly shoot up out of bed.

“If it were don’t you think it would have been louder than that?” Armin tried to reason.

“…I guess so…unless they're small.” Eren only slightly relaxed.

“Maybe it was an—“

Again the thump hit against the wall…maybe it really was an alien, but Armin would never tell Eren that. If he did he would never be able to get Eren to go back to sleep. 

“There it is again.” The boy said out loud this time turning fully to stare at the wall near their headboard. Not too long after there was a creak and a muffled thud. They could hear some mumbling and again the mattress squeaky like a rusty rig. Before Armin could figure out what was going on Eren got to his knees and leaned forward pounding on the wall. “Hey! Shut up over there!!”

“Eren, don’t—“

“You shut up!!” A voice that could only be described as smoky shouted back.

“We’re trying to sleep!!” Not exactly the truth, but it was close enough to it for Eren.

“And WE’RE trying to-“

“Ymir!” A higher voice whispered harshly.

Instantly Armin felt his budding blush start to full out bloom. He had an idea what was happening on the other side of the wall…he just didn’t expect it to be a pair of women not that he had anything against the idea of two women. It was just unexpected. Quietly Armin reached out and tugged on the bottom corner of Eren’s shirt.

“We can turn up the volume on the laptop to drown them out.”

“We shouldn’t have to and the battery is almost dead.” The boy gave the blond and irritated look. “And we shouldn’t have to put up with noisy neighbors either!”

“You can put it up your asses!!” The deep voice cackled back at him.

“What?!” Eren turned angrily shouting at the wall.

“Ignore her.” Armin pleaded, but it was said a few seconds too late. Eren was already marching his way to the room next door. Helplessly all he could do was follow.

“Hey! Hey you!!” 

Eren pounded on the door and was just about to knock again when the door almost flung open making him off balance for a brief second. His fist barely hovered for the person’s chest for a few seconds before he made eye contact. It surprised him to say in the least that this woman was the one talking to him before. She seemed too petite and frail to have such a rough voice. Armin was just as surprised when he saw her. She must’ve weighed 90 pounds tops. Her long blond hair was slightly tousled and rested just barely touched her shoulders. The three of them just stood there for a while unsure of what to do next.

“Well, did it work?” The true owner of the voice spoke from behind the door making all of them jump.

“Ymir—“

“Fuck! They’re still there aren’t they?” Ymir stepped out in front of the other woman wearing a long shirt and a pair of striped boy shorts. Frowning she crossed her arms over her chest and mirrored the sneer on Eren’s face. “Yeah, what the hell do you want?”

“I’m really so—

“What the hell where you guys doing in there?” Eren beat Armin looking genuinely confused. The smile on Ymir’s face could only be compared to that of a devilish cat smirk before devouring its meal.

“Well if you really MUST know—“

“We’re sorry we woke you two up.” The small woman put her hand against the taller woman’s mouth and waved the other in front of herself in an apologetic manner. Nervously Armin smiled waving back hands in front of himself in the same manner. 

“Oh no, sorry we came over—“

“Were you trying to run up the walls?” How badly Armin wanted to tell Eren to stop talking. “Because if you were, how high did you get?”

“We weren’t—“

“Not that high I’m afraid.” Armin gave the blond a silent thank you for playing along. “We didn’t think anyone else was awake. Sorry for disturbing you.”

“We weren’t completely asleep. Please don’t worry about it.” Armin managed to take Eren’s hand while talking and started to lead him back into their room. “Perhaps if you turn on the radio it would drown out any future noises.”

“Oh yes! You’re quite right!” Ymir laughed going back into their room leaving the blond woman to close it after making sure the others were in their own motel room again.

“Who runs up their wall this late at night?” Eren muttered out loud. Once they were safe in their room Armin let go of Eren’s hand.

“Eren, we really need to talk about some things tomorrow.” Armin hid his face in his hand and gave a long tired sigh.

This talk was going to happen one day, Armin just knew it. It was even more likely to happen once they got closer to the cities in the area. Would it could as breaking his promise to Mikasa? By informing him was he tainting Eren’s innocence or protecting it from being taken advantaged of? He honestly didn’t know the answer. However, one thing was for sure, even with the music on they could still hear the faint sound of the mattress hitting against the wall.

“Oh hey, I like that song.” Eren’s ears were to focused on the lyrics. “I guess we can still sleep. It’s not that bad.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Armin cursed his good hearing with a vengeance.

“One more video?”

The blond tiredly agreed getting back into bed with his best friend. Of course it was never just ‘one more video’ with Eren. It was more like ‘one more hour’. Except they didn’t last so long because of the now dead battery. With a small grumble and hiss, Eren got out of bed and plugged the laptop to charge for the remainder of the night.

“G’night Armin.” With another word Eren walked to his side of the bed .

“G’night Eren.” Instantly the darker haired boy fell asleep turning his back to the other. That boy slept like the dead or a rock and he’d never understand how lucky he was for that ability.

Armin put his hands on top of his stomach letting out a long tired sigh. His mind started to drift back to their neighbors. What were they doing out in the middle of nowhere? Were they surprised to find the room next to them occupied? How long had they been coming to this location? So many questions without answers. Armin’s grandmother had warned him about those kind of thoughts. ‘Curiosity killed the cat’ that was a saying she always told him while grandpa encouraged him ‘Science without curiosity is like art without inspiration’. Armin preferred that saying over the other any day.

The wetness on his cheek shook him out of his thoughts. Blink rather owlishly then lightly laughed at himself wiping them away with his sleeve. It was the first time in since leaving that he thought of them. He already missed them and not even a whole day had passed and the tears wouldn’t stop. The blond tried biting him lip to suppress any noise as he started to reason out his feelings. It was one of the self-soothing methods his parents taught him as a child.

First step was to label the feeling which was pretty obvious. His primary feelings were loneliness even though Eren was with him. As far as secondary feelings it had to be sadness for the loss of that which used to be familiar for him. Armin place a hand on his chest and started to control his breathing a little better taking deep breaths and letting out a sigh as he released it. The tightness in his chest was caused by these emotions, there was nothing physically wrong with his body. It will pass soon, he told himself. It was natural to have these feelings when in a new environment he empathized to him inner self.

Second step, measure how big your feelings are. It may sound ridiculous, but by giving his emotions a scale system helped to calm down the panic. Once put into a systematic way of seeing things it gave him more confidence in overcoming obstacles. It gave him a method of viewing his own capabilities and logical gauge if he needed help or not. Was it big enough of a feeling that he needed to seek help? No, he had felt this way before and managed it fairly well without need of assistance. Knowing that gave him confidence and slightly boosted his self-esteem. He was stronger than others gave him credit for.

Third step encourage implementing some kind of specific behavior which Armin tended to do first instead of third. Breathing was one thing he could control fairly easy. It was when he couldn’t that he felt truly helpless lost in a chaos of emotions. Another was isolating himself, but his parents thought it was constructive way of dealing with negative feelings. They tried to direct him towards artistically expressing himself, but the truth was it only increased the frustration seeing how he had absolutely no talent in the field of studio art. However there was an art form he found himself incredibly talented in and one he enjoyed immensely.

Armin turned on the side lamp and walked over to his drawer taking out a spiral college ruled notebook and his favorite pen Eren gave him for his birthday. It was a souvenir he bought for him from a family trip to Disneyland. Remembering Eren’s enthusiasm unconsciously brightened his mood and brought a smile to his lips. It was a vintage floaty pen with the steam boat depicting one of many attractions that were there. Taking the pen in hand Armin made his way back to bed getting comfortable again and started to write. 

The last step was not necessary at this moment. It was to merely measuring your feelings once again and trying additional coping strategies. When he was younger his parents used to try to talk more than actually physically doing things. At times it was frustrating especially when Armin couldn’t label the emotions, but the last step helped. It gave his parents time to calm him down and to calmly go over the emotions. The process helped him to realize the emotion for next time and gave him more commonality on how it should be dealt with.

It may sound like belittling the actual problem, but his parents never did so treating the smallest problems with the same concern as the more dire ones. His grandparents were more against this new way of parenting and preferred getting Armin into actual physical activities or helping him develop hobbies as an emotional outlet. The mixture of both methods helped him to be a more emotionally rounded person in the end and that he was very thankful for. It didn’t only help him, but allowed him to help counsel others. Being able to do that helped him gain a few friends other than Eren at school and made him more approachable as a person.

“You’re writing too loud.” Eren mumbled reaching out to stop Armin’s hand to hold it still.

“That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.” Armin pretended to be offended not moving to push him off. Instead he quietly chuckled. “Can’t sleep?”

“Bad dream…” In spite of it Eren’s eyes were slowly closing again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Eren quietly shook his head and gave a long yawn.

“It wasn’t a scary one, just a weird one.” With a knowing smile Armin put his pen down on his notebook and put both of them on the nightstand before scooting further down underneath the sheets. “I was home again eating a sandwich in the kitchen when that annoying neighbor dog ran in and took it from me.”

“Mrs. Felder’s dog?” Armin laid flat on his back turning his head to look at Eren. “I kinda miss it.”

“That’s because it liked you.” Eren frowns then yawns again scooting closer to Armin. “Anyway I chased the little shit outside and everything looked like it was broken. There was this really bright light and chunks of land floating everywhere. “

“That sounds interesting…mind if I use it in a story?”

“Fine, go ahead. I don’t really care.” Eren shrugged resting his head close to Armin’s shoulder closing his eyes as he continued to talk. “The dog hopped so easily from one island to the other so I tried chasing it. I didn’t do so well and I was struggling not to fall off one island. I can remember looking down and it was like-“

“Bottomless? Endless?” Armin’s vocabulary was always better than Eren’s. No real surprise there. The other just tiredly nodded before yawning again. This time it caused Armin to yawn as well. It must’ve been later than he thought.

“I can still feel the dirt I clawed underneath my nails.” Eren quickly checks his hands then shakes his head. “Then all these bugs started crawling out from nowhere and start crawling on me getting all over my face and biting and shit. It burns and itches like hell and I let go.”

“It’s starting making me itch.” The blond rolls his shoulders slightly letting out a small shiver and rubbing his arms lightly making Eren smile just a little.

“Yeah, I thought the bed was full with them at first.” Eren sits up slightly checking out the bed just to make sure. After making sure everything is clear he turned to arms with a small smirk. “Okay, I told you my dream. What does it mean?”

“I’m not Joseph.” Armin yawns turning more on his side putting one of his arms underneath his pillow and the other resting aside his head.

“Come on, can’t you at least make a guess?” Eren plops down on the pillow beside him with an earnest smile. “You’re really good at this stuff.”

“Eren…it’s late.” Armin grumbled burying his face into the pillow more. “Let’s just go back to sleep.”

“Come onnn.” Eren groans out laughing when the blond lifts up on his elbows giving him a rare pissed off look. The way his hair was sticking up completely ruined it.

“Hey!! Shut up over there!!” Ymir banged her fist against the wall shouting drowsily.

“Eren, seriously.” The blush on Armin’s cheeks grew redder amusing Eren to no end. “Please, go to sleep.”

“What? Did I embarrass you?” Eren laughs a bit at Armin’s expression. He couldn’t care less about the noisy women next door. Okay, now that wasn’t all true. But it was true towards the ruder woman. “I can be a WHOLE lot louder.” 

“Errreeenn…”Armin quietly hissed burying his head back into the pillow. Oh, the images that ran through his head…Not catching on and completely oblivious to the other Eren cleared his throat. Instantly Armin shot up with a mortified look. “Don’t you dare.”

“AAAHHHH!!!” Eren moaned out arching his back just slightly tilting his head back. Instantly Armin took the pillow he was resting on over Eren’s face in an attempt to drown out the indecent noise. “ARMIN!”

“Eren!!” The blond desperately squeaked out in a whisper while the other let out a rather loud evil laugh in spite of the pillow.

In an unpredicted moment, Eren grabbed Armin’s wrist and rolled over pinning him to the bed easily. He took the pillow out of his hands and held it high above his head.

“Interpret my dream?” Eren panted lightly while sitting on top of him.

The light from the nightstand shone just right on Eren’s eyes. Those eyes were really going to be Armin’s downfall. Before the blond could even catch his breath there was a knocking on their door. Both of them froze holding their breath for reasons unknown. The knock repeated itself slightly louder this time.

“T-the door.” Armin spoke out snapping them out of it. Eren with the pillow still in hand made his way over not taking the chain lock off opening the door slightly peering out.

“What the hell do you want?” Came the reply. Instantly to keep the peace Armin made his way to the door as well peeking over Eren’s shoulder to see who it was. He couldn’t say he was too surprised with who he saw. With a sigh he closed the door for a brief second to unlock the chain to properly open the door. 

“I told you not to.” He gave Eren a scolding look before reopening it. This time he made sure to be the one standing in front. The other just took a step back glaring at the woman outside. “I’m sorry, did we wake you?”

“Do you even have to ask, Armin?” Ymir crossed her arms with a smirk. The blush returned full force. Oh how much he wanted to hide his face.

“We were just a little worried that something happened.” The other woman gives Armin an apologetic look. 

“Oh, yes. We’re fine.” Before trying to explain themselves Eren leaned forward resting his chin on Armin’s shoulder.

“It’s a taste of your own medicine.” How much Eren wanted to add ‘bitch’ at the end. But seeing the look Armin was already giving him he dare not to. “You were playing your radio all night after we talked to you. It took us forever to fall asleep.”

“Sleeping, my ass.” Ymir scoffed.

“What did you think we were doing?” And THAT was when Armin wanted so badly not to be there.

“Ymir, don’t.”

“Come on, Christa.” She growled out giving her partner a look.

“Don’t what?” Eren pulled away from Armin and tried to step out in front.

“Christa—“

“Ymir—“

“Don’t what?!” This time Eren managed to push halfway in front of Armin.

“Fine!” Ymir huffed out before walking back to her room. Confused beyond belief Eren watched her then gave Christa a look.

“I told her it probably wasn’t like that.” Christa looks at Armin ignoring Eren. She smiles just a little and continues. “I was more worried than her and she came with me because she was worried for me.”

“Why would she worry for you? It’s just down the hall.” Eren tiredly sighs crossing his arms.

“The owner here doesn’t mind giving rooms to people like us.” Christa’s eyes softens just a bit. “That’s one of the reasons why we come here when we go on trips…but the others here…well, they’re not as welcoming. Please be careful in your journeys around here.”

Before Eren could ask her what she meant Christa bowed her head slightly before saying goodnight and made her way back to where Ymir was waiting. Armin’s felt a chill run down his arms a bit. So his suspicious were subtly confirmed. Not that he had anything against it. It just…frightened him…that was it. 

“People like us?” Eren crossed his arms looking down the hall at the others’ room. “What the hell does that mean? Are they foreigners or something?”

“Usually when you’re eating alone in dreams it symbolizes some kind of loneliness.” Armin started. “A dog sometimes represents a friend or feeling of loyalty and bugs unless specific often mean some kind of anxiety.”

“What about floating islands?” Eren’s attention was immediately diverted from the seriousness just as Armin had hoped it would be. With one last smile Armin started to direct Eren back into the room.

“That I’m not too sure about. I bet we could look it up on the internet.” With an excited nod Eren went inside. 

That conversation…

…they would definitely have one day… 

but not right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used the information about helping a child manage their feelings here: http://www.familycompassgroup.com/articles/behavioralEmotionalParentingChallenges/100303_helpingChildrenManageTheirFeelings.php
> 
> Also again thank you for sticking with me. I hope to start bringing more characters up and a little more on the relationship part. ; ) Just thought I'd give a small teaser for all Eremin fans out there.


	5. Dirty Laundry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idiot husband and wife

The next day Eren awoke to the sound of the small microwave screaming for attention. Almost tripping over himself Armin quickly tried to silence it, but failed. Instead of waking up, Eren thought it interesting to just watch the other. Thinking he was successful in his attempt, Armin proceeded to take out a ham and cheese hot pocket. Most likely he managed to get it from one of the nearby vending machines. Carefully he set the hot plate on the table which also had a few Danishes and sunny delights. No doubt it was the motel’s pathetic attempts of a free continental breakfast for its customers. 

Eren quickly shut his eyes noticing how Armin was about to turn to check on him. Once the feeling of being watched lessen Eren decided to open them again. Armin had his back turned to him and was in the middle of changing his shirt. The site was a rare one seeing how his friend was always so self-conscious of his slim frame…and other things…a slow burn flowed into his veins as he unconsciously clenched the sheets beside him. 

“Eren?” Snapping out of his thoughts Eren flinched at the gentle voice. “Are you…all right?” 

Armin was always good at sensing tension in a room. Quickly he finished getting dressed and cautiously sat on the end of Eren’s side of the bed. Hesitantly he reached out pushing back Eren’s dark locks from his face. The tension slowly drained out of him and he let out a loud yawn before tilting his head to the side giving him unspoken permission to continue his ministrations.

“Is that a hot pocket I smell?” Armin paused then gently laughed before continuing.

“Yes, they’re a bit stale though.” Eren started to frown. “ I wasn’t sure if you would want it. So I got some Danishes for us too.”

“Great.” He replied back dripping with sarcasm. Today was already turning out to be a shitty day.

“At least it’s something.” Armin tried to remain positive like always. How tiring that must be, Eren briefly thought before burying his face into the mattress groaning. Armin simply stopped, but didn’t move away from him. They had to go back on the road soon and it was NOT something Eren was looking forward too. Maybe he could talk Armin into driving for a while.

“I need to take a look at the truck.” Eren turned his face to clearly speak, but made no further attempts to move from his spot. “If it’s fucked up we might need that old man’s help…or that other chick. She seems like she’d be the type of person who’s good with car stuff.”

“And what type of person is that?” Armin tried his best not to sound insulted.

“You know, the type of person who likes taking trips in the outdoors.” With a grunt Eren managed to finally pull the strength to sit up. His hair going in about every direction.

“And you’re the type that doesn’t?” The blond laughed out reaching up to try and help calm Eren’s wild mane. If it were anyone else the other boy would have slapped them away and snarl, but with Armin it was different…a lot of things were different when it came to Armin…

“No, my type loves to look up random shit on the internet and write rant blogs about freaky customers that come in.” Another thing that slipped Eren’s mind before coming along. He would need to find another job when they got to the apartments.

“You should be more careful with that.” Armin lightly shook his head like a mother scolding a child. “The internet can be a very disturbing place.”

“Shit Armin, what kind of sites are YOU looking at?” Eren grinned at the other then laughed bringing his knees up and resting his elbows on them in a very boyish manner.

“Not the kind you’re thinking about.” Obvious lie, but Armin would never tell him. He had to as Mikasa put it, ‘protect his innocence’, as best as he could. “Are you going to eat or not?”

“Never met a hot pocket I didn’t like, stale or not.” Eren smiled pushing his feet out getting off the bed.

The two of them ate in relative silence while watching the TV’s local news channel for a weather update. Eren was only half interested in it, but when a news story about bully came up it brought his thoughts and memories back from earlier that morning. The reason why Armin used to be more cautious about changing in front of anyone was because he had the habit of bruising easily.

If someone were to grab even his wrist too harshly he’d have small angry little bruises left behind from just the fingertips. This made it difficult for Armin to hide anything from his parents. Eren was partly glad for it because it gave him reason to go beat the living shit out of Armin’s bullies…or at least gave him enough reason to try. However even if Eren came home beat as well Mikasa made sure to finish what he started. She always managed to get the job done.

“It looks like it’s going to be another scorcher today.” Armin sighed miserably. Not only did he bruise easily, he almost burned from the slightest bit of sunshine. It drove the blond crazy because he was as Eren described previous, the type of person who enjoyed the outdoors…the outdoors just didn’t like him, that’s all…

“Did you need to stop for more sunblock, Dracula?” Eren smirked as he playfully teased him. It was a small joke between them.

“Oh hush.” Was the only response he could think of. “And yes. Maybe at the next gas station we stop at. I tried checking here, but they don’t sell any here.”

“That because they’re not as white as you.” Eren snickered as Armin lightly kicked his foot from underneath the table.

“At least I’m not hyperventilating when I can’t get a wifi connection.” They instantly switched facial expression.

“Anyone would freak out.” Armin bit his lip lightly to suppress the laugh bubbling up inside of him. Eren went from pissed to panic in a few seconds. “It’s like not knowing what time it is or when you forget your phone. It’s fucking unnatural.”

“Nnneeerrddd…” Armin quietly teased unable to resist. To most people Armin was the more obvious nerd. Few people knew how much of a techno nerd Eren was. Armin, if he had to classify himself into such a category, would rather go with bookworm. At least he still retained some social abilities unlike his friend.

“We talked about that word.” Eren pouted before licking the last crumbs of his hot pocket off his fingers. The blond quickly forgot what he was going to say next at the sight. “So today’s to do list.”

“Um, what?” Armin shook his head lightly trying his hardest to fight off the blush he knew he was sporting.

“Goals for today.” It was a bit of a ritual between them before starting off any day. It was an exercise his mother used to do for them when dropping them off to school. Armin’s mother got into the habit of it too.

“Get dressed.” Armin smiled seeing Eren look down at his clothes and give a heavy sigh. “We already ate, fix the truck, keep driving, and buy sunblock.”

“All right, sounds easy enough.” Eren stood up and picked up the paper plate putting it in the trash as he quickly grabbed some clothes before heading into the shower. “Be right back.”

Armin nodded rather tiredly and waited for the sound of the shower to turn on before deciding to find his notebook from last night. He tucked it safely inside of his backpack then took a look around the room. The best description of said room would be a rather small explosion. They were both unconsciously messy, but it was to be expected for boys their age…boys…are they still considered boys?

To call themselves men didn’t feel like the proper description. To call them boys would give people the wrong impression. Was Eren more of a boy that he was? In some ways he would assume yes, but other ways if was a definite no. Eren, whether considered man or boy, had always been courageous. A real lionheart when it came to anything. It was part of what made him likeable and admirable. And Armin…well…was Armin he supposed. Not anything extraordinary, but someone subtly different from others.

Armin shook his head at himself and proceeded to tidy up the room. Mikasa had warned him many times before not to belittle himself. To be strong you had to start by acknowledging your own weakness and accepting them not as weaknesses, but as building blocks of your own character. It sounded unbelievably complicated at first, but now it oddly made sense. Don’t label your weaknesses as something like a defect. See it more as the small quirks of your behavior which helps to strength your true personality.

“The truck might not work.” Eren interrupted Armin’s self-pep talk. “Don’t bother cleaning yet.”

“I just didn’t want you tripping on anything.” Armin finished putting away some of the clothes back into their drawer. “We should do some laundry before going too.”

“All right, you take care of the laundry while I look at the truck.” Eren took his laptop with him and started his way to the door. “And if, IF, it comes down to it…we’ll try asking the Old Man for help…just because I like him more than that other woman.”

“Sounds like a plan.” And they both started with their task.

Now, the laundry room was more like…well…it was a room with a single washer and a single dryer. If someone was busy doing a load then it was better to just come back later. However if you REALLY needed it you could just stand around causing the other person to leave. You could either A.) Take it upon yourself to make sure their laundry was distributed into the dryer in a timely manner allowing you to do yours next. Or B.) Be a total asshole, take out their wet laundry before it was done , set it aside and put your own in to get it done faster.

“Franz! I told you someone would come!” Armin heard a woman shout before entering the room. 

“Shut up Hannah!” A man shouted back. “Hurry up and help me—“

Armin stood in the doorway with a small basket load in his arms. The man and woman were much younger than how they sounded and froze caught in the act of taking out someone else’s laundry. The woman, Hannah, looking more guilty that the man, Franz. Unconsciously Armin decided they were a pretty good looking couple in the way that they complement each other. The man was first to speak up taking a breath and pushing out his chest in a very manly manner.

“We were here first so you’ll have to wait your turn.”

“That’s fine.” Armin gave them a small smile.

“O-oh…well, okay then.” Franz was totally unprepared for that response and now looked a little lost as he sheepishly scratched the back of his head. He glanced back over at Hannah who wore the same expression.

“I mean it. It’s fine.” Armin tried to reassure them then shifted his weight to pull out a rather thick looking novel. “I didn’t expect it to be empty so I came prepared.”

“What book is that?” Hannah curiously made her way over to him leaving Franz to finish the dirty deed.

“Oh, it’s a historical novel I’m afraid.” Armin bashfully showed her the cover. People either had two reactions whenever he told them. Either they would just nodded and that was the end of the conversation or they would say something along the lines of how lame he was.

“I could never get into the genre.” Hannah crossed her arms reading the title with a small smile. “That’s more like Franz’s kind of reading which is like once in a blue moon.”

“Hey! I can read!” The tall man shouted over to them.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t!” Hannah shouted back over her shoulder with a small scowl. She turned back to Armin with a more pleasant smile. “Are you only into those kinds of books?”

“Oh no, I basically read whatever I can get my hands on.”

“I bet you’re real easy to shop for then.” Hannah replied. Again Armin felt she wasn’t really talking to him.

“Well I bet—what’s your name?” Franz closed the door to the washer and walked over wiping his hands off on his pants.

“Armin.”

“I bet Armin would have taken the time to take into consideration the person’s taste before buying them a book.” Uh oh…he already made himself open to this couple’s bickering. There wasn’t much he could do now he supposed. Maybe he had a chance to—

“Like the time YOU took me into consideration how BIG I was for that Moo Moo you bought me?!” Hannah angrily started to flail her arms out as she spoke.

“Who doesn’t want a Moo Moo?!” Franz blushed slightly. “Like you care how you dress around the house!”

“Maybe I would care more if someone noticed!” Oh boy, they were really going at it.

“Why would I have to notice?!”

Slowly Armin made his way out of the laundry room leaving the couple to work it out amongst themselves. Laundry could wait. Hopefully Eren was having better look with the truck.

“I can’t believe I agreed to marry you!!” 

“You agreed because you knew no one else could put up with you!! “

“You put up with ME?! That’s hilarious!!”

“If it is then I’m not laughing!”

“Then you have a poor sense of humor.”

“You mean like your Dad’s?!”

“Shut up!! My dad is hilarious!!”

“He’s so lame!”

“You’re lame!”

“Your mom’s lame!!”

Silence…

“Sorry I didn’t mean it.”

More silence…

“It’s okay…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really did like Franz and Hannah. :)
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read all of these. If you're new then hello!! Nice to meet you! :D If you're old then thank you again for staying with me. I hope we have a long writer reader relationship with each other. ; v ; 
> 
> It will probably be about one more chapter at the motel then they'll be off on the road again! :D No worries.


	6. Popcorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A savory treat to be eaten or thrown

With the laptop securely tucked underneath his arm, Eren made his way to the dreaded vehicle responsible for stranded them at the accursed motel. He sincerely hoped he would be able to at least patch it well enough until the next rest stop. Anywhere would be better than here. At least he would have a reminder of his parents…but the truck itself was a constant reminder…

Not giving it another thought Eren opened the driver’s side and place the laptop carefully on top of it. He remembered most of the procedure from last night. Getting on his hands and knees and a flashlight held tightly in his grip, Eren carefully scooted down until he was completely underneath the truck. It made his shiver slightly, but again he shook it off and checked to make sure that there weren’t any loose tubes or leaks. It was hard to move underneath the heavy hunk of metal and Eren ended up hitting his head quite a few times letting out a cross between growls and foul language.

“Hey, are you okay down there?” A man stopped on the side of the truck trying to get a better look at him.

“Peachy!” Eren rubbed his head and tried to fight back the sting just behind his eyes.

“Looks like you could use a hand.” The man didn’t move from where he was.

“I’m fine!” Eren tightened his fist and pounded them hard on the ground beside him. “I don’t need your fucking help!”

“Are you crying, mister?” The man managed to lay down on his belly getting a clear view of Eren. Needless to say it surprised the smaller man making him jump and hit his head again.

“Ahhhsssshit!” Eren buried the heel of his palms into his eye sockets gritting his teeth.

“Ah…sorry…” The man tightened this lips to keep from laughing. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Yeah, could’ve fooled me.” Eren furiously wiped away his tears then let out a long sigh focusing his flashlight on the machinery. He BARELY had a clue what he was looking for.

“Here, let me take a look.” The man was already on his knees and sliding down on his back pushing his way beside the other.

“Huh? You don’t have—“ Something inside of Eren frozen seeing the man up close.

“Can I borrow that?” The blond man smiled holding out his hand. Dumbly Eren obliged. “Thanks.”

“Whatever.” Eren sighed tiredly giving up. So what if a stranger was insistent on helping him. It wasn’t a big deal…right?

“So what seems to be the problem?” The man glanced around a bit then looked over at him.

“We were driving for a while. It was fine until we hit that traffic before the motel.” Damn that traffic! “Smoke kinda just came out once I stopped it.”

“Sounds like there must be something wrong with the coolant system.” The man looked around and moved to particular spot. He gently touched an area and drew back his fingers lightly sniffing at it.

“What is it?” Eren curiously wiggled his way over.

“Looks like you have a small leak.” The man hummed before wiping his hand off on his jeans. “Come on, we have to pop the hood to check the hose.”

“Right.” Eren squirmed his way out from underneath then stood smacking the dirt off himself. So much for this morning’s shower.

He’d probably need another after this. Quickly he made sure the emergency brake was on and reach by the left side of the driver’s seat to pull the interior hood latch. The man was already standing in front waiting. Once it opened the man propped up the hood with the metal rod. Eren walked over again and quietly watched the man carefully inspect the underside of the radiator. This man seemed to know what he was doing.

“Do you work a lot with cars?” Eren attempted to make quiet conversation. It’s what Armin would have done, he told himself.

“Trucks are more my forte.” The man took a moment to look back at him with a small smile before turning back to check the front end of the radiator. “Don’t worry, your baby’s in good hands.”

“She’s not my baby.” Eren rolled his eyes coming a little closer looking at it all. He was pretty clueless when it came to these things. Yesterday night’s videos helped him a little so he wasn’t completely lost though, thank goodness.

“The pressure cap looks a little old, you may wanna get that replaced later. It shouldn’t give you trouble though. Your tubes look they’re kinda old too.” The man motioned Eren over and shone the flashlight over them as he talked. “When’s the last time you had them changed?”

“Um...my Dad did all that stuff…” Eren quickly mumbled hanging his head a little. “This was his truck.”

“Oh, well, you have a small crack that’s causing your leak.” Eren shook out of it and leaned over to get a closer look where the other was pointing. “It hasn’t broken yet, but you wanna replace it as soon as you can and refill the collant. Your belts and fans look like they’re fine. From the sound of it I think we should reverse flush the cooling system to give it a brand new start.”

“Oh…” Too many words. “Um, how do we do that?”

The man gave a small laugh standing up straight and handing Eren back his flashlight.

“I’d have to make a quick trip to the nearest auto store for some supply.” Slowly Eren blinked. This guy was a complete stranger and here he was giving him so much help. His brain couldn’t completely wrap around it. As if sensing the uneasiness the taller man held out his hand in a friendly gesture.

“…my name is Thomas.” He smiled.

“Eren.” He couldn’t help whispering. Why the hell was he doing that?

“Well Eren, I hope you don’t plan on going anywhere until I get back.” Thomas wasn’t laughing, but his eyes definitely were. “Don’t want your truck—your Dad’s truck dying in the middle of traffic. 

“Oh GOD no.” Eren made a face making Thomas really laugh. “That’s like one of my worst nightmares.” 

“I feel ya.” Thomas turned to unhook the prod with Eren’s help. “I should be back in like half an hour? There’s a small place not too far, but I wouldn’t trust the truck to make it. It’s kinda right on the edge of breaking.” 

“I can pay you back for anything.” Eren frowned putting a hand on the hood. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Thomas smiled putting his hands in his pockets. “I’ve been stranded so many times. I promised myself I’d never let anyone have to go through the same thing if I could help it.” 

“Sounds like a noble quest.” Eren couldn’t help, but laugh imagining Thomas somehow getting stuck on a tropical island. Not that it would be possible getting his car there, but that was part of the humor. 

“Yeah, also why I’m assistant mechanic at my dad’s place.” With that he gave a small wave. “You might want to clean up.”

Eren waved back then looked back down at his dirty outfit. The dirt started to itch him just a little bit. It couldn’t hurt. Most likely he wouldn’t be getting any dirtier once Thomas got back with the material. Armin also took most of the laundry as well so there should be at least something for him to change into. Not wasting any more time he took his laptop, locked the truck, and went back to the motel room. To his surprise he found Armin sitting on the bed inside with a small basket of laundry beside him.

“Armin, what the hell?” Eren curiously tilted his head as he peeled off his clothes. “I thought you were doing laundry.

“I-well-it was being used.” Armin turned his head away blushing slightly holding the book more over his view while drawing his feet up closer to himself. “Did you fix the truck?”

“We have a leak in the one of the hoses.” Eren grunted finding another shirt and a pair of shorts.

“Wow, you really did it.” Armin sat up a little putting his book down looking so proud.

“Well…I got some help.” That was an understatement.

“Oh? From who?” Armin unconsciously tilted his head to the side in a curious manner.

Whenever he did that, no matter how hard Eren tried to hide it the truth always seemed to come out. He couldn’t lie or even conveniently leave out certain details even if his life depended on it to Armin and that look. It was the equivalent of drowning a kitten to Eren.

“Some guy named Thomas.” Eren angrily sighed sitting on the same bed next to Armin. “He looked at the truck and told me what was wrong with it. His dad is a mechanic or something and he went to get a couple of things for us to fix it.”

“That’s awfully kind of him.” Armin looked shocked then thoughtful. “We should pay him back when he arrives.”

“I already said we would, but he said it was like his life mission or something to help people with car troubles.” Eren folded his hand behind his head then fell back on the mattress. “Said some shit about it happening to him a lot, but he didn’t have help.”

“Sounds like a noble quest.” Armin gently chuckled.

“That’s exactly what I said!” Eren shot up pointing at him. “Ha! I knew I wasn’t the only one!”

“Are you sure he didn’t have any ulterior motive?” Armin’s smile wavered. All Eren could do was shrug. He wasn’t really focusing on that sort of thing. His biggest concern was getting the truck fixed.

“Well…guess we’ll find out together when he gets back.” Armin nodded firmly.

“You never know…like you said, we have to be careful.” Eren nodded as well then laid back down beside Armin with his hands supporting the back of his neck.

“So what happened with the laundry? Too many people?” 

“Sort of.” Armin set aside the book and reached for the TV remote. Since it would be a while until the laundry room would be free and they were waiting for Eren’s newest friend Tom or whatever he figured he could see if the history channel might have been replaying last night’s special. He sincerely hoped they would.

“Hey! See what Sy-fy is playing!” Eren again sat up slightly excitedly looking at the TV when it turned on and then back up at Armin. “There’s supposed to be a movie coming on. You know, that one with that lady with that really sick scream?”

“I think it was called Zom-bees…” Quickly he went to the TV guide channel praying it wasn’t playing…

“Yeah! That was it! Hey! It’s playing right now!!” Eren lightly elbowed Armin lightly in the shins. “Come on change it, change it! It barely started, we can still watch it.”

“I’ll give it ten minutes.” Internally Armin was pouting and throwing a small tantrum. Logically though he reason that he could always borrow Eren’s laptop later and check the history channel’s website and check the full episodes online. Still that tiny little part of him made him want to rebel for once.

“If you don’t like it I’ll give you my laptop so you can listen to other stuff if it’s too scary for you.” Oh no, Eren did not just dare him. With a small pout Armin looked down at him. He was looking up at him with a smug smirk. Yep, he just dared him.

“We’ll see who’s scared.” Armin narrowed his eyes playfully and set aside the TV remote.

“Fuck yeah! That’s the spirit.” Eren grinned happily then jumped up quickly. “Gonna make some popcorn real quick. Let me know what happens.”

“No. You’re just going to have to miss it.” Armin replied back causing Eren inner turmoil.

“But…popcorn.” Not taking it as an excuse Eren let out a curses flying through the room at a remarkable speed to get it done. After the microwave finished its screaming Eren grabbed the bag and made his way back on the bed while trying to open it at the same time. “No popcorn for—“

“Eren!” Armin tried to catch it, he honestly did.

Eren’s leg somehow dragged wrong against the sheets causing him to fall face first again the mattress. The popcorn he was opening spilled out of the bag spilling its contents around him. The room was silent with the exception of the people on the TV laughing at something hilarious going on. Eren remained very still not wanting nothing more than to sink away into nothingness than see the look on Armin’s face.

“PFFT---“

“Goddammit , Armin.” Eren clenched his fist feeling his face and ears start to slightly burn. “ Don’t laugh! I can hear you wanting too!”

“You have to admit…”Armin bit his lip keeping quiet until Eren curiously turned his head looking at him. His eyes narrowed warning him to not say it. Unfortunately Armin was in a rather daring mood. “That was pretty…darn…”

“Don’t!” No, he wouldn’t DARE say the word! If he did, he swore to God he’d--

“Adorable.” And that was it. Eren grabbed a few of the popcorn bits around him and threw them at Armin’s face. The blond didn’t even attempt to block it and openly laughed. 

“No!” Was all Eren retorted with unable to think of a better comeback.

“But Eren, if you could have only just seen yourself—“

“I said NO!”

“Don’t cry, Eren.” Armin steeled his expression to better impersonate Mikasa. “ There’s still enough popcorn for you to eat.” 

”I’m NOT crying!!” Eren shouted with tears starting to form in the corners of his eyes. It tended to happen a lot whenever he felt more embarrassed than he cared to admit.

Needless to say the movie was long forgotten and a popcorn war commenced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Another update?! :D 
> 
> Because I really wanted to get the other half out to everyone. Next one won't be so soon just because my work schedule is looking busy as heck this coming week. : / 
> 
> Still thank you for taking the time to read and even bigger thanks for leaving comments and kudos. I am amazed to see how many people read and are enjoying this. 
> 
> I apologize if I got any car terms wrong! >__


	7. Numbers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realization is hardly a pleasant thing...

A poorly timed knock on the door caused both of the late teens jump. Zom-bees turned out to be a fairly horrifying movie that either one of them expected it to be. Thank goodness they were watching it during the day. Still it would forever change how either of them saw normal honey bees. After a few seconds Armin scooted away from Eren to make it easier for him to get off the bed to answer the door. Briefly Eren gave him an irritated look then sighed rolling his eyes and went to the door. When he opened it he was fairly surprised to see Thomas’ smiling face as he held up a plastic bag.

“Sorry, took me longer than I thought.” Eren blinked owlishly.

“Oh…yeah…ah…Tom, right?” Thomas shrugged holding the bag at his side.

“Close enough.” As they were talking Armin turned off the television and made his way over.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to pay you back?” Armin put a hand on Eren’s shoulder looking over it. Thomas was really tall with a rather lanky form. He looked like an authentic cowboy with his jeans, boots, and cowboy hat.

“It’s fine.” Thomas’ smile faded just a little before he tipped his hat at Armin. “We’ll have it fixed in a jiffy, ma’am.”

“Armin’s a guy.” Eren frowned. One of his pet peeves, when people honestly thought Armin was a girl. He never really understood it himself. It use to happen a lot when they were growing up. Another one of the benefits of being in a small town, not having to keep telling people what should be common knowledge.

“Oh…sorry.” Thomas looked a little embarrassed.

“No worries.” Armin nervously let go of Eren holding his hands up in front of himself. Why? Heck if Eren knew…”It happens more than you think.”

“If it’s any consolation, I think you’d be beautiful either way.” O-k-a-y…what? Eren raised an eyebrow with an irritated scowl on his features.

“What the hell does that mean?” Armin gently pushed Eren forward making sure to lock their room behind them.

“Do you need any help?” Thomas nervously took a step back then nodded motioning them to follow him to the truck.

“I could use a little. Thanks.” Eren crossed his arms following but not happily. The man and Armin seemed to be in on some kind of secret. He hated secrets. Luckily Armin was always good at carrying a conversation. If it were just him they probably would have been standing in awkward silence.

Armin was good at a lot of things, Eren came to realize while spending more time alone with him. Yes, he knew, but he never actually solidly felt it as he did now watching Armin hold onto a few items as Thomas flushed out their car for them. Thomas was also enthusiastic during the whole process answering gleefully any questions Armin had. Armin earnestly listening and nodding every now and then while keeping eye contact with Thomas as he spoke. Whenever the blond had that look Eren knew Armin was carefully storing the information into his memory in case he should ever need it again. It was an interesting look, but Eren didn’t care too much for it. Oddly enough…it didn’t feel like part of Armin. Not the Armin that he was used to seeing. It made him feel rather distant from the other, like he was another person who only resembled his dearest friend.

“Eren! Come over here!” Armin looked up with a wide excited smile waving at him. All doubt and uneasiness washed away. That was his Armin…his Armin? Since when did Armin belong to anyone? Again the voice called out to him and the brunette shook his head lightly before making his way over.

“Go ahead and give it a try now.” Thomas smiled closing the hood as Armin hurried to the passenger seat waiting for Eren.

“I think he actually fixed it.” Armin smiled excitedly as Eren dragged his feet to the driver seat. He took out the keys in his pocket.

“We’ll see…” Eren ran his thumb over the key lightly tightening his lips. Before Armin could ask him about his odd behavior he inserted it into the ignition giving it a good twist. Sure enough the engine started up and the truck purred nicely. Thomas gave a short cheer pumping the air with his fist in victory.

“All right! Sounds right as rain!” Armin hopped out of the passenger seat quickly shaking Thomas’ hand thanking him before setting to task of packing their belongings. Eren cut off the engine and approached Thomas in a slower manner. “Looks like you’ll both be on the road again.”

“Yeah…hey, Thomas…” Eren narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Why did you help us?”

“Like I said—“

“Cut the chivalry crap.” Eren frowned crossing his arms remembering Armin’s warnings.

“Well…I dunno.” Thomas blushed slightly lifting up his hat to lightly scratch his head with a guilty expression. “I just thought…well…”

“You thought what?” The annoyance towards died and now he was curious. What did Thomas really have to gain from helping them? They didn’t even know each other and he should have known they would be leaving as soon as the problem was fixed. Things didn’t add up.

“Here.” Thomas held his hand palm up to Eren.

Automatically Eren mimicked the gesture. Gently Thomas pulled Eren towards himself by the wrist. Before Eren could process what was happening Thomas revealed a sharpie and pulled the cap off with his teeth. Swiftly he wrote down a few digits along Eren’s palm and capped the pen again stuffing it in his back pocket before letting go. Completely stunned by what just happened Eren looked down at his palm then back up at now red faced Thomas.

“I thought you’d be more likely to call me back if I helped you.” Thomas tugged his hat lower over his eyes. “I wasn’t sure if you swung that way though and well, you looked like the type of guy I’d like to get to know more. Maybe treat you to dinner, something nice like that. If not then, oh well…at least I tried.”

“What?” The brunette’s own face started to grow hot. “What the hell do you mean?”

“The more we talked to one another, the more sure I was that I wanted to at least give you my number.” Thomas continued getting more restless with his movements as he continued. “This, this is my first time doing this kind of thing. I’m sorry.”

“Are you…are you asking me out?!” Thomas jumped slightly as the other raised his voice.

“Y-yeah…”His voice shook. “B-but I guess it’s a no…right?”

“You’re asking me out.” Eren couldn’t help laughing at him. “Why are you asking me out?”

“Um, well…” The blond rubbed the back of his neck not sure what to make of Eren’s odd reaction. He didn’t predict this kind of response from him. “I think…you’re cute in your own way.”

“Is that it?” The other wrinkled his nose. Cute was similar to adorable which he was NOT no matter what anyone believed or tried to say. “Sorry. Besides I barely even know you. Not to mention, it’s weird.”

“Oh…okay...” Thomas sighed letting his shoulder sulk slightly. “But…keep my number. You know, just in case you have any trouble again.”

“I doubt we’ll ever be in this area again.” Eren frowned down at the number. The guy didn’t have to go writing it on him. Now what was he supposed to do.

“I’ll find ya.” Thomas smiled looking up at him. “Where ever you are, I’ll come running. Any time, anywhere.”

“That sounds like something a stalker would say.” He grumbled out ignoring the weird prickling feeling he was getting from Thomas. He hated it. “Anyway….thanks.”

With that Thomas nodded and tipped his hat one last time to Eren before leaving the area. He must have been staying in one of the rooms as well. The whole encounter left the shorter man feeling unnerved. By what, he couldn’t exactly say. Regardless…he didn’t like it…he didn’t like this place. It was all too weird and felt too foreign. Maybe it was because Armin was gone. Things tended to feel that way for him whenever Armin wasn’t by his side.

He hated it…would this happen more often now that Armin would be spending most of his time at college? It wasn’t like he could apply for the same college as Armin let alone could ever afford it. Why didn’t he even think about this sort of stuff before mindlessly leaving town?! What if Armin gained NEW friends? Friends he would want to spend most of his free time with instead of him? Then what would he do?

“Eren, can you help me tidy up the room a little more before we leave? I’d hate to leave a big mess for the maids to clean up.” Armin walked pass him opening the passenger side setting the laptop and his backpack inside. When he shut the door he stopped frowning slightly. “Eren…is everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Eren shook his head enough to give himself a headache. All these thoughts were starting to get to him. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just, I’ll tell you later.”

Armin just nodded and led the way back to the room. The two of them cleaned in silence and made their way back to the truck without any further distraction. Halfway to the truck Armin was insistent on being driver this time. Not really feeling in the mood to drive, Eren gladly let him. They closed the doors and turned on the radio for the most part. The windows were rolled down and traffic was fairly smooth. It helped improve Eren’s mood a little. It wasn’t until they arrived to the first gas station that Armin took the opportunity to bring up the subject.

“What’s the writing on your hand for?” Armin leaned against the truck as Eren fixed the hose into the gas tank.

“Huh?” Eren flinched slightly then glared back down at his hand. “Oh…well…”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Armin regretted asking seeing Eren furrow his brows.

“No, I want to tell you.” Eren sighed scratching his head a little. “I just don’t know how to say it.”

“Take your time.”

“Okay, well…you were right about Thomas.” Eren looked to the side. “He was helping us so he could, well, he thought—“

“The guy from the hotel?” Armin knew who he meant; he just wanted to be sure.

“Yeah. He, um, gave me—“Eren motioned down at his hand then lifted it up showing Armin the phone number on his palm now half blurry from sweat.

“He gave you his number.” Armin simply stated making Eren’s cheeks heat up from embarrassment.

“Y-yeah.” Eren looked away again in the opposite direction. This conversation wasn’t one he thought he’d ever have with anyone. People just tended not to really notice him. They noticed Mikasa first then overlook him. That was just the way things were. There wasn’t anything special about himself that made people pay particular attention to him.

Armin hummed a bit then let the subject drop. Whether Eren called Thomas back or not did not concern him. Judging from Eren’s reaction to the subject he would have to guess it was nothing serious. From talking with Thomas in the short amount of time they spent he could tell he was a pretty decent guy. He seemed a little old fashioned and really genuine in his motive. If he could recognize Eren as someone worth getting to know then he couldn’t be all that bad. People tended to have the opposite reaction and avoided him due to his unfiltered reaction to things.

“I didn’t though.” Eren blurted out looking back at Armin. “I-is that weird?”

“Is what weird?” Usually he was pretty good at reading his friend, but it was getting harder and harder to understand what exactly it was that he seemed to be upset over.

“Is, I don’t know…is it all, weird?” Eren started to bit on his thumb slightly. An itch began at the corner of his eyes and started to move to the back of his eyes. “I mean…shit, I don’t know what I mean. If it were you, what would have you done?”

“I don’t know what I would have done.” Armin sighed looking up at the sky. That conversation they were bound to have seemed to be coming closer and closer. “I think I’d feel a little flattered if I’m honest.”

“Flattered?” Eren spat out the word as if it were dirty. “Why the hell would you feel that way?”

“Someone honestly thought I was interesting enough to notice.” Armin tried his best to seem nonchalant about the subject. “Secondly I would have to turn them down.”

“You would have?” Eren wiped at his eyes. He definitely was NOT crying over something as stupid as this. “Why?”

“Because long distance relationships never work.” At least that was true in Armin’s mind. He had trouble staying in contact with his parents who were always at work in some distant country. Yes, he loved them in spite of their constant absence, but he didn’t feel as close to them as he did with his grandparents who were more physically there.

“Wouldn’t it freak you out?” Eren shivered slightly wrapping his arms around himself in a very Mikasa like manner.

“Why? Does it bother you?” Armin raised his eyebrow slightly watching the other’s reaction. Eren went stiff for a moment looking like he realized something horrible then relaxed only slightly.

“Yeah it does…to think that someone was looking at you…in THAT way.” Eren couldn’t fight off the loud shiver. “It’s gross.”

“Maybe, but I don’t think Thomas was like that.” Armin nodded. “I think he would’ve been a complete gentleman.”

“I don’t think I can be like-like THAT with anyone.” Eren shook his head. “I mean…is that weird?”

“No Eren, it’s not weird.” The blond tried not to show how much his heart sank at that statement. “I wouldn’t think too much about it. THAT isn’t all there is to being in a relationship with someone.”

“But it’s expected…right?” Eren looked worried for a second turning to face Armin completely. “What if-what if I can’t?! What if I end up really liking the person and I just-just can’t?”

“First off I doubt if they were the right one that they would leave you just because of that.” Silently Armin cursed at Thomas for making Eren have a small crisis. On the plus side it didn’t seem like Eren was bothered that it was another man that asked him out. It gave Armin some hope for the future. “Secondly, you may not feel this way after being with said person. Who knows, maybe it just takes a certain type of person for you to start—“

“No. You’re wrong, Armin.” Eren looked away kicking at the dirt while leaning on the filing gas tank. He crossed his arms then scowled down at the faded number on his hand. “I’m never going to be like that with anyone…I’m weird.”

“Eren…” Armin’s heart went out to him, but at this point there wasn’t much he could do. Helpless he watched his friend furiously rub at his palm in attempt to erase the phone number. Tears that were forming in the corner of his eyes trickled down his cheek.

“I don’t need anyone anyway.” Eren sniffled out. “I don’t fucking need anyone.”

At this point he wasn’t talking to Armin anymore.

He wasn’t talking to anyone except himself. 

“Eren…” Gently Armin held his hand in his. “Please…don’t think too much on it…”

“I’ll try not to…”Eren let out a shaky breath tightening his grip. “Armin…thank you.”

“I’ll always be here for you.” He returned with his own squeeze. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, been so long I know! Hopefully I can get another out soon. :) Hooray for days off!


	8. Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's okay to have one once in a while, but don't forget to breathe

Armin quietly turned the page of his last book waiting for Eren to come back from inside the gas station when he heard a rather interesting conversation.

“We’re still a dollar short.” 

“What? We had enough before. Are you sure you didn’t drop any?”

“Yeah, well, remember when I bought you that ice cream.”

“I told you to use my card.”

“Yeah, well, I found the cash first.”

“Reiner! That was the gas cash.”

“You mean the fart money.”

“Don’t joke at a time like this, please.”

“I guess I can keep pushing...”

“Reiner, that’s impossible.” The taller man put the change back into his pockets. “You barely made it pushing it here.”

“I made it fine.” The shorter blond man made a small show displaying his muscles.

“Please, we’re in public.”

“Guess you’re right.” Reiner laughed crossing his arms with a thoughtful face. “What if we charged?”

“Charged for what?”

“The gun show!!” In spite of the man’s groan Reiner proceeded to flex once again.

“Excuse me!” Armin placed his book in his lap and leaned over the window looking behind at them. The both of them looked surprised. “I couldn’t help overhearing you two. How much do you need?”

“Oh no!” The darker skinned man nervously shook his hand. “We’re just fi—“

“Do you have a dollar on yah?” Reiner already started his way over to where Armin was.

“Reiner!” The other man followed. The other casually leaned on the passenger side’s window.

“He wants to help, Bert.” He turned to Armin with a handsome smile. “Who are we to say no to this angel’s generosity?”

Instantly Armin could feel his face flushing. Timidly he handed a twenty over to him. The stranger’s smile faded only briefly then came back twice as wide. Bert however looked like he was about to faint.

“T-that’s too much. “

“Sorry, it’s all I have.” Armin could feel the uneasiness radiating from ‘Bert’.

“Here. Get what we need and we can give back the change.” Reiner waved the twenty over at Bert who nodded and took it heading inside.

“You really don’t have to.” Armin watched the taller man hurry inside waving at him.

“You really are an angel.” When he turned Reiner was leaning over slightly into the truck with a gentle smile. He held up a hand to him. “Reiner Braun.”

“Armin Arlert.” Politeness took over practicality.

Should he be giving his full name to a stranger, probably not. But the stranger did give him his name first and it would be rude to turn down a handshake. Reiner’s grip was slightly tight and firm yet had a gentleness that was hard to describe. The way he hand his hand a little after made Armin’s whole arm tingle. Reiner drew back with a curious look on his face. Perhaps he felt it too…

“Here’s the sunblock.” Eren pulled open the driver’s door tossing the plastic bag into Armin’s lap making him jump. “It was damn expensive too, but it’s pretty bi—who the hell are you?”

Eren jumped slightly seeing the muscular man leaning have into the car. He quickly got over the shock as soon as he saw his grip on Armin’s hand. Instantly he moved forward pulling Armin away from him and close to himself with a scowl. Reiner didn’t say anything, but held up his hands with a cat like smile.

“Whoa, sorry there, Mom. Didn’t know he wasn’t allowed to talk to strangers.” The man lightly laughed at his own joke.

“Eren—“ Armin squirmed from Eren’s arms trying so hard to fight off his blush. “This is Reiner. I gave them some cash for gas.”

“All right. Get moving then.” Eren growled out throwing Reiner look that could kill. “We were about to leave.”

“Okay, but let me ask you something personal before leaving.” Both Eren and Armin stared back at him blankly completely thrown off. Usually when Eren talked like that to someone it was either they took off scared as heck or they cursed him out asking for a fight.

“Um, all right.” Eren answered for the two of them. “What is it?”

“Do you think I come off as scary?” Reiner’s act briefly slipped. Again something vulnerable was showing. Armin’s heart really went out to him while Eren’s still seemed to be defrosting. “Like I’m pretty handsome right?”

“What kind of shit question is that?!” Eren shouted out before starting the car. Armin on the other hand quickly wrote something in his book and quickly handed it to Reiner.

“I think you’ll find this novel pretty insightful. I’ve read it a few times so don’t worry.” Reiner stood back from the truck and took the book curiously. He glance back up and returned Armin’s smile.

“Thanks. I’ll make sure to mail it back to ya when I’m done with it.” With that Eren nearly ran him over not caring who Armin’s new friend was. Even by barely talking with him for a few seconds—wait a minute…mail it back? How would he?

“I gave him our address to the apartment.” Armin guiltily blurted out while trying to casually look inside of the plastic bag Eren gave him.

“Oh, I didn’t know we were just giving anyone our address now.” Eren bitterly spat out, in the corner of his eye he could see Armin flinch. He really didn’t want to take it out at him, but it was a really stupid thing to do. “You don’t even know who he is.”

“I know, but…” Armin lightly bit his lip.

“But what?” The anger slowly left him.

“I feel…I mean…well…” Armin licked his lips a bit and glanced at Eren.

“I was barely gone for like ten minutes.” Eren sighed. “That can’t possibly be enough time to get to know someone.”

“I feel like we’ve met before.” There. He said it…he probably sounded crazy now.

“Dude, what do you mean?” Eren frowned keeping his eyes on the road.

“A-and that’s not the first time I’ve felt it.” Armin chewed a little at his lip, but kept going. “I had the same feeling with everyone we’ve met so far in the last few days.”

“I think…you just really want more friends.” Eren lost his fire and let out a long sigh. This conversation was reminding him a lot of the one he recently had with himself. “Armin…”

“Yes, Eren?”

“When we finally get there…well, you’re going to be busy with school.”

“Yes, I probably will be. What’s your point?” His insides started twisting like a thorn bush gripping tightly onto a smaller lesser flower. Was Eren having doubts of staying with him? He surely hoped not. Armin wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to be alone now. Not when he was having a relatively pleasant time with his best friend slash crush.

“You’re going to want to make friends and I can’t promise I’ll like them.” Eren grunted childishly. “But it’s something I know I’m going to have to learn to deal with. You’re going to want to go out with them and have projects and study groups while I’m working at whatever job I can find.”

“I probably will.” Eren tried not to let those words hurt him. “But Eren, you will always be someone special to me.”

“Just…I want you to be more careful with who you talk to.” Armin looked down in his lap and gave a gentle nod. “And be mean when you have to.”

“I’m sure I can—“

“Tell them to fuck off and go to hell if they’re bothering you or being creepy.” Eren turned to look Armin directly in the eye them pumped his fist. “Then kick the shit out of them.”

“Eren!” Armin gave a distressed shout. “I could never—“

“Promise me, Armin.” Eren tone turned more serious and worried.

“I can’t—“

“Promise you’ll do all you can to take care of yourself.” Now that…he could.

“I promise, Eren.” Armin lightly smiled. Eren knew he was and always has been the pacifist. A more vague promise like that he could keep.

“So about that guy—“

“His name was Reiner. Reiner Braun.” Unconsciously Armin smiled remembering the various expressions Reiner had displayed. “He was with a friend who went inside.”

“Was he a super tall guy?” Eren thought back on the stranger he saw entering when he was exciting. There wasn’t much to draw attention to the guy other than how tall he was.

“I think so.” Armin’s smile grew wider. “I couldn’t help overhearing their conversation. From the sound of it, it seems like they’re pretty close friends…like us.”

“Friends like us, huh?” Eren more mumbled to himself.

“I think they ran out of gas and had to push their car to the station.”

“Whoa that sucks.” The day chose to be particularly sunny as well. “Maybe we should have given them Thomas’ number in case something was broken.”

“That would’ve been nice.” That name made him twitch just slightly, but it seemed like it no longer bothered Eren. The shorter boy sighed trying to get more comfortable in his seat. Remembering the sunblock he reached into the bag and pull it out. He poured out some and started with the application. “I told them to keep the change, but both were insistent on giving back the change.”

“They don’t sound too bad.” Eren checked his mirrors before switching lanes. “But that question WAS really weird. You can’t deny it.”

“True…”

A man like Reiner seek confirmation in what would be an obvious answer to most certainly proved there was something more going on underneath the surface. Perhaps Reiner wasn’t as confident as he looked or acted. Maybe he didn’t know his own self-worth. Whatever the case may be, the blond boy knew he needed to help. His heart really went out to the guy.

Maybe, just maybe Reiner was in a similar situation like he was. In love with his best friend and wondering if they were good enough to even be considered as possible boyfriend material. Maybe they were childhood friends too. Now wouldn’t that be something? Yes they were nearly complete opposites physically, but on the inside maybe they were the same scared boy. The more he thought about it the more he felt towards the stranger. He knew he was projecting himself on the other, but that look he gave him.

“Damn, you’re still thinking about him.” Eren commented in a tone Armin couldn’t label. “He wasn’t that handsome. He was kinda creepy looking.”

“I wasn’t thinking that.” Armin’s blush said otherwise. “And I wouldn’t say you’re the kind to notice if someone was attractive or not.”

“What? I can too.” The blond tried hard not to laugh at the other’s pout. “Come on, name someone.”

“Actor or someone you know?”

“Someone I know.” He had a hard time knowing if an actor was attractive if he liked the characters they played too much. They had long arguments over this.

“All right…” Someone who he thought was attractive. “What about Thomas?”

“Urgh! No fair, name someone else.” Okay so it really did still bother him. Mentally Armin gave a sigh of relief. Jealousy never looked good on anyone.

“Do you remember Annie Leonhart?” Armin smiled watching Eren let out a loud laugh.

“How could I not?” Annie was a neighborhood girl who often got into fights with Mikasa. One of their fights ended up with Annie getting her nose broken. One would think that would be the end of it, but sadly it wasn’t. It took her moving to a different city.

“What did you think about her?” She was pleasant enough when it was just the two of them. They often met in the library. Annie mentioned liking the quiet atmosphere away from idiots.

“I don’t know, we were like kids.” Eren thoughtfully leaned his head against the palm of his hand. “I wonder if she still looks the same now.”

“I still kept in contact with her.” Armin smiled. He was sort of proud that he managed to in spite of Mikasa’s obvious hate for her.

“Sounds like you liked her a lot.” The other rolled his eyes then hummed. “I think she was hot…but I think I like how kick ass she was more than her looks.”

“I don’t know if you’re right or wrong on that.”

“Might be easier if you name someone you thought was hot and I can say yes or no.” Eren sighed feeling a little more depressed.

“All right, if you insist.” There was a dramatic pause and he knew he would regret what he was about to say. “When I think about it. I think Mikasa’s pretty hot.”

“What?!” Eren shouted looking at Armin with dead fish eyes. A growl rumbling from the back of his throat.

“Ah yes. Mikasa is definitely beautiful.” As if putting icing on the cake he continued. “She’d look even hotter taking a steaming shower. I bet she could make a pretty good career as a porn star is she wanted to.”

“I’m gonna kill you!!” Eren reached over getting Armin in a headlock and making sure to keep his eyes still on the road. Armin laughed loudly not fighting the closeness they were sharing. They both knew he didn’t mean it, but he never missed a chance to tease the other like this to help lighten the mood. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter felt a little off to me, but there are a few things I like about it. :) Thank you everyone for all the views! It really motivates me and encourages me to update sooner. Sorry I don't have a set schedule or anything. I try to write when I can and just have to be in the right mood. The driving portion of this journey is just about done! Hooray! Things are just about to get interesting and I hope you all stick along for the ride.


	9. Restaurant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's all about creating an atmosphere

There were a few more stops along the way, but it was fairly easy driving. The traffic seemed to fade away into the soft rush of the wind. Armin managed to finish at least three books, but it could have been four if he didn’t realize he got carsick after reading too much. Sadly, it was a learning experience. A harsh one, but a much needed one to use in the future. After Armin’s small mournful rant of not being able to read Eren engaged in attempted book conversation…and was failing miserably. It was easier for Eren to ask if certain movies were actually novels. Much to his surprise a lot of them were. It somewhat sparked his interest to pick up reading again. So since Armin couldn’t read he offered to take over the wheel. In return Eren agreed to read one of his novels to him instead of listening to the radio.

“I don’t get it, why did they even bother writing as whole page just to describe what I could say in one word?” The desire to start reading again was now wavering.

“What would have you wrote?”

“She was sad. Period.” Armin gave a laugh shaking his head.

“That would hardly be a story.”

“Story of my life, bro.” Eren closed the book giving a much exaggerated yawn.

“We’re almost there. You may want to text Mikasa.” They were about 30 miles away.

“I call her after we unpacked.” They made the last turn into the actual city which was busy, but not the kind of busy he had expected it to be. There was a calm rush of voices and city sounds. “Can’t believe we’re finally here.”

“Yes. I’ll need to talk to the Landlord a little before actually going into the apartment to sign a few papers and such.” Armin continued to talk over small details of the living arrangements, but when in one ear and out the other.

Eren was already examining the citizens of the town decided already that he didn’t like the shady dog walker. He looked like he was a real asshole. There were a few groups of girls walking home from various high schools and a few people riding bikes or waiting for the local buses. He glanced further into the actual vehicles driving by to get a better feel of the actual people who worked for a living. In a high end sports car was a man talking away on his cell phone as he drove past them looking fairly angry. In a loud clunky jeep were a man and a woman who looked like the raided the closest fast food drive thru. Then there was a slightly worn down minivan that didn’t even need all the soccer mom bumper stickers. The poor woman looked as if she had been contemplating over running it into the nearest divvy for a long time now.

“—okay, Eren?” Armin stopped at the light turning fully to look at him for confirmation. Owlishly he blinked back up at him. With a sigh Armin glanced up noticing the light turned green and continued his way. “You weren’t listening, were you?”

“Yeah I wa—STOP ARMIN!”

Not even asking why Armin slammed on the brakes, his hand instantly shooting out protectively across Eren’s chest. A car sped pass them clearly running the red light. All four surveillance cameras flashed one after the other capturing the moment.

“Good God—“Armin let out a huge sigh of relief relaxing only slightly. He turned to check on Eren blushing only for a moment realizing he just soccer mom his best friend. “I’m sorry, Eren are you—“

Eren’s legs were drawn up onto his seat with his knees pressing into his forehead. His hands clenching the sides until his knuckles were ghostly pale. Before Armin could fully analyze his condition the car from behind lightly bumped into their car then honk its horn. There wasn’t anything physically wrong with them so he decided it best to keep driving until he could find a spot to pull over. It took longer than he hoped for, but Eren didn’t move so much as an inch since the almost near collision.

“Eren…” Armin spoke softly after they parked. “Eren…”

“…” No response, as he predicted. Slowly Armin took off his seatbelt scooting a little closer to him. One by one me manager to peel Eren’s steel like grip off the seats. His hands tightly curled onto his making him wince, but only for a moment.

“Eren…you need to breathe.” Armin moved both of his hands onto one of his own then gently coax Eren into putting his feet onto the flooring. Minutes ticked on by, but it didn’t matter to him. The landlord could wait and if they really needed to they could get a hotel somewhere if they didn’t make it in time for signing the release form. Eren’s well –being physically and mentally would always be his first priority.

“…stop…” Eren tightly hissed through his clenched teeth.

“I did, Eren.” Armin leaned his forehead against the others then moved to the side wrapping Eren into a single armed hug. “Don’t worry Eren, I did. We’re okay. You saved up from a really bad accident. Thank you so much, Eren. Thank you.”

Armin continued similar wordings, but all of them assuring him that they were safe and didn’t crash. With each passing sentence the tenseness lift until Eren was able to stop his clenching. His shoulders started to sag and he shifted more and more of his weight onto Armin until he was leaning into Armin’s embrace. There was a sharp prickling in the corners of his eyes.

“Don’t cry, Eren.” Armin pleaded wrapping his arms tighter around him. He was started to feel tired as well. “Please, don’t cry.”

Swallowing up the urge to, Eren gave an ugly sniff nodding because he knew he wouldn’t be able to give Armin a verbal response. He could feel Armin smile against the side of his neck and some of the grip of the hug loosen. Unconsciously Eren lifted his own arm up and ran it through Armin’s hair stroking it. It may sound weird to anyone else, but the motion tended to calm him much like how it would if someone were stroking their cat after a long day.

“You have ten more minutes to decide whether or not you’re going to eat here before I call the tow truck.”

A flat monotone voice interrupted them making the both of them jump apart from one another. When they turned to look at the source of the voice it was a rather short man standing in front of the truck with his hands on his hips with a rather unimpressed expression. If Armin had to guess he’d say the man hardly even smiled to behind with.

“Eat here?” Armin repeated looking up to realized he had taken a customer only parking spot. It took a moment for him to decide, but one look at Eren told him that a meal would be a good way to recover from his small episode. As if reading Armin’s mind Eren sat back and undid his seatbelt with a light smile before stepping out. 

“Do you make it a habit out of watching people in their cars?” Eren’s expressed changed to a slightly annoyed pout as he walked over to the sidewalk near the man.

“Only when it’s in my parking lot.” The man was short in stature, but had a glare that could make any man or giant flinch back in fear. “Nice to see you’ve made up your minds.”

“You own the place?” Armin injected bringing about a lighter tone to the conversation. The man glanced over at Armin looking him up and down before shrugging.

“I’m one of the owners.” The real reason of him being outside revealed itself as he lifted up his cigarette taking a long drag. “So get your asses inside and spend money on shit before I tow that trash pile to the dumps where it belongs.”

“I’ll tow your a---“ Armin quickly walked over taking Eren’s hand leading him into the building.

“Thank you for the warning, sir.” He gave a short wave at the man still glaring at them before finding refuge inside the restaurant.

“Who does that guy think he is?” For brief second Armin was thankful for the stranger helping to get Eren’s mind off the almost near car crash they had. “Napoleon or something?”

“I highly doubt that.” Armin sat down on the booths in the waiting area. “I think Napoleon was taller.”

Eren gave out a loud laugh nodding before taking a seat right beside him. In spite of one of the owner’s rude personality the restaurant seemed to have a lot of customers. The smells waft through the air making the two of them drool with anticipation. The loud clanks of the kitchen and soft murmur of customers’ conversations gave it a relaxing atmosphere. Carefully making sure no one was paying attention to them Eren leaned his chin on Armin’s shoulder.

Armin stiffened only for a moment, but also relaxed enough to tilt his head slightly to make Eren’s position a little more comfortable allowing him to get closer if he wanted. When he made no attempt to a part of Armin’s heart started to ache. How he really wished Eren would take the initiative to bring them closer than just friends. How he really wished he could just turned and give him a kiss on his lips, maybe even slip a little tongue in as a tease and promise for more later once they got to the apartments. How if he did Eren might look embarrassed at first them smile gently back at him with a small laugh calling him a closet pervert. How he’d like to run his hand over Eren’s knee as a response to that and tell him how he had no idea of the things he really wanted to try with him if he wanted to give it a chance because he really did want to be in a relationship with him which would be more than just sex.

“How many for your table?” The greeter asked cheerfully interrupting Armin’s thoughts.

“Just for two.” Eren was first to give the answer standing up quickly making his way over with the blond close behind him. The ache increase only for a second while Eren’s back was turned.

“Okay, I have just the seat for you lovebirds.” The greeter smiled and winked at Armin before leading the way. Eren choked on the air trying to explain that he…she?...um, well it was a little hard to tell since all the workers had the same type of uniform…had the wrong idea. The person didn’t seem to really care though. “Here you go! Best seat in the house!”

“Thank you.” Armin smiled as Eren gave an exasperated sigh not even fighting anymore.

The place was rather nice further inside. It was formal, but not too formal where everyone was wearing a tie. Everything was pristine clean and all the glasses on the table seemed to shine like expensive diamond. There was a small fire pit in the middle and the roof had a few lightly which dimmed alternatively to simulate stars. It would have been a wonderful place to have a first date.

“Hello and welcome to Silver Platter. My name is Erwin and I’ll be your waiter for this evening. If there’s anything on the menu you’d like to know more about feel free to ask me.” The man was talk blond and bulky like an ex-athlete. What was in the water around here?

“Thank you Erwin. It all looks delicious.” Armin took his menu glancing it over quickly with a delighted smile. The waiter returned his smile and nodded happily.

“Indeed it is, my friend.” Before the conversation could continue there was a loud crash in the kitchen followed by an angry deep voice and another higher one. “Levi…”

The man lightly sighed and made his way to the kitchen to attempt to make the peace again before it scared off their customers. Eren turned to Armin lightly biting his lip to keep from laughing. Not too much longer they could see Erwin came out from behind the door ushering out the smaller man they saw earlier. The man shrugged him off.

“You’re closing tonight. Don’t expect to come back to that filth.” He grumbled out taking off his apron and shoving it into the man’s arms. The customers didn’t seem surprised with the exception of their table and a small hand full of others. It made him wonder if this was a common enough occurrence.

“I apologize to everyone, but plates will take a little longer to produce due to our chef walking out….again.” Erwin turned with a tired look in his eyes as he adjusted the apron putting it on himself. “Complimentary drinks to my tables, Hanji will be taking care of you all for the rest of the night.”

“Hear that?” Eren loudly whispered. “Free drinks!”

“That will certainly help us with the check.” Armin agreed.

“Maybe we could share a dessert or something.” Eren smiled widely looking down at the menu.

“I’m surprised that the prices are pretty decent here.” Armin looked over the menu too.

“Yeah, but I wonder if the portions are as small as the chef.” Behind his menu he let out a small cackle.

“Don’t be rude.” Even though he was scolding him he couldn’t help laughing along with him.

The rest of the evening was quiet with a few light conversations between them. Their new waiter Hanji turned out to be the greeter they first met. Apparently the chef, Levi had a strict code on the kitchen’s cleanliness and was known for storming out at least twice a week. He was stricter than Gordon Ramsay if you asked Hanji. Erwin, even though not as trained as Levi, could take over when these things happened. However he was a little slower producing the orders. The three of them made of the owners of Silver Platter. The prices were relatively low to help local college students since they tended to be the majority of their business revenue.

“So what’s the story behind you two?” Hanji winked at Armin while refilling their drinks. “Lovers on an adventure?”

“For the last time, we’re not lovers.” Eren tightly clenched his fist fighting off his blush. The heat just radiated off him. “We’re childhood friends.”

“Well you know what they say.” Hanji gave a little dramatic pause. “Childhood friends make the best romances.”

“For cryin’ out loud…” Eren tiredly sighed putting his elbows on the table hiding his face with his hands as Hanji let out a loud almost obnoxious laugh. Armin sympathized with his best friend, but his reaction was too adorable not to laugh at.

The food was delicious, the night was eventful, and best of all it didn’t hurt their wallets. Hanji as a last tease gave them their, “Free first date dessert” which Eren could no longer fight off due to his undying love for chocolate cake. As they walked back to the jeep Eren took off his jacket putting it on Armin’s shoulders. It was only slightly big on him, but was definitely warm. The blond couldn’t help smiling to himself tugging the jacket close…If only…how he wished…would never happen…those words eventually came back repeating themselves over and over in his head. He didn’t like it, but couldn’t deny it.

“I’ll drive this time. Let me know where I need to turn.” Eren walked ahead towards the driver’s seat.

“Oh, all right.” Armin shook out of it and started to take off the jacket.

“Go ahead and keep it on.” Eren keep his gaze down not looking him in the eye as they both got in the vehicle. “I’m…sorry about…”

“Never a problem.” Without a hesitation Armin put his hand on top of Eren’s. “No one can expect you to get over something…something like that so soon.”

“But I should!” Eren didn’t mean to shout it nor make Armin flinch away from him as if he did anything wrong.

Of course the blond was right, he was always right. Rain or shine he had always been there for Eren when others ran or didn’t bother to give him the time of day. Everyone could run away, go rot in hell, go jump off a cliff…but not Armin…never Armin…Eren caught Armin’s hand roughly at first then lessened his grip as he pulled him forward to him. Armin’s whole body was stiff out of fear or anticipation neither of them knew.

“You’re my rock, Armin.” Eren pressed their hands flat against each other so their palms matched.

His own fingers were only slightly longer than the others even though Armin had the longer thinner fingers. Their skin texture was almost completely different. There were small calluses at the tips of the blonde’s fingers now after he asked Eren to show him the basics of guitar playing last summer.

“I don’t know what could ever go along with a rock.” It took everything Armin had in him not to let the shake show in his voice. So many things he wants to reply back with all of them sounding more like a proclamation of love.

“Sorry, don’t feel like you have to say anything back. I know it’s weird to just say that, but--” Before he could pull his hand back Armin slid his down and wiggled his fingers between Eren’s clasping them tightly together. The motion was so meniscal, but held a tremendous amount of intimacy.

“Thank you.”

You are my heart and soul. My hope and my joy. You are my ocean that I hope to get lost at sea with. If I wrote a song then the lyrics would be full of you. You are the never ending story which I hope to read forever. When it came down to it none of these words would ever be said, but Armin hoped they could be felt through those two simple words.

“You’re my rock too.” It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t original either. It didn’t matter though because Eren was smiling back at him. That smile…was all he needed. As long as Eren kept smiling then he would keep following him. Even on days if he couldn’t he’d still be behind him nonetheless. That would never change.

Or at least he hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Da da duhhhh...Well! They finally made it into the city! Yay!! I had a great time writing the restaurant scene mainly because I'm a really big Gordon Ramsay fan, Kitchen Nightmares is really addictive. You've been warned! 
> 
> I hope I didn't make Eren a little too OOC, but this is more of how he is when it's just him and Armin. You'll be reading more of typical Eren behavior when he starts interacting with others soon. ;D I haven't exactly planned exactly how many chapters this fanfic will have. I'm more of as many as it takes. It's a slow burn relationship romance with a lots of successes and fails, more fails in the future. Sorry, but yes! I hope you will all stick with me and feedback is more than welcomed as always in the comments below.


	10. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That feeling of emptiness and disconnection without knowing the reason or the cause

With the night almost gone Armin and Eren made their way to the apartment office. They made it just in time right before the landlady was about to lock up the office. She was nice enough to stay a little longer to get the necessary paperwork filled out. Armin could already tell he was going to like her. Her name was Petra and she ran the apartment for her grandfather while he was on vacation in a foreign country. Which country? She couldn’t say. The man was always finding ways to travel and often didn’t know himself, but that’s what made it fun for him.

“All right, that’s the last of it.” She smiled as she arranged the papers. “Here’s your key. I look forward to seeing you both again.”

“Thank you very much.” Armin and Eren both shook her hand as they walked out the main office.

“Don’t worry about it. I remember getting my own first apartment all too well. It’s great that you have your best friend with it. It makes the transition so much easier.” Eren blushed slightly scratching his cheek. “Now if your neighbors start to get rowdy or if you think they’re doing anything illegal don’t hesitate to contact us anonymously.”

When they made sure Petra made it to her car safely, the two of them made their way back to their truck. Along the way the way Armin started to list off some of the things they needed to do as soon as morning came. They needed to go grocery shopping for few of the typical staple foods: rice, milk, bread, eggs, etc. it would be just the basics until one of them grew more confident in their cooking skills before they would afford to shop specifically for meals. It would be cheaper than eating fast food every day and healthier for them in the long run.

The second need would be for basic furniture. A few couches would be nice they decided. Maybe a few lamps, it was a definite yes for Armin seeing how he expects to be staying up into the later night studying for school. A kitchen table for meals and again late night studying if he had to. A bookshelf of course, small magazine rack for the bathroom. It wouldn’t leave too much left for two twin beds including their headboard and frames.

“How do you feel about sharing a full instead?” Armin was slow to ask trying not to seen too excited over the idea. They shared a bed at the hotel and it seemed to work out rather nicely. He hoped he was pushing his luck asking. “It would be cheaper and I could use one of the rooms like an office when I need to study or write papers. It would make it easier for you to sleep too.”

“That sounds cool.” Eren lifted his arms above his head and gave Armin a big grin. “It will be like a sleepover, but every day.”

“Yeah.” More like a couple was what he really wanted to say, but he didn’t. It was tiny innocent things like this he could enjoy with Eren. Not too many people were as blessed as Armin was.

“Since the other room is gonna be like your study area, mind if I make the bedroom whatever I feel like?” Something deep down told Armin it would definitely be something cartoonish or sci-fi. With a small smile he sighed and gave his nod of approval. Eren looked ecstatic.

They reached the small area where their house apartment was. There were a few more closely arranged around it and it looked like a fairly quiet community. Armin nervously chewed on his bottom lip looking down at the key in his grasp. This was it. All the driving, all the misadventures. All the strange and new people they had met on the way all came down to this. This was the end of the prologue and the beginning of their lives together for the next four years. No Mikasa, no parents, no grandparents, just the two of them.

“Hey, I wanna try something.” Armin was shaken out of his dramatic monologue as soon as he felt Eren’s hands along his sides.

“Eren, what are you—“

“Hang on, I wanna try something.” With that the soft grip turned into a more firm handle around his waist. How Armin would have love to take back the indignant squeak he produced at that moment.

“Eren!” He was somehow easily lifted into the air with his feet kicking slightly. His arms flew out trying to make up for his imbalance. Eren ducked down for a second helping Armin’s leg over his head to rest firmly on his shoulder. The taller man left out a short puff of air again the inside of his thigh turning Armin into a shaking mess.

“Hang on, I think I got it.” Eren continued with his innocent torture shifting Armin’s weight a little lower down his back. It looked like he originally wanted to pick Armin up and sit him on his shoulders, but he turned out to be heavier than Eren expected. So instead he settled for giving him a piggyback ride. If it hadn’t worked out he would have had to switch to bride style.

“Eren, I’m going to fa—“ Eren hitched him up one more time tightly gripping the backs of Armin’s thighs. The blond fell forward burying his face against the side of Eren’s neck to try and hide the small gasp he almost let out.

“Try to sit up a little straighter.” Slowly Armin did as he asked planting one of his hands firmly on Eren’s shoulder. Eren steadied himself and leaned forward looking over his shoulder at Armin with a devilish grin. “Hang on.”

Before Armin could ask any questions Eren took off running to their apartment giving out a loud yell of ‘FINALLY’ followed by random whoops and shouts of excitement. Eren’s laughter was extremely contagious and Armin found it bubbling up and out of himself. He joined in Eren’s antics lifting one arm up shouting along with him until Eren decided to spin in a circle as quickly as he could almost flinging the other off. Armin leaned over tightly hugging him dropping only slightly until he tightened his legs around Eren’s waist.

The taller man dizzily stubble to the door of their apartment refusing to put Armin down even for a second. He turned to the side to give Armin better access to the lock. Catching on, he reached out unlocking it and opening the door giving it a little push. They both watched it fling open revealing their empty, but homely apartment. It was a big moment and neither of them said anything.

They finally made. They were alive and in one piece. To anyone it was just simple fact. For them though, it was a freaking miracle.

“Hey…” Armin blinked trying to look at Eren as best as he could from his position. “…mind if I carry you in?”

“Hm…” Armin pretended to think for a moment then lightly chuckled. “Only if you do it bride-style.”

“Okay.” He didn’t give Armin a moment to react when he swung him down and in front of himself in one fluid motion. He huffed for a second then lifted the blond up so he could wrap his arms around his neck. “How’s this then?”

“Eren…” Armin bite his lip trying so hard not to giggle like a girl. He didn’t actually think Eren would ever be carrying him like this, much less over the threshold of where they would be living under. A strange tingle spread through Eren’s body, but he ignored it. He really wanted to chew lightly on Armin’s lip to chase away that nervous expression.

“Come on. In we go.” Armin would never need to be nervous ever again at least never when it was just the two of them. That was why he wanted to do that, he easily reasoned with himself. With one more jostle Eren carried him through the doors doing one last spin in the middle of the living room area.

“Hm, we’re gonna need to get a television too.” The shorter man spoke up once they made their entrance into their new home. Eren nodded and place him back onto the ground. He noticed Armin’s slight pout as he did so. It was sort of…cute.

“Don’t go expecting me to carry you everywhere now.” The blond blushed slightly then rolled his eyes as he started to tour their apartment.

After inspecting it Eren left for a few minutes to try and find better parking so they could unpack their suitcases. Luckily they brought their sleeping bags so they wouldn’t have to be sleeping on the ground. Armin stood out front with his arms wrapped around himself. It was oddly quiet without Eren there with him. It sounded pathetic, but when he was by himself like this he couldn’t help counting the seconds their apart.

“So YOU’RE the cause of all that ruckus.” A man laughed out popping out from behind one of the bushes. He had a cigarette held between his lips and the pack held in his hands. His tongue rolled around the stick as he looked Armin up and down.

“Oh, ah…sorry…” Armin blushed rubbing the back of his neck giving the man a slight bow. “It’s just…well…you see my friend and I-“

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” The man turned his head to the side waving his hand at him then chuckled more pulling a lighter out of his pocket and up to his cigarette. “I couldn’t live in a quiet neighborhood. Makes you wonder what neighbors are plotting.”

“Do you live close to this area?” The blond rubbed his arms then wrapped them around himself with a tight smile. Cigarettes tended to remind him of someone he wished he could forget.

“Yeah, me and my girl live next door. She hates it when I smoke in our place so she kicks me out sometimes.” The stranger walked a bit closer then stopped crouching down putting his elbows on his knees. He sighed for a bit taking in a drag then looked back up curiously at Armin. “Can’t believe we’re engaged, you know? I mean, I’m like crazy about her. But she makes me crazy like not in a good way too sometimes.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Inwardly Armin cringed. It was about to happen. It always did whenever he was by himself waiting for anything. Why did people always end up find him and telling him their life stories? Oh well, he hoped karma would be kind to him one day for the kind service. “How long have you been together?”

“Like FOREVER, man.” The man threw his arms forward then lifted them back up repeating the motion then looking back at Armin. Once he did he groaned furiously scratching at his almost bald buzz cut. “We said we’d get engaged as soon as I came back from the army. Now I’m starting to want to actually go back because it’s too fucking hard making it over here.”

Armin continued to make light talk with the stranger. The man’s name was Connie which had cause some confusion among his fiancé’s family who originally thought he had been a woman. Sasha’s stories tended to be purposely vague so no one could guess who he was in her circle of friends. On the other side, Connie’s family had already accepted Sasha as family as soon as she set step on their front lawn. He came from a rather large and loud family which his girlfriend adored. She was an only child like her parents which made family reunions rather pointless.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what is it exactly that you do for a living?” Armin couldn’t help his curiosity. Connie seemed like the kind of man who could handle basically any sort of job.

“Right now I have my own small business.” The man excitedly told him stubbing out his cigarette butt.

“Really?” Armin took a seat down on the curb next to him. Eren was sure taking his sweet time.

“Yeah, it’s like being a nanny for rich peoples’ pets.” Connie lifted his finger as he continued to explain the nature of his business. “You see, old people around here don’t really have family so they get the next best thing. Pets. Most are too old to actually do physical labor that comes with caring for their pets or are too busy to be bothered by it. Taking their pets for appointments, walking them each night, taking them to the park, cleaning up after them, you know all the nitty gritty.”

“What’s the difference between a nanny and a sitter then?”

“A nanny is someone who’s fully invested with their clients’ child or pet.” Connie leaned back on his hands sighing and looking up at the sky. “A sitter is more like supervision for a few hours and that’s it. You see I use to want to be a vet, but I was never smart enough. But I really love animals and like taking care of them, you know?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t really understand on that sort of level.” Armin smiled a little nervously leaning his head against his drawn up knees. Animals never seemed to really get along with him. The best he could hope for enough mutual respect for one another to stay their distance from one another. “But I can understand being really passionate about something.”

“Aww, thanks buddy.” Connie grinned lightly punching Armin in the arm. The two of them laughed a little letting the silence settle a bit. “I don’t know though. I have like five clients so far and it’s already so hectic. Sasha told me I should dump a few, but I can’t do that now. I really care about the furry fellas and I know they’d miss me too. Heck, they’d miss each other!”

“That is a dilemma.” The man grunted in agreement then laid down onto the curb. He had problems, but nothing he didn’t feel like couldn’t be solved. Nonetheless it was nice to vent…

“Oh hey! I didn’t even get your name, dude!” Connie shot back up looking guilty. He reached out taking Armin’s hand in his as he gave it a firm shake. “I’m Connie, well, I already told you the first time. But what’s yours?”

“Armin.” Armin couldn’t hide his laugh. “Armin Arlert. It’s nice to meet you, Connie.”

Connie smiled back brightly and continued to animatedly talk with Armin. It was a better conversation than Armin could hope for when meeting someone new. He was really thankful that Connie could carry most of the conversion by himself. For the parts that he couldn’t Armin would talk a little about himself and Eren.

”Oh so you’re the new neighbors.” Connie looked him up and down a few times then nodded. “I think you’ll probably fit in around here. Things will liven up once night is over, believe me.”

”I was wondering about that.” Armin glanced around at the few apartments that still had their lights on. “We were making a bit of noise, but no one seemed to mind. I was a little concern if it’s a common occurrence around here.”

”Pffft! Nope! It’s just Friday night, man. People are either out having a good time getting drunk off their asses or at home getting drunk off their asses.” Connie hissed a laugh through his teeth pressing his chin down into his chest. He wrapped his hands around his sides then clamped a hand over his mouth. “One time Jean—“

“Jean?” Armin raised an eyebrow. Was it even pos—no. Things like that didn’t happen in real life. It would be too convenient not to mention something right out of some kind of romantic movie. “Yeah, Jean Kirchstein. He’s…” Something came over Connie’s face and all the energy he had seemed to fade. “He was an old friend of mine from way back when. He lives across the way from here with some freak ass pair of twins.”

The way Connie said it…was really disturbing…heartbreaking, but with a hint of menace. Connie seemed to catch on the change of atmosphere and turned looking back up at Armin with a forced smile to chase away the moment of uneasiness.

“He’s a jackass. A genuine asshole who doesn’t give a damn about anyone other than himself.”

“Why were you friends then?” What Armin wanted to ask was, what happened.

“Even a bastard like him had his moments of decency.” Connie hummed a bit before reaching into his back pocket pulling out another cigarette. As he place it in his lips and search for his lighter Armin openly frowned up at him. When Connie noticed he stiffened briefly then smile taking it out and putting it behind his ear for later. “Not a fan?”

“I appreciate it.” Armin softened his expression. “My uncle use to smoke a lot. He died from lung cancer.”

“Ouch! Wow, sorry to hear that.” No. He was a horrible man. Cancer was too kind of a death for him. Armin bite back the words that almost left his lips. Connie had such openness to him that Armin almost forgot they were only strangers a few moments ago. He liked it. A lot.

“We weren’t really close to begin with.” Connie raised an eyebrow, but let the subject go. “If you really feel the need to, please don’t let me stop you.”

“All right then.” Connie went back to lighting his cancer stick making sure to politely exhale the smoke downwind away from the blond. “Where’s your friend you were talking about?”

”He said he’d be here soon.” Armin looked out into the darkness trying not to get too anxious. “I’m sure he just got lost for a second.”

”I guess. Still I wouldn’t have left you out here all by yourself for so long.” Connie hummed then reached into his other pocket pulling out his cellphone. He read over the screen then typed back a reply with a sigh. “Mah lady’s wondering where I went. I gotta go back before she comes after me with all the babies.”

”Babies?” Armin bit his lip watching Connie dust himself off.”

”Yeah, we keep some of the smaller dogs down our place when owners are away.”

”Aren’t pets against apartment policies?” Armin couldn’t help smirking.

”What? I never said they were MY pets.” Connie held his arms up in a wide shrug and bright smile. “Anyway, I thought we were bros by now from how fast we’ve just bonded.”

”Touche.” Armin dramatically threw a hand up and let it drop down with just as much flair making Connie laugh again.

”Okay hot stuff, I’ll catch ya later.” That was the last good-bye as he turned around making his way back from where he came from.

It was so quiet after. So very quiet…

He didn’t like it…not one bit…

Where WAS Eren?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO behind on drawing things! Well, I have tomorrow and the day after off so hopefully I can get at least one out soon. :) Just in case you didn't know, I made a small playlist for this fic and general eremin fans here: 
> 
> http://8tracks.com/neuroticsoulgobbler/soul-compass-1
> 
> I'm surprised it's already chapter 10, but we're almost done meeting everyone and things should start making more sense and falling into place from here on out. :) Thank you for your patience as always and thank you even more for your time.


	11. Surprise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was never a fan of surprises...

Eren was about halfway on his way back when he saw something up ahead. Now initially he didn’t really care. It was just some freak stranger standing underneath the streetlamp acting creepy and creepy people were number three on his list of things to avoid. But the closer he got the more he realized that the person wasn’t creepy, but looked lost. He pitied the person somewhat, but still decided to keep on going. The person noticing the sound of the truck approaching turned looking shocked at first as if he were going to run them over. Eren wouldn’t deny it, it did cross his mind. The man turned all the way around and started waving his arms around asking for help. Oh how he wanted so badly to keep driving, but in the back of his head he heard Armin scolding him. He really needed to get that checked out.

“What happened?” Eren slowed down asking, but not unlocking the door just yet.

“Thank you so much for stopping.” The man leaned towards the car looking completely out of breath. He looked vaguely familiar…

“You look like those twins.” Eren blink owlishly not bothering to listen to the rest of the man’s explanation. The man looked surprised then back off the truck with a nervous expression.

“W-what?” Eren unlocked the truck and motioned him to jump in. With an uneasy expression the man opened the door getting in. “How did—“

“Long story.” Eren leaned an arm on the wheel looking at the man curiously. “Do you have the address of where you need to go?”

“Um, yes?” The man still didn’t trust him just yet. 

“I’m not going to kill you or anything.” Eren sighed. He couldn’t blame the guy. It worked though getting the man to actually get in the truck. “Where to? I have some things I need to get back to.”

“Um, well, I know I should’ve asked before getting in…” He looked like he was about to crap his pants. “Can you take me to the nearest mechanic?”

“What the hell? You know everything is closed right?” What was this guy thinking?

“I know, I know.” The man hit his forehead with the palm of his hand. “I thought I could have gotten here sooner, but that taxi took my cash and kicked me out.”

“He just dropped you here?” As the tall man put his hand down he gave Eren a very tired look while nodding. That was just…insane. Note to self: do NOT trust taxis here.

“We would have just pushed the car here, but my friend…she got hurt on the way over and I told her I’d walk ahead to try and find the nearest mechanic who can tow us.”

“There’s a thing called a cellphone.” Eren frowned. “Why didn’t you google one and call it?”

“I don’t have a cellphone.” The man crossed his arms trying to maintain his dignity. “Not to mention I wasn’t really in the right of mind.”

“Wow, no cellphone.” The thought someone could survive without one now a days was mind blowing to him. Heck he didn’t even use half the awesome shit his phone came with, but he still had one. “I think they’d be close right now anyway. You would have had to call like about an hour ago to get someone to check your car out.”

“It’s fine…thank you for stopping anyway--” The man looked at Eren drawing out the last word giving him a curious look.

“Eren.” He decided to pull off to the side as he pulled out his phone to do a quick search for anything that could help them. At least Armin would understand him being late if he was helping the friend of his new bestie. Eren frowned pressing his lips tight together for a second.

“Is everything all right?” The tall man looked over at him very concerned.

“I just moved here so I don’t know shit.” Eren sighed clicking and checking the service hours on all the shops. If one good thing came out of this Eren at least felt same that there were a lot of mechanics in the area who could fix his truck. “I’m not finding anything. I looked up some taxi services too, but none seem to go out of the city unless you’re going to the airport. Looks like you were conned.”

“Oh good grief.” The stranger’s shoulder shrank making him look smaller than Armin. Poor guy, he looked as if he were falling apart. If Eren didn’t know the feeling then he wouldn’t be Eren anymore. This guy seemed decent enough.

“Like I said. I have things to do…” The guy looked like he was about to cry. “But if you help me unpack into our apartment I’m sure I can give you a lift back to your friend. You can at least be stranded together. I’ll contact the mechanic for you in the morning.”

“Really?” The man shook a little trying to wipe his eyes. He wasn’t crying, but very close to it.

“Yeah, but I gotta go like right now.”

“Sure, anything. Thank you so much---“ Another strain and pause.

“Eren.” He didn’t mean for it to come out so gruff, but people who couldn’t remember his name after he told them was one of his pet peeves.

“Right, Eren.” The stranger tiredly laughed. “I’m Samuel.”

“Yeah…okay…”

Eren suddenly wished Armin was here. He was the master of small talk and knew exactly how to help lighten such a grim atmosphere. Luckily Samuel didn’t push any further conversation and just sat quietly in the truck as they drove back to the apartments. As he got closer he noticed Samuel looking out the window curiously with a furrowed brow. Eren wanted to question it, but shrugged it off as nothing.

When he pulled up to the curve closest to their place, Eren saw someone walking around the corner with his hands in his pockets and cigarette between his lips. Immediately his thoughts went to Armin and he quickly unbuckled himself not caring about the stranger in the passenger seat. It took everything in him not to run at full speed where Armin would have been waiting. Keep it together, he told himself. It wasn’t like Armin couldn’t handle himself with a bully anymore. But what if the guy mugged him at gunpoint? That taxi driver conned the other guy. Maybe this city wasn’t as safe as it seemed. That made his skin crawl, not safe…and Armin would have to be alone in it at some point…away from him…

“Armin!” He jogged over a bit then stopped seeing Armin turn swiftly to greet him.

“Oh Eren!” Armin smiled gently at him then nervously raised his eyebrows. “I was starting to think something happened to you.”

“Yeah, but not what you’re thinking.” Eren felt his nerves calm down as he walked over and gave Armin a quick hug before opening the doors to their apartment. “Some guy needs a ride somewhere and I said I’d take him if he helped us unpack.”

“Oh, that explains it.” Armin cringed on the inside. Eren picking up random strangers wasn’t too smart.

“He was conned by some taxi driver.” Eren could sense the apprehension. “His car broke down and his friend was hurt. They didn’t have a cellphone and he was really worried about getting back.”

“That’s awful.” The blond felt more at ease hearing the back story of this man. “You should take him first. He’ll need to file some kind of report with the police too.”

“Nah, we need to get the stuff down first.” Eren shook his head. He could be nice, but this was more important to him. Once they unpacked that meant Armin could spend more time organizing things safely inside away from danger.

“I actually know this place.” Samuel held a box already in his arms looking out at the parking lot.

“Here let me get that.” Armin walked over taking the box from him, but stopped for a moment looking him up and down. The blond looked over at Eren realizing the first thing Eren had pointed out. Samuel was too busy looking at the other apartments around the area. “Do you have relatives in the area by any chance?”

“Huh? Oh yeah! I think.” Samuel shook out of it then readjusted his grip on the box smiling at him. “This is kinda heavy I’ll go ahead and take it inside.”

“Okay then. I’ll start getting the others.” Armin nodded and motioned him towards the apartments. “Just put it all in the living room for now. That way you can get back to your friend faster.”

Just like that the three of them walked back and forth piling the boxes inside. It was nice, Eren decided the closer they got to unpacking the last box. He wished they met more people like Samuel instead of the noisy and obnoxious one they already met along the way. He glanced at Armin who seemed to be thinking the same thing…well, almost the same. 

“That’s the last one.” Armin smiled putting the smaller box on top of the bigger one.

“How did you get all that stuff to fit?” Samuel looked at the boxes that filled the room and back at the truck. Armin couldn’t help laughing.

“Once he puts his mind to it, there’s really nothing he can’t do.” Samuel gave Armin a curious look. The blond looked so proud as he said that. The way he looked at the other…it was really something.

“You’re really close, huh?” He didn’t mean to ask it out loud, but Armin blushed instantly casting his stare somewhere else across the room.

“Ah well we’re childhood friends.” Armin rubbed his nose gently then cleared his throat looking back at Samuel with a smile. “I guess you can say I can’t help feeling more like a mother instead of a best friend.”

“That’s cute.” Samuel laughed making Armin blush even more. “I mean I kinda get what you mean. My friend, Mina kinda acts like that too.”

“Is that the same friend you left behind?” Mina…now Armin consider himself sexist, but he couldn’t help feeling a little scared for the friend if they were indeed a girl. If he had known then he would have been more insistent that Eren help Samuel first.

“Yeah, she said she would be fine…” Samuel frowned as well then looked down at his watch. “But I’m taking longer than I thought I would.”

“What happened to her?” Armin felt his stomach start to sink lower and lower.

“Nothing too bad. No worries.” Samuel shook it off then made his way to the truck. “We were pushing the car for a while, but she ended up twisting her ankle. I started out walking ahead which is why I told her to just wait for me. Then I saw that taxi drive by and I chased after it.”

“Well, if you didn’t catch it you’d probably be a lot further than closer to here.” Finding silver linings. “And if you weren’t here when you were then Eren and I might not have found you.”

“Yeah…I guess you’re right in that sense…” Armin really did remind Samuel of someone…”Which reminds me! Could you help me to my cousins’ apartment? I think if he’s home then he can help me out more and you two won’t have to.”

“I think Eren would agree to it.” Armin glance outside the window again where Eren was stabbing in some of the lawn ornaments already. When he was done he smiled at the pink flamingo running a finger down its beck with a small smile. “He’s kinder than he lets on.”

“I can tell.” Samuel smile back at Armin laughing a bit.

When Armin told Eren about Samuel’s plan he was more than agreeable. Less driving around meant they could save more on gas he explained. It was the logical thing to do was his defense. Armin was insistent in going along with them not wanting to be left alone in the new apartment. He wouldn’t admit it, but in the minutes Eren was gone Armin had been anxious and felt like he needed to catch up on his “Eren time”. As predicted the blond made steady light chat with Samuel which made for a more comfortable atmosphere. Samuel opened up more even laughing here and there at the things they had to say. Everything felt like it was going to be all right.

“It’s the one with the “beware of cat” sign in the window.” Samuel motioned to Eren.

“Must be a big ass cat.” Eren shook his head driving over. He really wasn’t a cat person. Cats were real assholes in his experience. Dogs were definitely better.

“One of them is.” Samuel laughed.

“Here, you can call this number if you can’t find a mechanic tomorrow.” Armin opened the glove compartment and wrote down a number from his phone. Eren sneered a bit knowing exactly who’s number he was writing down. He would never live it down now. “Let him know you’re a friend of Eren’s and mostly likely he’ll come down and help you.”

“Thomas, huh?” Samuel read the paper and looked at the two of them. “I wish I could give you my number to stay in contact since we’re friends now.”

“Get out before I have to kick you out, Sam.” Eren barked out not meaning a single word of the threat.

Before he did Samuel thanked them again shaking both of their hands. Both of them waiting in the truck to make sure that his cousin answered the door. It would suck to be stranded twice in one night. The doors opened as soon as Samuel knocked and there was a loud thrilled sound followed by a big embrace.

“Looks like he’s home.” Eren sighed shifting to drive.

“Wait a sec.” Armin touched Eren’s arm still watching Samuel and his cousin. Curiously Eren looked up as well and froze.

“It’s the pirate.” Samuel stepped aside and nodded in their direction giving them a wave good-bye. The man looked surprised, but also gave them a wave mouthing an exaggerated ‘Thank You’. “Who would have thought they lived here.”

“I wonder if—“ Armin didn’t have a chance to complete that thought as he watch the one person of his thoughts appear beside the ‘pirate’. 

“Oh great, trash boy lives here too.” Eren frowned. Today just couldn’t get any worse.

”Hey! Is that you Armin?!” …correct that, it just did…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >: 3 Know what happens when I get two days off in a row? Double updates! XD
> 
> Ha, well, I try and this time it worked out. :) Thank you so much for reading and I don't mean to disappear for so long. Work again has been tiring, but things have calmed down some since Mother's Day has passed. I hope I can put out more sketches, but I'm curious. Which scenes would you personally like to see drawn? No promises, but it would definitely help get the ball rolling.


	12. Invitations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're fun, you never know WHO will show up.

As Marco took Samuel out to retrieve his car and his friend Mina, Jean walked over to Eren’s truck leaning on the passenger side with a big smirk. Eren really wanted to pull forward, but he already was already engaging a conversation with Armin. And Armin…looked happy. It took everything in him to patiently sit there and behave himself.

“Why don’t you stay for a while? You can park over there if you want.” Jean motioned over to a few open parking spots with the tilt of his head. “Or you can just park here. Not like they actually check this late.”

“N—“ Eren turned abruptly at him, but was greeted by Armin’s hopeful expression. It killed all his animosity he had. “Fine.”

“Let me fix up the place real quick.” Jean smiled widely at Armin annoying slapping the side of the door before leaving. Eren didn’t bother hiding his growl as he left to park.

“Eren…we don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Armin pressed his lips tightly together. He didn’t want to be a bother to him, but he really did want to talk with Jean. Now that he knew that they were in the neighborhood he was sure Jean wouldn’t mind him coming over on his own.

“Nah, I’m fine.” Eren seethed out. “Just…don’t stay too long.”

“All right, it is sort of late.” Armin relaxed a little more.

“…and remember what I said…” Eren opened his door and walked over to Armin’s side crossing his arms as he waited for him to follow. “If he does anything…”

“I hardly—“

“Armin. We’re walking into the home of two strangers who we know NOTHING about.” Eren walked a bit towards the apartment with his hands shoved in his pockets. “Two strangers who you met in a traffic jam. If you think about this logically—“

“Oh all right. I guess you’re right.” Armin puffed his cheeks giving Eren a look once they stopped at the doorway. Eren turned to facing Armin putting his hands on his hips.

“What was that?” Eren lifted a hand to his ear leaning in.

“You’re right.” Armin rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms.

“That’s what I like to hear.” Eren smirked crossing his arms too.

“But you’re also wrong.” The blond couldn’t help smiling as he shook his head.

“But I’m also right.” Eren reached over ringing the bell.

“And you’re also right.” Armin repeated softly as they waited.

“What the hell?!” An angry voice shouted from behind the door. They both shared a confused look.

“Get your shit out of the way, fuckface!!” Now that sounded a little more familiar. It was most like Jean trying to scramble to get things looking semi-decent. “I told you already and now they’re here!!”

“I thought we were—“

“Are you shitting me?! Hell no!” What were they going to do?

“Quit your bitchin’! I’m moving!!” There was a bit of shuffle, but it soon quieted and the door swung open surprising the two of them.

“Come on in.”

Jean looked a little out of breath, but still more than happy to let them in. Immediately they were greeted by the source of the other voice. It was the other twin that looked like the ‘pirate’. He was sitting with his arms crossed in front of the TV in his boxers and ragged grey t-shirt. Armin got the feeling that Jean must’ve took him to make himself more presentable. Their apartment looked very similar to their own, just with a slightly bigger living room.

“Armin this is Marcus. Marcus, Armin.” Jean made a motion then quickly moved on into the kitchen. “You guys thirsty? I have a few cokes and beers.”

“No thank you. We just went out a while ago.” Armin stayed standing looking around a little. There were two couches, a coffee table, and a computer set up in the far corner. There was also a huge TV that was slightly out of focus. It was the kind you would see at the older pizza places when people gathered to watch the game. In short, very ancient.

“What’s his name?” Marcus raised an eyebrow looking straight at Eren who was standing behind Armin with his arms still crossed.

“Oh, sorry. This is Eren.” Armin sidestepped slightly to reveal him. Eren narrowed his eyes, but nodded at Marcus. Marcus shrugged and went back to watching whatever was on TV. Jean came back over sitting next to Marcus with a coke in hand and motioned Armin to take a seat in the other couch.

“What are the chances, huh?” As he started talking excitably with Jean, Eren took the seat next to Armin crossing his arms walking them. At first he was really opposed to the idea, but as they continued the more he felt at ease. Maybe he wasn’t as bad as Eren made him out to be.

That was until he noticed something. Jean seemed to be a little fidgety constantly readjusting himself on the couch. Eren frowned a bit because it was starting to annoy him. He took a moment to look behind Jean and noticed Marcus focused on the TV not really giving a shit, but smirking. What the hell was he smirking at. He never would have caught it if Jean didn’t turn a little too much. When it happened Marcus’ eyes caught Eren’s for a brief second.

His hand was cupping one of Jean’s asscheeks.

For a second, Eren was choking on air. Armin turned to see if he was all right. As he did, Eren noticed Jean grabbing Marcus’ hand hissing something at him then pushing him off the sofa. Marcus laughed loudly letting himself be pushed off then walked off to presumably his room. Jean was left blushing running a hand through his hair and placing a pillow strategically between his legs while leaning back into the previous spot his roommate was in. Once Eren calmed down Armin asked for a glass of water for him which he gladly abided to.

“Are you all right?” Armin asked.

“Y-yeah…” Eren strained out hitting his chest a little. “Just…wrong tube.”

“You weren’t even eating anything.”

“Yeah, well, it still happens.” Jean stopped in front of him putting the glass in his face.

“Here.” Armin thanked him taking it and helping Eren drink it. Curiously Jean watched, they must’ve been really close to one another. “What kind of id—person chokes on air?”

Eren knew what he wanted to say, but he was still trying to look good in front of Armin. That just boiled his blood just a little. Even IF he was the one getting him water right now. Armin frowned up at Jean for a second, but then turned his attention back on Eren. Once Eren assured him he was fine he went back to talking wither Jean.

“Why do you share an apartment with that guy?” The other just invaded and changed the subject they were discussing. Armin paused giving Jean a questioning look. He was a little curious too after seeing a little bit of the man’s behavior.

“Because I just LOVE his charming personality.” Jean replied back sarcastically. Armin gave him a bit of a scolding look and he sighed. “Because he has a job and pays his part of the rent.”

“Is that all?” Armin pushed a little. “I thought you would at least be friends.”

“We are, don’t get me wrong.” Jean sighed tiredly. “I basically grew up with the twins. We’re kinda like family I guess. He’s an asshole, yeah, but he’s…we’ve just been through a lot together.”

“Which reminds me.” Armin looked a little cautious with his next question as if he were walking on eggshells. This made Eren very curious about what the next question he was going to ask. “One of our neighbors already introduced himself to us. He said his name was Connie and it seemed like he knew you. Were you also childhood friends?”

“Connie’s a fucking bitch.” Jean bitter reply caught Armin off guard making him physically flinch back. Eren instinctively sitting up a little straighter leaning closer to Armin. Luckily Jean noticed and looked a little guilty. “Sorry…it’s still a bit of a sore subject for me.”

“What the hell happened?” Eren didn’t know who Armin was talking about, but if he brought up the subject he must’ve for good reason. “Did you get in a fight or something?”

“Listen, you wouldn’t understand.” Jean rubbed the back of his neck and looked to the side uncomfortably. “You both look like nice people and I—“

“No it’s fine.” Armin spoke again this time more apologetically. “That was very rude of me. I hope you can forgive me.”

“What? No…nah, you didn’t do anything Arm.” Eren didn’t like that Jean was already giving Armin a nickname. A stupid one at that. “You were just curious, right? No harm in being curious.”

“But it brought up bad memories for you, correct?” Before Jean could answer Marcus chose at that moment to walk by just in his boxers.

“Shitload of memories, took us weeks to get him over it.” The twin proceeded to the kitchen grabbing a beer and a box of cereals before heading back. “You think he’s a shit now? He was ten times worse before.”

“Shut up!”

Jean kicked Marcus rear pushing him forward towards his room. Marcus only response was to laugh harder before leaving him in awkward silence. Armin REALLY wanted to know now, but…that would be rude. If it was one thing his mother always taught him, it was to know when to save certain “delicate” conversations for another day or at least until it was a better time to discuss it. Eren seemed to feel the same when he looked over at him.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll tell us when you’re comfortable.” Armin reached over with that smile that made everything right. Jean relaxed a little more and cautiously put his hand onto of Armin’s.

“Um…t-thanks. Ah…sorry.” Jean looked away again clearing his throat before taking his hand back. Armin also pulled back still smiling.

Now Eren was used to seeing this, but if it wasn’t towards himself then it was usually to Mikasa or even a small child. Seeing Armin acting like this with someone who was still a stranger…it was unnerving. But that was part of who the blond WAS. Armin was a healer with a compassionate nature. Anyone could tell, could FEEL it just by taking one look at him.

“How about next time, you come visit us?” That snapped Eren out of it. “I mean, once we get everything out and arranged.”

“Really? You mean that?” Jean looked shocked then grinned widely. “Hell yeah! That sounds awesome.”

“It’s the least we could do.” Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. Eren chanted to himself. “We’re going to be here for a while. It would be nice to have some friends in the area.”

“Do you have your phone on ya?” Jean smiled taking out his. Armin nodded and did the same. “This is my number. Give me a call, or text or whatever whenever you wanna hang out.”

“I will and thank you.” Eren felt like he just curl up and die in the corner.

It wasn’t until Marco arrived with Samuel and now Mina that they decided it was getting late and that they should probably go back to their own apartment. Marco exchanged a few pleasantries and even gave Armin his number as well, Jean insisted on it. Once in the safety of the truck Eren let out an exaggerate sigh. Armin rolled his eyes, but smiled letting Eren revel a little in his dramatic death. It HAD been a long day for the both of them. Truly a rollercoaster of experiences.

“You really want to be friends with that guy, don’t you?” Eren didn’t lift his head up as he spoke.

“I do.” Armin scooted down copying Eren. “Don’t you?”

“I don’t like him.” The other pouted slightly twisting his lips. “But…I think I can get used to him…”

“What about the twins?” Armin released a long tired sigh. “What do you think of them?”

“The one that was there was worse than Jean.” Eren chuckled a bit rubbing his temple. “But that Marco guy. He seems nice from what I can tell.”

“I think so too.” Armin turned his head looking at Eren. “I hope we make more friends while were here though. Maybe someone who we can both see as one.”

“I hope so too…but it’s gonna take a while.” Eren sighed running his hands over his eyes. “I’m just…I’m so tired of it…making friends, meeting new people. I don’t need it.”

“You may not need it…” Armin tried to choose his words carefully. “But…wouldn’t it be nice?”

“I guess…” 

Their conversation about it ended there for the night as they quietly drove all the way home. The apartment was just as they left it. Filled from wall to wall with boxes and a mattress leaned against the wall in the main bedroom. It took a couple of minutes and a few close encounters with the window, but they managed to get it made. 

“Should we even bother making the other mattress?” It would be pointless to spend anymore more of the night setting up another mattress if they already decided to share the bedroom together.

“Nah, we should be fine for tonight.” Eren yawned while stretching. “We can look around for something bigger later. I don’t know about you, but I really need to sleep.”

The blond nodded then gulped as he watched Eren carelessly pull his shirt over his head. Eren had a really nice body. It was like he never noticed. It was more of he tried hard not to because of the dirty images it would bring. He didn’t focus on things like that because it would leave him wanting to touch. Then he remembers all the small touches or accidental innocent touchings. Then that makes him wonder how it would feel somewhere else on his own body. How it would feel like to touch or be touched. How he’d love it all…

“Armin…you’re not going to sleep in your clothes are you?” Eren put his hands on his hips again raising an eyebrow. Shoot! How long had he been standing there?!!

“Ah! No! I forgot I had my pajamas in one of my bags.” Taking the opportunity he fled from the scene. Suddenly living alone with Eren didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore. Oh how Armin prayed it wouldn’t hurt their friendship. But then, he prayed even harder that something would happen by the end of his four years of college here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh!!! Sorry it's been so long I just haven't been in the mood also I accidentally locked myself out.  
> I've had a few days off, but I've been relaxing more or more of trying to so stress doesn't get to me.  
> I had a panic attack that recently happened and I've been trying to pull myself back together again. : (  
> Thank God I wasn't at work. That's one of my biggest fears is that I'll get like that at work. 
> 
> Ah, sorry, sorry I feel so bad talking about all this cause I don't want to get anyone down or more worried.  
> It happens and all I can do is try to bounce back from it. I oddly find it comforting that I know I can. : )  
> Next chapter hopefully soon...ish.


	13. Lyrics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> are the soul of the music put into words.

The next morning Eren was a little startled by the blur of yellowness in front of him. It took him a moment to remember that he was traveling with Armin and that they ended sharing a small bed. It took him even longer to remember they weren’t in a hotel or a motel, but in fact in their apartment. That last thought brought a smile to his face and he laid back down after calming himself down. He turned his head and again the yellow claimed most of his vision. Not really thinking about it he ran his fingers through Armin’s blond locks. Yellow…there was a song called that right? Tiredly he let out a yawn which made Armin stir a little closer to him. What were the lyrics again?

“Look at the stars, look how they shine for you…” Eren softly sang to himself. He wasn’t the best singer, but he was told he had a rather soothing tone. “And everything you do…yeah they were all yellow too…”

He paused for a second to readjust himself a little better draping Armin more across his chest. Today they didn’t have any real plans other than getting everything out of the damn boxes…that could wait. Right now he finally just felt…content…it wasn’t happiness, it wasn’t joy, but it also wasn’t sadness or remorse. It had been so long since he felt this way and hell if he wasn’t going to just revel in the moment with Armin by his side.

“I came along, I wrote a song for you.” Again he gently he ran his fingers through Armin’s hair. It was a bad habit of his since they were young. Armin never complained though and he was pretty sure he wouldn’t this time either. “And all the things you do, it was called yellow.”

As Eren continued to sing Armin slowly woke up. He didn’t move, he just opened his eyes and laid still listening. He could hear Eren’s slow heart beat and the vibration of each note. He never told Eren, but he loved it when he would stroke his hair like how he was now. He loved the low tone of his voice and he loved the crisp clearness of each note.

“Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones. Turn into something beautiful…” Eren paused for a moment and his hand stilled. Armin could barely hear it. He knew the next lyric, knew it by heart. Even if Eren was just singing it as the lyric, Armin liked to imagine it was directed towards himself. But…it never came.

“Eren?” Armin’s concern shook Eren out of it. Immediately the hand was gone and the darker haired boy sat up a little straighter.

“What took you so long?” Eren took a moment to stretch his entire body out causing a harmony of cracking bones.

“I was just tired.” Armin sat up holding a hand over his mouth as he let out a short yawn. “You could have waked me up if you were really that much in a hurry to start unpacking.”

“As if.” Eren grumbled out letting his limbs fall limply back on the bed. Just talking about doing all that work made him want to give up on life. No way he would ever get out of bed now.

“Do you want pancakes and waffles?” Okay…so maybe there WAS a way…

The first box they started to unpack was sensibly the one for the kitchen. It wasn’t too hard seeing how they only had a little to begin with. A few pots and pans and of course the waffle maker. Armin reasoned that taking small breaks between unpacking for each room would help them stay more focus instead of trying to get everything done non-stop. It would also give them time to eat or rehydrate which meant a more steady supply of energy. He went further scientific details, but that was when Eren started to tune him out. Sometimes when the blond talk about things like now it would often go over his head.

Once breakfast was finished they started to clean the rest of the kitchen before unpacking more. In between cleanings meant they could relax without worrying and in more comfort later. While they were cleaning Eren notice how Armin wore a bandana as he cleaning the ceiling fan. He didn’t take it off after and just kept sweeping and scrubbing the floor with a sponge. It really reminded him of someone.

“You know who you remind me of right now?” Eren smirked leaning on the mop he was using on the easier areas. Armin stopped and looked up with curious eyes. “Cinderella.”

“Cinderella?” Armin wrinkled his nose making Eren laugh. “Why her? “

“Because you’re cleaning and you’re blond.”

“Rapunzel cleaned and she was blond too.”

“I didn’t know you were such a Rapunzel fan.”

“I’m not. Also that’s not the princess I would choose to represent me.” Armin lifted his nose up holding his head high.

“Oh yeah? Then who would you choose?” Eren smiled then went back to mopping. It was nice to have these kinds of pointless conversations again. Something just the two of them could share.

“I think you may already know the answer to that one.” The blond picked up his bucket and poured it down the sink.

“Let’s see…” Eren walked over with his mop squeezing out all the dirty water it had collect so far. “I’m guessing definitely not Ariel after that long rant you had about The Little Mermaid.”

“If you look at the facts—“

“I heard you the first time.” Eren defensively held up a hand with a nervous chuckle. “I’m guessing you’re going more by personality than looks.”

“You’ve guessed right.” Armin was curious to see what would be Eren’s final answer.

“Maybe Aurora seeing how you were knocked out cold this morning.”

“Snow White slept as well.”

“True…then what about…Jane from Tarzan?”

“What? She wasn’t a princess.”

“She has a Disney princess spirit.” Armin couldn’t help snorting at this. “Fine, fine…why do you have to be so technical about everything?”

“So you can’t cheat.” The floor looked clean enough. “One more guess.”

“One more, huh?” Eren rubbed his chin lightly trying to concentrate. “Then I’m gonna say Belle.”

“And why’s that?” If he said because she was a nerd…

“Because you both read a lot.” Okay, that he could deal with. “And both nerds.”

“Do you want a sponge to the face?” Armin coldly replied holding up said sponge in a threatening manner. Eren blocked his face.

“No thanks!” Armin rolled his eyes and put both sponge and pail away under the sink. “What about me?”

“Huh?” They were still talking about princesses…sadly Armin couldn’t say he couldn’t ever imagine them not talking about them.

“Which one would you pick for me?” Inside he was hoping for someone awesome like kick ass Mulan.

“Jasmine.” The response was so quick Eren wondered if he actually thought it over beforehand.

“Jasmine?”

“Because you’re both so passionate when you’re angry.” Armin quickly ducked from the mop that was swung at him.

“Haha, this is payback for calling you a nerd princess, isn’t it?”

Before Armin could make a witty retort the doorbell rang. The two of them looked at each other not sure what to do. Normally Mikasa would answer the door at home. Her curt blunt responses chased away most door to door salespeople or religious recruits. It was a weird feeling being the “adult” now. Armin suspected more of these kinds of situations would start occurring. Hopefully they would learn to adjust accordingly.

“Hi! Connie told me all about you!” The girl at the door shouted as soon as the door was open. It threw Eren off and he had to physically back away from her for a second. In that small second she managed to get her foot into the door and enthusiastically shook Armin’s hand. “I’m Sasha! Connie’s fiancé! He told me I should stop by and say hi!”

“Oh…Oh!” Armin smiled happily at her returning her handshake. “Yes! I heard so much about you! Would you like pancakes or waffles?”

“Damn, I wish I could.” Sasha’s face looked deadly serious for a moment. “But I have to go to work.”

“Oh, all right. Maybe next time then.” Eren was starting to wonder if he even existed right now. As quickly as she arrived she left closing the door right behind her.

“Another new friend?” He asked as they returned to their domestic cleaning and unpacking.

“Yes, I think so.” The looked very accomplished and proud of himself. If you counted Jean and the twins, they made at least five new friends within the day they were at their new apartment. All of them, minus Marcus, were very welcoming and friendly. “I met Connie while you were helping out Samuel.”

“You really shouldn’t talk to strangers.” Eren made a mental note not to leave Armin alone again like that. Not only was it dangerous, but he didn’t want Armin to start inviting other random strangers into their home. Maybe Armin was more like Snow White than he thought instead of Belle.

“You were a stranger once.” Armin frowned slightly then smiled. “Imagine how different things would be if we didn’t know each other like we do now.”

“That ridiculous.” Eren looked around at the next box that needed to be unpacked. “We were never strangers.”

Both of their mothers were childhood friends who did everything together. They went to the same elementary, high school, college, and were roommates together. They even get married their husbands in the same church and planned their honeymoon together. For a while, all four of them lived in the same apartment until they were able to find two houses next to each other to move into. It was the kind of closeness regular people thought to be unnerving or unnatural, but to them there simply wasn’t another way of living they would have rather had.

They took out the fence that separated their yards giving the children one of the largest places where they could play all day in. Meals were eaten outside on the porch and everyone would share in it. Whenever someone talked about wanting to go somewhere for vacation, they either went together or offered to take care of the kids for them while they were away. Their fathers even though not as close as their mothers were still fairly close. Eren’s dad was slightly older and they were more like brothers to one another. Armin’s dad even though younger was really knowledgeable which made for random projects the two of them could work on such as building a catapult or a backyard water slide.

Those were the days, always filled with love and laughter…

“You’re not planning on making me do all of this by myself are you?” Eren raised a hairy eyebrow throwing the bundle of used tape at him. Armin jumped slightly then shook his head making his way over.

“No, that wasn’t my intention.” He sighed looking at the sides of the boxes.

They needed the living room one next. It would take a little longer seeing how both of them were movie and music fanatics. It took them hours to just decide which ones to bring. While Eren was perfectly fine with his itunes accounts, Armin was still a traditionalist with CD’s and vinyl records. Cassettes were nice, but a hassle to try and fix if the ribbon was tangled or broken much like VHS.

“What’s this?” Eren curiously pulled a box over that read ‘Armin’s collection.’ The blonde’s blood ran ice cold.

“Eren! Wait!” Now even more curious the darker haired boy took out his keys and opened it. What he found inside didn’t surprise him, but he was still a little shocked.

“Armin…when did you get such a large collection of porn magazines?” Armin could just curl up and die right there. Still he thanked whatever deity that was out there that Eren didn’t actually take anything out. The top was just a security precaution if something like now ever happened. Underneath it was his REAL collection which didn’t have any women involved with it.

“I-I read it for the articles!” It was partly true. “And for art reference!”

“What kind of art are you drawing? Porn art?” Eren enjoyed watching Armin squirm a little.

“If you have to call it something please don’t call it THAT.” Armin put his hand over his face then walked over taking his box to the study area.

“What SHOULD I call it then?”

“Adult literature.” Eren laughed shaking his head and continued with the rest of the boxes. Armin was a normal healthy young male with physical needs he guessed…normal…how Eren wished he could be like Armin sometimes and not...not like himself. “Eren?”

Armin stood in the doorway with a serious expression. For a split second, he wondered if he did anything wrong. It wasn’t until the smaller boy walked over and gave him a hug did he react. This was one of the best things about the two of them. When one was hurting the other always just knew. They didn’t need words, even though now and then words were perfect, they just understood. Eren was NOT broken no matter how many people ridicule him for not having a “healthy” sexual appetite. His orientation was NOT a cry for attention. He was NOT traumatized in a way that would make any kind of relationship possible. Most importantly he was NOT alone. There were others out there just like him.

“I’ll try to hide them better next time.” Armin tried to lightly laugh and brush off the heaviness he felt from Eren. “I know how uncomfortable they make you. I swear it’s only magazines tho.”

“You don’t have to apologize for being normal, Armin.” Eren smirked messing up his hair.

“And you don’t have to apologize for being different.” There was a little stab of guilt in his heart as he said this. He wasn’t as “normal” as Eren thought him to be. It did feel like lying to him, but someday he would let him know. Not necessarily about the undying love he held for him, but the fact that he was gay. Again baby steps, he told himself.

Maybe one of their new friends could even help him out in this area. You never know. For some reason Connie felt like someone he could openly talk about this to. Maybe Jean, but there was still so much he didn’t know about either of them yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While being interview about the meaning behind the song "Yellow" their reply was that:
> 
> "yellow" has absolutely no meaning whatsoever and while writing the rest of the song he tried his best to change yellow to something else since every lyric before yellow made no sense but in the end the word "yellow" just sounded right.
> 
> I find that just a fun little fact and illustrates what Eren is feeling towards Armin at this stage. :) 
> 
> Incase some out there may not know, you can find Soul Compass sketches here: http://traitorofsanity.deviantart.com/gallery/54792906/Soul-Compass


	14. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aren't always for sharing...

“What time is it?” Eren leaned his head back against the couch as he openly asked Armin who was determined to do a second cleaning on the fridge. They somehow accomplished their goal for that day. All boxes were empty and properly put into their rooms accordingly.

“It’s nine…too late to order anything.” Armin glanced up at the felix cat clock. Personally he didn’t like it much having the feeling of eyes watching him every second, but it was a gift from Mikasa. If she should come and it wasn’t up he feared not only the consequences, but the guilt.

“No it’s not.” Eren tiredly argued back this time kicking his feet. “There was a Taco Bell somewhere. Those are always open.”

“Do you remember where it was?” One last scrub just to be sure. No telling WHO had the fridge before them. You could never be too careful.

“No…I thought you would.” When the silence continued Eren groaned even more melting off the couch and onto the ground. “Arrrrmmmiiinnn…”

“Don’t.” Armin blushed making sure to stay hidden behind the fridge.

“I’m so hungry…” The other man did an undignified flop onto his belly glaring over at Armin’s backside. Clearly this was a battle of wills. Groaning seemed to get attention when he wanted or soon discovered. Taking a deep breath he bellowed out as indecently as he could. “ARRRMMMIINN…”

“All right already!!” Armin dropped the sponge he had in his bucket furiously wiping his hands down his shins biting his lip to keep himself from getting too mad at Eren. If he showed his frustration Eren would surely push the subject which would embarrass him even more.

“Yes.” Eren cheekily grinned rolling onto his back and quickly sitting up.

“I think I remember…” Armin dried his hands then closed his eyes to concentrate while putting his finger on his cheek. “I’m sure there are other fast food places we could look for too.”

“You drive.” Eren smiled holding the door open for the blond. “I’ll pay.”

“I like the sound of that.” Armin smiled back lightly blushing.

“I’m only doing what any gentleman does for their lady.”

Eren teased as Armin walked by. Without thinking he pulled Armin by his shoulders while playfully kissing his cheek. Eren wasn’t sure what caused it, maybe it was a mixture of sleepiness, tiredness, and hunger, but it was a big enough deal that both of them froze for a moment. Luckily Armin chose to just laugh it off and shake his head. Eren pulled his arm back nervously stuffing his hands in his pockets. He chose to also shrug it off, but his insides were turning. That was the first time he kissed someone other than his parents in a long time.

As they were getting into Eren’s truck they heard a shout out from the distance.

“HEY! HE -MAN!!” It was Connie…and his pack.

“Drive. Hurry.” Eren lowly growled out seeing all the various breeds of dog. Next to cats, he hated dogs. He hated most and more likely ALL animals if he was honest. To his disappointment, Armin loved ALL animals. Seeing Connie and his furry friends definitely sparked his interest and he shut the door of the truck waiting for them to come closer.

“Oh! Hi Connie.” Amin gleefully greeted him shaking the hand he offered when he was close enough. “It’s a little bit late to be walking your friends, isn’t it?”

“Last pee walk for the night.” Connie grinned. “My girl told me she said hello to you guys this morning.”

“Oh yes! It was a rather short hello though.” Armin paused then motioned down at the canines. “Can I?”

“Sure! Go ahead! They love the scritches!” Connie laughed loudly watching Armin get down on one knee to affectionately scratch and itch behind all of their ears. A few of the smaller ones tried to even jump on his lap. “Where are you two heading?”

“None of your business.” Eren was already sitting sourfully in the cab.

“We’re going to get something quick to eat.” Armin purposely ignored his best friend slash crush. “We finished unpacking today.”

“Mind if we come?”

“Yes!” Eren was now leaning over the driver’s side window. “Let’s go already! I’m starving!”

“What about—“Armin worriedly looked down at the dogs.

“No prob! I can put them in back.”

Connie gave Armin a reassuring smile easily jumping in back. Needless to say Eren started to loudly protest while inside pressing his face against the window of the backseat. Before Armin could ask Connie gave a sharp whistle. With that all five dogs leaped up into the back. One of the smaller ones overleaping, but caught safely in the arms of his caretaker. Armin stood there clearly amazed.

“Wow! They’re really well-trained!!” Connie flashed him a thumbs up.

“Hell yeah!” 

“Great. Can we GO now?” Eren gave up leaning his head against the seats.

Armin nodded opening the door again while Connie made sure all the dogs were safe. It wasn’t too far and again the night was with them. Armin supposed the cops had more important places to be. The dogs seemed fairly used to riding in the back of a truck which made him wonder if they did it often. Connie opened the back window only slightly so he could talk to Armin as they drove.

“Can you get something for me and Sas’? I swear I’ll pay you back!”

“Um, well, you see…” Armin glanced at Eren for a moment slightly biting his lip. With a sigh Eren looked at Connie and nodded. Noticing it was Eren and not Armin giving the approval, Connie made a side note to make sure to do something extra nice later for the fella.

“Thanks a ton! She’s gonna love having something a little extra tonight.”

“Does she always let you go by yourself at night?” Armin had to shout just a little bit to make sure he could be heard. “I know I wouldn’t feel safe if Eren was out this late.”

“Like I would WANT to.” Eren laughed a little. Armin could be such a mother hen at times.

“Nah, I’m fine and I do this all the time.” Connie lifted his arm up pretending to flex. “Plus have you seen these guns. They should be illegal.”

“Well, you do have a lot of dogs with you. I suppose you’d be safe enough.” Armin gave Connie a look that made Eren laugh louder. It was rare to see this side of the blond. Or more of seeing Armin being so playful with someone he just met. It was a good sign.

“Yeah, she ain’t like how Jean used to—“ Connie instantly stopped himself biting his tongue. The conversation quickly died at that…until Eren asked.

“What the hell did that asshole do?”

“Eren---“ And he meant it too no matter what scolding tone Armin used. So far he liked Connie more than Jean, but Marco most out of all of them. Connie gave a small weary smile.

“Nah, man. He didn’t do anything. It’s all water under the bridge now, but thanks.” One of the larger dogs seemed to notice the mood and pressed more of its weight against Connie catching him by surprise and making him almost fall over. The military buzz man turned back to the canine and smiled loving back while scratching crazily behind its ears.

Thankfully it wasn’t long until they found a local fast food joint which their native assured them was a piece of heaven smothered in greasy goodness. After deciding their order he took the money Eren gave him and stood in line for their order. Quickly and carefully he brought it to the window and hopped again in back with his part safely tucked underneath his arm. Even Eren was slightly impressed by the few glances he stole seeing Connie eating peacefully as the dogs obediently sat beside him. (Not to say the man didn’t share a few offered bites to them) It was an odd comforting silent drive back with the radio softly playing in the background. Eren really liked it…it felt…like home again.

“Are you sure you don’t want a ride back, Connie?” Armin watched as the man jumped out with all five dogs following him.

“Nah, dude. It’s literally just behind your apartment.” Connie laughed collecting the leashes in one hand. Not that he really needed them. It was just so the cops didn’t get on his case. “This way she’ll think I walked ALL the way over there just for her and I get a little something-something from her.”

“You’re horrible.” Eren called back rolling his eyes. 

“I know.” Connie openly laughed waving good-bye to them as they left to park again.

“Hey Armin…” After the blond killed the engine he paused looking at the other. 

“Yes, Eren?” Eren handed him his meal and soda.

“Hold this for a second.” With that he took off into the apartment, but returned back quickly with a few this in hand.

Before he could ask, Eren opened the tailgate and arranged the thick comforter and fixed some of the pillows around. He opened the window that separated them to take their food and carefully set it aside. Catching on Armin smiled closing it and getting out of the main cab to join him in back. Wordlessly Eren held out a hand to him and helped him jump in. Without a word they laid down looking up into the dark starry night while eating their meals.

“Just like home.” Armin spoke first.

“Better than home.” Eren smiled a little before gathering up their trash tossing it into the far corner. He laid back down with his hands more comfortably behind his head. Armin readjusted himself as well, but chose to clasp his hands together over his midriff. He was so full right now he could easily fall asleep.

Too bad a car came at exactly that moment to ruin their peace.

The car screeched a little not too far from them parking or at least making a very sad attempt to. Irritated Eren turned to sit up, but Armin’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. The darker skinned man started to say something, but froze seeing the terrified look on the other’s face. So instead he laid back down next to him listening to see if the strangers would just pass them by. The voices were nothing, but drunken garbles at first. As they drew closer it clear who they were.

“Sssee! I told you I coulddoit!” Marcus slurred just slightly.

“I’m NEVER going out with you again.” That sound a bit like Marco.

“Ha! That’sswat you said LAST time!” There was a small scuffle of shoes.

“I’ll never understand why you get yourself so drunk like this.” Marco’s voice was a little more strained. They couldn’t see it, but it was fair to assume Marco was trying his best to help his twin get to wherever it was that they were going.

“Hey…that’ssnot our place…”That helped to answer that question. Eren bit his lip a little trying not to laugh at them. He looked at Armin who had his hand over his mouth doing the same.

“You’re right…Marcus!” Marco let out a groaned and heaving sound trying to lead him back into the car. “Why did I even—come on. Let’s go.”

“Must’ve been mmuuscle memory.” Marcus grumbled out. A few more steps were taken before there was a loud bang against the side of their truck. Armin obviously startled clung desperately to Eren. The force against the vehicle also sent the two of them rolling a little pushing them even closer.

“Careful! You’re lucky you didn’t set off the alarm on that car.”

“Itt’ssa TRUCK. Even I can see…see…”Marcus never did finish that sentence. “Hey…we’re twinsss right?”

“Um, yeah. We are.” Marco managed to get Marcus to follow him again. They were almost back inside of the car and on their way home.

“We’re sooo sssexy.” Marcus stood for a moment squishing the sides of Marco’s face. “We’re the sssame!! YOU and I!!”

“Ow, you’re hurting me.” Marco pulled away and kept pushing him forward.

“How come…how he can’t sssee that, huh?” Marcus’ tone was a little less drunk. “Fuck…we’re the same…but goddamn he’s so fucking…”

“Come on, nearly there.” Marco tone became a little more gentle maybe even…understanding?

“Why?” By now both Armin and Eren decided to peek over the side of the truck.

It was getting interesting like the beginning of a mystery novel. Marco opened the passenger seat this time and gently lead his twin inside. That was when Marcus whipped around pushing his brother inside instead. He only half succeed falling down on top of him. Only their tangled feet were visible, but Marcus’ shouts were still drunkenly loud. There was a bit of a struggle as Marco tried to get back up.

“WE’RE THE FUCKING SAME GODDAMIT!! WHY SHOULD IT MATTER!!?” Marcus pulled his arm back looking as if he were about to strike his sibling.

At the last second he chose to punch the seat below Marco instead. Eren and Armin were ready to intercede at this point. There was a pounding in both of their ears. Brothers or not, to let it escalate to violence wasn’t worth finding out what it was that they were previously talking about. Marco’s body stilled then in a hushed tone he said something. Something that made the other choked out a broken sob. Slowly Marco sat up and reached out hugging his drunken twin. 

“I’m sorry…don’t worry…it will be okay.” Marcus sagged into the embrace and that was when Armin and Eren both shared a look. This was something private. Something they weren’t meant to see.

The two of them laid back down once making sure nothing violent was about to happen. Something didn’t sit right in either of their hearts. For Armin it was again that feeling of relating to a point with Marcus. He had said, “he” …did that mean Marcus had a crush on a guy? Someone both Marco and Marcus knew? Did Jean know about this? Should he call Jean to let him know what they just saw? What could they do without making matters worse or embarrassing them? So many questions, but not a single solution he could go through with. This was a private matter…therefore it didn’t concern them. Then again…they were just starting to get to know one another.

Eren on the other hand was disturbed more for Armin. The look of terror when the twins first hit the side of the truck. The way he shook in his arms for a moment he truck was rocking. Armin wasn’t one to lose his cool so quickly. Then there was that moment when they though Marcus would surely strike his twin. Armin clenched the side of the truck so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Yes, it was scary, but he could tell something in Armin was shaken. Something that was hidden so deep that Eren failed to noticed…this disturbed him. Were there other things he didn’t know about him?

Tomorrow…he’d ask him about it tomorrow…because tonight…

He knew Armin would need someone to be there in case he couldn’t sleep.


	15. Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can be some of the cruelest people.

That night Eren didn’t sleep too well needless to say. As predicted Armin was a little more clingy than usual. It definitely made it difficult to quietly get in and out of bed. He woke out at different ungodly hours and nearly jumped out of skin when he woke up with Armin’s face nearly touching his. Today was already starting out to be a long day. The issue of last night’s scene played fresh in his mind and felt like it was gnawing away his sanity. It scared him too. How was he supposed to start such a serious conversation?

“Eren?” Armin’s voice was hoarse and his hair uncharacteristically messy.

“I’ll get you some water.” The blond tiredly nodding while rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. With that Eren carefully untangled himself from Armin’s embrace and made his way to the kitchen.

Mentally he prepared himself for the serious talk he would soon have, but nothing prepared him for what was laying in the sink looking up at him. He couldn’t control the short scream that left his lips. Armin’s eyes instantly snapped open as he shot out of the bed. His foot was caught briefly causing him to tumble, but it didn’t stop him from speeding over to his friend. He managed to steady himself with the edge of the doorframe. Before he could ask what had happened he was shocked by the image in front of him.

Eren…was cuddling a little ball of mixed fur against his chest with one of the gentlest smiles he had yet to see. Not noticing Armin’s entrance Eren traced his finger up and down the small kitten’s nose cooing over the softness of its coat. The kitten let out a small mew before forcefully pushing its face against Eren’s hand demanding more affection. The other man let out the quietest of laughs lifting the kitten up rubbing his own cheek against it. If it were ever possible, Armin swore he could have a heart attack and a slight boner for a split second.

“I thought you didn’t like cats?” Nice. Armin sarcastically scolded himself. He could have taken advantage of Eren not noticing his presence and gone to the bathroom instead.

“I don’t.” Eren didn’t take his off the kitten for even a second. “I love kittens though.”

“It must’ve snuck through the window.” Armin decided to walk over and shut it before anymore furry surprised decided to join in. Already he started feeling a little jealous by all the attention his crush was drowning said kitten in. “We can take it to a shelter later.”

“Shelter?” Eren looked up frowning. “Why?”

“Eren, we can’t take care of a kitten.” Armin sighed putting a hand on his hip.

“Connie has all those dogs.” Eren pouted. It was hard for Armin not to laugh.

“If the landlord finds out that will be another fee on our apartment.”

“What if I can find a job to pay it?” Eren held the kitten closer to his chest protectively. “It didn’t do anything. It just wanted a place to sleep. Those shelters will kill it in a heartbeat.”

“You said yourself. You don’t like cats.” Armin sighed taking a step closer taking a good look at the feline. “You’re going to take care of it until it’s no longer cute then we’ll have to take it in either way. It’ll have a better chance if we can take it in young than older.”

“I won’t because it will be our cat.” Our cat. For some reason it made Armin blush, he couldn’t look Eren in the eye. How was it that Eren could always say the childish notions that made his heartbeat so fast. The kitten decided to turn and look directly at him in that exact moment letting out a tiny chirp as if siding with Eren. Already the animal was choosing favorites.

“You have one week.” Armin sighed heavily looking at the kitten then reaching over to pet its head. The kitten closed its eyes and purred loudly. Maybe having a kitten wouldn’t be so bad, but he still worried that Eren would get tired of it like most things. When he pulled back he noticed the brilliant shade of light blue eyes it had.

“Didn’t you use to have a pet at one point?” Eren curiously probed turning back to the sink. He put the plug inside and made sure the water was warm. The kitten had no reaction, but curled a little tucking its feet more underneath itself.

“My uncle got me a bearded dragon once.” Armin handed Eren the Dawn dish detergent watching him slowly start to bathe the kitten. It didn’t make a sound as it was slowly soaked into the water. In fact the feline looked as if were enjoying the water closing its eyes and purring. The reaction made Eren perk up and he gave Armin a tight lip smile before focusing on sudding it up.

“I never really hear you talk about your other relatives.” Okay, that was a small start in the direction Eren wanted to go. It helped that he was doing something as he was talking. It just seemed to make things easier.

“We’re not really all that close.” Armin’s clamped his mouth shut looking a little uneasy. Eren waited curiously waiting for Armin to elaborate. The fact that he didn’t was one of the first red flag. Briefly the image of minesweeper flashed in his mind.

“A lot of them lived out of state right? Only your grandparents lived close by.” Armin crossed his arms looking away to the side avoiding Eren’s stare. All he did was nod. Internally Eren let out a frustrated groan throwing his arms in the air. “Did something happen?”

“No. Some family just aren’t close. It’s fairly common, Eren.” Ouch…okay…that was weird…Armin blinked a few times as if realizing how harshly that came out. He let out a deeps sigh and turned to face Eren.

“Towel.” Eren kept Armin’s stare trying to hide how nervous he was.

Armin blushed a little jumping then looked around grabbing a small kitchen towel. When the kitten was thoroughly rinsed he gently squeezed off some of the excess water before lifting it up. Armin stepped forward wrapping the feline snugly in the cloth. Eren quietly thanked him holding it close to his chest once more. Once again Eren looked down at the kitten with fondness as he stroked it from its nose to the back of its head.

“You look really good like that.” Armin blurted out. If Eren weren’t so focused on Armin he would have missed it. He was even more sure he wasn’t supposed to hear it by the way Armin blushed and tightened his lips when he looked up at him. Curiously he raised his eyebrow.

“Like what?” Watching Armin squirm was one of his favorite things to do. The blond puffed his cheeks a bit then looked at the ground. His blush grew deeper and spread down his neck and on the tips of his ears. What WAS he thinking about? Was it really that embarrassing?

“….u…loo…ike…er…” Armin mumbled out hiding his eyes underneath his bangs. Not really caring or thinking, Eren reached out pushing up those bangs and leaned in close to Armin’s face with a smirk.

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.” Those big blue eyes grew small and Armin’s whole body went rigid. Instantly Eren regretted whatever it was he did to make the other react like this.

“You look like a mother.” Armin spoke quickly blushing even more after hearing himself. The two of the stared hard at each other until Eren who pulled away laughing hard almost dropping the small animal in his arms. “Eren! You’re going to drop her!”

Eren handed the kitten to him before dropping to his knees clutching his stomach. Armin took a moment to sit on the chair near the kitten table and couldn’t help pouting. He conveniently placed the kitten over his…problem…seeing Eren looking so domestic…it was waking up some kind of fetish in him. He just KNEW it! Once Eren finished his laughing fit he stood up with a bright smile. He stood up taller crossing his arms with his eyes still laughing. He was really getting a kick out of this. He gave Armin one more look then shook his head chuckling as he pulled a seat out and sat across from him. Eren put one elbow on the table and leaned the side of his head against it still looking at Armin. All these stares…they were turning Armin’s stomach upside down and inside out.

“Armin…what happened?” Eren didn’t even bother hiding his concern anymore. His expression changed only slightly as he continued to speak. “You were really scared yesterday in the truck when tweedle dee and tweedle dum came along. I’ve never seen you look so scared. You were crying in your sleep last night too. I need to know.”

“Do you always have to be so blunt?” Armin looked down again turning his face away for a moment. He couldn’t handle the directness. Gently he felt Eren turn his face by his chin back towards him.

“Please, Armin.” It wasn’t a question.

“Some of my cousins…” Armin licked his lips then cleared his throat. Eren pulled back just a little giving him space. Armin lifted the kitten up and held it against his chest mindless scratching behind its ears as he tried to continue to talk. “T-they went to the same school.”

“What?” Eren bit his tongue. He needed to be more patient.

“A few were the bullies you would chase off. That’s also why I never wanted to tell my parents about it...” Eren suddenly felt sick to his stomach. “They didn’t know what they were doing when they left me alone with them at the last family reunion we attended.”

“What happened?” Eren didn’t want to hear it. Part of him knew it, the other half wanted to deny it. He was sure he HAD to hear it.

“They were really nice to me when the parents were around. We played a little and I trusted them too quickly. One of the older boys wanted to show me something up in his room so I followed them.” Armin paused to clear his throat. “They closed the door and started pushing me around. I couldn’t help crying because I was really scared of what they were going to do. They laughed and called me a girl and wanted to find out if I really was one…”

“Armin.” Eren put his hand on top of his and pressed his palm against Armin’s cheek. “I’m sorry. You don’t—“

“They were going to do horrible things…but I fought back.” Tears ran down Armin’s cheek, but he smiled looking directing at Eren. “I fought back and gave one of them a black eye. Just like you and Mikasa taught me that one summer. It gave me enough time to hide in the closet, but I couldn’t block it with anything. So I pushed against the door with my feet and screamed. They nearly got in a few times, but I kicked at it smashing their fingers. I can remember the blood on the doorframe.”

Eren slowly place a hand over his mouth as he continued to listen. Armin’s parents along with the cousin’s parents rushed into the scene and there was a big roar about who’s kids were responsible. The answer was totally obvious, but the parents refusing to take responsibility. The issue of their children being hurt in the process and shouts and yells about suing the other. Armin’s dad snapped getting into a fistfight with one of the men there which turned into a brawl.

By the end of it, they somehow managed to calm Armin down enough to come out limping. His clothes were missing and found ripped with some blood on them. Immediately his parents assumed the worse and took Armin to the emergency care. They were so relieved knowing Armin had not for a fact been sexually assaulted by his cousins. Still they schedule a few therapy sessions for him to help him deal with the trauma. Eren could remember thinking how strange it was that Armin suddenly became obsessed with writing in several notebooks. How when he asked Armin’s mom about all the scratches and how she replied it was because of their hike. The parents made sure that Eren and Mikasa not know about what happened to help Armin made a slow recovery towards being himself again.

“I’m so sorry.” It wasn’t what he wanted to say, but all he could manage to get out. He felt he should’ve done something. He knew it was impossible, but he felt the need to make up for it. “I’m sorry.”

“Mom and Dad…they didn’t mean to lie to you.” Armin wiped the tears off his face trying his best not to breakdown in front of his best friend. “It wasn’t like anything happened in the end. I’m fine now.”

“How can you fucking SAY that?” Eren growled out making Armin jump. “You’re not fine! Those bastards outta gone to juvie after what they did.”

“It’s my fa—

“I will kick the living shit out of you if you finish that sentence.” Eren’s voice dropped dangerously low as he glared at him. “Don’t you try to make this your own fucking fault. You did NOTHING wrong.”

That was when Armin couldn’t hold it in any longer. He lifted up both hands and put his elbows on his knees as he just cried. The kitten, now long forgotten, stayed still quietly looking up at Armin almost sympathetically manner. No words could describe all the fear, all the carried guilt, and the amazing relief he felt running through him at the moment. His parents told him the same thing, but he never really took it to heart. It was something parents said to their kids to make them feel better. Hearing Eren say it, he felt for once it was really true.

“Armin, Armin, please don’t cry.” Eren leaned forward as much as he could until their knees were knocking against each other. He put his hands on Armin’s shoulders and slowly pulled him close. Gently he cupped the back of Armin’s head holding him firmly against himself. “Please don’t cry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to get this chapter done guys!   
> It was a little difficult for me to approach this chapter and finding a good stopping point.  
> More days off though so expect another update soon! :D 
> 
> Also I did something a little extra for those who stayed with me.   
> It's not much, but please let me know if you like it or not. 
> 
> http://www.mediafire.com/listen/14ohe0ocrcjp9f3/Prolouge_before_the_journey_Soul_Compass.mp3


	16. Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> have fears too...

The rest of that morning went by rather quickly. Eren made sure Armin kept hydrated after crying so much and even left for a little bit to get Armin some of his favorite food. It was also a good way of giving him some private time that he knew he needed. The place wasn’t too far so he decided to go on foot. Halfway home he decided to get a newspaper and check the job section. There could be a chance someone posted here and not online. Gotta keep all bases covered if he was going to seriously keep his new furry companion. Before he left he noticed how the kitten seemed to help calm Armin down a little. A pet was definitely a good idea for the both of them. He remembered Armin telling him somewhere that people with pets tended to have less depression...

“Armin…what else didn’t you tell me?” 

How much did he actually know about him? How many times did he have to even bully Armin into telling him things? Armin was like that now that he thinks about it. Always friend to others, but never really close to anyone, much like himself. The more Eren thinks about it the more he’s determined to help Armin find more friends even if he didn’t really like them…which brought him to another point he needed to sort out.

He glanced over at the parking lot spot and sure enough someone was home. Whether it was the pirate, the slacker, or the serial killer he needed to find out what the hell was going on between everyone to see if they’re really the kind of friends that wouldn’t leave Armin out in the cold. As he got closer he could see another car parked just outside the apartment. As quietly as he could Eren snuck behind the tall stairway that connected the top and bottom floors.

“Are you sure there’s nothing else we can do for you?” Ah, that was the nice one speaking. Who was he talking to?

“Don’t worry about it. It’s my pleasure to help people like yourselves out.” NO…that wasn’t…In spite of his better judgement Eren came out of his hiding place gawking at the man in front of him.

“Tommy?” What was he doing here? The tall cowboy laughed tipping his hat at him.

“Thomas.” Oh yeah…right…”Fancy meeting you here. I just finished helping your friends, I assume?”

“He fixed Sam’s car yesterday night.” Marco gave Eren smile that was brighter than the fucking sun. “He’s really handy. He even fixed our shower.”

“There’s really nothing to it.” Thomas blushed slightly rubbing his nose then glancing back up at Eren with a broad smile. “Do you need a lift to where you’re going?”

“I actually came here to talk to Marco.” Marco looked a little surprised at first, but then nodded before offering Thomas his hand.

“Thanks again Thomas. You are a brave man.” Thomas laughed a little giving him a hearty handshake.

“Like I said. It’s my pleasure.” With that Thomas tipped his hat to Eren one last time giving him a teasing wink. “My offer still stands, Eren. Any time you feel up to it.”

Eren must’ve visibly shivered once Thomas’ back was turned because Marco gave a small confused chuckle asking if he was all right. Shaking his head a bit he said he was fine. Without another word Marco stepped aside holding an arm out and door open for Eren to enter. He hesitated only for a second to double check who else was inside. Marco couldn’t help laughing a little. Eren briefly reminded him of a small suspicious woodland creature. It was kind of cute.

“Jean’s doing a project for a client and Marcus is at the gym. You don’t have to worry about them coming back anytime soon.” Eren felt himself sigh in relief. Truthfully he was a little scared to be here at all by himself. With those two there’s no telling what he would do or if it would end well. He really needed this to work for Armin’s sake.

“Can I be honest with you?” Eren stance changed from cautious to relax as he stood in the doorway frame giving Marco a tired and irritated look.

“Um, yes I suppose so.” Eren looked like he was thinking it over. “I won’t judge you.”

“I know one of them is your twin, but you don’t need assholes like that around you.” Eren thought back to when Marcus came close to striking Marco last night. Both Armin and Eren were ready to intervene.

“It’s not that I don’t need them…”Marco shuts the door and smiles at Eren as he makes his way to the kitchen. “It’s that they need me. Would you like something to drink?”

“Anything’s fine.” It’s strange how one person could complete change the atmosphere of the apartment. Before when it was Jean and Marcus there was so much tension you could slice it with a knife. The room felt dark and the walls like they were enclosing on them. Now it felt very surreal. Eren didn’t notice it at first, but a lot of the tension he was still carrying with him in his shoulders seemed to be lifted.

“You look like something’s bothering you.” Marco sits down next to Eren on the couch carrying two glasses with ice and one coke in the other. There was a Vanilla coke bottle tucked inside his pocket. For some reason that made him snicker. “Sometimes I wish I had three hands instead of just one.”

“Just one? You mean—Oh.” Eren’s smile faded as he pointedly stared at Marco’s prosthetic. At first glance you wouldn’t have guessed it was…fake. Was that even a good way of describing it? Armin could probably think of a more socially acceptable term. “What happened?”

“Nothing, really.” Marco smiles gently totally at ease with the question. It wasn’t the first time he’s been asked that. His response started to go into autopilot. “Marcus and I were parietal craniopagus twins at birth.”

“Listen, what you two do in your own time—“

“What? No.” Marco made a face then laughed. “You didn’t let me finish explaining.”

“Sorry. Armin usually does all the conversating.” Eren nervously put a hand in back of his head glancing away with an embarrassed look. Marco tightened his lips to keep from laughing for a second then took a drink before further explaining. 

“It’s a type of conjoined twins…” Marco paused to gage Eren’s comprehension. “Siamese twins.”

“OH!!!” Eren sat up a little straighter holding up his pointer finger and drink in his other hand. “I know those like in the movies and freak shows right?”

“Yeah.” Marco smiled, but it looked like he was in pain making Eren instantly regret what he said. He didn’t mean to make Marco feel bad. So far the guy was pretty nice letting him in at all and taking the time to make sure Eren understood what he was saying.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Marco shook his head smiling more naturally.

“No need to apologize. I know what you meant.” Something inside Eren...made him feel relieved. What was this feeling. Marco didn’t noticed and continued to explain. “We were connected close to what would have been my other eye. Most of the third arm nerves were in Marcus’ arm so that’s how they divided it. Luckily our brains were separate just in the same cavity.”

“Shit, man…you really got the wrong end of the stick.” Eren gave him a small smile throwing Marco off a little bit. If anyone could get in a word at this point, it was usually sympathetic or horrified at the simple facts that was. Marco couldn’t help smiling back taking another drink before continuing.

“Yeah, to put it bluntly it was the shit end.” Eren went forward slamming his hand in front of his mouth to keep from spraying soda everywhere. Marco let out bellied out a full laugh watching his reaction.

“Not funny.” Eren coughed out giving him a small glare.

“I had a lot of cranial reconstructive surgery and lots of rehabilitation therapy growing up.” Okay Eren looked like he was still with him so far. “When we moved from Texas that was when we met Jean.”

“Then it all went to hell.” Marco gave him a small scolding look.

“It was already hell, Eren.” Marco sighed out looking down at the vanilla coke bottle in his hands. He opened it refilling his glass. “I only ever had Marcus to play with and he had therapy for his arm and check-ups just like me. So we were homeschooled for a bit.”

Marco continued to explain some of his past with Eren who made sure to take it all in so he could tell Armin. This would be something to help him get his mind off things too. Turned out Jean was one of their first friends. They grew up together and Jean treated them the same as any other kids. Marco’s mom was the school nurse and she treated Jean like one of her own sons seeing how she was constantly patching him up from fights. That was actually how all of them met.

“Back then prosthetics weren’t what they are now. Also ones made for kids were constantly changed to keep up with them growing. So they were expensive.” Eren couldn’t even imagine. “We were playing tag with the other kids and I accidentally crashed with Jean. He fell in a way that made it come off. Jean didn’t have a clue what it was and he freaked out like any child would have done.”

“You’re really good at not making him seem like an asshole.” Eren muttered somewhat amused.

“We were kids, Eren.” So was Armin. Eren shook his head a bit and kept listening. “He called me names and Marcus heard and he came running over. They got in a fight and that got the attention of the other kids…they had the same reaction as Jean and by that time the yard duty came over and took us all to the office where my mom was.”

“Some first meeting.” Eren glanced at his watch then looked at the food he had. It was slowly getting colder and colder. “Hey Marco…wanna come over?”

Briefly Marco sat a little straighter with a confused expression on his face. With a reassuring smile Eren motioned to the bag.

“See…Armin’s not in the best mood right now so I went out and got him some comfort greasy food. I’m sure he’d love to hear more about you and the others. Hell you can probably explain all the details of your twin thing to him better than I ever could.”

“Are you sure?” From the way Marco was looking at him, Eren could tell it must’ve been a long time since he had a friend other than his brother and that Jean fella. His heart really went out to him. He was really a lot like Armin. Kind, courteous, and friendly to a fault. Maybe this was the friend Armin needed. Someone who could treat him like how he treats others. No doubt Armin would do the same for Marco.

“Yeah, let go before those two come back.” Eren grinned standing up giving Marco his empty can. Marco took it looking so lost for a second, but then wasted no time putting it in the recyclables before they left.

“All right…let’s go.”

When Marco closed the door behind them Eren wasn’t too sure about his idea now. They walked in relative silence, not a bad silence though. It was nice and even though Marco had one functional eye he really kept an eye out for Eren. Quietly he took note of all the messed up sidewalk and poles that were in between. Before Eren arrived to the apartment he caught Connie dressed in a hoodie and beanie doing something between a skip and a jump not taking notice of them yet.

“Oh hey, it’s Connie.” Eren spoke to himself then raised his hand up waving at him. Connie’s head instantly shot up and he returned the big wave until he noticed Marco. His motion froze for a split second and he looked as if he had seen a ghost. That is until he burst into a loud laugh and rushed over.

“Damn! Hell must’ve frozen over!!” Eren glance at Marco who was smiling, but not really at Connie.

“You look good Connie.” Oh…they knew each other…now that he sees them Eren recalls how Jean and Marcus did mention something about it…”How’s Sasha?”

“Great, great. She’s good.” Connie stopped not too far from them and looked oddly embarrassed over something rubbing the bridge of his nose with his forefinger not looking Marco in the eye. “Haven’t seen you around here in a while. What happened?”

“He’s coming over our place.” Eren raised an eyebrow at Connie curiously. He didn’t know Connie for long, but he could tell this was NOT normal Connie behavior. “What about you?”

“Huh? Oh yeah.” Connie blinked a few times then spun his keys around his finger. “Grocery shopping for my lovely and the puppies.”

“You still have all those dogs?” Marco laughed a little.

“Yep, and there’s twice as many now.” Connie laughed too.

“You’re crazy Connie.” Marco finished shaking his head. Connie shrugged grinning widely.

“I do my best.” Then it came…that awkward silence that just begged the question. What the hell happened between the two of them? “Well, I gotta go. Maybe I’ll drop by too if that’s okay with you Eren.”

“Huh? Oh yeah, sure. Armin would like that.” Eren shook out of his stupor. Something just happened and if felt like someone pulled the wool over his eyes. Connie waved goodbye and went into the parking lot to get his car. “Dude, what was that?”

“…Jean and Connie were really close…It made things awkward after they stopped being friends.” Was all he could get out of Marco. His expression as he told him was torn and sad. If Connie was like how he was now, it must’ve been sad to lose him due to another friend. It wasn’t right and Eren suddenly felt the need to be responsible.

“Well, we’ll all hang out without him knowing then.” Eren puffed out angrily getting his door key ready. The more he thought about it the angrier he felt. “You’re not fucking five anymore. If he doesn’t want to be friends anymore it shouldn’t mean you two can’t.”

“Thanks for your concern, but—“

“It’s not fair, Marco.” Eren paused to look back at him over his shoulder. The look made Marco feel as if he turned into stone, unable to move or look away. It was so intense, and even a little intimidating considering he was probably a good foot taller than him. Eren was proving to be someone…interesting.

“No…it’s not.” Marco smiled gently dropping his gaze to the ground and to the side. “But I can’t lose him, Eren…He needs me.”

“Yeah, well, you have to think of yourself too.” Eren grumbled heaving his body against the door to push it open. “You two really are alike, it’s scary.”

When Eren came into the room he was surprised to find it so messy. Bits of paper were here and there. There were bits of what looked like lunch meat scattered here and there. A blanket that looked like it was just carelessly tossed on the ground. The lamp was on its side and the coffee table was askew. A few of the DVDs were scattered around and the carpet felt a little soaked. All of this was confusing, but what was most disturbing was how quiet it was.

“Armin?!” Eren tried to hide the panic in his voice as he went further into the apartment.

“Over here!” Armin called over from the bathroom. Marco made sure to close the door behind him and waited patiently in the living trying to comprehend what had happened. Eren immediately went over.

“What happened?! Looks like we were robbed.” Eren pressed both of his hands on the door frame leaning in. Armin tried to turn to look at him, but stopped giving a small yelp as the slippery kitten tried to jump out of his grasp.

“Whoa,whoa, easy girl.” Armin managed to get her back under control again.

“How do you know it’s a her?” Eren tilted his head slightly. 

“I looked it up.” Armin pulled the plug and started rinsing her. “And as I was doing that, she got curious.”

“Armin…are you mad?” Eren chuckled a little. It was rare to see him so irritated and flustered.

“She got into everything!” Armin blushed complaining. “And when I came over she started running like crazy and then got stuck behind the couch. Then got stuck INSIDE the couch and—“

“Maybe I should come back another time, Eren.” Marco still having no idea what happened nervously looked around the room. “Did you really get robbed?”

“Oh! Hi Marco!” Armin leaned over with the kitten wrapped in a towel under his arm. He looked back up at Eren. “You didn’t tell me we had company.”

“We have company.” Eren gave Armin a lazy smile then held up the bag. “And I brought you food.”

“Oh, thank you. Trade?” Armin smiled holding up the feline.

“Why would I wanna eat a kitten?” Eren gave Armin a dumb look then laughed before Armin could realize what he meant.

“You’re horrible.” Armin tiredly sighed going back to the living room. “I’m so sorry Marco. I’ll have this cleaned in just a minute.”

“No, sorry I came over without calling first.” Marco turned giving Armin an apologetic look that could make puppies cry. “Do you need some help?”

“Actually…yes.” Armin sighed motioning to the couch as he picked up. “Can you help Eren move that back please?”

“Sure thing.” On cue Eren hurried over and helped fix it. Between the three of them the room was cleaned up in no time.

“Thank you.” Armin looked proudly at the living room. “It’s not every day Eren invites someone over.”

“Call it a special occasion then.” Eren rolled his eyes going to get them drinks. “I thought I should stop by on my way here. Then Marco started doing all this science stuff and I knew I could never explain it right.”

“Science stuff?” Excitement dance in Armin’s eyes as he looked back at Marco.

“Parietal craniopagus twins. “ Marco recited with such ease.

“Wow!” Armin looked stunned and amazed. Then his eyes took that shine to it that meant Marco wouldn’t be leaving for a long time. “Please, tell me all about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I got any of the terms or information wrong about conjoined twins, please let me know.  
> I was trying to reach as much as I could while writing. I hope this sparks an interest out there in someone.  
> Thank you all for reading and staying with me!! This time I made you guys a little something again!  
> Cause I really like doing what I can for everyone to enjoy. 
> 
> http://www.mediafire.com/watch/rw4stuj28duzt16/Soul_Compass_Car_Trip.wmv
> 
> It's a little montage kind of video. After trying to make some character aesthetics inspired from snk-queen I really wanted to do one for Soul Compass. There was so much I wanted to include I just did a video instead. It's their road trip to their apartments and a little spoiler at the end. Images are sadly not mine nor is the music, but I did put it together. 
> 
> So like Sky High would say, "Thanks! And thanks again!!"


	17. Ignorance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is not bliss, it keeps you from growing

As Marco and Armin talked about various books and board games Eren decided to look through one of the papers he had sitting on the ground beside Armin. He was only half listening to what they were saying, but the other half he just had no idea about. Something about Harry Potter? Armin was really into that series, but Eren was only a casual movie watcher. If he read the books like Armin had insisted on so many times then it would ruin the movies for him. (That was his theory anyway) Apparently Marco was a big fan too as well as a couple other fantasy genre novels. That led to talking about Dungeon and Dragons and possible D&D night between the three of them.

“Hey! Eren! You home?!” There wasn’t even a knock first and made Eren jump only a little. Armin looked surprised for and moment then looked down at Eren with one of the biggest smiles he had yet to see. Something awful twisted in Eren’s stomach as he looked up at him.

“Did you invite a friend over, Eren?” The way the blonde’s eyes crinkled at the corners made Eren blush profusely. Stupidly he let out a garble of ‘ummms’ and a few other undistinguishable sounds of confusion making Marco bellow out a laugh. “You did! Didn’t you?!”

“So what? It’s just Connie.” Eren scrambled up to his feet hurrying to the door before he could embarrass himself any more than he already had. So what? Eren could make friends other than Armin! It was illegal or anything…rare, but not impossible. Marco had better stop laughing at him, living saint or not, or he was gonna have to punch him.

“Great! You guys are still all here!” Connie looked like a kid in a candy store when he stepped inside. Eren nodded closing the door behind him. “Hey Mar—WHO IS THIS?!!!”

For a moment both Eren and Armin had forgotten about the kitten in the room. She curled herself right beside Eren as he was reading and was now waking up yawning and licking her paws to wash her face. Connie scooped up the kitten and plopped right on the couch beside Armin. Briefly the blond smiled leaning over Connie’s shoulder gently tickling under her chin. She let out a small squeak then slowly let her head fall back down falling asleep once more. Marco quietly cooed looking down at her. If the kitten wasn’t so small and cute the scene in front of Eren would have been laughable.

“We haven’t picked a name out for her yet.” Armin answered Connie’s previous question in a hushed tone. “I think it’s better that way since we’re not sure yet if we’re going to keep her.”

“Oh, I see…well I know a few no-kill shelters if you ever need help,” The way Connie said this was oddly calming and comforting like if it wasn’t as big of a deal as Eren thought it was. “I can understand. Sometimes I wish though that I could have like huge ass farm for all unwanted animals.”

“Wow, you’ve gotten more realistic in your dream.” Marco jested towards Connie. “Last time you said you wanted a whole country or a city size zoo.”

“Yeah, which would work too. Are you offering?” Connie grinned lifting his head up in a challenging manner. Marco bit his lip to keep from laughing and raised his hands up shaking his head.

“Here, let me get her.” Armin gently scooped the feline up and walked over to their bedroom make-shifting a small nest of blankets to sleep in. She really was too cute and even more adorable when she was sleeping.

Secretly he planned on keeping her even if Eren never did find a job. He just really hoped this would motivate Eren into finding one soon. For the most people part time work was something to be dreaded and hate. For Eren part time work was a challenge and gave him the chance to actually be part of a team. No matter what drama he always ended up telling Armin about, he could tell Eren enjoyed being invested in his work whether fast food or temporary office clerk. For a second Armin felt a small heat grow on his cheeks. Eren looked really good in a tie…he hoped Eren found a job that had a dress code again. It would just add a little something extra to his domestic fantasy of either Eren coming home or Armin being welcomed back home.

Physically Armin shook his head then gently slapped the sides of his face. That was dangerous territory…and material for fantasies later. Argh! Another slap should help Armin’s mind out of the gutter. With a deep sigh Armin rolled his shoulder slowly cracking his neck. While Eren was gone he took most of his time trying to recollect himself. Never in his life did he think he would have told anyone about what had happened.

His psychiatrist used more of a cognitive-behavioral approach to his therapy which taught him ways of replacing negative thoughts and feelings with more positive way of thinking. His parents and grandparents were very involved with helping him recover from the trauma. Armin hoped that he could use his own experience to help Eren slowly recover over his own. If not then at least he knew all the resources well enough to get him the help he needed. Eren…they would need to talk about it, but when the time came…it always felt like that now…so much to talk about without really ever talking about it…

“Armin! Did you fall asleep?!” Eren shouted over. “I can’t understand Marco’s nerd speak!”

“It’s not nerd speak. It’s Nintendo!” Armin pressed a hand over his mouth. “Everyone knows what Nintendo is Eren.”

“I know what Nintendo is. I have no idea who else you’re talking about.” Eren never looked into the small details of the franchises he liked. Marco and Connie would soon find out how simple things were when it came to Eren.

“He’s talking about Satoru Iwata’s death. You know the company president who basically took a pay cut from his own salary so workers would have to suffer from their being docked.” It felt like it should be obvious, but all three reminded silent as if they were competing in a secret staring contest.

“ARMIN!” Eren turned his head shouting a little more desperately.

“Shh! You’re going to wake her up.” Armin managed to keep his poker face as he walked back into the living room.

He paused for a moment then smiled. The warmth in his chest started to spread. This was nice…more than nice. Here they were in their new home entertaining two of their most recent friends sharing in conversation. If this was the closest Armin could get to heaven he would take in instant. After Armin’s re-entrance to the group they all joined in talking in just about everything and nothing. Marco with the help of Connie even taught Armin and Eren how to make cheap snacks from basically nothing. It was truly amazing and a skill Eren was determined to learn for the future. When they sat down again he just had to ask what was on his mind since he witness their awkwardness from before.

“I know you said you knew each other before through Jean—“Both Connie and Marco inwardly flinched. This was bound to come up sooner or later. “But what happened? I tried to ask Marco earlier and he said to ask you.”

“Et tu Marco? Et tu?” Connie dramatically turned to the freckled man with a hand over his chest and the other on his forehead.

“What was I supposed to say?” Marco flustered out tightening his lips and glancing between Armin and Eren. This sparked Armin’s interest as well. Good about Eren, he always asked what the two of them were thinking.

“Sorry, we’re just both curious as to what’s going on.” Armin glanced at Eren who nodded firmly. “You’re both good people and—“

“Nah, I understand bro.” Connie let out a heavy sigh with his shoulders sagging slightly. He gave a nervous laugh closing his eyes tilting to the side a little as he crossed his arms. “Damn, it’s been so long since I had to ever explain to someone. I really don’t know how to start.”

Marco gave Connie a sympathetic look as he gently placed a hand on the center of his back. Connie sat a little straighter for a second looking over at him then again relaxing a little more. You know for one eye, Marco had an AMAZING talent for showing more emotion in one look than most people were ever capable in a lifetime.

“Did Marco tell you how they met Jean yet?” Both Armin and Eren nodded. “Okay so I met them a little around middle school I think or maybe it was Junior high…One of those. I looked a lot different back then. Like A LOT.”

“It would save a lot of time if you just told them.” Marco snipped out before taking a drink of his coke. Connie gave him a look then let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re dragging this for more drama than needed.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll just say it.” Connie slammed his hand on the table looking at Armin and Eren with a determined glare…but nothing happened.

“Wow, you’ve really changed.” Marco added again putting a fist in front of his mouth while turning to the side.

“Shut up! It’s because I actually like them!” Connie looked like he was in so much distress as he shouted at Marco who was trying his hardest not to laugh. “Fuck Marco! No one would ever guess how much of an ass you really are!”

“If you don’t feel comfortable telling us Connie you really don’t have to.” Armin put his hand on top of Connie’s directing his attention back to them giving him a comforting smile that could rival Marco’s. No matter how kind the look, Connie retracted his hand back hitting Armin’s hand away as if the mere touch of it burned. Instinctively Eren moved closer to Armin wrapping his arm around his waist with a protective glare.

“Sorry he didn’t mean to—“ Marco raised his hand up starting to apologize with his hand similar around Connie’s waist.

“What the hell, Connie?” Eren bare his teeth much like a guard dog. “Why did you hit Armin like that?!”

“Eren, I’m fine.” For the first time Armin’s tone towards Eren was cold and harsh making him flinch. The tone sounded really familiar to when Mikasa scolded him. Profusely confuse Eren looked Armin in the eye then frowned release his hold on him putting as much space as possible between them, but still in distance in case anything else should happen. Connie wouldn’t be so lucky to hit Armin again. Accident or not.

“Shit! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry Armin!” Connie shook as he tried to recollect himself. He put his hands on Armin looking as if he was on the verge of crying. “Fuck! I didn’t mean to! You’re like the most honest sweetest guy I ever met! I didn’t mean to do that to you!”

“It took me by surprise, yes. But that’s hardly anything to get angry over.” Armin’s expression melted as he looked deeper into Connie’s eyes. ”There’s still so much we don’t know about each other. I’m sorry if I did anything to make you uncomfortable. It was my fault.”

How badly Eren wanted to argue with Armin. Instead he bit the side of his thumb glaring off to the side. It didn’t go unnoticed by Marco, but Connie reminded completely oblivious. To help lighten the mood again Armin offered everyone refill on their drinks and snacks. Eren took up reading the newspaper again taking a moment to exit the room in search of a highlighter. He found a few possible jobs, but would go apply for them first thing in the morning seeing how most of the day was already over. It was Connie who made a second attempt to discuss more about his relationship with Jean and the twins.

“I use to well, um, you see…”Connie blushed only slightly then groaned putting his chin on the coffee table while puffing out his cheeks. “Goddamn it’s weird when I actually say it to people.”

“Here.” Marco smiled taking out his wallet holding it open to a photo. “This might help.”

“You still HAVE that?!” Connie’s eyes tripled in size as he looked down at the photograph Marco held out.

“…this doesn’t explain anything.” Eren bluntly stated then question. “Who’s the girl?”

“That’s…” Connie gritted his teeth hissing a bit.

“That’s…him, Eren.” Armin could definitely see it in spite of the attire.

Connie hadn’t changed much in his facial features. His hair was longer and a dirty blond color going pass his shoulders. His arm was wrapped around younger Jean’s shoulder and the two of them were playfully displaying “v” with their fingers for victory. Marco and Marcus were also squished in the photograph. Marcus unsurprisingly flipping off the camera and Marco looking at Marcus in pure horror.

“I’m transgendered and I use to cross-dress.” Connie blushed trying to stay as calm as possible to not make a big deal out of it. Eren kept looking at him and then back down at the photograph. “My parents were fine with it. I mean I use to always dress however I wanted. They didn’t make me cut my hair or make me do what I didn’t want to. I guess you could say I was lucky, but the other kids…”

“I bet you had a hard time with the kids who didn’t understand.” Armin gave Connie an empathetic look. He could make a career writing the impact of childhood bullies and the pressures of growing up with a more feminine nature in a “boys” world. Connie seemed to have more in common with him than he thought. Connie clenched and unclenched the hem of his shirt while nodding and keeping his stare down.

“I was friends with Marco at first because he didn’t make a big deal out of it.” Connie looked up at Marco with a small smile. “Do you remember that?”

“Yes. It was the first time I was separated from Marcus.” Marco gave a light laugh. “I didn’t know what to do with myself. The kids kind of kept their distance from me. I met Connie because she was the only other person without a group project partner.”

“Aw man, I HATED when they did that!” Eren growled out recollecting his own experiences. It was a reaction that made them all laugh and lightened up the atmosphere.

“In effect Connie got to meet Marcus and Jean when she came over my house.” Marco could clearly remember the dirty look Marcus gave Connie. Not only because he initially thought Connie was a girl that like his brother, but because Marco had talked a lot about Connie beforehand. Luckily Marcus shared a lot of similar classes with Jean and had no trouble getting along with the other boys unlike his twin. Still he felt like he was slowly being replaced by Connie and would always carry that hate.

“I’m guessing Jean found out at one point and didn’t like it.” Eren held his hand out to Marco who gave him his wallet to further inspect the photograph. “I guess even Horseface looked kinda cute as a kid too.”

“Now that’s just mean.” Marco pouted slightly taking back his wallet in a protective manner making Connie laugh.

“Jean…Jean was my first boyfriend.” Armin blinked a few times then turned to look at Eren who was just as surprised as he was. Connie decided to further explain. “I never told him I was a boy. I would never use the bathroom at the schools and I had really bad asthma as a kid so I was excused from P.E. My parents were fine with us dating so we mostly went over my house.”

“I hate to ask…how the hell did he find out then?” Eren cringed.

“Um, well…” Connie’s face turned as red as a stoplight. “I’ll let you imagine it.”

“Fuck no!” Eren nearly shouted groaning and putting his hands over his face. He did NOT want to picture what Connie was hinting at. There would be no way of ever erasing it from his mind if he ever did. Connie just sat there nervously laughing.

“It was our junior year of high school right after he asked me out to prom. The dumbass thought he was being romantic trying to do it for the first time in his car.” Connie kept his eyes closed as he told them trying to keep what little of his dignity he had left. “He…was freaked out that I never told him and I accept that. I was just so scared to tell him and I really…REALLY liked him and—“

“But you met Sasha later, right?” Marco interrupted Connie to break him out of reliving the whole experience.

Armin and Eren didn’t need to know how Jean had shouted at Connie that night. How his words burned into Connie’s skin making him feel a hundred times worse than all those bullies had. How Jean kicked Connie out of his car and left him by the bluffs without thinking. How Connie had called Marco crying uncontrollably asking if he could pick her up cause it started to rain. Little did Connie know how Jean went to Marcus visibly shaken and scared out of his mind. It wasn’t Jean’s fault that Marcus’ cure to all of life’s problems while in high school was alcohol. Jean was going to make things right going back to Connie, but Marcus had convinced him to have a few drinks instead. It wasn’t Jean’s fault that Marco was scared of stopping Marcus when he was like that.

“Yeah…I met her when I joined a LBGT+ club at college.” Connie’s nerves calmed down almost instantly. Sasha had learned about Connie and still loved and accepted him for all that he was. “She’s gender fluid herself and never judged me or anything.”

“Really? Did you start out as friends too?” Armin couldn’t help smiling. It was always nice hearing about peoples’ ‘happy ending’ after hearing about their hardships. Personally it gave Armin hope for his own little…situation.

“Haha!! God no!” Connie snickers shaking his head. “It was at the first meeting for the club. They had free food and stuff and that’s mainly why Sasha came. She used the cheesy pick up line on me.”

“What did she say?” Eren couldn’t help his curiosity.

“Damn baby is your body from McDonalds?” Connie made sure to keep a dead serious expression making sure to get the impression down perfectly. “Cause I’m loving it.”

The room was silent for a few moments then burst with laughter. Sasha and Connie dated a few times after meeting. After the third date Connie made sure to tell Sasha after hinting at it before. Turned out she didn’t really care because she already decided she loved Connie. When Sasha had asked Connie the same question concerning her gender fluidity his reply was the same. It was Connie’s choice to cut his hair and to get back into the habit of dressing more socially “acceptable” before meeting Sasha’s family. They had no idea about Sasha, but they still loved her very much. For Sasha and Connie no one else really needed to know because they themselves were happy and would always be in love with one another.

“Has Jean ever met Sasha?” Armin ventured to ask.

“Like once or twice…” Connie started to look a little nervous again then leaned on the coffee table with his elbows. “But I haven’t really ever talked to him about…that…or ever brought it up to be honest. I really think its better that way.”

“He drew more into himself.” Marco stated sadly. “Sorry to say this, Connie…but…he really stopped trying to get to know other people after you. But you know he’s always been one to really throw himself in a job so he honestly doesn’t really have the time to hang out with others.”

“Grade A asshole.” Eren held up his fingers shaped as an “O” to make a point the inserted his other finger in just for kicks while looking at Armin with a smirk.

“Oh Eren! Stop that!” Armin blushed grabbing his hands and forcing them flat on the coffee table. He did NOT need that imagery. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter cause I really don't mean to keep you waiting. :D  
> Hooray! Finally wrote more about Connie, Jean, and the twins!  
> I hope everyone enjoyed it even with all the drama.  
> More days off = more opportunities!  
> more comments = more motivation too! :D  
> If you don't mind that is. I just love having some feedback like any writer.


	18. Displacement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even the nicest of people snap sometimes...

After their guests decided to head back to their own apartments Armin decided it a good opportunity to discuss a few things with Eren. One of them being how things would change once he started school at the local college. Eren would be by himself if not job searching and there were a few errands that would require him to know the area a little better. An example would be like the laundry mat or the grocery store. The other thing being finding a good vet for their feline friend now.

“I think I found the perfect place.” Eren started as he helped wipe off the coffee table. He held up the paper with a big smirk and pointed at the ad he circled with red marker. “THIS was that restaurant we were at. Remember? It was really close by.”

“What exactly are they looking for?”

“Just a busboy. Nothing fancy.” Eren shrugged. “But look it pays like $20 an hour. Isn’t that crazy?”

“Hm, it does seem a little suspicious.” Then again after seeing that chef maybe it was a sort of bribe to make someone stay longer. “I’ll support any decision you make, Eren.”

“You make it sound like I’m going to apply at a strip club.” Eren grumbled looking over the paper one more time just in case he might have missed a better employment opportunity. Armin on the other hand looked mortified.

“Don’t be a stripper, please.” THAT would be the last straw and make his brain implode on itself. Then going to college would be pointless.

“I thought you supported any decision, Armin.” Maybe he WOULD look for a stripper job out of pure spite.

“Eren—“ Armin took that tone which warned the other he was about to get into a fight that could only end with grunges and horrible facts thrown in his fact. Probably something about the dangerous of stripping and lack of insurance available to them.

“Okay, okay. I won’t be a stripper.” If anyone were to come right in the middle of their conversation…

“I-if you REALLY wanted to…” Nope. Nope, Armin couldn’t even finish that sentence. His face burst into flames and he slapped his hand over his mouth before he could say anything else. He feared he would soon forget what it felt like to NOT be blushing every ten minutes.

“I’ll keep that as a long resort then.” Eren chuckled. “I mean, can you imagine the insane amount of energy you would need for that sort of job?”

“Stop.” Armin walked away before he could spontaneous combust into flame and ash.

“Are you going to be looking for a job too or just focus on your studies like grammie and gramps wanted?” Eren…would be the death of Armin. He just LOVED how familiar Eren was with the two most important people in his life. Armin turned into the bathroom clutching to the neck of his shirt.

“I-I’m not sure yet!” His grandparents already knew about Armin and his little crush on Eren before he could even make sense of it. Unlike most grandparents too…they loved to tease and encourage it. Grammie by making them hand knitted couple sweaters and Gramps by always accidentally wetting Eren when he was wearing a white shirt. Darn it!! Of all the memories to come up!!

“Armin?” Shock filled his entire body as he looked up to see Eren’s face only a few inches away from his own.

His body tried to put space between them, but banged against the wall making him off balance and slip on the small rug they had in there. Eren’s hand shot out to try and help keep him from falling, but the rug also made Eren loose his footing. In a split second Eren separate his legs to keep from accidentally kneeing Armin instead they both hit against the wall behind him. He got a short shout of pain which shook Armin out of his stupor. With the same concern Armin reached out pulling and cupping the back of Eren’s skull to keep from hitting the cabinets. Eren’s own hands did the same except one was firmly planted on the wall to keep himself from falling any further.

“Fuck…” Eren hissed out his eyes tightly shut. He badly wanted to rub his knees, but didn’t want to let Armin go. “You ok?”

“Y-yeah…” Armin was the first to open his eyes and slowly sat up. Eren decided to just leaned back on one of his arms with the palm flat against the floor. The other went to rubbing the pain out of his knee.

“Shit…out of all the accidents that could have happen.” Eren pushed backing make Armin release his hold on him so that he could press his back against the cabinet. It took Armin a moment to understand what Eren had meant…

“Eren! Pull up your pant leg!” Armin untangled himself in an instant nearly tripping over Eren and started checking the cabinets like a starving man in search for food.

“I’m fine, Armin. Just give me a sec.” His actions betrayed his words as he flinched trying to get back up.

“No you’re not! You just finished recovering after—“ Armin froze stopping his search and looked down with Eren. The car accident! He forgot he wasn’t supposed to talk about it until Eren was mentally prepared to. The breakdown at the hotel and the freak out of the near collision from a few days ago were signs it was still all too early for Eren.

“…it’s fine…” Eren’s body suddenly felt numb, but the look on Armin’s face kept him feeling at least something emotionally.

He wasn’t talking about the pain in that moment. Mikasa had gotten over the death of their parents so much quicker than Eren could. Which meant to Eren it was possible. He could remember her attempts to try and help him coop. It was a kind gesture, but the words were too heartless for him to accept. Armin always knew what could help him…slowly he looked down and started to pull up his pant leg. As much as he hated looking at his mangled up and scarred leg, he knew Armin would never hurt him. He would never make him do anything he didn’t think was necessary.

Armin kept quiet as he found the tin he was looking for and waited until Eren pulled it up as far as he could. On good days Eren was confident enough to still wear shorts in spite of his injury. But never when they were going out where there were a lot of people. He hated all the questions and pity looks they would throw at him. Mostly all the questions cause he wasn’t ever really prepared to answer. His right leg had taken most of the hit when the car crashed into the side of the truck. It was the same truck that they were using now.

Armin kneeled down beside Eren to check his right leg first it wasn’t bleeding, but was a little scraped. Most likely there would be a bruise there tomorrow. Skillfully he took off the lid and dipped his fingers into the ointment. Eren stayed quiet trying to separate himself from the path his thoughts were taking. The substance gave off an odd funk and was darkish in color. It was one of the ones he remembered Grammie always having in stock. Remembering her brought a brief smile to his lips. It felt like she had one in all the drawers in the house, just in reach whenever Armin brought Eren over after a fight or when Gramps came in being too adventurous in his gardening.

“Mmn!” Eren jumped a little pulling his leg back towards himself when Armin’s hair brushed against his skin.

“Sorry.” Armin quietly apologized trying to push his hair towards one side. He struggled just for a moment. One of his hands held tightly onto the tin and the other was covered in the thick sticky substance which he REALLY didn’t want getting stuck in his hair. Hesitantly Eren reached out his fingers lightly brushing against the back of Armin’s neck. “Eren…”

“That stuff stains.” Eren collected Armin’s hair a little better holding it back as he finished applying. They didn’t say much afterwards. The brunette DID notice the light blush on the blond’s cheeks and how he wouldn’t make eye contact. For a second he wonder if he should move to sitting on the toilet, but when he tried to move Armin was quick to scold him.

“I’m almost done.” Armin leaned his head to the side before signaling Eren he was ready to check the other leg. Carefully he stepped over him and kneeled down on the left side. Eren repeated the same action, but this time he couldn’t help rubbing his thumb against the baby hairs at the base of Armin’s skull.

“I’ll need to call Grammie after this.” Eren tried not to flinch when Armin touch a particularly sore spot. His left took most of his weight when he fell and his ankle twisted a little funny. It was the first to hit the wall. The really needed to sand the popcorn plaster walls better in the bathroom or at least talk to the landlord about it.

“Well, they’re going to come down in a week.” Armin squirmed for a bit before settling in a better position. How badly he wanted to do a quick job to get out of this situation sooner, but he couldn’t. Not when Eren was hurt like this because of his own ability to keep his hormones under control. “You can thank her then.”

“They’re too old to drive.” Eren made a face then leaned back against the cabinet looking up at the ceiling above them…popcorn ceiling too…was that glitter mixed in with it? “I can drive them over.”

“You know Gramps…” Armin couldn’t help letting out a quiet laugh against Eren’s leg. “He’d drive blind before letting anyone else drive him.”

“I bet I could convince him.” Eren teasingly dragged his forefinger of the hand that was holding his hair to the inside of Armin’s ear.

The incoherent drabble and squeal Armin released while trying to get away from his offending hand lifted up the mood he was in. He couldn’t help himself. Armin puffed out his cheeks again scolding him as he finally finished with the application. With ease he stood up on his own two feet wiping his hands off on his pants. Eren remained sitting on the ground as if lost in thought. Armin decided to wash his hands as well.

“…Eren…do you want to talk about it?” Such a cliché line. Still, if you didn’t know how else to say something clichés were the best. Armin made it a point to keep his back turned as Eren answered. In no way did he want to pressure his friend.

“…I’m not sure.” Eren sighed out then turned tickling Armin right behind his knee. Armin made a grunt then gave him a small glare.

“You know, I’ve just about had it up to here with all of your bullying.” Armin made a hand motion only slightly above his head before drying his hands on a towel.

“Help me up?” Eren gave him the most innocent look he could muster. “If IS your fault I’m done here.”

“As if I don’t feel guilty enough.” Armin sighed giving Eren a hand getting back on his feet. “What were you going to tell me before we fell?”

“I was going to ask you for the apartment key so I could make a copy of it.” Oh yeah…Armin nearly forgot about that. It would only make sense seeing how they were going to have different schedules from one another now. “And…you kinda looked like you were having a heart attack.”

“What?!” Armin stepped out of the bathroom then gave Eren a suspicious look.

“You were clutching your shirt like this and you weren’t making a sound.” Eren demonstrated on his own shirt blushing only slightly. “You weren’t responding to the first time I called you.”

“I-I was just THINKING Eren.” Uh oh, he was losing control of his emotions again. What was this feeling? Embarrassment? Shame? “You might want to try it some time.”

“What’s THAT supposed to mean?” No, he didn’t want to fight with Eren. There really wasn’t anything to be fighting over. He was only feeling embarrassed because Eren had caught him. There was no need to keep arguing like this.

“Nothing, nothing. I’m sor—“

“Not everyone is made for college.” Eren was mad. “But that doesn’t mean I’m stupid!”

“I never said you were stupid!” Calm down, please calm down.

“You didn’t have to!” Eren moved out of the bathroom pushing pass Armin going to the door angrily looking for the apartment keys. “I’m not even really supposed to be here.”

“Eren—“

“I’ll be back. Just wait here.” With that Eren opened the door and left.

The apartment suddenly felt so cold and lonely. What had happened? The question ran through Armin’s mind as he tried to reassess the situation. The sting in the corner of his eyes crawled to the back of his eyes. Desperately Armin ran and hand through his hair gripping it just tight enough to help him ignore it. What were the steps again? Why couldn’t he remember the darn steps? Armin’s vision started to become blurry. As he blinked some of the itchiness faded away then something wet hit his other hand…

Tears.

Something ugly crawled out of his throat and made him feel awfully sick. A sob, was that him? It didn’t sound like it. He couldn’t breathe, oh God. What was this? Sadness? Regret? Fear? Sadness? Giving into the feeling he sat down on the carpeted hallway curling up against the wall. Another sob pulled itself from his body making it convulse rather violently. No, he couldn’t be crying…what reason did he have to be crying over? Eren wasn’t really mad at him. He was mad about something else and getting defensive over it like he tended to do.

Not too long he’ll come back through those doors with the new spare keys like he promised. He may be a little quiet or even a little guilty for leaving like he did. Then he would apologize or maybe it would be Armin to do it first. Then everything would be fine. Everything would go back to how it was. Maybe Armin would tell Eren how he already planned on keeping the kitten and they would go out to actually buy her somethings and even get her a collar. They could even take her with them and how excited Eren would look while holding her close as they looked around.

“Reow!”

As if psychically summoned, the kitten appeared carefully stepping over towards Armin. The carpet was a foreign texture on her small paws making her do a combination between a hop and a trot. Once her feet were too fast to keep up with she ended doing a small dash and tumbled the rest of the way. Then sight made Armin breathlessly laugh. In that brief moment it felt as if he got a breath of fresh air. Tired from all of the overwhelming feeling Armin decided to focus his energy in taking care of their kitten.

“I’m sorry. You’re probably hungry aren’t you?” Again the small feline gave a kittenish roar. “Right right…come on then.”

Holding her close to his chest Armin made his way to the kitchen. He quickly wiped his eyes with his other sleeve sniffling just a little bit. His eyes still burned just a little, but he could ignore it. He glanced outside for a moment. It was already starting to get dark. Time always flew when you were having fun he guessed. Again another mew and this time it was followed by a nip on his fingers. Someone was starving. Glancing at what was in the fridge nothing was really suitable for kittens. He could try going over to Connie’s to ask for help…but Connie only had dogs. He was pretty sure there were certain elements in dog food that would be hard for cats to digest especially if it was a kitten. Dairy products were a big no-no he found out while looking it up on the net. Apparently cats were lactose intolerant, who knew? Then…well…he recalled Marco had a ‘Beware of Cat’ sign on their apartment window. Sam had mentioned there being a rather obsess cat that lived with them too. Marco had only left a little while ago too saying Jean and Marcus should be home too.

“Mmmmeeeewww!” It was a long drawn out one this time and she was looking up at Armin with one of the saddest looks on the planet. It would be awhile until Eren came back too.

“All right, all right. Give me a moment.” Armin sighed looking for his phone. He took if off the charging stand and started looking for the number. He forgot to ask Marco’s, but he had Jean’s. He carefully switched hands holding the cell up to his ear. It rang a few times then went straight to voicemail. He hung up then after a few moments decided to try again. This time he was a little more collected to leave a message should it happen again.

“A-Armin?” It was Jean. He sounded a little out of breath.

“I’m sorry, did I call at a bad time?” Armin couldn’t help blushing on the other side. He walked over to the couch to sit down because the kitten was squirming a little too much.

“Nah! I’m just a little…surprised, but-“ There was a strained sound a couple things clattering in the background followed by quiet cursing. “What’s up?”

“Are you sure?” It really sounded like he was busy with something on the other line.

“Yeah. I’m just finishing up a commission painting.” Oh…that sounded interesting.

“Well, you see Eren and I decided to keep a kitten.” Jean made an interested hum and small chuckle.

“Damn, kittens can be hell.” Tell him about it. Armin suddenly had a flashback to earlier that day.

“Yes. They can.” Jean laughed out loud on the other end. It made Armin smile back and he relaxed a little more in the sofa lightly playing with the kitten. She took great interest in his fingers trying to catch and nibble on them. Talking to Jean like this…was nice. “I tried to give her sandwich meat before, but she didn’t really like it. I think I recalled hearing Marco’s cousin Samuel mention you had a cat?”

“Oh yeah. An asshole and fatass one.” Armin choked back a laugh covering his mouth with his hand making a sound that almost scared the kitten right off the couch. Instantly Armin shot up catching her cooing softly at her apologetically while gently petting her. Soon she calmed down and started to contently purring then meowing again. “Um…is that her?”

“Huh? Oh! Yes!” Armin fixed himself with her more comfortable again. “You can hear her?”

“Yeah, you got one content kitty over there.” A warmth spread in his chest and he nodded even though Jean couldn’t see it. “She sounds hungry too.”

“That’s what I was going to ask you.” Ah yes, the reason for the call. “Could I just borrow enough food for tonight for her? I promise to pay you back when we actually get her some.”

“How old is she first? She might not be old enough for dry food.” How old…Armin wasn’t too sure. “Is she a stray you just took in or something?”

“Um….yes. She appeared in our sink this morning when Eren got up.” It sounded a lot worse than it did when he said it out loud. “He really took a liking to her.”

“Yeah, don’t worry. I know what you mean.” Jean let out an exasperated sound the long sigh. Armin could hear a few of his bones cracking over the line. “Marco randomly took in our cats and now they’re eating us out of house and home. I ain’t going to judge you, but you should really get her fixed as soon as you can. There’s so many strays around here, it’s nuts.”

“I will.” Armin tried to take a good look at the kitten’s mouth. “She only has a few teeth coming in if that helps.”

“Is she chomping on your fingers?” Armin gave a small yelp when she did exactly that. “I’m guessing yes.”

“She drew blood.” Armin wince wiping his finger off and putting as much pressure on it as he could. The kitten gave an even louder cry for food.

“Wow, she sounds bossy.” Jean chuckled.

“You think?” Armin really hoped she would grow up to be one of the nicer personality cats.

“You want me to come over or do you want to come over here?” The way Jean was saying it felt like it had another meaning, but Armin shook it off.

“I’ll go over there. I’m not really doing anything.” And he just needed to get out of the apartment for a while. The feeling had faded a little bit. Talking with another actual being helped a lot. “What should I do for the kitten while I’m gone? She’s really hungry.”

“You can give her some chicken broth for now. It should tie her over for a little while.” Jean seemed to really know how to deal with hungry kittens. The image of Jean taking care of his two cats mentioned before made him smile.

“All right.” He was really lucky to have friends so willing to help him. “I’ll be over in a few then.”

“I’ll meet you halfway. It’s getting kinda dark quick.” That…threw Armin off a little. “Cause you know, I kinda worry about ya walking around by yourself alone. You know?”

That…was a nice.

“Sure.” With that Armin closed his phone and tucked it in his back pocket of his pants. He quickly did as Jean suggested making sure it was a can or pure chicken broth without any spice additives. The kitten gulped it up with in minutes. As she was distracted Armin left making his way over, but not before making sure to leave the door unlocked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh!!! Sorry, sorry! I would have had this up a lot sooner. My sis and I had a little mini marathon watching We Bare Bears. :D It's really cute and funny if you haven't watched I suggest you do. We also went out to one of my favorite sushi places. QuQ Been waiting like two months to find the time. Bill hurt a bit BUT! It's not like I get to go to often anymore so definitely worth it especially since we got a TON!
> 
> Like mentioned before, if you have a favorite scene from any of the chapters please leave a suggestion in the comments. I love drawing them and would love to have at least one for each chapter. Having a set idea in mind when I start helps a lot. Also THANK YOU SO MUCH RECENT COMMENTORS!! You'll never know how happy it makes me to have interactions with everyone. It makes me more excited to write new chapters for everyone. :)


	19. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you can either meet them, go above them, or fall short

“Here’s your key son.” The older man held the keys to him in exchange for the cash.

“Thank you.” Eren quickly pocketed one of the keys in his pocket and looked down rather solemnly at the other. Looking at the keys made him think of home. He never thought he could ever even miss that hell hole.

“You okay there?” The man put down his newspaper and gave Eren a look of concern. Most of his customers just pay and leave without so much of a word. This boy however he could tell was a good one who knew his manners like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ a rare trait now a days.

“Huh?” Eren’s body couldn’t help twitching just a little. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. I was just thinking what to put this on so I don’t lose it.”/

“We sell keychains here too if you want to take a look.” The man motions to the small are to the side of the booth. “There’s also lanyards—“

“What about that?” Eren pointed to a leather piece that looked similar to a necklace. The man huffed out a bit and took the article off the rack to show it to him.

“It’s a necklace…my niece likes to make things that are ‘a head of their time.’ “The man leaned on the counter taking off his hat and scratching his head. “That girl. She’s always trying to find ways to get rich quick. I keep telling her she needs to find a good honest job to settle down with.

“How much for this?” For some reason Eren really liked it. The way the leather cord between his finger, the simplicity of it, not to mention he could always have the key on him and not worry about ever losing it. It just really screamed out to him.

“Ten.” Eren gave him a look and the man shrugged. “I told you it was one of her get rich quick plans.”

“Fine.” Eren pulled out his wallet and handing him the money for the necklace cord. Once he received the accessory he started making his way to an area he could place the key on it. On the way he brushed again someone who didn’t seem to notice.

“Watch it short stuff.” She grunted out as she kept walking. Eren turned ready to shout back an insult of his own before seeing the older man from before look up and step out of his booth giving the woman a hug.

“Hitch! Where have you BEEN?” He looked relieved then scolded her over something. Hitch listened to him, but kept rolling her eyes once in a while. That must’ve been the niece he was talking about. Wasn’t his business though so he just kept on walking. The walk over helped him to calm down a little bit. Hopefully by the time he got back to the apartment it would be completely clear.

Armin…he shouldn’t be so hard to figure out. They were best friends, brothers, some could even say. When did Armin become so hard to understand? Eren just couldn’t understand it. When had he left Armin’s side, when did he stop telling him things? All these questions were shouting in his mind, but interrupted when he hear a man cursing in one of the alleyways. He glanced up finding a man with one of the oddest haircuts he ever seen. It looked like a cross between an undercut and a Japanese bowl cut that you would only see in animes. The man was struggling with pulling a tarp over what looked like a car. When some of it slides off he would see the taxi pattern it worn. The man cursed again scrambling quickly to pull it back on. It was odd because as far as he knew…there weren't any taxi services in this town. There were buses, yes, and a few grocery shuttles last time he looked it up…but not really taxis…

The other man though didn’t stay to find out what Eren needed. He looked absolutely terrified at him then shot away jumping over one of the fences. It happened so quickly Eren wasn’t sure if he really just saw it happen. That man was certainly guilty of SOMETHING. Now the old Eren wouldn’t have given it a second thought to walk over there and pull the tarp off to see what the big secret was. But the new Eren knew that Armin was waiting sadly at home probably mulling over their small fight in his head for answers. The old, but new Eren just wanted a peek, but knew he should just report it to the local authorities. 

Tiredly he pulled out his cell, but before he could even punch the first number someone knocked it out of his hand making it drop to the ground. Before he could turn around with one of the most pissed off faces ever he was kneed in the gut and bashed across the head instantly slamming him down into the asphalt. The person kicked his phone farther away then proceeded to kick him in the ribs repeatedly.

“Someone’s coming!!” Briefly Eren managed to open one of his eyes and saw the man with the bad haircut from earlier. 

“Shit!!” She yelled back at him the looked behind her shoulder. With one last kick to Eren’s head Hitch made a mad dash the same way the man previously had.

For a few more minutes Eren laid there trying to get the feeling back into his arms and legs. He tried to lift his head, but no such luck. It pounded and screamed feeling like an ice pick to his brain. A heavy set of feet followed by a much lighter pair came towards him.

“Are you all right?” A deep voice asked him. He tried to answer, but all that came up was a cough and some blood. 

“Fucking brats got away.” Another voice said. It was a little more familiar than the other one.

“Help me get him up.”

“There’s no fucking way I’m touching him. He’s filthy.” It was the owners of the restaurant he was about to apply too…great…how was he supposed to go asking about the position now with how he looked…not to mention not even sure if he’s fully capable of perform required tasks.

“Go get the car then.” Levi uncrossed his arms grumbling something before leaving Erwin alone with Eren.

“Do you think you can sit up?” Erwin asked. Once Eren gave a slow nod the man slowly helped him to sit up. Eren’s hand immediately went to his side. He let out a small pained sound and hissed. “Can you tell me what happened?

“Something’s underneath that tarp.” Eren head spun, but he tried to look to show Erwin what he meant by motioning the general direction with his chin. Erwin took the hint, but stayed closer to Eren with one of his hands on his back helping him to sit up.

“Do you think you can give a description to the police?” A car pulled up behind him. “I’m going to take you to our place first then we’ll head over there. Is that all right?”

Eren tiredly nodding before he was lifted up and taken into the backseat of the car. Levi made a brief mentioning to Erwin that if Eren bleed on the seat he was going to expect him to pay for the cleaning bill. After hearing Erwin tell Levi about the tarp he made sure to stop by it and get the license plate just in case the man and woman came back to hide it someplace else. Luckily it wasn’t a long drive to where they were going.

“This is the restaurant.” Eren mumbled out. He hated to admit it, but there was something secure about the way Erwin was holding him against his chest.

“Yes, this is our place.” Was it more of their home than where they actually lived? Levi quickly parked then went around the other side opening the door for Erwin as he carried Eren bride style. He was fairly easy enough feat for him seeing how Eren weight less than a sack of potatoes to him. Again Levi went ahead and held the buildings’ door open for them.

“Hanji! Get your ass over here!” Levi shouted once they were in the kitchen. “Bring the first aid kit!”

“What happened?!” Hanji grabbed the kit from the office and hurried over to where they were.

“Kid got his ass kicked.” Levi soaked a small towel and held it out to Erwin. The frown never seemed to ever leave his face. Erwin quietly thanked him and started to clean up and dress Eren’s wounds. It stung like a bitch, but he was already feeling so much better.

“They snuck up from behind me.” SHE snuck up, but he didn’t want to tell them that unless he had to.

“Levi—“Without having to say another word the other man nodded and left.

“I would strongly suggest you got yourself check out at the local clinic.” The built man started packing everything neatly back into the kit and handed it to Hanji who sighed loudly taking it back. “Unless you don’t have any sort of insurance.”

“I don’t.” Eren started to scratch his head, but stopped flinching only slightly. Erwin gave him a pitiful look, but understood. “Um…I know this probably isn’t the best of times, but I saw the help wanted ad you posted in the paper.”

“Oh? Did you really?” Erwin looked surprised then smiled widely. “And here Hanji was telling me no one read the paper anymore.”

“We had someone come in asking about it already.” Levi entered into the room again with his arms sternly crossed. “Sorry. Today just isn’t your day.”

“O-oh…” Eren stared down into his lap clenching his fists. He really needed a job. Not just because Armin told him to get one anymore. “Is there anything open at all?”

“Wwwweeelll—“Erwin glanced up at Levi. Eren’s head shot back up giving him a hopeful begging look.

“Please, I know I may not look it right now, but I’m a really hard worker.” He knew he wasn’t smart, but hell he knew he could do just about anything once given the chance. “I’ll do all the jobs the other person doesn’t want to do. I’ll work my ass off if you just give me the chance.”

“What part of the job’s already been filled don’t you understand?” Levi uncrossed his arms giving Eren a look that could kill. For a moment Eren shrunk back, but straightened himself as much as he could to give Levi a fierce look that surprised both Hanji and Erwin.

“I saw your outburst and I can bet you I can take whatever shit you throw at me. I won’t give up and I won’t quit. That other person I bet they have no idea what they’re getting themselves into. But I do! Please!” Eren couldn’t help putting both palms flat against his thighs bowing as low as he could to them. He needed this job to prove to himself that he was capable of something.

“And you expect us to hire you broken?” Eren tried hard not to let that word get to him. “You must be desperate to be begging like this. It’s really pitiful.”

“That’s why you should start with short shifts.” Erwin firmly stated before Levi could say anything else. Instantly Eren’s head shot up, his eye brimming with joy. “More than likely that other person will be more of our ‘muscle’ for our inventory management. You’ll have more of the position that was listed in the paper in charge of cleaning tables, bathrooms, and overall cleanliness of the restaurant.”

“I’ll make this place so clean you can eat off of every surface.” This caught Levi’s attention and he curiously raised an eyebrow looking over at Erwin. It was his own way of signaling he somewhat approved of his decision. Erwin shared a look with him agreeing silently that it was a good choice.

“Your first shift will be next week starting at six in the morning. Levi will be showing you what he expects and the procedure which you have to do on a daily basis.” Eren was sure he’d be healed within a week. Enthusiastically he nodded making himself a little dizzy for a second.

“Prepare for hell on earth, kid.” Hanji cackled waving good bye to him going back to the office. Erwin gave a solemn nod.

“Indeed, prepare for hell.” With that he held out a hand to Eren. “Welcome to the crew.”

A few customers started coming into the restaurant signaling that it was getting close to dinner time. Erwin insisted that Eren remain there for a few more minutes before attempt to walk back home. He provided him with a small free meal and plenty of water to drink to help stabilize him a little more before his journey home. Levi didn’t say anything about it and merely kept a straight face as he took in orders. It was a little weird at first sitting in the bar area eating his meal and watching the atmosphere of the place slowly grow. There were all sorts of people, seniors, couples, families, college kids, and lots of chatter filled the room. He almost didn’t hear the person behind him calling out his name.

“Eren! Are you all right?” A hand touched his shoulder turning him around to face them. At first his shoulders tensed and his body tightened itself getting ready for a fight. When he came face to face with the person he nearly instantly relaxed.

“Thomas? What the hell?” Eren gave a sigh letting his shoulders sag. He must’ve still been a little wary after getting his ass kicked.

“I feel like I should be asking that.” With ease the blond took a seat next to him quickly ordering a coke for himself. He turned back to Eren with so much concern it made him feel guilty. “What happened?”

“Um, well, to put it bluntly…” Eren suddenly felt embarrassed feeling the heat gather on his cheeks. He laughed a little nervously looking to the side. “I…got my ass kicked.”

“I can see that.” Thomas tenderly touched the bandage on Eren’s head. Instinctively he pulled back away from his offending hand. Thomas was hardly a stranger, but he wasn’t someone he knew. “I’m sorry. I keep making you uncomfortable, don’t I?”

Thomas pulled his hand back looking very sorrowful. He honestly did care about the other from the moment he saw him struggling with his truck. He worried when he saw a number he didn’t recognize calling his cell. In that moment he was scared something serious had happened to Eren. What a relief it was to him to find out it was only a friend of his asking for help. Now here he was and here Eren was wrapped up in all sorts of bandages telling him he was physically beaten by someone. He wanted to protect Eren, but he didn’t know how to when he couldn’t even get him to trust him.

“Look…I don’t know you.” Eren gave a frustrated sigh still putting more room between the two of them. Right now Thomas felt like a stalker. Always popping up and always looking at him. It made him really uneasy and he wanted it to stop. “Can you like…not talk to me anymore?”

“I worry about you, Eren.” The way Eren’s eyes widen made him continue. “Even when I have no idea if I’ll EVER see you again, I can’t help it.”

“You don’t have to.” No one really worried for him…no one except for Mikasa. She was always watching out for him in her own way. Even then she only worried for him in a physical sense. Armin…he wasn’t sure if Armin had ever really expressed it…now that he thought about it. It was always him worrying over the other. “It’s not like I can’t protect myself.”

“Then how do you explain this?” Thomas frowned a little giving the bandage on his head a small poke. Eren meant to shout at Thomas, but the force of the push was enough to make the room spin for a moment. Maybe he did have a point. “Eren…I want to take care of you.”

“I don’t—“

“You don’t need it. I understand.” Thomas’s serious expression broken into a gentle smile. “But I want to. Haven’t you ever let anyone spoil you before?”

“N-not really.” Eren gently rubbed his temple with both hands leaning his elbows on the counter giving a long tired sigh. All the talking was wearing him out. He couldn’t help pouting a little.

“That’s a real shame.” Thomas found out quickly he liked the different expressions Eren made. He really was an interesting guy. “Not that it’s none of my business, but do you have a ride home?”

“Yeah.” Nope. He wanted to be left alone. He hated lying, but this guy wasn’t going to give up.

“He was going to walk home.” Levi spoke up glaring at Eren from across the way through the order window.

Eren whirled around to shout at him, but nearly fell over from the nausea. Thomas was quick on his feet standing up to catch him. A few of the customers openly stared at them confused by what was happening. Thomas merely tipped his hat at them and helped Eren back on his seat. Eren face was nearly all red and it looked like there were tears in the corner of his eyes. Fucking Levi making him look stupid in front of all those people.

“Eren. I’m driving you home.” Thomas left cash for his drink then held an arm out for Eren to hang onto. Eren only stared at him for a few moments then sighed taking his arm while getting off the seat. His knees wobbled only for a second. He continued to lean on him until they made it to Thomas’ truck.

Not much was said once inside only the few instructions of turning left and right at the occasion stoplight. Thomas didn’t push for anymore conversation than that. He was already happy with Eren trusting him enough to help him. He was glad Eren didn’t have to walk home alone in his condition and felt accomplished for finally being to have a serious talk with him. Thomas pulled up to his apartment and got out opening Eren’s door for him and helping him out. The man even walked him up to his doorstep. Feeling more than a little awkward Eren scratched the back of his head lightly not looking at anything in particular.

“Listen…thanks for helping me.” That’s the least he could say right? “But honestly, don’t waste your time on me.”

“You’re not a waste, Eren.” The sincerity in that one sentence shook something in Eren making him look up at the man. He was smiling gently at him with his hands in his pockets. “I think you’re an interesting person, honestly. I meant every word that I said and if you really want me to leave you alone then I’ll try.”

“…I can’t promise you anything.”

“I’m not asking you to.” Thomas lifted his hand up to the side of Eren’s head then pause for a second before gently caressing it. He bent his knees slightly until he was eye to eye with him then staring right at him. The silence made Eren more nervous with each passing second. “That other guy…what is he to you?”

“Armin?” That shook him out of whatever it was. “He’s my friend.”

“He seems like a nice guy.” With that Thomas pulled back giving Eren a sad look. “But I wonder where he was when this happened to you.”

“That’s none of your business.” Eren seethed out. Thomas was now officially pissing him off. As if sensing it Thomas nodded slowly taking a few steps backwards towards his truck.

“Well, if you ever need anything don’t hesitate to call.” With that he tipped his hat to him and left without another word or look. Eren made sure to watch him leave before entering the apartment. That guy…he was weird.

Eren ran his fingers along the outline of his key and touched the other key’s outline through the pocket of his jeans. It was dark now, why hadn’t Armin even called him once? Was he still mad at him? Thomas’ words rang through his head. He had to physically shake his head, but again it made him feel sick. Maybe…maybe he did owe Thomas another thank you later. It was really stupid of him thinking he could have made it back home in one piece. Today had been one long day and he couldn’t wait to be back home again. He was prepared to use his key to open the door, but he was surprised to find it unlock. A small sense of dread filled him, but he quickly chased it away. Maybe Armin was too busy burying himself in a book. When the door swung open he stood in the threshold in shock. The whole place looked like it had been trashed and Armin was nowhere to be found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pffft!! HA! I'm SO sorry guys!! I was up late trying to code this and get it out as soon as I could. After realizing I didn't post it yet I went back to double check it...it was like looking back on something when you were too drunk to remember! XD There was some weird stuff in the bracket coding and hopefully I fixed it all. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! Next chapter is in the works. Again if there are any scenes you'd like to suggest for sketches please let me know!
> 
> Oh! One more thing! If you haven't read it yet Photograph is in the same universe as Soul Compass.  
> You can read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4593921


	20. Drunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> on more than just love...

“Hey!”

Jean couldn’t help smiling when he noticed Armin walking over with his hoodie pulled over his blond hair. The smaller man jumped a little then looked up smiling just as widely at him before revealing himself. Jean only paused for a second noticing the slight puffiness of his eyes and the slight reddish tint they had. Regardless he was still smiling and waving back to him. Something wasn’t right.

“You really didn’t have to walk me over.” Armin slowed down and stopped beside Jean completely unaware of the signs he was sporting. For his sake, Jean chose to not point it out. Armin was decent enough to never really force him to tell him what was wrong, it was the least he could do.

“What kind of gentleman would that make me then?” The taller man joked pulling Armin into a headlock leading him to his apartment. At first he thought he was a little too forward seeing how stunned Armin look. The fear was chased away the moment Armin gently touched his arm and let out one of the cutest laughs he ever heard. Armin really was something special…

“What were you doing over the phone?” Strangely the blond snuck out of his grip and settled with gently holding his arm as they walked. It made the butterflies in Jean’s stomach flutter just slightly. What was this? No way in HELL he was having…Armin’s finger teasingly squeezed his bicep.

“Huh?” The realization made Jean’s cheeks feel too warm for how cool it was outside. “What was that?”

“I know I keep telling you that you don’t have to tell me anything…”Armin sported a guilty expression for a moment then gave the tiniest sneaky excited smile. “But when you said working a painting…”

“Oh, so you’re an art connoisseur, are you?” Jean teased unable to stop himself from pinching one of Armin’s cheek. He gave a small yelp letting go of his arm and sorely rubbing his cheek as he continued to question him. If Armin thought he was going to just tell him he had another thing coming.

“ I’m sorry I’m curious.” There was a blush on Armin’s face, he just knew it. “I find it really interesting.”

“Well you get three guesses then.” Jean held up three fingers then stuck out his tongue between two of them while giving Armin a flirtatious wink. Armin’s blush increased before he got a more determined expression. Internally Jean died a little from personal embarrassment. What the hell was he doing being like this in front of Armin? Was it because no one else was there? He just couldn’t help himself.

“Hm, then is it a portrait of someone?” Armin crossed his arms as he seriously thought over the possibilities. Portraits were pretty common in history and now.

“Nope. Strike one.” Damn he was close!! It wasn’t of an actual person, but it was a fictional human being. He secretly hoped Armin wouldn’t guess it cause he did NOT want to show Armin. It wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but his commissioner had paid a hella amount of money for it. Nearly enough to cover his next portion of the apartments upcoming rent.

“Is it a still art?” Not a portrait of someone…shoot! Armin mentally cursed at his poor choice of question. He should’ve asked if it was a portrait of an actual person! Oh well, this question would still help him a little.

“Strike two!” Jean imitated a baseball umpire cackling a little at Armin’s frustrated expression. This was fun he decided. “Give up yet? You have one more guess left. If you don’t answer it right then you’ll never know.”

“Hm…you really don’t want to show it to me…” Which meant… “It’s pornographic isn’t it.”

“AH!” Jean nearly tripped over himself as soon as the words left Armin’s seemingly innocent lips. “What the hell?! How did—”

“…can I still see it?” Jean didn’t know what surprised him more. The fact that he was spot on or the fact that he actually WANTED to see it.

“You…are an odd person, Arm.” Jean collected himself a little better and pressed the palm of his hand against his eye socket giving a deep chuckle. “Then again…I guess you ARE a guy after all.”

“You know, you could say most art pieces are pornographic too!” Only Armin could look and sound so cute while defending the dignity of porn. “Edoudard Manet’s, The Luncheon on the Grass had a model who’s career and reputation of a porn star for her time and it’s a well-known piece in art history.”

“Whoa! Hang on there, buddy.” Jean paused with his hand on the apartments door knob motion Armin to slow down. “You ain’t even seen it and already you putting me on a high pedestal.”

“Sorry…I’m not really talented at art myself so I automatically think high of anyone capable of it.” Armin’s blush grew and the hoodie he was wearing was way too hot. He said too much again and gotten carried away. His grandpa always told him he had a bad habit of doing that. “S-sorry.”

“Nah man, it’s cool.” Jean gave him a nervous smile rubbing the back of his neck looking straight ahead at the door for a moment then looked back at him. “It’s someone’s gay OCs that they wanted done with a bondage theme. Are you sure you still wanna see it?”

Armin couldn’t help dying inside. Did he wanna see it? YES! Did he wanna tell Jean that he really wanted to...not really. Armin was too familiar with yaoi and gay porn, but he still had standards of what he thought was beautiful and plain gross. The fact that Jean could be so honest with him told him that he really did trust him. That or maybe he was too used to people telling him ‘no’ as soon as they found out the nature of his pieces. Jean wasn’t making any eye contact with him and there was a slight blush on his cheeks. He didn’t want Jean to feel bad for making the piece, true art was always beautiful and meant to be seen.

“I-I-If you, um…”Armin’s was sure you could fry an egg on his forehead right now. “A-ah that is! I-If you don’t mind…”

“Listen Armin, I’m totally cool if you don’t—“

“I want to see it!” Armin shouted a little too loud scaring himself. “Cause-cause I think it’s still wonderful that you’re capable of making things.”

“Making things?” Jean stifled his laugh putting a hand over his eyes before roughly opening the door. “You’re too much.”

“Art is subjective.” Armin pouted a little as he entered the room. Immediately he started taking off his hoodie while standing at the doorway. For a moment he wondered exactly where Marco was. It was really quiet in the apartment. Was it just Jean?

“Marco said he met up with a friend so he won’t be here for while.” Ah, that explains it. Connie and Marco must’ve wanted to hang out a little bit longer. “Marcus is at the gym. Guess he must’ve been on a roll with his reps.”

Jean walked over to the cupboard pulling out a big bag of something then went over against to find a smaller lunch bag. That’s right. The whole reason he came over was to retrieve some cat food for the kitten back at home. He was having such a nice talk with Jean he nearly forgot. As he scooped a pretty generous amount into the bag Armin could hear the faint jingling of a bell approaching.

When he turned his head towards the sound he saw a rather obese cat strolling down the hallway. He let out a long mew that was mixed with a purr and chirp before reaching out as far as his paws would go and giving a good long stretch. His clawed a little at the carpeted area then shook his head. Jean didn’t acknowledge his entrance so the fat cat decided to get a little closer. However, he stopped immediately after noticing Armin’s presence.

“Um…hi?” Armin bit his lip to keep from laughing at the wide eyed expression the cat was giving him. With unnatural speed the cat hightailed and ran back into the hallway. It was then Armin let out a quiet breathy laugh. Would their kitten ever be that big in every sense of the word? Maybe if he let Eren be in charge of feeding her.

“Hey! Zeus!! Get your fat ass over here!!” Jean shouted over the counter before filling up one of the bowls by the side of the refrigerator. “Some attack cat.”

“What kind of cat was he?” Armin wasn’t too familiar with all the breeds, but he was trying to learn as much as he could.

“Marco said he was British or something.” Jean gave a small grunt putting the food back then scratched his head. “Marco’s all into cats and shit.”

Before Armin could ask any more question a blur dash down the hallway and nearly collided with the kitchen wall as it slide against the tile. Immediate it started chowing down on the meal in its dish nearly knocking Jean down.

“And THIS-“ Jean took a moment to pick up the fluffier, but skinnier black cat holding it up for Armin to to see. “Chairman Meow, but Motherfucker to his friends.”

“That’s a HORRIBLE name!” Armin couldn’t tell if Jean was joking or not. Jean gave another cackle before letting the cat continue eating.

“Can you tell that’s Marcus’ cat?”

“Does that mean the other was Marco’s?” Jean gave a tired nod putting his hand on his hip. You could really tell their personalities of their owners from just hearing their names. Which reminded him…he really needed to come up with a name for their little girl kitten…that would be hard.

“Here’s your food. If you need more cat advice ask Marco. He’s like the ultimate cat guru.” The taller man handed Armin the bag then stepped to the side of him motioning him over. “Painting’s over here.”

“Oh right.” Armin couldn’t help whispering back and quietly made his way over.

“I try to hide pieces like these from Marco cause he’s a little more sensitive, you know? He doesn’t know I do this kinda shit from time to time. Marcus tho, he tells me I should only focus on NSFW piece cause people pay more for it.”

When he opened the door to his room there was a distinctive strong smell of linseed oil. It was a cluttered clean mess that was typical of any sort of artist. A chair and a futon along with an easel, but other than that not much was inside of the room. The canvases seemed to claim territory of anything that wasn’t covered. The easel was faced away from the door and was closest to the open window. Jean walked over sitting in the metal chair and gave the painting one more examination before presenting it to Armin with exaggerated gusto.

“I present to you, the gay Mona Lisa!” Armin chuckled a little then came over looking over Jean’s shoulders. It was…really good. The expression was so mesmerizing. Not too many people can make bondage look so…loving. “Weird right?”

“I don’t think that’s quite the word I would use.” The atmosphere suddenly got a little intense.

“You’re not…into that kinda stuff, are ya?” THAT was the moment…Armin wish he hadn’t insisted on seeing the artwork.

“M-maybe…just a little.” No point in lying now. “But!—“

“It’s fine if you are. Everyone has their kink, right?” Jean put his hands on his knees leaning forward with a laugh. “I mean if no one was into it then it wouldn’t have its own specific category.”

“R-right.” Armin wanted so badly to hide his face still. This was the first time he ever told anyone.

“Me myself…well, I’d say I had a bit of a uniform fetish.” Jean looked so thoughtful looking up then leaning back in his chair. “I mean they can make even the ugliest person look good.”

“Yeah! That’s a good point.” Jean was pretty understanding. Part of him wondered…well…it would be nice to have someone who knew…

Armin could feel the blood pounding in veins rushing to his face and ears. Should he tell Jean about his sexual orientation? He never really told anyone even though most had suspected it anyway. It wouldn’t change things too much, but then he could be a little more open with Jean. From the way he was handling the subject of him like porn it gave him a good idea he might be accepting of that as well. Then again from what he recently learned about Connie and Jean there was the possibility he would strongly disapprove it. It would help a lot if he could talk about things like what happened earlier with Eren to someone. Maybe even prevent future arguments like that from happening again. Of course he would omit that it was Eren substituting it with, ‘a guy I like’. But then that didn’t seem fair to Jean. It wasn’t lying, but hiding the truth…no, that would still be lying.

“You okay Armin?” Jean stood up from the chair and put a hand on his small shoulder. Armin had been standing there for the few minutes now not really looking at the painting, but staring holes into the bag of cat food held against his chest. Before he could interrogate Armin any more there was a big slam of the door opening and clunk of a bag being dropped on the kitchen tile.

“Where are you, motherfucker?” Guess that really was part of that poor cat’s name. There was a loud complaining meow followed by the loud sound of food dropping into the bowl. “Jean! You wanna get fuckin’ wasted tonight?”

Curiously Armin looked at him not sure if he should make his presence known. Jean suddenly looked so embarrassed.

“I finally got my fuckin’ uniform too. You wanna see it?” Jean’s entire face was red and he ran his hands down his face trying to clear up the misunderstanding to Armin.

“Armin, wait. Don’t even-yeah I admitted having that kinda fetish, but that doesn’t mean—“

“How’s that—“ Marcus entered into the room stopping to lean against the doorframe with two beer cans in his hands. He took a moment to take in the scene in front of him then looked over at the easel then back at them. “Did you like it?”

“Huh?” Armin stood a little straighter.

Marcus was someone he didn’t really know how to act around. If he were honest the other really reminded him of the bullies back at home. Marcus opened the can for himself and walked over giving it to Armin instead of Jean who he originally intended it for. The gesture surprisingly sweet of him if you asked Jean which meant he must’ve been in a good mood. He tended to be after a good workout Marcus walked over reminding Armin briefly of a lion claiming its territory. He stopped next to Jean and leaned his elbow on his shoulder. He tilted his head while looking at the painting before taking another gulp of his beer. Jean looked oddly tense for a moment then gave Marcus an irritated look.

“If you’re gonna say it, then say it.” It drove Jean crazy when Marcus did that.

“It looks good.” Armin didn’t say anything watching their interaction curiously. They were obviously close to one another.

“Stop being an ass.” Jean growled out making Marcus laugh a little too loudly next to him.

“No, I mean it. It’s a fucking piece of art. Literally.” Marcus lowered his tone at the last part leaning in close to Jean’s ear sneaking a hand up and down his back resting dangerously close to his rear. Jean pulled back slapping the offending hand away.

“I mean it, I’m getting paid a shitload for this one. It better be perfect.” Marcus sighed then looked over at Armin.

“Come over here for a sec.” Before he could react Marcus pulled Armin by the arm and took the cat food handing it to Jean.

“What are you—“ Jean took a step towards them, but was shoved back to where he was by Marcus.

“You have the angle a little off.” Marcus dragged Armin over to the futon taking a seat on it first. He set Armin on his lap sitting him firmly on his crotch then helped him drape his arms in the same way the other figure was. Marcus gave Armin a quick flirting wink before looking back at Jean. “See how his ass isn’t that fucking high like this?”

“I’m not gonna look at his ass!!” Jean shouted back angrily. “What do you think you’re fucking doing—“

“Arch your back a little, princess.” Marcus ignored Jean giving Armin a look that made him shiver in one of the most pleasant ways. Slowly he listened making Jean stop mid-rant.

“…that is a better angle…”Guiltily Jean looked at them then glanced back at his painting observing it a little closer lost in his own little world. His intent look as amazing. You could see the adjustments he was already planning.

“You’re gay, huh?” Armin would have leapt off of Marcus if he wasn’t already holding him firmly around his waist. The look the blond gave him confirmed it. He smiled up at him holding back a laugh. “You don’t have to fuckin’ bust a nut. Everyone’s a little bit gay until proven straight.”

“Hey…do you guys mind if I take a picture for reference?” Jean was completely oblivious to the conversation they were having.

“When the hell have I ever cared?” Marcus looked over at Jean shrugging.

“I’m not talking to you. I was talking to Armin, asshole.” Jean had a small silver digital camera in hand giving Armin a hopeful look.

“Well…if it’s for reference reasons…” Marcus stared at the blond then really did give a loud laugh making Armin bounce a little.

“I like you, Armin.” The way he said it made his face glow. Maybe…maybe he didn’t have to tell Jean after all. Marcus already figured out and seemed to be a fairly decent guy underneath. Once Jean finished taking a few pictures Marcus helped Armin off of him and took back his own beer looking over Jean’s shoulder again as he filtered through some of them.

“This is gonna help a lot, thanks guys.” Jean gave a small soft smile before turning off the camera setting it aside on the metal chair. “I’ll get started again later.”

“What about Marco?”

“He’s out with a friend. If he’s not home by now more than likely he’ll be staying out late.” Marcus raised his eyebrow.

“OUR Marco? Staying out LATE?” Jean made a sound of agreement then crossed his arms.

“Who do you think it is? It’s not like you two are celebrities or anything.” Marcus shoved Jean’s shoulder with his own lifting his indignantly lifting his nose up in air.

“Speak for yourself. I’m nothing like you fucking losers.”

“Well, I guess I should be getting home then.” Armin tried to excuse himself, but was stopped by their surprised looks. “Unless there’s anything else…”

“Yeah, you can’t go sober.” Marcus smirked charmingly at him. “It’s one of the apartment rules.”

“No it’s not.” Jean frowned walking over to Armin. “I can drive you home this time.”

“…I’ve never actually had a drink before…” Jean stopped feeling Armin lightly tug on his sleeve to stop him. “I mean…I don’t mind…”

“A fucking virgin!” Marcus loudly clapped his hands together with one of the biggest smiles on his face.

“Dear Lord…” Jean put a hand over his face.

“Come on Armin, let’s talk booze.” Marcus swooped by Jean stealing Armin away from him by wrapping a muscular arm around Armin’s thin frame. “You can either join or watch, Jean.”

“Fine, I’ll join just so you don’t mess him up too bad.” Nervously Armin gave him a thankful look. He would have said no if it were just the two of them.

“Aww, don’t be like that. This is gonna be fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...THIS is what happens when Marco isn't there. O__O  
>  Not promoting underage drinking! Don't drink unless you want to!  
> I had posted this on tumblr, but I'm going to be needing a name for Eren's and Armin's girl kitten soon! If you have a suggestion please post in comments! :D  
> Also any guesses where Marcus works? I'm curious to hear answers.


	21. Temperance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the miraculous ability of self control

It was pretty late and even though Marco was having a great time with Connie and Sasha and all their canine friends he knew he had to be getting home. Jean and Marcus must’ve been suspicious enough that he was out late period. Sasha burst into crocodile tears the moment she suspected he would be leaving. Connie tried to rally the dog troops to put up some form or resistance, but most of them were too tired to even move from their comfy pet beds. It warmed his heart fully knowing that Connie had found his happy ending with Sasha. They had something that always seemed to be lacking in the relationship he had with Jean.

“Give me a text when you get home.” Connie walked Marco out with a thankful smile. “And you better not be a stranger. Sasha’s already going on about what an awesome Godparent you’d be.”

“She really is something.” Marco chuckled blushing slightly. He lightly scratched his cheek looking off to the side. “And I’d be honored if you ever had kids.”

“Kids? Nah! She’s talking about puppies!” Connie laughed pretty hard. “I kid, I kid. Or course.”

“It was nice catching up like this.” Marco was the first to initiate the hug. This in itself said more than any other words could. Due to his handicap, Marco never felt comfortable giving out hugs. One side was always lacking creating an awkward experience for the average person according to Marco first ex-girlfriend. It was a harsh truth he learned to accept.

“Yeah, it needs to happen more often.” Connie tried to hide his tears grinning wildly with his eyes shut. He really did miss Marco and hadn’t realized it until he was brought back into his life.

“Marrrrrcooooo!!!” Sasha pushed back the blinds of their apartment window pressing her face against the glass. A few of the dogs jumped up in front of her in a similar fashion whining too. “Don’t gooooo!!”

“Shhh! Sasha!” Connie jumped turning around to her with a finger held up to his lips. “Security is doing their rounds.”

After a few incidents in the apartment area, Petra sent each apartment household a letter informing them of the new security guard policies. They would be making their rounds throughout the complexes and a new curfew was implemented for a safe environment. For Connie this meant a few more hours of extra training for the dogs teaching him to be as quiet as possible unless there was a real danger. Catching onto what Connie meant Marco gave one last wave to Sasha who still wasn’t satisfied. Meeting Marco in person was like meeting a best friend after centuries of being apart.

As the taller man turned to start his way back home he decided to drop by Armin and Eren’s to see how they were doing. He also wanted to make sure they had heard about the new security rules yet. Even though he hated to admit it, the neighborhood was going downhill. The trustworthiness of neighbors fell drastically with each passing day. Good neighbors like them were hard to come by.

The light was on inside which was a sure sign that at least one of them was awake. Marco lightly trotted over. He really needed to get home. Jean and Marcus hadn’t texted him back yet which meant one of two obvious things. One they were probably drinking their asses off doing God knows what or two they were drunk somewhere else trying to find their way home and failing miserably. Those two were real troublemakers. Maybe not Jean independently, but still he could be just as bad as Marcus. Once he reached their porch he gave a pretty solid knock. There wasn’t a reply so he tried again this time speaking up.

“Hi! It’s Marco! I need to tell you guys something!” Again no one responded. With a shrug Marco put his hands in his pockets and took a step towards the main street again. A loud yowl and hiss made his head turn back at the door. There was a clatter and the sound of something crashing. Someone was in there, but it wasn’t Armin or Eren.

Without a second thought Marco braced himself to push against the door, but was pleasant surprised when the door easily flung open the moment he put his weight against it. Embarrassingly he landed flat on his face. He let out a slow groaned and pushed himself up to his knees. The place was a mess and not in the way it had been when he visited the household earlier. The low yowl caught his attention and immediately he got to his feet walking in the direction of its owner. The kitten Armin and Eren adopted pushed itself in the corner of the wall wedging itself stuck behind one of the bookcases. Her fur stood straight up and she was arching her back in a threatening manner.

“Aww…poor thing…” Marco cooed slowly lifting a curled finger to her. Curiously she sniffed at it then pushed herself against him willingly. “There you go…nice girl…”

He let her continue to rub against his hand before scooping her up and taking a look around the room. It was really odd that they would leave her alone and with the door. It wouldn’t have surprised him if Eren did it, but Armin…something was definitely wrong. Another clatter sounded not too far off, he couldn’t help jumping as he clutched the kitten a little closer. He sucked at these kinds of things which is why he could never make it through most suspense movies. Marcus often teased him about it.

First things first…he needed more light to get a better idea of what happened and the amount of damage. The living room was a mess! He was half tempted to just turn the lights back off!

“What happened?” Marco questioned to no one really.

Carefully he held onto the kitten and started checking the rest of the apartment. So far no signs of anyone still being in the house and no signs of anything missing our being stolen. But….he definitely heard someone in here before. Another crash sounded again something three huge big and furry bodies rushed past. He would never admit it to anyone, but Marco let out a short scream falling down onto the couch. Quickly he pulled up his feet and whipped his head watching said figures jump on the counter and hurry to the window above the sink. The last one stopped for a moment and reared its ugly head hissing at Marco...

“Raccoons?!” Marco yelped out loudly. In an instant the raccoon turned away and snuck out the break in the screen. “Raccoons…isn’t that great.”

With a long loud sigh of relief Marco got to his feet and closed the kitchen window. Raccoons might explain some of the break ins, but other cases of stolen vehicles or other unpleasant acts. When Marco survived the area it was more apparent what happened. The fridge was somehow opened and most of its contents were now ruined. There was a bowel that looked like it had some kind of milky substance in it. The floor was sticky and it felt like he was ripping his foot off of it with each step he took. Instinctively he would have looked for a mop, but the small mewl drew his attention.

“What’s wrong?” Too bad kittens couldn’t talk. However she was lucky she didn’t need to. “Did those guys hurt you?”

As if answering she lift her paw slightly and started licking her wound.

“That’s not good…” Marco frowned then took one last look at the kitchen. He closed the window so that would definitely help. He really needed to get this kitten to a vet. Raccoons tended to carry rabies. The sooner he could get her to a vet the better. Marco settled for pushing some of the food back inside and closed the door. Sadly there wasn’t anything he could do for the floor.

As he left the apartment he took out his cell with his other hand to try and call Armin before he took any further action. Yes, the kitten wasn’t his, but his instincts were kicking in too strongly. For the past few months he volunteered at a local animal hospital to community college credit. He had tons of experience with prep work such as cleaning and flushing out bite wounds.

“…what?” The short cut question threw Marco off enough to slow his pace.

“Um, hi…is this Armin Arlert’s phone?” He might have entered the wrong number by mistake.

“…yes.”…it didn’t sound like him.

“This is Marco. Marco Bodt?” Maybe he was in the middle of watching a movie?

“Marco…polo?” What was going on?! There was a loud laugh in the background. One all too familiar.

“Armin…what are you doing with Marcus?” There was a sour taste in the back of his throat. “Please tell me Jean’s there too.”

“Yes, Jean’s here.” There was a fumble for a moment along with some arguing. When the static cleared up Marco finally heard someone coherent enough to speak.

“Hey Marco. What’s up?” Thank God Jean WAS there. It helped lessen a third of the possible chaos.

“Where are you? Raccoons broke into Armin’s apartment and his kitten was hurt.”

“Damn! Really?”

“Yes, Jean.” Marco gave a frustrated sigh. “Why would I make something like that up?”

“I don’t know…for the attention maybe?” Jean snickered into the phone.

“What?! No fucking way!” Marco could hear Marcus shout on the other end.

“What’s going on? More importantly where ARE you?” Please not a bar.

“We’re home.” Jean congratulated himself for not saying they were drunk off their asses at home playing I’ve never with poor innocent Armin.

Surprisingly the blond could hold his liquor, but was dangerously close to reaching his limit. At first part it was mostly Jean and Marcus downing down their shots. It was Marcus who started saying the most mundane things to get Armin to drink. It certainly was effective, but now Jean was almost sober

again. As Jean continued to answer some of Marco questions Marcus continued the game with the blond. He couldn’t hear half of it, but they really seemed engrossed in the other’s answer.

“Never…like EVER?” Marcus leaned in almost nose to nose with Armin.

“No.” Armin couldn’t help giggling a little falling forward a little bit more until his forehead was touching the others. His head felt light and his whole body was radiating with a soothing heat. It was really nice. Why hadn’t he ever tried drinking before? It seemed ridiculous right now, but part of that was due to the drink itself.

At first they started off with a few beers. Armin only had a taste of it and gagged a little. Jean suggested coolers and those were a little more tolerable, but they only had three in their refrigerator. Originally Marcus wanted to do something called Jaegar bombs, but Jean was strongly against that. Vodka was out of the question, so were hot sauce tequila shots. They nearly gave up until Jean listed off a few sweeter drinks they could concoct. They took a break from the original game to do an amateur cook off game but with drinks using only the ingredients in the kitchen. The time limit had them drunkenly tripping over one another to get their done first. Armin had to admit he had fun sitting there laughing and watching them.

“Fuck that shit.” Marcus slammed his hand on the table then leaned forward taking Armin’s chin in hand. The blond momentarily shook out of his stupor blushing hard and pulling back biting his lip.

“Ah, no thank you.” Armin couldn’t help snickering as he boldly pushed Marcus away by putting his hand in the other’s face. Marcus didn’t move an inch, but merely peeked between Armin’s fingers at him giving him puppy dog eyes. It was getting harder for Armin to say no.

“But…it’s a gift.” Marcus didn’t give up pouting a little bit more. “You’re an asshole if you return a gift, darling.”

“Marcus! What the hell?!” Jean turned around failing in covering the speaker of the phone.

“Ever try a Blow Job Shot?” Marcus smirked pulling Armin’s hand off his face and licked between his digits while giving him a smoldering look. “It’s coffee liquer, irish cream, and whipped cream. I think you’d like it.”

“You fucking dickwad motherfucking asshole!!” Jean appeared directly behind Marcus yanking him away from Armin by the back collar of his shirt. This was getting out of hand. “Marco, Marcus is fucking fuckfaced horny drunk bastard. You better get your fucking ass back home and fucking take care of him. Sick fuck trying to make out with Armin.”

“Oh dear lord.” Things were definitely worse than he imagined. Jean was fling the f-word left and right which was a clear sign he was about to do something more reckless that Marcus. “I’ll be right there.”

“You hear that? Huh?” Jean pressed the phone’s speaker into Marcus’ face with a triumphant vengeful look on his face. “Your fucking ass is going down in motherfucking flames! Marco’s gonna kick your ass! By the way Armin, your phone was on vibrate. I’m surprised I even fucking heard it.”

“Oh thank you.” It took two tries for Armin to grab it. He had set it on the kitchen counter earlier when they were concocting their drinks. The vibration made it buzz rather loudly against it. He would fix it later he decided. He wouldn’t be leaving any time soon.

“Marco kick MY ass?!” Marcus slapped the phone away laughing. “More like KISS my ass!”

“Dude! That’s fucking GROSS!” Jean couldn’t help laughing along with him nearly falling off his seat that was next to him. His head was starting to feel really heavy. “You’re like brothers.”

“Jean…they ARE brothers.” Armin bit his lip to keep from laughing.

“…cheeky bastard.” Jean paused for a moment the playfully threw Armin a glare. The blond laughed again. Things didn’t get too crazy and they DID have a good time. Marcus behaved himself pretty well. Still it was a good thing Jean told Marco.

“No one move.” Marcus sat up a little straighter with his arms out. Everyone kept quiet for a few minutes. The man left out a long relieved sigh and leaned back in his chair with a breathless laugh. “False alarm. I thought I was going to barf.”

“Dude, that fucking gross.” Jean kicked Marcus’ leg from underneath the table. “Get your ass to the bathroom if you’re going to fucking chuck.”

“Marco’s coming?” Armin leaned his elbows on the table then ran a hand through his hair. He wasn’t feeling too good either now that Marcus mentioned it.

“Yeah…I guess he was done seeing whoever…” Jean mumbling the last part crossing his arms and leaning back. The sadness in his tone was very apparent. Marcus reached out grabbing onto Jean’s shoulder tenderly for a moment. Then he started so shake him with all his strength nearly knocking the other swearing out of his chair. It made them all laugh for a little bit.

“One last round?” Marcus suggested looking from Jean then to Armin. They both agreed and filled their shots one last time with their poison. “Jean you start first.”

“Hm, I’ve never...” Jean scoffed a bit giving Marcus a leering look. “Auditioned to be a porno star.”

“You’re never gonna let me forget that, are you?” For the first time of the night he couldn’t hide his blush. Armin gave him a curious begging look. “Don’t fucking give me that look. It was a fucking double dog dare from this fuckface.”

“Mwahahaha! Yes and you couldn’t get it up!” Jean laughed evilly covering his face with a hand then running it through his hair. “Who would have thought you were camera shy.”

“I never tried to fuck a fucking tranny I dated.” Marcus sniped back bitterly. Jean stopped immediately and everyone’s good mood was washed away. “Come on Jean, aren’t you going to drink. Hell you should down an entire bottle-“

“Shut up!!” Jean shouted his voice breaking just a little. “Why the hell would you bring that up?! HUH?!”

“Why did—“

“NO! That’s not the fucking same and you know it!!” Jean was about to stand up until he felt Armin’s hand on his. Like magic all the pain, all the anger faded as he looked at him curiously. Slowly Armin peeled Jean’s fingers away from his shot glass and placed it off to the side.

“I was scared…you were going to break it.” Armin voice was calm and collected, but his cheeks still blushed from the alcohol. “You were gripping it so tightly.”

“…sorry…” Jean melted a little back into his seat and covered his face. He was ashamed. Something so long ago could still rile him up so much.

“It’s fine.” Armin keep his stare down then gently touched the middle of Jean’s palm with his other hand. Lightly the blond ran his finger down to the center of the palm and curled his other hand on the outside to help entwine both of his hands around Jean’s. For someone who looked so fragile Armin’s grip was strong. Not in a physical sense, but just by presence. “I don’t anyone here hasn’t felt heart break before.”

“Good one.” Marcus calmed down too. The fun was officially dead now.

He toasted to Armin and finished off his drink. Armin looked surprised then smiled looking back at Jean before pulling away to drink as well. Jean shivered a little feeling the other pull away then took his own drink and guzzled it down. Quietly the three of them all decided to clean up mainly due to Armin’s suggestion. It was amazing how one person could easily change the dynamic of the group.

By the time Marco arrived Jean completed setting the dishwasher while Marcus and Armin were deeply invested into whatever movie was playing. The scene was very suspicious. The other twin expected fire and flames at this point due to last time Marcus was as drunk as Jean said. He wanted to try some of the flaming shots, but failed miserably. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw the two looking so calm and so domestic. It almost made him laugh. The kitten in his arms gave a long mew making catching everyone’s attention.

“…HELL NO! NOT ANOTHER ONE!!” Jean finished wiping his hands with the towel and slammed his hands on the table. “I swear Zeus would probably EAT that one!”

“No, no, this is Armin’s kitten.” And Zeus would NEVER! Marco added mentally…maybe Chairman would. There’s nothing he would put pass that evil soul. As if responding to his name Zeus walked down the hall again and went straight to Marco rubbing against his legs letting out curious purrs and meows.

“My kitty?” Armin tilted his head then bolted up. “The food! I think I left it—“

“It’s here.” Jean picked it up and walked over dropping it in the blond’s lap.

Curiously he raised an eyebrow looking in Marco’s direction. The man kneeled down letting his goliath cat sniff the runt of a kitten in his hands. Zeus gave a few sniffs before trying to rub his face on her. The kitten looked surprised and nearly fell over. It was too cute for Marco NOT to laugh at…If Marco ever really wanted another cat Jean knew he was doomed.

“A pack of raccoons raided your place while you were gone.” Marco’s laugh was short lived as he walked over to the kitchen. “One of them bit her. I can flush and clean it here. If you want I can watch over her tonight and take her to the clinic with me tomorrow.”

“…what?!” Armin stood up rushing over where Marco was. His brain was trying to catch up with all the information being dropped on him. “Raccoons? There are raccoons out here?”

Marco made a small sound of confirmation as he turned on the water. The kitten was pretty relaxed with it, it surprised him. She only struggled for a moment, but he calmed her down easily. At work people told Marco often he had that certain touch with animals. Armin stood rather close to him watching him set to work. He wasn’t as drunk as before, but he did feel a little light headed still.

“How bad is it? Is she okay? How big were they? Wait, how did they get inside?” In spite of what happened Armin would make a good cat parent…he cared so much and looked like he was on the bound of tears. They didn’t even really have the kitten for long. A connection between pet and owner was important for long lasting relationship. This kitten was in good hands.

“It’s not that bad. I think she put up quite a fight.” When he finished he turned off the water and held her out to Armin. Immediately the blond pet her head murmuring so many apologies. The kitten slowly pressed its small muzzle against his fingers giving them kittenish licks. “But the way…have you decided on a name for her yet? I’ll be needed it if I’m checking her in.”

“I’m…not sure.” Armin blushed. “We’ve been calling her ‘the kitten’ for awhile.”

“That’s the stupidest name I ever heard.” Marcus didn’t take his eyes off the movie for one second. Jean took Armin’s previous spot sitting down beside him.

“Better than Chairman “Motherfucker” Meow.” Jean joked.

“Shut up, I was ten.” Armin let out a small nervous chuckle. Naming anything was too much responsibility.

“Let me talk it over with Eren first.” Marco gave an understanding now. “…Eren!!”

Armin looked around panicking for his phone. He grabbed it stuff it in his pocket and rushed to gather the rest of his belongings. The food, his hoodie, his shoes, he nearly forgotten everything that happened before. He already was gone for so long without even calling. From what Marco told him the apartment was trashed too! He could hear Marco behind him asking what was wrong, but his mind was focused on one person right now. The one that matter most before all things even his own safety. Not even Marco could make him stop and think about his actions as he flew out of that door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raccoons have been known to attack eat kittens. O__O Scary fact.  
> Blow Job Shots: http://intoxicologist.net/2009/09/top-10-popular-shot-recipes/  
> In case your own kitty ever gets an open cut: http://www.petmd.com/cat/emergency/accidents-injuries/e_ct_wound_treatment
> 
> Small reminder to please drink safely. Never overdo it because there's really no rush. :) If you don't drink then that's fine too! Not everyone likes the same things and you shouldn't pressure people too. 
> 
> All right! Enough of that soapbox! I just thought I should put it out there. Turns out I nearly have another week off so updates will continue. :D Fair warning though, once it comes Thanksgiving/Christmas time I may not be able to seeing how those days are our busiest and I get more every day eight to ten hour shifts. @__@


	22. Naked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's more than just taking off your clothes...

Armin wasn’t sure if his feet were even touching the ground. His hear felt like it was ready to burst out of his chest and his face was starting to feel numb from the cool air hitting it. What would Eren think coming back and seeing the place as Marco had described it? With neither Armin nor the kitten there most likely he’d assume the worse. Yes, he and Eren had a bit of a fight earlier and he didn’t want to pressure him into coming back before he felt ready too…but not like this. The blond nearly crashed into the door when he arrived. With shaking hands he found the door knob and twisted it. Maybe, just MAYBE, Eren wasn’t home yet. He could clean everything up, take a long shower, order Eren’s favorite take out…

“What do you mean I have to wait at least 24 hours?!” Eren shouted into the phone with his back to the door. “I’m telling you my friend is fucking missing! I came home, the door was opened, and our place was TRASHED!”

Oh no…he was too late. Armin’s grip tightened around the small bag of cat food in his hands. Why did he have to go and call the police? Why did he have to care so much about him? Trying his best, Armin tried to make his presence known as gently as possible. He quietly closed the door behind him and locked it. The top lock caught Eren’s attention. Even though he could see him Armin could feel the daggers of his glare on his back. It made him stop for a moment and shiver.

“…I’m sorry officer. It looks like he arrived. I apologize for wasting your time.” Eren’s tone was dead and he hung up. His hand still gripping the phone seething with so much anger he could feel it oozing from his every one of his pores.

“…I’m sorry.” Armin hugged the bag so tightly it was sure to pop at any moment. The silence was deafening. “I thought you were still mad at me…I went over Marco’s because I wanted to give you space.”

“…you could have called me to let me know.” Armin could hear Eren making his way towards him. It made him panic. “You could have—“

“I didn’t want to!” Armin shut his eyes tightly feeling something prickly shooting through his entire body. He shocked himself too. What was this? He hated it.

“You didn’t want to…” Eren repeated a little slower and more solemnly.

Seeing Armin so tense from behind ate away at the anger. This was EXACTLY what he didn’t want. The last time he saw Armin like this was when he was curled in the corner waiting for the first blow from his bully to attack. It was the moment before he dared to turn around. The fear and horror that immediately fled his face when he noticed it was him was one of Eren’s guilty pleasures. It made him feel important, it made him proud of himself even if he ended up looking like Frankenstein from the fight. Eren was angry, yes. Was it justifiable? Probably. But did he ever want to make Armin this defensive around him…no.

“…fine.” It took everything inside of Eren to let it be. They were both having shitty day at least that was obvious. He could forgive Armin like the blond had done with him so many times in the past. That didn’t mean he wasn’t still a little pissed off at him. He hated how Thomas’ voice ran through his head. Armin said he went down Marco’s, but something told him that it wasn’t just Marco he was seeing.

“Fine?” All the tension left Armin’s shoulders. It wasn’t like Eren to not even make a little fuss out of a molehill. He wanted to fully turn around, but he was still a little scared to. Scared of Eren…since when did that happen? It felt like something starting crawling up this throat making it hard to speak.

“Goodnight Armin.” Armin was safe. That was all he needed to know right now.

His body was aching and tired beyond all reason and he really didn’t want to sleep with Armin tonight. Eren went to the room and grabbed a pillow and blanket. He’d talk about it tomorrow with Armin after he cleared his head. He didn’t want to make the situation even worse. He could hear Armin’s feet walking on the sticky kitchen floors. He must’ve seen the mess.

“Eren! Do you know where the mop is?” He really wanted to tell his friend where it was, but he didn’t trust himself.

Instead of answering back, Eren dropped the contents that were in his arms in front of the bedroom floor and shut the door. Armin could sleep on the couch or unpack one of the air mattresses they pack just in case. From the sound of it he must’ve found what he needed. He could hear the facet turn on and the sound of water filling the bucket. Eren thought about cleaning, but never really got around to it. His mind was too focused on finding out what happened. He called Armin’s phone several times before calling the police.

Armin said he went down Marco’s to give him space. That was a reasonable thought. Maybe he also went because…well…because he needed space too. Briefly Eren shut his eyes half asleep when something flashed across his mind. It hit all his sense so fast he bolted upright in the bed clinging desperately to the sheets gasping and panting for breath. His whole body was shaking and his eyes darted across the room looking for the clock. It was four in the morning and not a sound could be heard.

After realizing where he was Eren let himself fall back onto his pillow. He pressed the back of his hand against his forehead trying to control his breathing back to its normal pattern. He didn’t want to shut his eyes though. His head was pulsing, but he knew the throbbing would eventually dull out. Mikasa often forced painkillers on him while he was in therapy before. Mikasa…Eren turned looking at the clock again. She was probably already awake getting ready for work. If he called her no doubt she would want to come down especially if he told her about the most recent happening events. The only other number he had in his phone was Thomas oddly enough and he DID tell him to call him if he needed anything. Then again Thomas himself was very suspicious and not someone he could fully trust yet. Then…there was one other number.

Unsure Eren picked up his phone and flipped it open staring at the digits for a few seconds. Most likely no one would answer, but it didn’t hurt to try. He needed to talk to another human being to help get his mind off the dreams slash memories he was having. There were two rings and then a third one. By the fourth one he was ready to hang up.

“What the hell do you want?” A lower monotonous voice answered bluntly. Eren briefly cursed to himself utterly embarrassed. He was hoping the other guy was there, not him.

“Um, what should I wear as a uniform when I start?” Pointless conversation, that’s what he wanted.

“You called four o’clock in the morning and a week ahead of time for bullshit like that?” Levi was obviously pissed. His voice was a bit muffled and the younger man could hear the sound of water behind him.

“Are you…cleaning?” Maybe this was why they were looking for someone. He wouldn’t be surprised if the bitter man did this routinely.

“Yes. Do you know how many filthy germ carrying people come in and out of this place?” Something shifted and Levi’s voice was notably clearer. There was the sound of a chair dragging and something hitting what sounded like a metal counter. “And that’s just counting the employees.”

“But aren’t there only like three of you there?” This man, he was really interesting and odd at the same time. He didn’t know too many people with disorders. It felt like an easy academy award plot for a movie and not reality.

“Sometimes six if the other workers don’t go fucking up the place.” Venom dripped from each of his words making Eren shiver.

“I’ll try not to when I start working.” The man sounded so drained and distressed. There was an extremely long pause on the other end and oddly enough Eren didn’t mind it. The numbness of the conversation and simple sounds in the background was exactly what he needed after a long day of drama.

“How’s your head?” That was the first time he ever spoke to him without some kind of malicious or curse somewhere inside. It made Eren feel privileged as stupid as it would sound to anyone else.

“It’s fine.” No it still hurt like a bitch and it’s why he couldn’t sleep. “I just…needed to call someone.”

“I’m only going to tell you this once.” Again Levi’s voice changed tone. If Eren had to put an image to the shorter man’s speech pattern it would be like a rattlesnake crawling the suddenly curling. Its tail shaking to warn off predators before striking with its poisonous bite. “Are you listening, Eren?

“Y-yeah.” Why was he so scared? It’s not like the man could choke him through the phone…but then again he wouldn’t be too surprised if he had mutant powers and were somehow able to.

“Don’t use this line to invite people over to your fucking sleepover. This line is meant for work and emergencies only. If you ever use this line for your girl chat with my boyfriend, I’ll rip your fucking dick off.”

Silence.

“…he’s your boyfriend?” Wow, he never would have guess nor would he have guessed that Levi was gay. Part of him started wondering about their relationship. If there was one it must’ve been hardly anything if the man was so germ phobic. Eren probably got more from him with just how he was with Armin.

“Yes and you better back the fuck off.” Did he really…honestly…

“I’m not gay.” Eren’s brows drew close together and he tried his best not to laugh.

This man…this man who could strike so much horror from just talking to him over the phone was threatening him like a jealous ghetto teen girlfriend. The image of the snake was shattered as a new one appeared of Levi dressed in a school girl uniform and pigtails glaring at him and flipping him off. Tightly he clamped a hand over his mouth. He was glad that he called.

“Are you sure about that?” Eren’s brow creased.

“Levi, who are you talking to?” Erwin’s deep voice wasn’t too far from the phone. Looks like someone was busted.

“Threatening the new hire.” Eren started to realize Levi did not hold back.

“I’ll handle it.” There was a shift and the sound of smaller feet walking off. Erwin gave a long sigh before rubbing his temples. “I’m sorry if he called you—“

“I actually called here.” Damn his guilty conscious. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Oh…well…” Eren desperately wanted to slap himself across the face. There was a slight chuckle. “I’m not sure what I can do to help with that.”

“I—“Should he even be continuing his conversation? Levi no doubt was intently listening around the corner or not too far from where Erwin was.

“Levi is a little overprotective at times.” The older man’s tone was soothing and washed away all worries in Eren’s mind. It felt so familiar. “He may seem a little extreme with his threats, but I assure you he’s docile as a kitten.”

“With all due respect, sire. Your boyfriend scares the crap out of me.” Eren gulped a bit imagining him carrying out with all his horrible threats. Erwin was quiet for a moment then laughed. Hearing that laugh made Eren realize why he felt such a connection with him. He reminded him a lot of his own dad. Tears snuck up on him streaming down his face as Erwin continued to laughing unknowingly of the effect it was having on the other.

“Well, he wouldn’t be him if he was any other way.” The blond stated after he was calm enough to speak again. “And I do love him, very much.”

Erwin made sure to say the last part loudly making eye contact with his lover from across the room behind the corner he was lurking from. Levi’s expressed never did change, but he looked satisfied enough to leave Erwin along in the room to continue the conversation. It was his way of saying he trusted Erwin and Eren would not have to die…today.

“Why can’t you sleep if you mind me asking? Are you still in pain?” Something told him the Eren was a simple boy which was not only rare, but refreshing with today’s youth. “Levi told me that someone gave you a ride home. A friend hopefully.”

“Y-yeah. But not in the way he probably thinks.” Eren waved his hand in front himself trying to hide the remnants of his tears then stopped cursing mentally. This is why he hated talking on the phone. He felt like an idiot. “…I had a fight with a good friend of mine before you found me…”

“Oh?” Was all he said. Much like his dad would whenever he talked to him.

“Yeah…” Eren accidentally gave a rather ugly sniff.

“It must’ve been hard to deal with.” Erwin didn’t know the half of it.

“Yeah…”

“Did you make amends yet?” Erwin crossed his legs and leaned forward in the direction where Levi previously was. He could recall several times they fought they had from days of their youth to a few hours ago. “Sometimes it takes fights to realize how much the other person means to you.”

“…yeah…” Eren’s voice was low and raspy and hard to get out.

“Is that the only word in your vocabulary?” Erwin teased Eren a little smiling on the other side with his eyes closed. He reminded him of a much younger version of Levi in that sense. Not really wanting or probably more of not knowing how to put his thoughts into words. “Would you like my advice, Eren?”

“I’d appreciate it.” Because dad wasn’t there to help him like he used to.

“You need to talk it out.” Simple advice that anyone could give. But not in the way that Erwin said it.

“…okay…” A firm solid piece of advice. No fancy words. No philosophical discussion. Simple plain instructions. Nothing felt so clear as those words. “Thank you.”

“Any time. Good night, Eren.” With that he hung up.

Eren closed his phone and held it in the palm of his hand looking down at it. That call was one he really needed and he hoped he could slowly come to depend on them. No, they would never replace the wisdom of his father, but they could help him learn how to find wisdom within himself. His parents…were long gone and never going to ever be with him again at least not in this realm. Eren had to be strong like Mikasa always told him to be. He had to stop being so insecure about everything and believe. He had to believe or else he would lose everything important to him. He would lose Armin, he would lose Mikasa and he would lose all their new friends.

Lifting his legs up Eren swung himself up to sit at the edge of the bed. He set his phone on the nightstand and made his way to the door. He paused for a moment to mentally prepare for the conversation he never really thought he’d be having with Armin then opened the door. Too bad he was caught off guard by Armin falling backwards on his feet. Eren tried to jump out of the way, but ended up tripping and falling back landing harshly on his butt. It was another thing to add to his list of aches and pain.

“Eren!” Armin scrambled awake turning so they were face to face. “I’m so sorry! I should have called you and—“

“Uggh, what?” Eren rubbed his tailbone opening one eye looking up at him.

“What…” Armin couldn’t finish his sentence see all the bandages. Why hadn’t he noticed? Because he was too scared to even face Eren as he spoke, that’s why. “It’s all my fault.”

“What? This?” Eren steadied himself on one hand and pointed up at his head. “Not unless you were actually the one who snuck up on me.”

“I’m so sorry.” Armin nearly cried quickly closing the gap between the two of them by tightly wrapping his arms around Eren’s neck. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier. I’m sorry if I made you feel stupid. I’m sorry I was so selfish. I’m sorry I made you worry. I’m sorr—“

“Armin.” Eren managed to pull back a little as Armin fumbled out all his apologies. He pressed a finger on the blonde’s lips for a second to readjust himself from the awkward position. Once he was sitting a little straighter he looked back up at him and held his stare slightly blushing. “I’m sorry too.”

Armin blinked away his tears giving Eren a confused look.

“I’m sorry I took it the wrong way.” Eren carefully watched Armin’s reaction as he talked. “I haven’t really been…confident in myself. I’m worry you’re going to make new, better friends. Friends you’re meant to have and…”

Leave me. It hurt to say it…

“I would never leave you, Eren. Not for all the friends in the world.” Armin looked a little distressed as he said this. “How could you even think that?”

“I’m sorry.” Inside Eren could feel himself falling apart. “I just…I don’t want you to. Not like…”

“Eren…” Slowly Armin lifted up until he was kneeling in front of the other boy. He reached out his arms and held him securely against his midriff. One of his hands touched the other’s back while the other gently cradled him away from all of his insecurities. “Your parents…they never would have intentionally left you and Mikasa behind.”

“I know, I know…it’s just—“ Eren’s voice was muffled against Armin.

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Armin bent down and kissed the top of Eren’s locks while running a hand through them. It was a motion that Eren’s mom often did for them. Whenever the two of them were hurting or when they were missing any of the other parents or Mikasa. Eren’s mom called them Magic Kisses.

Finally since leaving their hometown Eren opened up and cried. It wasn’t the same as at the hotel or with the near car collision, it was soul ripping. It was pure pain. I was completely unadulterated grief. Never in his life had Armin ever heard such a cry and it rippled throughout his entire being. The blond had to push away his own panic and had to remind himself that Eren would be okay. Eren needed this. He needed to let it all out and to grieve like any other normal human being. This was all part of the process towards recovery. What scared him was that Eren was certainly holding all of it in. He suspected he was holding back ever since, but not this much. Tightly Armin held Eren close to him. Never again would he let it go unnoticed. Not in this lifetime. If Eren’s soul were to ever again be ripped from him and tossed into an ocean of despair then Armin’s would be the compass that leads him back to safety.

“Armin…I’m really tired…” Eren’ s voice was barely audible. He was seeping with all sorts of bodily fluids while still pressed up against Armin. The heat from it made the blond twitch ever so slightly.

“All right…”Armin slowly pulled him off then quickly fixed the pillow and blankets around them. “Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

Gently Armin pushed Eren onto the carpeted floor lying down beside him. He lifted the blanket over their heads and brought himself closer to the other. Eren gave one more ugly sniff then shimmied down a little lower than Armin so he could snuggly put his head underneath the other’s chin. He let out a sigh nuzzling gently against him.

“Thank you.” Were his last words before he drifted into peaceful slumber. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHH!! FEELS! *Dies a little* Hm...I may need to take a small break from all these chapters.  
> Just letting you guys know. I don't think I can handle all these emotions while writing...  
> Is that weird? I hope not. ^__^;; Either way I hope you enjoy these while waiting!


	23. Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and you thought you were doing so well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! ANGST AND DEPRESSION!! WILL CHANGE TAGS AND WARNINGS NOW!!

There was an attentive knock on the door that sounded throughout the whole apartment waking Armin up first. It took a moment for the blond to register exactly why he was on the ground and why Eren had his arms wrapped so tightly around him. His brain panicked for a split moment and he jolted up, but Eren’s strong hold kept him grounded. Taking a deep breath he relaxed just a little and allowed himself to embrace the quiet moment for a little longer.

“Hey! Are you there? I’ve got your kitty friend!” That didn’t sound like Marco at all. Curiously Armin managed to sneak away and answer the door. As promised their kitten was returned wearing a very…VERY tiny cone on her head. She gave out a small sad meow at him.

“Oh no…” Instantly Armin reached out for her holding her against his chest. “How long does she have to keep it on?”

“Do I look like a doctor?” It was Jean instead of Marco who delivered her. He put his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and gave a shrug. “I didn’t even know they made the cones that small. Doc said it’s supposed to help to keep her from biting or licking her wound.”

“I see…” Jean gave a nod then looked to the side with an odd look. He lifted his hand and scratched behind his ear.

“Um, he Arm…I know we haven’t known each other too long, but—“

“I heard what happened!! What the hell?! Raccoons?!!” Connie jumped over the bushes and landed not too far from them with a cage in hand.

When he landed he was about to explain why he had it, but stopped seeing Jean. Both of their eyes widen seeing each other and the atmosphere became tense. Armin swore he could feel the temperature also drop a few degrees. Slowly he watched Jean’s expression change from surprise to hate. His eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed as he gritted his teeth tightly.

“H-hey Connie! What’s that?” Armin tried to put himself more between the two.

“Huh? Oh…” All the life was sucked out of Connie and slowly he walked over to Armin holding the cage up. His hands shook so slightly that you wouldn’t notice from where Jean stood. “Raccoon trap. You open it here and set the food right here. See?”

“Oh yeah. Thanks. I’ll make sure to return it.” Armin tried to shift the kitten to his other hand, but she gave a rather vocal protest. Internally the blond gave a curse. He was trying to prevent a war here!

“Ha, no prob. I’ll set it up behind your place.” Connie eased up a little holding a tiny tin of dog food he brought with him. “I was going to do it for you anyway.”

“I see. Thank you so much Connie.” Armin could still feel Jean seething behind him, but not as much as before. Connie nodded and gave Jean one last look before setting off to do the task.

“…nice seeing you…” Armin wasn’t sure if Connie meant that last part for him or if he was talking to Jean. Either way he didn’t wait to see who responded.

“You know Connie?” Was all Jean said once the man was gone.

“Yes. Connie was one of the first people who greeted us when we first moved in.” Armin felt like he was sweating buckets. He predicted that they would someday run into each other. However he didn’t expect all this tension. He needed to change the subject to help change the mood. “How are the others? I mean Marcus DID drink a lot last night.”

“Pfft, yeah. The idiot.” Jean chuckled a little his shoulders loosening a little as he switched and looked at the shorter man. “He was acting like a big baby this morning. One hell of a hangover.”

“But you seem fine.” Armin curiously looked him over.

“That’s because I drank the lighter stuff and I stopped after you left.” Jean sighed tiredly. “Hey…can I come in for a second. I won’t take up much of your time…”

“Sure.” Jeans actions were a little confusing, but Armin never turned away anyone. He stepped into the apartment with Jean not too far from behind him. Jean paused for a moment with his hand on the doorknob looking off to the side. No doubt he noticed Connie leaving. “Did you want something to drink?”

“Nah, I’m fine.” The question shook him out of his stare and he shut the door behind them. He looked around the room with a surprised expression. “Looks really clean in here. Damn, you’ve got a nice place.”

“Thank you.” Armin chuckled a little. “Oh! I forgot to thank you for the food.” Jean shrugged and continued to take in the apartment. So much of it held Armin’s presence and the other half was probably that other guy’s. It was a weird mix of comfort and chaos.

Armin left for a moment to set the kitten next to Eren. Immediately she curled to him tucking her tail close to her and fell asleep by the side of his head. He wished he could have taken a picture, but he had a guest waiting for him. Quietly he returned making sure to shut the door with as little noise as possible. Marco had mentioned dropping off the kitten so it surprised him a little Jean showed up. It also surprised him that the kitten was taken care of without needing a name. He needed to come up with one for her with Eren. It wouldn’t be fair if he did all by himself seeing how it was their kitten.

When Armin arrived back in the living room he took a seat on the other side of the couch which Jean was sitting on. Jean had his hands clasped in front of himself and rubbed his hands together looking over at him. He tightened his lips slightly then licked his lips looking away as he cleared his throat. No doubt he was nervous or at least a little uncertain about what it was he wanted to talk about. To help make it easier Armin started off with small talk about things he knew Jean was familiar with.

“I spent a lot of time cleaning last night from all the raccoons. I had to record that history channel special last night. It’s the one based on aliens and such. Did you watch it last night?” Jean gave a slight chuckle giving him a questioning look. The tension seemed to leave him as he sat a little more comfortably on the sofa.

“Nah, I didn’t catch it either.” End of conversation. “Maybe I can watch it with you some time.”

“I’d like that. Eren doesn’t like anything to do with aliens and I’d appreciate the company.” Because Armin kind of believe it was real too.

“You and Eren. You’re really close, huh?” Armin didn’t mean for the conversation to take this turn, but he rolled with it. Hopefully it would lead to what was troubling Jean so much.

“Yes. We grew up together. Our parents were close friends.”

“Oh yeah? Moms or dads?” Jean put an elbow on his knee and leaned his cheek into his palm.

“Both.” Jean looked curious. So he decided to indulge him a little more. “Our moms were friends before they married our dads. Then afterwards they became friends too. We even lived next door to one another so they could take out the fence and shared one big yard.”

“That’s crazy…” Jean laughed a bit, but not for the reasons Armin thought. “Were they banging each other or something?”

“…” Armin felt something inside of himself jolt at that. It slowly started to spread throughout his body and his hands twitched ever so slightly. Something volatile crawled up his throat making him feel disgusting all over. At that moment Armin couldn’t remember if he thought of Jean as a friend or foe. Everything stood still and all Armin could hear was a single piercing sound.

“What the fuck?” Eren’s voice sounded right behind. The boy leaned over placing the sleeping kitten in Armin’s arms then crossed his arms glaring fiercely at Jean. It was enough to make him jump a little and lean back sitting upright in his seat. “What kind of sick fuck asks someone that?”

“You gotta admit…that’s a little weird.” Jean thought it over then inwardly cringed. He didn’t want to back down though otherwise Eren would think he had won and that Jean really was a ‘sick fuck’ as he put it. “It never crossed your minds even once?”

“Makes me wonder what kind of home you came from.” Jean prickled at this and quickly stood up with his fist clenched. No one insulted his mother like that.

“Fuck you! You don’t know shit about me!” THIS is why Marco told him over and over why he couldn’t make friends.

“And you don’t know shit about us!!” Eren balled his fist ready to start a fight. Armin was willing to let Eren duke it out.

“Yeah?! I---“ This was pointless. It wasn’t why Jean came over. He was trying to avoid talking about what he wanted help with. This wasn’t helping him, it was helping Eren, and it wasn’t helping Armin. All the blond did was open up to Jean in a way hardly anyone did. And if he continued to treat people like this no doubt they’d end up leaving him like most people. “ Well…I’m sorry.”

“Yeah you bet—huh?” Eren was so thrown off he scrunched his nose up making a surprisingly adorable face. It took everything in Jean not to laugh or else his apology would seem insincere.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.” Jean rubbed the back of his neck staring at the ground. “You see…I need your help. It’s about Marco…”

“What happened?” The initial anger left the two men. Eren settled for leaning against the couch behind Armin quickly scooping up the sleeping kitten. Armin didn’t even have to look to make sure she was still sleeping.

“He…well…” Jean didn’t feel like he had the right to tell them, but he was desperate. “He didn’t take his pills last night so his head is a little messed up.”

“What?” Eren again voiced Armin’s similar thoughts.

“He’s been trying a new prescription to deal with some depression. I don’t know where he was last night, but I guess he had such a good time he forgot. I had to call him in for work because he didn’t even want to get up. I took your kitty for you and told the doc because he knows about it.”

“Marco…as in the good twin?” Eren didn’t seem to believe a single word Jean was saying. Armin had to agree, it was a little hard to believe. Marco was so kind and gentle. Then again given his past, he could only imagine some of the internal struggles he had.

“…I’m about to tell you some SERIOUS shit.” Jean took a seat with a determined look in his eyes. “But ABSOLUTELY none of this shit gets out, understand?”

…the two couldn’t help scooting a little closer and leaning in to Jeans as he started to talk. Both nodded affirming that nothing would get out.

“Say. I need to hear you say it.” Jean growled out pointing at them both. “You don’t tell them I ever told you even if Marcus threatens murder.”

“Nothing leaves this room. “ Armin agreed then looked at Eren who repeated and pretended to zip his lips with a determined stare. It was a good sign and Armin knew it to be the deepest expression of respect. Maybe sharing in a secret would be good for him to start developing a somewhat trust in Jean.

Their responses helped to settle his nervousness and he relaxed a little. The hard part now was trying to find somewhere to start. He never really had a chance to talk about the twins to anyone, well not in this sort of way…That wasn’t true…he could always turn to his girlfriend when things got too scary…but then there were things he even kept from her…him…Connie. How much did Connie tell these two about him, her? Never mind, that wasn’t important. Right now it was all about getting help for Marco.

“He doesn’t say it, but there are times when he’s hurting inside. And there’s nothing I can do.” That basically summed it all in a nutshell. Admitting it out loud hurt, but didn’t it always to some degree? What good would this do anyway? It wasn’t like these two could do anything that he couldn’t. But then didn’t he just admit—

“You’re helping him by just trusting us, Jean.” Armin reached out to help calm Jean’s thoughts. When he looked up he could even see Eren giving him an encouraging look. Who exactly WERE these two? It was like they were from a whole different country. They were lucky to have one another if they encourage each other like this. Deep down it made Jean envious of what they had. He gave Armin a small lopsided smile and mentally shook off all his doubts. He was doing this for Marco.

Marco, who managed to help Jean through his own trouble and drama while he had even more drama going on at home. Marco, who told Jean that he was better than what he thought himself to be. Marco, who stood up for him when he was being bullied even though he was much smaller than Jean way back when. Marco, who could always look at things in a positive sort of way even when he was feeling depressed. Jean finally came to terms with his in ability to help Marco, but he could get him the sort of help he needed and deserved. Maybe with their help they could come up with something and may, just MAYBE Marco would be all right…hell! He’d give up his own arm if he could to make sure Marco was happy.

“The twins weren’t always together, at some point their mom divorced their dad and they were split up. Marcus went with their mom and Marco with their dad. Having to pay for alimony and for Marco’s medical and physical therapy bills was always hard on him and he would always say stupid shit to him.”

Jean gritted his teeth remembering half of the things Marco told him. It wasn’t Marco’s fault that he was born how he was, but somehow the cruel bastard made him believe it was. Their dad was a successful lawyer at the time which is why their mom took Marcus instead. Theoretically their dad would be paying for most of Marco’s medical needs. His mom thought she made the right choice for him and tried to straighten Marcus out as much as she could.

She didn’t know about all the strange women he came home with and sleep with in his own son’s bed. She didn’t know how he would leave Marco alone while he pulled all-nighters in the office. She didn’t know because Marco didn’t tell her. All she knew was that daddy got him a kitten of his own to care for. That daddy let him watch all the movies and have plenty of snacks and gave him a really neat night light to chase away the monsters under his bed. How dad taught him out to cook and how excited he was to cook for her and Marcus when they were together again.

“When he lost his job he took it out on Marco. His dad tried to hide it, but he did the stupid mistake of coming in on one of her shifts. The asshole didn’t look over her work schedule that she gave him to arrange when she would have Marco for the weekend.”

“Holy…shit…” Eren never so eloquently voice Armin’s thoughts. There was a sick feeling in the bottom of Armin’s stomach. Right when he thought that was the end of it Jean continued talking.

“Marco was place into foster care while the case was being settled. During that time Marco was having a really hard time and went through his first full on depression. He got to the point he was contemplating suicide. In the end, their mom got physical custody of them while their dad maintained limited visitation that required a third party to be present at all times.”

“Wasn’t there enough evidence for a termination of the dad’s parental rights?” It didn’t make sense.

“Marco lied when he testified in court.” Something cold ran down both of their spines.

For a brief second they looked at each other sharing the same look before looking up at Jean. Did Marco’s father make a threat of some kind? Had something worse happen while Marco was in foster care? Jean shrugged trying to shake off the gravity of the simple fact. He himself wasn’t too sure why Marco chose to lie in court. It always bothered him and was something Marco would take to his grave.

“Marco’s mom made sure to get him mental therapy to help him learn how to deal with everything since he wasn’t willingly telling her what was wrong. But it wasn’t helping and only seemed to be making things worse. It was a last option to put him on anti-depressants.”

“How old was he when he started on the meds?” Long term treatment of antidepressants were uncommon in children mainly due to the fact they didn’t know all of the side effects yet and it was generally deemed an unsafe practice.

“It happened after his second episode.” Jean looked thoughtful putting a hand under his chin then closing his eyes humming slightly. “I think he was fourteen at most. He had them for about a year and they tampered him off. He started taking them again a few months ago. I’m not sure why. Like I said, he doesn’t really tell me anything about stuff like that because he doesn’t want to be a ‘burden’ to me or Marcus.”

“That’s some heavy shit.” Eren gave a long sigh taking a seat beside Armin. “and he didn’t take them yesterday.”

“Nope. Marcus left this morning for the gym so he doesn’t know Marco’s at home like this.” Jean gave a nervous chuckle. “He gets really upset and mad at him and makes it a little worse. I’ve tried talking to him and getting him to take the pills, but…”

Marco got in a physical fight with him for the first time. It really shocked Jean and Marco grabbed the pill chucking them as far away from him as he could. He shouted angrily at him and said some hurtful things, but Jean knew it wasn’t Marco. It wasn’t him at all. No doubt Marco was still in bed with the blanket around him. Marco didn’t seem suicidal so he took the chance leaving him at home alone to take care of a few times to make sure Marco wasn’t fired and to get some back up help for when he went back.

“Did you want us to go with you?” Armin questioned. Jean silently thanked whatever deity was watching over him right now. The blond really was an angel.

“Please.” Jean looked at Eren too. “I know you think I’m a douche and an asshole, but I wouldn’t lie about Marco. I don’t deserve a good friend like him and he shouldn’t have to settle to have just me for one.”

“…guess we should start heading over then.” Eren stood up handing Jean the kitten. “Maybe we can use her to soften Marco up a bit. I need to get some pants on.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Armin stood up as well with an embarrassed look hurrying to his room to quickly change leaving Jean standing in the living room holding the kitten and a lost look on his face.

“…It’s almost fucking noon!!” Jean shouted out to both of them angrily. “What the hell have you two been doing all this time?”

Some of Marco’s regime and habits rubbed off on Jean over the years. Before he would have been in the same boat as the other two. Seemed like Marco was secretively been grooming Jean into being a productive member of society…Marco…Jean hoped he was all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just heard the right music and had to write! Ah! Sorry this one was a bit Marco centric. Hope no one minds too much. Again there were slight hints before and even more hints about why Marcus acts the way he does. Jean sees Connie for the first time in a long time so expect a little more drama there. Eren and Armin are finally in a good spot though ready to keep moving forward! So much is happening! 
> 
> I tried to look up stuff best I could about divorces and depression to help make all this more solid. If I've misunderstood anything please let me know! I only know a little bit about this kind of stuff, but know more about it from people who have been through it. 
> 
> Again I'm not sure when the next update will be. Hopefully the mood will strike soon.  
> Leaving with small sketch here: http://traitorofsanity.deviantart.com/art/Marco-s-Prosthetic-556884728  
> And if you have an idea for a scene let me know it the chapter it's from in the comments below!


	24. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some fade, some stay

Zeus and Chairman sat at the edge of Marco’s bed waiting patiently for him to get up. It was part of their morning routine where they would get fed and given water then received their pettings by at least one of their humans. Marcus already left and often forgot these things so it was no surprise. The other different looking human Jean who often refill their bowls, but oddly left in a hurry with the stranger kitten. He nearly tripped and fell backwards trying to run and lock the door at the same time. Something must’ve happened or there was a deadline he forgot about. That left this human with the fake arm was normally dependable than the other two except for today. This human didn’t even look like he was alive wrapped away in his blankets and an arm flung over his eyes. The fake arm was nowhere to be seen. So just to make sure it was for sure their human, Zeus carefully walked over and rubbed himself against Marco’s hand.

“Zeus…stop.” He grumbled out not moving. That sounded like his owner, but then again it didn’t. Again Zeus tried again this time giving a small cry for attention. “ZEUS!”

That terrified the cat and with unrealistic speed he took off running and jumping off the bed. Chairman running with him. The other two human shouted and yelled all the time, but this one rarely did. Marco tried to ignore the guilt he felt. Zeus and Chairman were fine and it wasn’t like one missed meal would kill them. Cynically he thought Zeus could probably stand to lose a few pounds. That cat was FAT. The corner of his mouth twitched up just a little then fell just as fast. Today…was going to be hard. He knew he missed taking his pills and for such a stupid reason. He didn’t want to worry Connie while at her house. He had the meds right in his pockets and should have excused himself to their bathroom to sneak then…why hadn’t he?

His right nub of a shoulder started tingling and burning again it brought tears to the corners of his eyes. He had enough of wearing the old heavy prosthetic. He hated it. Before he told himself he would get used to it ever since he was little. He needed it so he wouldn’t scare people. He needed to try and blend in with the other “normal” limbed people. Even if it looked weird it was better than having nothing and having people give you that look. Slowly Marco turned so he was laying on his back pointlessly looking up at the ceiling. Gently he ran his fingers down his scarred eye. The patch too helped him hide away and made him less repulsing. An intense feeling shook throughout him and tears streamed down his cheek, it scared and relieved him. Life was not kind, especially to deformed freaks like himself. It was all too hard and not worth it. He wasn’t worth.

An old memory flashed before his eyes making it suddenly hard to breathe. His heart started beating loudly and heavily. He could feel his whole body pulsing and it felt like a force was pushing him into the bed squishing him. All sound vanished except for the high pitch sting of noise. He rolled to his side pressing his ear as hard as he could to the pillow and clamped on tightly to his other ear with his hand. The pitch felt like someone screaming and there was nothing he could do.

He choked letting out a straggled sob and felt his tears soaking into his pillow. Mucus flowed down mixing with his spit and he never felt so hideous and broken. When would this end? How the hell was he supposed to get out of this? Death. A voice called out calmly to him. By going back to nothing then he would feel nothing…right? The thought of death did shake him a little out of it. Death sounded almost too good right now. Hell, it sure beat living like how he was.

“Marco!! Where are you?” The door slammed open and he could hear the panic in Jean’s voice.

A bitter laugh rose to his throat before he felt like he was going to vomit. Jean always had the worse timing. There were two more voices that followed Jean inside. One of them was obviously higher than the other. Normally Marco would suck it up and drag himself to look somewhat decent, but not today. World be damned, Marco Bodt was calling in on life.

There was a knocked on the door.

“…Marco…it’s Eren.” So those two were over? For a brief moment he felt surprised. Armin seemed to be a wonderful talker who could do wonders. Why, he got drunk Marcus and drunk Jean to get along fine when he arrived. How on EARTH did a stranger manage to do THAT?! The green eyed monster ate away on his inside, but he tried so hard not to let it show. Maybe…maybe they didn’t really need him like he thought they did. Maybe HE was the problem…He was always the problem.

“That’s a great burrito impersonation you’re doing there.” Marco gasped a little feeling something much heavier than Zeus sitting on his stomach. Lifting his arm up for a second he was greeted by Eren’s smiling face trying to peek under at him. “Did I get your attention?”

“Eren…knock it off.” Marco grumbled out trying to lower his arm back down. Too bad for him Eren caught it and exerted the right amount of pressure, firm enough to keep Marco in place and gentle enough that he wasn’t hurting him.

“I bet you’re wondering why it’s me in here and not Armin or Jean.” Eren’s stare was something to be reckoned with. Maybe it was the way the light captured in them and gave them an almost ethereal look or maybe it was the confidence in them, either way it was an unspoken challenge.

“Why are you here, Eren?” Marco gave up. He was just too tired to be dealing with this. It wasn’t like all this mattered. Nothing could help him when he was like this. If he was lucky and made it tomorrow then he could take his prescription. It wouldn’t magically make everything right and wonderful, but it would help him break the perpetual cycle he was in.

“Because this—“ Eren boldly reached underneath the blanket running his fingers along Marco’s shoulder scars. “I can relate to…”

Marco’s whole body seized up he bit his lip to keep himself from gasping and sat up half way grabbing Eren’s wrist a little harder than he meant to. He saw the other wince for a moment, but he managed to hide the pain well. Realizing his actions Marco immediate let go, but pushed Eren’s hand back to himself. Eren’s stared at him for a second then back at his missing arm.

“I know it hurts. I know the frustrations, but don’t let this define who you are, Marco.” Something raw boiled underneath Marco’s skin.

“What do you know Eren?!” Yes, Marco had a few good moments being down Eren and Armin’s apartment, but what did he know personally about him? Nothing. Who was he to invade his privacy like this? Who was he to touch him like that when he rarely even let people LOOK at…Unconsciously Marco hide the mangled up ugliness with his other arm and scooted back in the bed until his back was against the headboard. Eren slide down his midriff only a little and Eren maintained his piercing gaze.

“I know more than you think.” Eren’s expression did almost a 180 degree turn which threw Marco off for the second time. Eren’s gaze fell down shyly and he was biting his lip slightly. Did Eren…As if answering his question Eren sat up on his knees unbuckling his pants and started pulling them down.

“Eren, what are you—“ Marco mind went blank for a moment trying to comprehend exactly WHAT was happening. The message was loud and clear once the larger man could see the same type of mangled scars along his right leg. From how well Eren walked Marco never would have guessed. No doubt he too must’ve had to undergo some kind of physical therapy as well. The freckled man’s hand reached out without really thinking, but he managed to catch himself and pulled back.

“It’s frustrating…” Eren spoke making sure not to look Marco in the eye.

Before Marco could say another word Eren took a hold of his hand and led it back to satisfy his curiosity. Softly Eren guided Marco’s fingertips along the rises and indentations of each scar. The flesh was hard in most parts and soft, others very similar to the ones on his arm. “You want to give up. You want to stop trying. You compare yourself to others until it makes you sick. You don’t sleep at night and everything in life makes you empty and angry. I know Marco. I know too well.”

“Why are you showing me?” Marco kept his eyes down staring at a particular scar that doesn’t really match with the rest. With Eren’s hand no longer still guiding him he concentrates on it liking the different texture of it. With interest he notices the smaller boy’s leg twitch. His small toes curling ever so slightly. It was really cute he decided. “Do you let Armin look at you like this?”

“H-hell no.” Eren can’t help barking out pulling away from Marco. He sat back up on his knees and quickly adjusting everything before buckling his pants back up. It was really curious how much confidence Eren lost. He looked so uncomfortable casting his eyes either down or to the side as he spoke. “I…Armin…um, we, ah, well…that is…we’re just…I mean I’m not…”

“I know the feeling.” Marco repeats back at Eren. Except Eren doesn’t look curious at all by what Marco meant behind the statement. He’s too busy getting off Marco and putting as much distance as he could between them. “Eren…your fly is down.”

“Shit, I know! I know!” Eren blushes furiously zipping up, but unable to due to the material jamming up the zipper. This was a bad idea. What were the other two thinking that Eren was the best person to talk to Marco? Hell he was surprised he didn’t make Marco cry or even worse, try and commit suicide. Touching someone like he had or allowing someone to touch was a very intimate thing. He hope Marco would understand his actions more than his words, but then he hoped his actions didn’t speak more than what he meant by those words. Eren felt like a steam whistle ready to blow from all the embarrassment he felt.

“Here…you’re never going to get it.” Marco leaned forward slowly unzipping then zipping Eren’s pants for him. Eren leaned back slightly not knowing what to do or where to rest his hands. Once done Marco looked up at Eren with a teasing smile making the other turn so red. “Thank you Eren.”

“Um…sure…ah….anytime…” Why was his heart beating so fast? “But…not-not that part. I mean, now that I think about it…that, um, sorry. I don’t think out my actions sometimes. Or at least that’s what Armin tells me sometimes.”

“I understand what you were trying to do.” Marco let Eren put more space between them and he looked away rubbing his shoulder nub slightly then sighing. “ And…thanks. I know it’s a big thing to…”

“Y-yeah. That and the other thing?” Eren tried to laugh it all off.

“Other thing?” Marco gave Eren a curious look.

“Um, well, yeah…” Eren rolled his shoulders slightly in a shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head all in one motion. “I mean. I’m not really…ah…how to say this…I really suck at this…”

“Sorry, but I don’t mean to assume, but…” Marco looked slightly embarrassed rubbing his neck slightly looking away. “I’m sorry if I sent the wrong message. I was honestly just helping you zip up your pants. Nothing more. I mean you’re an attractive person, but--”

“I’m not.” Eren’s grew big and he waved his hands in front of himself looking like he was either about to run off screaming or about to start crying. “I’m not—I didn’t mean—Shit!! I’m sorry!!”

“Eren…you’re not making sense…” Tiredly Marco let out a breathless laugh.

“I’m----not into…THAT.” Eren could feel the heat radiating off his face as he slowly turned his face away as he spoke and made crazy hand motions.

“Eren…you just gestured to all of me.” It was the first time Marco could use that quote. For a more dramatic effect Marco place his hand over his chest looking heartbroken. He couldn’t help smiling seeing Eren look enormously nervously and slightly terrified. Was Eren homophobic? This was getting more curious by the second.

“No! No, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you! You’re fucking perfect!” Eren slapped a hand over his mouth as if he could shove the words that came flying out. The two of them sat there eyes both wide trying to makes sense of each other.

On one hand, at least to Marco, it felt like Eren was flirting with him a little sharing and letting Marco see such a vulnerable side of him which he didn’t even allow Armin to share in. On the other, Eren didn’t really seem like the kind to think out everything he did and might have accidentally or more of unknowingly flirted and only wanted to be as honest as he could be with Marco. Either way…he felt…flattered. Maybe even a little special. Marco’s brow furrowed slightly and he looked up at Eren tightening his lips while examining him. Eren fidgeted keeping the stare then nervously chuckled looking at basically anything that wasn’t him. When Eren did look back at him he lightly scratch his cheek with a lost expression.

“I guess I should say thank you then.” Marco smiled with his eyes laughing. There was no way Eren could have meant it in…THAT way. Eren was only concerned and acted brash which left no room for him to be dishonest. It was an interesting and rare quality that Marco found himself liking. “Thank you for being my friend too.”

“Thank you for not calling me a dumbass.” Eren heaved out a sigh of relief hunching over slightly. Poor guy it looked like their talk really took everything he had out of him. “I’m really sorry for…well…for all that.”

“I think you shook me out of whatever it was I was thinking.” Marco sighed letting himself fall back down on the mattress. “But…I really don’t feel like moving. I’m sorry…”

“It’s fine.” Eren stayed sitting there then hesitantly reached over petting his head. Marco held back a laugh and decided there would be a lot he would let Eren get away with. The petting slowly switched to a gentle scratch here and here then into massaging his scalp. Marco soft sighs changed to low humming. It felt really nice. “Mind if the others came in here? They’re really worried about you.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it Eren.” Marco’s voice came out weak. “But if they want to watch a movie together I think I can manage. I don’t think I can manage getting out of the house at all today…”

“Fair enough. I’ll be right back.” Much to Marco’s reluctance Eren rose from the bed leaving him cold and alone in the room. When the other man closed the door he could hear Jean’s voice instantly asking all these questions. That guy worried over him way too much. Is it wrong that it makes him feel a little better knowing that he does? Armin said something and all of them spoke back and forth for a little. When all of them fell silent again Eren appeared back in the room.

“Armin said you should take a cold shower first. Something about it boosting your mood and a bunch of other science-y stuff that he read.” Marco stifled a laugh at how lost Eren sounded and looked.

“All right. I’ll be there in a minute then.” With everything he could Marco heaved himself up. His head felt so dizzy and Eren was at his side helping him steady himself as much as he could. Oh yeah…he hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch yet…that made sense.

“Go ahead and start. I’ll ask Jean to find you something.” Marco gave a nod and managed to stand up and make his way to the shower. His feet felt like cement and his whole body was made of lead. He paused only for a moment when he saw Jean and Armin sitting in the living room looking over the movie they were going to watch. Jean was the first to notice him when he looked up.

“You need help Marco?” Jean shot up putting the Blu-ray containers on the coffee table and hurrying by his side offering him his arm.

“Thank you Jean.” Graciously he took the help that was offered to help him along the way. “Sorry.”

“You don’t every have to say that.” Jean stopped once they reached the doorframe. He opened the door and held it open for him giving Marco one last smile. “It’s about time I start taking care of you, yeah?”

“It’s pretty sad that a grown man like me has to be taken care of.” Marco sighed out. Oh no, he could feel it slowly start pulling him into the void again. “I really am—“

“Shut up, stupid.” Jean grabbed Marco’s nose sneering at him. It shocked the taller man enough to stop him from thinking for a moment. When Jean let go he rubbed his nose tenderly giving Jean a defensive look. Jean would definitely describe it as a pout and he couldn’t help grinning back at him. “You’ll be better tomorrow.”

Before Marco could retort Jean gave him an encouraging shove inside and closed the door for him. He waited until he heard the shower turn on to let out a sigh of relief. Thank God Marco didn’t do anything crazy. Jean never asked for miracles, but more of for small favors. It was a nicer feeling seeing the big man in the sky giving him a break every now and then. When Jean arrived back to the living Eren was already sitting next to Armin discussing something with him in a hushed tone.

Jean decided not to bother then and instead he went instantly to Marco’s room to pick him out some comfy clothes. Armin and Eren again didn’t seem to notice and really were in their own little world talking to each other much like…no, they weren’t like that. Jean shook his head briefly then glanced back at them as he knocked on the door for Marco. They were close friends and that was it. He shouldn’t go assume that people were gay. Then again if Marcus was here he would tell Jean that he shouldn’t go assuming that people were straight. If Marco were his regular self he would tell Jean that it shouldn’t matter period unless he wanted to ask them out.

Was he interested?

Jean’s heart thudded loudly against his chest as if answering.

…well…maybe?

“Jean, can you—oh.” Marco opened the door then hid behind it more blushing. He didn’t expect him to be right there. It snapped Jean out of his thoughts and he merely looked at Marco raising an eyebrow and then smirked.

“Didn’t know you had so many freckles on your butt.”

“Jean—“ Marco said in a tired tone, but then gave up on it. He held his hand out to accept the clothes in Jean’s hands. “Not today.”

“Oh?” Jean held out the clothes a tad out of Marco’s reach. Falling for it Marco leaned a little more forward. Jean couldn’t help smiling and running his hand through Marco’s wet hair sending the droplets spraying everywhere. Marco gave a small indignant growl before pushing Jean’s hand away.

“Go pick your movie already.” Jean smirked to himself fully satisfied and left Marco alone to finish getting dressed. He was going to be okay. Tomorrow would be here before anyone knew it. Still…maybe he’d ask if Marco wanted to have a marathon or something once the others left that way they could both sleep in the living room. Nothing like a marathon to get your mind off of things.

“Is he doing better?” Armin looked up at Jean with hopeful eyes. 

“Yeah…he’s doing a lot better now.” Jean flopped on the couch stretching his limbs as far as he could with a fake yawn. “I don’t know what you did Eren, but it worked.”

“Good. Don’t expect me to do it again.” Eren growled out at him. “I suck at it.”

“You suck at what?” Jean feigned innocence raising a hand to his ear.

“Shut up!” Eren raised a fist at him.

“Eren.” Armin turned back to him and put a hand on top of his fist bringing it down while looking him in the eye.

The green eyed boy looked right back at him saying nothing then turning his attention back at the DVD wallet. Armin smiled and continued to look along with him continuing their pleasant nothingness chat. All Jean could do was raised an eyebrow and watch them. They were…interesting. By themselves, individually, they were just as interesting. Briefly he couldn’t help wondering what it would take to ever tear them away from one another…

Jealousy maybe?

That happened to everyone right?

”Jean! Can you feed the cats? They’re clawing at the door!” Marco shouted from the bathroom. Sure enough when Jean got to his feet both cats were sitting and pawing at the door with pathetic mews.

“Get over here.” Jean frowned motioning them over and leading them to the kitchen. He had thought they already trained them out of that bad habit. Oh well. Guess it takes a while for some personalities to learn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna know all the science-y stuff about cold showers. :)  
> http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17993252
> 
> Important hotlines:  
> http://neuroticsoulgobbler.tumblr.com/post/128381067293/important-hotlines
> 
> And my personal favorite 7cups of tea:  
> http://www.7cupsoftea.com/
> 
> If you need help, it's out there.  
> Please don't feel ashamed or like you're not worth it.  
> You deserve to be helped and you owe it to yourself. 
> 
> That aside I hope you're all doing well out there. I was a bit worried I might have hurt some with the last chapter with all that angst, but saw people were still reading so that helped me to write this one. Ahhh!!! I just want you guys to know how much I appreciate and love all of you out there. I mean it man. And I hope school isn't too cruel to you all going out there. ; u ;


	25. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happen little by little. But will eventually led to something big.

The days that were left of that week went by so quickly that Armin forgot to mark them off his calendar. It wasn’t until he saw Eren dressed in his “uniform” that he remembered today was his first day. Briefly the blond glanced down at his watch. It brightly showed 4 a.m. which was unheard of for Eren to be dressed let alone awake enough to leave. Nevertheless Eren looked wide awake as if it were already noon. Eren opened the refrigerator taking out an apple quickly taking a large bite out of it.

“Are you going to walk over there?” It made sense now. The restaurant was at the very least forty minutes on foot. “How’s your—“

“It’s a little sore, but I’ll make it.” Eren wiped his mouth with his forearm and gave Armin a confident closed smile. He held the apple out at him with a grin. “I’m gonna scrub everything so clean there that they’ll be eating off the floors instead of the tables.”

“…that doesn’t make any sense. I mean, realistically the tables are much closer to you that the floor.” Eren face faulted for a moment before he caught on to what Armin was doing. Seeing the change in the other’s expression made Armin slowly back away with his arms slightly held up as if already surrendering. However it could hide the fact that Armin was chuckling and soon laughing at him.

“Stop trying to psysch me out!” Eren caught Armin in a light headlock and messed up his hair best he could one handedly with an apply securely in his grip.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine, Eren.” Armin snuck out of the hold slipping down and quickly getting back up to his feet. With a cheeky smile he held up the keys that were once in Eren’s back pocket. Seeing them he pointlessly patted all his pockets then looked back at him with an indignant expression. “I’ll drive you.”

“I was going to leave you the keys in case you needed it.” Eren smiled hanging his head slightly, but making his way over to the door beside Armin.

“I’ll most likely be home all day. Maybe I might give Connie that raccoon trap back.” Once he said the sentence he couldn’t hide the blush that arose on his cheeks. He hoped Eren didn’t catch his slip up. “I mean it’s been days and all we’ve done is catch a few stray cats and that really small dog.”

“Home.” Dang! He caught it. Eren stopped behind Armin and looked up at him with a wide closed smile.

“What else would I call it?” Armin bit his lip fiddling with the keys trying to find the correct one by the driver’s side. “Why do you have so many keychains on this? You can barely find the keys.”

“Our home.” Eren reached over taking his land yard easily finding the key. The smile never left his face as he held it up between the two of them. He never looked so calm and at peace as he did now. “You can call it…OUR…home.”

Uh-oh Armin’s stomach started doing that flip flopping cartwheeling motion. Armin came to recognize it as being the warning signals of a boner. Why he found common domestic gestures like this so arousing completely eluded him. Without another word they both went inside the vehicle. The quietness was relieving compared to the usual loud traffic noises. The sun was barely rising up and Eren never looked so at peace. Armin wanted to preserve this moment as long as he could filing it away in his memory. No doubt college would keep him occupied for most of the day now. Tomorrow he’d have to go done to the campus to turned in the necessary paperwork. His plan was to finish as fast as he could taking summer and online classes as well. The sooner the better, the college he was attending was a little on the pricey side, but offered all the classes and help he needed.

“How long is your shift?” Armin slowed down as he pulled up to the closest parking spot by the entrance. Eren jumped out nearly rushing inside, but stopped himself running back hanging onto the passenger’s side window.

“Ah…I forgot.” Eren’s eyes widen nervously. “I think …like dinner time?”

“Did you write it anywhere at home?” Armin frowned slightly glancing Eren over.

“If I did it would be somewhere obvious.” Eren sighed heavily then looked behind himself. It seemed like someone else was coming in too. He gave Armin an apologetic look. “I’ll call when I find out.”

“It’s all right. Don’t worry too much about it.” Armin tried to give Eren a confident smile. “Have a good first day at work.”

“…yeah…um, you too…but at home.” Eren blushed slightly then smiled slightly biting his lip while pointlessly drumming on the truck. Armin couldn’t help laughing hiding his face behind his hand shaking his head.

“Go! You’ll be late.” Finally he took off holding the door open for whoever it was arriving. Armin waited a little bit longer to make sure everything was all right. It was a habit of his that he picked up from his mother he supposed. Eren turned for the last time giving Armin a wave then entered the building. There he went…and it would be hours until he saw him again.

The mere thought of it made his heart sink. He was ridiculously spoiled the first two weeks of moving in. They went everywhere together learning the area a little better for fun and practical reasons. They finally finished unpacking and bought a few extra items to complete their home. And more importantly they finally picked a name for their girl kitten after much debating. Life was good. Could it ever be better? Well…yes…Eren could be here now. Armin gave a small groan leaning his forehead against the wheel then sighed leaning back in the driver’s seat while running his hands down his face. He was acting so childish and ridiculously in love. One would say he could feel their “honeymoon” state coming to an end. Ha, honeymoon…

Armin’s mind started to drift back to when they were trying out a new recipe together. It was insanely hot the entire day and the brunette spent the whole day at home in his boxers. They were both too lazy to go out to get food and neither of them wanted to leave what little coolness their place offered compared to outside. Eren accidentally packed Mikasa’s apron instead of his own and was so insistent in wearing it still as they cooked. His reasoning was that no one else was ever going to see him in it except Armin. That night Armin was amazed at his self-control. The blond swallowed slightly looking up at the truck’s ceiling then covered his eyes with his wrist. He wished he had that same self-control right now instead of waiting in the parking lot trying to get his mind set straight.

With a long mix between a growl and a sigh Armin shook it off and started the truck’s ignition. It was time to go home and find something productive to do. It was time to not think about how unconsciously cute and attractive Eren could be. There was no use in throwing a tantrum because Eren had responsibilities now, grown up responsibilities which now included a job. It was time…Armin parked and flopped himself again in the driver’s seat groaning…it was time he either confessed to Eren or at least make the first step towards telling him. If the situation were to continue any longer like this then Armin would surely go insane. The way Eren laughed, the way he smiled, the way he would casually touch him were all throwing fuel to the fire he felt.

“Hey, you’re looking kinda down in there.” Armin nearly jumped out of his skin hitting his knees ad thighs harshly against the steering wheel. He gave a short pained yelp then hissed turning to the side gently rubbing them to chase away the pain.

“Sasha, you nearly gave me a heart attack.” Sasha didn’t hide her laugh while she lifted up her sunglasses.

“I have a couple of things to do.” Sasha motioned to the package in her arms then frowned slightly. “But I mean it. What’s wrong? It’s weird seeing you down.”

“It’s nothing.” Armin didn’t even believe himself when he said it. Tiredly he ran his hands over his face taking a deep breath. “I mean, it’s something…but unimportant.”

“Oooooh?” Sasha gave Armin a long look then glance back at her apartment. “Weeeeellll, all right…Could you do me a favor then?”

“What is it?” He only talked with Sasha a few times. Personally he didn’t think they were close enough for favors, but he wouldn’t turn her down unless it was something dangerous.

“Can you give Connie a hand while I’m gone?” Sasha batted her eyes then sighed. “He started trying to sort and clean shit out, but he’s not really good at it. I bet he could use a pro’s help like yours.”

“Is that it?” Armin felt so relieved. “Sure, I can do that. I don’t really have any plans.”

“Really?! Thanks buddy!” Sasha smiled bright as the sun putting her shades back on. “Well, off I go! This ain’t gonna mail itself!”

Cleaning sounded like the perfect thing to get his mind off of Eren right now. Then again Armin couldn’t help feeling like he was somehow tricked by Sasha. Connie didn’t feel like the kind of person who would clean too often. Maybe she was trying to escape the horror. Oh well, the bigger the mess the longer it will take to clean thus the sooner Eren will be home. Man, he did it again. Making everything about that man. It was definitely time to have that talk he promised himself he would have.

As he approached Connie’s apartment all he could hear was the loud music blasting from within. Most likely it was the new pop song seeing how Connie on more than several occasions showed Armin the top listed ones. It was amazing to think just two weeks ago they were total strangers. Connie didn’t say or even mention Jean though. Neither did Jean about Connie. Those two clearly needed to talk it all out at some point seeing how Armin refused to choose one friend over the other. However, if it were Eren, he’d choose Connie over Jean in a heartbeat. Armin rang the doorbell first then knocked on the door. A few of the dogs howled calling attention to the front along with a few others that barked excitedly. Recently they’ve been seeing a lot of different visitors.

“Hang on!! I’ll be right there!” Connie hollered over the dogs and the music. It sounded like he was pretty far from the door. It took a few minutes, but finally Connie managed his way over the piles on the floor and tugged the door open. “Oh hey Armin, ah excuse the mess.”

“Sasha said you might need help?” To say it was a mess was an understatement. It was a DISASTER. It would have put Eren to shame. Trying his best not to cringe Armin continued making his way inside. He stopped to try and close the door behind himself, but to no avail.

“Yeah! If you’re not busy.” Connie stopped and went over to help Armin shut the door. “Believe it or not, that was a LOT easier than when Sas was trying to make it out of here.”

“Connie…what IS all of this?” Armin asked nearly tripping over one of the random piles of junk.

“Well, it’s half trash, half junk, mostly clothes, but a whole of hell-if-I-know…” Connie let out an embarrassed laugh looking at everything then back at Armin with his hands folded in front of him.

“Let’s start by sorting the junk then…some of it maybe be trash. Then we can just throw out the trash portion. I get the feeling it’s a large portion of what this mess is.”

With a nod the two set to work. Like he predicted most of the mess was cleared up once they made a couple of trips to the dumpster closest to them. Connie took a short break to get them some food and they both decided to eat outside rather than inside due to the smell. The trash was bad enough without the added smell of so many dogs in the same area.

“Thanks again man for helping me with all this.” Connie leaned back on his elbows while holding his burger in the other hand.

“I wasn’t really doing anything.” Armin smiled before finishing off the last of his fries. “All we have to really do now is sort all those clothes out. I never would have thought Sasha would have so many.”

“Ah…it’s mostly mine.” Connie nervously scratched his cheek. “A lot of the dresses and pink stuff is mine. Sasha will let me borrow her shirts and jackets.”

“Oh from when…” Armin left it at that. “Do you still—“

“Not really, but I really do love all my outfits. I could never give them away you know?” Connie sighed licking his fingers then laying down fully on the grass. “I use to go out with Sasha on dates and stuff when we were in college. Sometimes she would want to see me all doll up cause she thought I was super cute like that.”

“You mention Sasha was genderfluid awhile back.” Armin heard the term before, but never really cared too much to look further into it. “Has it ever really affected your relationship?”

“You’re really curious about this sort of stuff, aren’t you?” Connie joked. It wasn’t everyday he would be asked so many questions purely out of someone’s curiosity. Honestly he didn’t really like to talk much about it to others due to the times they kept trying to trip him up to call him a phony. Armin wasn’t like that though. Armin simply liked knowing all he could about things. ” I’m betting you must be from a small town.”

“A little. It’s more of we never really talked about it.” Armin felt his cheeks heat up slightly. There was a LOT he never talked about with his parents. Still he managed to find out and become pretty knowledgeable about the world.

“Hey! I’ve got a great idea!” Connie shot up smiling like a madman. “How about you gain some first hand experience in it?”

“I-in what?” Oh no…a chill slowly took over his body. Connie and his (Or should he be referring to Connie as her more?) crazy ideas had a 50/50 chance in failure. Those were good odds if you were in Vegas though, Sasha would tell them.

“I’ll doll you up and you can tell me how it feels.” Connie wiped off his pants and held a hand out to Armin helping him up, but didn’t let go. “It’s fun. Trust me and if you don’t like it then no harm done. We’ll take it off and you can add it to your wall of experiences.”

“Connie, I’m not sure—“

“If you can tell me, HONESTLY, you’ve never ONCE thought about it then I’ll forget about it.” With satisfaction Connie watched Armin go tense for a moment then look to the side with a guilty expression. It was clear he had thought about it at some point. This was how he first felt when his mom first had a talk about it with him. “I promise this will stay between you and me. Not even Sasha will know, all right?”

“…fine…” Armin looked back at Connie with a little more confidence then smiled. “Why not then?”

“That’s the spirit!”

When they got into the apartment again they agreed to try and finish cleaning first. This also gave Connie an opportunity to look through what still fitted him and what didn’t. He put aside a few for Armin to try on just in case he ended up liking them. Not point in donating piece if someone really wanted them. As they worked the crew cut boy would glance over at the blond already dressing him up in his mind. Armin already had the thin frame almost similar to his own to pull off most styles. No doubt Armin hardly needed to change anything about himself. He was already beautiful inside and out. It made Connie slightly envious. Whenever he cross-dressed he was worrying about something happening to his wig. Armin didn’t look like he even needed make up either. Then again that didn’t mean they still couldn’t have fun with it. After a few minutes of searching Connie came back to the living room with a medium sized bag filled with all sorts of makeup. It was as amazing as it was complicated, if Armin were honest. Connie tried to explain, but he couldn’t catch all of it. But anyone could see how excited and passion Connie suddenly become. This was a part of him and who he was.

“Now before I start.” Connie took Armin’s hand turning it to the side trying out various lip glosses on him. Lipstick would be too heavy on the blond and a tinted wouldn’t show as well. “Inside…how do you feel?”

“How do I feel about…” Armin gave Connie a confused look. “About my personal gender?”

“That and well…like I guess your orientation too.” It was always easier to talk about these issues when doing something as relaxing as they were. Another reason Connie enjoy giving people makeovers. “I kinda got the hint you might not be…”

“Well, true I guess I’m a bit more feminine than most men in general.” Armin blushed slightly trying his hardest not to pout. Yes, he knew and he wasn’t blind. It was the main cause to all his bully troubles in the past. “But I can firmly say, yes. I am a man in all sense of the word. I may not be the manly image some people may assume, but I would like to think I am what they can imagine to be when they say an intelligent man.” 

“Wow, so macho Armin.” Connie lightly laughed finding the perfect lip gloss and now eyeliner. He set them aside for a moment to clean off all the trials on Armin’s hand. Next he gently pulled back Armin’s hair that was in his face and started to apply primer. “You were trying to ask about me and Sasha, well, I guess it does kinda make a difference on us sometimes. You see I love Sasha inside and out, but when she tells me how sexy I am while we’re on dates as girls…well it just feels more natural to me than when I’m dating her as a guy.”

“That sounds…complicated.” Armin frown slightly. “Do you…do you feel like you were meant to be a girl, Connie?”

“You see, now that’s the hard part.” Connie sighed putting the cap back on the primer. Next he took a concealer stick to help with some of the dark circles under the blond’s eyes. “When I first started I just did what I wanted. Either people liked me or they didn’t. I wasn’t forcing them to like me and no biggie if they didn’t then with Jean and all…well I really found myself wishing I was actually a girl and I hated myself for it. My parents couldn’t afford the surgery and I looked deeper into what it all meant. Now being with Sasha, I feel like it doesn’t matter. Sasha switches genders sometimes, but I feel most comfortable with the female gender than the male one. I guess in a way you could say we’re a lesbian couple if you’re going off of gender relationships than sexual relationships.”

“Wouldn’t a more accurate description for your gender relationship be bi than lesbian seeing how Sasha can fluctuate between both male and female?” Armin closed his eyes as Connie started to apply a natural hue of eyeshadow on him. It felt nice and a little odd like when a butterfly gets too close to your face.

“Maybe…But I felt most attracted to Sasha when we’re both girls. When she’s male I kinda feel a bit of a disconnect from her. We’re more like really close friends than lovers. I would say when I’m a male and she’s a male then we’re bros, but I can’t really think of myself male. I just feel like…I’m not.”

“You simply know who you are. That’s more than what most people can say.” Connie gave a breathless laugh that tickling Armin a little. He must’ve been really close to his face.

“Thank you Armin. Not too many people would let me get as far talking about this like you let me.” Usually by now they would start arguing what transgendered meant and the all the differences between various labels. “As long as it works, who cares, right?”

“That sounds reasonable.” Armin opened his eyes and smiled. Just a few more touches then they could start picking out an outfit for him. Connie would have loved to find something blue for him to wear, but from the selection of clothes he picked nothing quite seemed to do his eyes justice.

“And we’ve been doing just swell.” Connie finished then looked around himself at all the different outfits he set aside. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Green, I guess.” Green like Eren’s eyes.

“Perfect. This will look nice on ya!” Connie tossed a large oversized green sweater at him. “Oh! And you can try these on too.”

“Thank you. Do you mind if I change here?” Armin blushed slightly.

“Nah, go for it. I’ll just turn my back so it’s a surprise.” Quickly Armin slipped into the garment and smoothed it out some. He glanced to the side and found a pair of denim skinny jeans he could try too. They were only slightly tightly, but Armin wasn’t too used to such modern style fashion trends.

“How do I look?” Armin took a deep breath then held his hands out to the sides with his palms facing outwards. Connie turned and looked then laughed.

“I think…I went overboard.” Connie left the room for a second then came back with a few cotton balls and what looked like makeup remover. “Here, I’ll take it off.”

As Armin was leaning forward the cellphone in his pocket gave a loud and abrupt buzz before playing one of Eren’s favorite songs. Armin paused looking at Connie motioning if he minded. The crew cut boy shook his head and smiled back at him as he lightly redid his previous work for a softer look. Armin bite his lip slightly trying not to laugh and answered. Wouldn’t Eren be surprised if he ever knew what he was doing on the other side.

”Hi Eren.” Connie watched curiously after hearing the way the blond said the others name, but continued his retouches. “Oh, you’re on lunch right now?” 

”Yeah, Erwin gave me like a power bar.” Eren sat tiredly against the back wall of the restaurant totally exhausted. He looked down at the half eaten food with a strong look of disdain. “I’m calling to let you know I won’t get out until after seven.”

“Do you want me to pick you up?” Eren was working a nine hour shift on his first day there. It had to be hard on his body especially if he had to walk so much.

”Yeah, if you’re not too tired or busy by then.” Eren gave a slightly groan as he attempted to stretch out his legs. He massaged his outer thigh as much as he could through his black slacks. His tie was starting irritate his neck too. Everything just felt so awful and he was wishing he was at home again with Armin and their kitten. At the very least Levi didn’t really shout at him when he was doing something wrong, but he did have a way of still making him feel like an idiot.

”I should be able to.” Armin frowned slightly. Something was wrong and he could feel it through the phone. “Did you just get on break?”

”Yeah. Hanji said since they didn’t give me my ten I can add it onto my break.” Hanji was pretty smart and knew how to efficient move everyone around for relative peace in the place. Between the three of them the restaurant ran pretty smoothly.

”That’s good.” A plan started forming in his mind. “Sorry Eren, but I have to go.”

”Oh…all right.” Eren tried not to let his bitterness show. Armin was probably busy organizing stuff or meeting someone. They knew so many people now from when they first came. “I’ll see you later then I guess.”

”Yeah. Please, don’t work too hard.” Even though there was no way Armin could see it Eren nodded nonetheless while hanging his head.

”Right. Bye Armin.” With that he hung up his phone and gave a long sigh looking up into the sky. He really missed him. Was that weird? They’ve been together so much lately that it feels unnatural to be a part for so long.

Before Eren could get lost in his thoughts the door swung open and a large man came out loudly singing to some offbeat pop song. It made him jump and he couldn’t help watching the person dump something in the trash and continue back inside. That must’ve been the other new hire they were talking about. The doors closed again and he could hear the low, but loud rumbling of Levi scolding the other man. Levi wasn’t as bad as he thought him to initially be. He was pretty reasonable and calm, but when he got mad he got REALLY mad like the devil would have pity on you if you ever had to deal with it.

As he continued to sit against the wall in the back Eren took a moment to really think about his day. He somehow managed to actually impress Levi with how much he knew about cleaning. All thanks to Armin he was now familiar with all the cleaning tools and brands of cleaners. It was a good start and really gave off the best impression. His leg didn’t really give him as much trouble as he feared, but he didn’t think he’d be able to do nine hour shifts every day. They finally named their girl cat which was a plus. Jean didn’t seem as much as an asshole as much as he initially thought him to be and Marco…

Something twisted in his gut whenever he thought about the amputee ever since that time in the bedroom. His leg tingled ever so slightly when he thought about it as if ghost fingers were teasing it. It made his shiver and his heart beat a little faster and VERY uncomfortable. One might compare it to million crawling insect crawling up your leg. He hated it and tried to shake it off like he always did, but for some reason his mind would drift back to it. Why was that? This never happened before.

”Your lover’s here.” Hanji teased Eren smiling cheek to cheek coming outside for a smoke. “He really is a cutie if you don’t mind me saying.”

”My lover?” Who on earth could Hanji mean? Something on his face must’ve asked that because Hanji started explaining to him.

”That adorable little blond boy who you shared that free dessert with.” Dammit! Hanji still remembered!! Wait, Armin was here?

Eren hopped to his feet and hurried over not hearing whatever it was Hanji was saying behind him. He hurried through the kitchen making sure the other worker didn’t see him. His name escaped him, but he was really good at making sure the ingredients were fresh with his gifted sense of smell. He snuck outside the doors into the main area and pressed close against the walls. If Levi knew he was out here while on his break surely he’d be mad. When he looked over at the front greeting counter all his tiredness seemed to leave him in an instant. Armin was standing there looking nervous and unsure of what to do with himself. In his hands he held a small brown paper lunch bag. The blond didn’t just bring him lunch, he made him one. Making sure Armin didn’t notice him Eren skillfully snuck up beside him wrapping his arms around him.

“Oh!! Eren!” Armin looked terrified for a moment then lightly irritated. It made him laugh, but he still didn’t let go. He needed to recharge as much as he could. Besides, the lunch rush was practically gone and the place was empty.

“What did you bring me?” Eren pulled himself tighter against Armin looking over his shoulder trying to get a better look inside the bag of guaranteed tasty treats. Armin wiggled a bit pushing Eren away. His cheeks were a definite scarlet and there was something else different about him. He’s never seen that sweater before…

“Is it all right if we use one of the booths?” Armin motioned to one far in the corner mostly hidden from the rest of the place. He didn’t want to get Eren in trouble, but he also didn’t want Eren to starve. He wasted no time after saying good-bye to Connie coming over here.

“Who cares, I’m hungry.” Eren smiled widely with excitement radiating off of him.

It was amazing to think this was the same Eren from a few minutes ago that sounded like he was about to fall asleep. Quickly the two of them went for the seats. Eren waved over at Hanji not caring if he was giving off the wrong impression. Hanji smiled really big and returned the wave giving him the ok to go ahead and have a seat. It was nice knowing that at least one of the managers could tell how important Armin was to him. Still out of all the managers Eren like Erwin the most. He was pretty open about the rules and still kind enough to make exceptions to it. With Levi it was obey or die and Hanji loved working in pure chaos. Eren told Armin all this while they sat together.

Inside Armin packed him a soda pop, a sandwich with the crust cut off, baby carrots, and a bag of his favorite Doritos. The way Eren eyes sparkled made it all worth it to Armin. It was nice that he could still manage to do these things for him no matter how busy things got. Eren made sure to keep talking telling Armin all about his day in between eating making more than enough conversation for the two of them. The blonde sat with his hands in front of himself slowly leaning back against the booth’s soft leather. He leaned his cheek into his palm while leaning forward putting his elbow on the table. Unintentionally he tuned out what Eren was actually saying and watched with a smile on his face as Eren waved his arms about with Dorito in hand. Something exciting must’ve happened. He was sure Eren would tell him the same story again like he usually did.

“Well, if it isn’t my beautiful angel!” Someone rather shouted next to him. It shook Armin out of his stupor and made Eren stop mid sentence. HIS angel? The thought of it made Eren scowl. Armin on the other hand looked so flustered he didn’t know what to do with himself. The two of them looked up seeing a large figure standing in front of their table. It was the man from the gas station. “Who would have thought we would meet here, huh?”

“Oh, hello.” The name escaped him, but he recognized the face. The man smiled confidently holding a hand out to him.

“Reiner Braun. I was the handsome guy at the gas station that you helped.” Reiner glanced up and gave Eren a smile too. “I see you brought Mom with you.”

“Eren actually works here.” The embarrassment wore off and he smiled happily at him.

“You don’t say. Well, I’m working here too. Me and Bert move in the area a few days ago.” Reiner gave Eren a good look over then rubbed his own chin in a thoughtful way. “I’ve been running around all day though so I might not have noticed. Sorry, that shortie Levi’s been riding my ass all day.”

“Ha, yeah…” That got a laugh out of Eren chasing away some of the initial bitterness. The brunette leaned back into his seat and sighed looking down at his watch. “And my break is almost over. Is your shift over?”

“Damn right. My shoulders are killing me.” For a brief moment Reiner didn’t look as invincible as he first seemed. He rolled his shoulders sighing tiredly. “Which reminds me I have your book you gave me in my car. Let me go get it for ya.”

“Well…I was about to leave anyway.” Armin side glanced at Eren thinking for a moment then smiled. “If you don’t mind could you give me a ride home so I can leave the truck for Eren?”

Instantly Eren felt his stomach drop.

“Nyaw! I’d be more than happy to.” Reiner flashed a handsome smile at the other. “Let go then.”

“All right.” Armin fished in his pockets and started handing Eren the keys. “You’ll need to refill it soo—“

Eren’s hand shot out gripping Armin’s wrist rather painfully. It made the smaller blond flinch.

“You take it. Get the book and go home.” Eren’s voice was so low it almost had a growl to it.

“But—“

“I’ll be fine.” Eren’s stare seemed to say otherwise.

His hand was shaking slightly. This felt too familiar for some reason. Like Armin was falling into something and Eren was trying to keep him there with all his strength. He reasoned it away due to the fact he hadn’t seen much of Armin that day and still trying to get over some emotional issues of abandonment. Luckily Armin gave Eren a look telepathically assuring him that he would be fine. Armin put his hand on top of Eren’s making full eye contact pushing him back into his seat while standing up confidently. He gently turned his top hand into Eren’s hand and rolled the keys into the palm.

“Refill it because last I checked it was running on a quarter tank. I’ll have my cell on me all day. I’ll be home waiting for you, Eren.” Armin made sure to give a light squeezed to Eren’s hand before taking them away. He turned to Reiner who looked very confused with what just happened. “I wanted to show you where we lived since you’re living in the area too.”

“Fuck me sideways, are you for real?” Reiner excitedly grinned wrapping and arm around Armin’s small shoulders. “Yeah! Maybe once we get the place all unpacked you two can come over our place.”

“I’d like that.” Reiner was a good guy. He could already tell. Before they fully left the place Armin turned giving Eren a small wave good-bye. The other looked like he was sent on a time out, but returned the wave before crumpling up the empty paper bag and returning back to work. He’ll be okay, Armin told himself.

“So what’s up with you and Mom?” Reiner started undoing his tie in a such a masculine way that Armin couldn’t take his eyes off him. If Eren ever did that while in front of him while giving him that previous possessive look, he’d lose his mind.

“It’s our first time in a long time being apart for so long.” Armin looked down smiling. It felt nice that he wasn’t the only one going insane. “We just really miss each other.”

“I feel ya.” Reiner took out his keys and stopped by a dark green truck. “Sorry it’s an old truck. Here let me get your door.”

“Thank you.” Armin couldn’t help chuckling. Reiner was a definite rare breed of muscle gentlemen.

“So I was reading that book you gave me.” Once Reiner sat in the driver’s seat he pulled open the glove compartment in front of Armin and handed the book back to him. “And I totally didn’t get the ending.”

“You got the spine fixed.” Armin flipped the book over and smiled running his fingers down the its side.

“Yeah, sorry I guess I’m a little rough with books. Some of the pages started falling out and I couldn’t give it back to you like that. You’re actually saving me a lot on postage stamps too.” Reiner looked all too pleased that Armin noticed though. “So! Where to?”

“You’re going to want to go east for a bit and then make a right at the third stoplight.”

Reiner gave a nod and off they went. During the ride they talked over the elements of the novel. Whether or not the main character was truly self-righteous in his motives for overthrowing his father’s kingdom, how they picture the beast of the eastern caverns to look like, what actually happened during the temporary disappearance of the main character and the cannon shippings.

“I’m just saying. I ship Casta with Daimian cause he was the only one who really understood him like body and soul.”

“But Daimian betrayed him with Farnesta who was his own sister!” Armin pulled at his hair then brought them down quickly. “If he loved Casta so much then why would he do that? Sibling incest is a line I have to draw.”

“That was before he knew she was his sister.” Reiner parked, but kept the conversation going turning to Armin pulling his arm against the back of the seats.

“But he still slept with someone while he supposedly in love with someone else. How could you ever trust someone like that?” Armin didn’t mean it to sound so judgement, but it must’ve came off that way from the look across Reiner’s face. He wanted to immediately take it back.

“Well…maybe he was scared…” Reiner smiled nervously looking off the side then going solemn. “Sometimes people make mistakes…and if you love them enough you can overlook them.”

“…I guess that’s true too…” The conversation slowly died and the two of them sat in the truck for a few minutes. “But…it was a good book, huh?”

“Yeah and I don’t normally have time to read.” Slowly the good mood was restored. “I couldn’t put it down and Bert got mad at me for trying to read it at the table.” 

“You still have my address right?” Armin opened the book to where he wrote in it before.

“Yeah, here let me give you ours.” Reiner looked around the jeep and dove in the back finding something to write with and an old receipt. “Ignore the front. We live in the opposite direction from you guys, but we could probably meet up at the college if you and Eren go to it.”

“Titan University?”

“Yeah! That’s the one. With that ugly looking mascot.” Reiner paused from writing making a face. “So butt-ugly.”

“I’m going there, but Eren isn’t.” Why did it hurt to say that?

“ Yeah, well I’m not really going there either. Bert is, I’m going to the community college here instead of that fancy university.” Reiner couldn’t help grinning. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t over there and crash a few parties, right?”

“Um, well if they call the police….”

“…shit….I didn’t even think about that…”

Armin laughed out loud. Yep, Reiner was definitely someone he wanted to be friends with. He only hoped that Eren would soon feel the same. Who knows, maybe the two of them could get Eren to read the same book. Then they could start their own little private book club. That would be really nice.

“Here. I’m sure Bert won’t mind. I’m giving you his number. He’s all stressed out about it, he could really use a friend like you there. I asked him about his classes and he was sweating BUCKETS telling me a whole lot of shit I couldn’t really understand.”

“I’ll try my best.” Armin took the receipt and nodded. “I’ll try texting him later tonight.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it a lot…” Reiner looked like the world was lifted off his shoulders. “He’s a real worry wart and might seem a little anti-social, but once you get to know him he’s the nicest person you’ll ever have the pleasure of knowing.”

“I like him already.” Armin opened the door and waved good-bye as the truck took off. He really did mean it. From the way Reiner talked about him, he could tell how important the other was too him. In a similar way Armin could say Eren also meant the world to him. A little anti-social, but really one of the nicest people you could ever meet.

Ah…there he went again…He was missing man he was head over heels for…The night needed to hurry up and bring Eren back to him. Until then he’d be counting the moments until they were together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @__@ DONE! Whew! 
> 
> I really want to thank everyone he's stayed with me this entire time. It's a slow burn fanfic, but I really should have mentioned it being on like the LOWEST setting. We will get there eventually, but I really wanted to show a variety of shippings, orientations, genders, and relationships. So please just hang in there with me! :D
> 
> On a lighter note I actually commissioned a piece for this chapter where you can find here: http://maybellemilk.tumblr.com/post/129196658645/eremin-chibi-commission-from-the-commissioners
> 
> I hope this long chapter makes up for the wait. I actually cut myself a little while at work. :/ A small cut from some broken glass which was a little deep. It wasn't gushing and honestly I didn't really notice it until it was dripping a little down my wrist. I was more concern for the newbie that started working there who was helping me take out the trash. = v = Hm...not good.


	26. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nothing speaks louder nor hits you harder

“Can I go now?” Eren sighed putting the last dish in its proper place. It was already past closing time, but Levi was still busting his ass. Levi looked around with an unimpressed look then gave him a weak nod. Joy filled and overflowed from his worn out heart. He must’ve been running and not even noticing it until he almost collided with Hanji. He shouted out an apology getting his jacket on and grabbing the keys from his locker. All he needed to do now was officially clock out and it was just two feet in front of him! Today must’ve been the longest day of his life. He couldn’t WAIT to get back home and—

“Eren, a moment please.” Erwin noted his presence and took the opportunity to catch him before he left for the day. Eren grimaced, but gave him a strained smile and nod. Once Erwin was inside the office he took a moment to grab and punch his frustration out at the air. Taking a deep breath he sagged his shoulders a bit then released it standing taller and straighter following after him. The sooner they got this done the sooner he could leave. “Please close the door behind you.”

“Are you sure that’s a wise decision, sir?” Eren side glanced out the window where Levi seemed to be in the act of his final check of the area. Erwin followed his gaze and raised his hand up at Levi. The other man seemed to sense it because he turned to look at them and returned the hand raise with a disgruntled look. 

“It’s fine, Jaegar.” As Eren turned his back to close the door Erwin gave a light chuckle. “It’s a rare occasion that Levi is fond of any of our new hires. I’m impressed.”

“Excuse me?” Eren wrinkled his nose a bit then nervously laughed. “It felt like everything I was doing today was wrong…no offense, but I don’t know how you deal with him.”

“True it does take a certain…touch.” The look in Erwin’s eyes seemed to laugh at Eren’s clear discomfort in the meaning of his statement. “But I assure you, he tends to me much worse if he hasn’t already caused the new hires to run out of this place crying.”

“Thanks…I think…” Eren blushed slightly scratching the back of his head finding it hard to let his gaze fall somewhere else.

“Which is why I wanted to know, do you have any interest in the culinary arts?” From the way Eren was looking at him Erwin decided to further explain. “Levi is our head cook and it’s hard for him to find an apprentice. It would definitely help him to have at least a prepper. Which brings me back to my first question, are you interested in cooking?”

“Well…I can try if that’s what you’re asking.” Eren knew the basics, boiling water, how to hold vegetables while cutting, when something was fully cooked, but nothing too extravagant. His mom tried teaching him a few times, but it just never came out as good as hers. “I think it would be a neat skill to have if I’m honest.”

“Excellent!” Erwin’s eyes sparkled as gave his knees a loud slap before standing up and shaking Eren’s hands. “I’ll make sure to tell Levi the good news then. I’ll need you to come in a little earlier tomorrow though.”

“Earlier…sir?” If there was a moment where he was close to crying this would be it. In the back of his mind he heard Mikasa scolding him.

“At hour at most.” Erwin pulled his hand back and comfortably placed them on his hands. His stance was that like a captain of his ship. “Mike is in charge of our inventory. He’ll go over all you need to know and how to check for freshness. It’s one of the most important skills you’ll need to have as an apprentice cook.”

“Oh…” He was wishing he could take back the offer. It felt like a lot of learning…something he wasn’t too quick on.

“You’ll do great, son.” Erwin put both of his hands on his shoulders giving him a shake and a pat before spinning him around to face the door. “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I need to think of a way to tell that devil without having hell open up and swallowing me.”

That got Eren smiling again and even laughing a little. He wouldn’t want to be in Erwin’s position right now, not for all the money in the world. Levi was about to knock on the door when he opened it catching him by surprise. He straightened up saluting him for some odd reason before hurrying to clock out and go home. Levi looked curious, but didn’t say anything giving Erwin a questioning look.

“He’s in a hurry.” The smaller man watched the younger man nearly fly out of the building.

“Ah...to be young again.” Erwin’s eyes softened watching him go and he smiled lifting a closed fist to his lips. “He must be anxious getting back home to his lover.”

“That kid isn’t getting any.” Levi gave Erwin a glare. “Which is why I would like it if you kept the door open next time.”

“Oh Levi. You’re so cute when you’re jealous.” Erwin wrapped his arms around Levi pulling him close and smothering him into the warmth of his bosom. It caught Levi off guard and he flailed rather ungracefully for a few second angrily grumbling and cursing. Erwin warmly chuckled making Levi pause for a moment. “Why are you so worried, Love? Do you not trust me?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Levi sighed giving up and pressed his forehead against Erwin’s abs.

“You are the only one I want to grow old with. No matter what my family suggests, you will always have my heart. There’s not a day I doubt nor regret for choosing you above everything else. You are my twin flame, a soul which I will always chase pass each and every death.” For a brief second, Levi reached up wrapping his arms in return around the taller man.

“That’s a load of shit and you know it.” Erwin softly hummed in agreement.

“Is it a crime to romantically indulge you from time to time?” Levi lifted his head to give Erwin a pissed off glare.

“What did you do?” Levi could tell Erwin knew he had been caught from the tensing of his midriff. His smile tightened very slightly and his eyes blinked rather owlishly at him.

“What do you mean?” With a small low growl Levi dug his nails into his stomach.

“Tell me what you did before I kick your ass.” Erwin laughed taking Levi’s hands hostage in his own and bent down to gently kiss his forehead. This made the other blush slightly, but he managed to maintain his glare. “Erwin—“

“Eren is going to be your kitchen apprentice. Please be gentle with him.” So many emotions raced through his small body. It was a good thing Erwin firmly held his hands away from him or else he was sure he would’ve strangled him and gave him a good thwarting. Sadly enough, Levi was a resourceful son of a bitch when he wanted to be. Levi pulled his leg back and swiftly kicked it forward right into Erwin’s groin.

“Fine.” Was all he said as Erwin dropped to the ground with his hands in front of him and tears in the corners of his eyes. “You better cook me breakfast tomorrow.”

“Yes, yes of course, love!” If you asked Erwin, he was pleasantly surprised how well it all went. Levi must’ve been in a good mood or maybe, just maybe, he actually took a liking to the young worker. Overall it was a good sign in spite of the damage he took to his family jewels.

Meanwhile Eren was already finishing parking in the apartment’s parking lot. He quickly locked the doors and shoved his keys in his back pocket hurrying to get out nearly falling over himself due to the seatbelt getting caught on his foot. Why was he so anxious coming home? No reason really…well…maybe just a little one. But it was a purely innocent one! He missed Armin and he was worried he wouldn’t be home even though he promised he would.

The guilt started to set in the closer he got to the door. He really needed to trust Armin again. The blond WAS human after all and made mistakes. How many mistakes had he made nearly all of which Armin always forgave him graciously for? No…he needed to breathe for a second and rest assured that the blond would never purposely lie to him. There would certainly be nights when he or Armin would accidentally come home late due to work or college. There would be days when they would be separated and maybe even not see each other until the next day if they were lucky.

Things were like that before with his dad, but regardless they always managed to have family time. This was no different. They were family which meant no one got left behind. The strong urge to call and check on Mikasa suddenly struck him. He’d make sure to call her later tonight or possibly the next day. Right now…he just wanted to be home…Bracing himself he took a deep breath and pulled his necklace off from around his neck to open the door.

“Armin! I’m home!” Eren started to undo the tie that had been strangling him all day. When he looked up he was startled for a moment seeing Arming right in front of him with kitten in his arms looking shocked and a blush on his cheeks. The sight made him so happy.

“Welcome back.” Armin’s blush increased and Eren noticed him visibly swallow…that was peculiar. Not stopping to undo his tie Eren pushed the door closed behind him and quickly did the lock not taking his eyes off Armin. He paused only for a moment when a delicious smell hit him. Not meaning to Eren licked his lips.

“What’s for dinner?” Eren let his tie fall to the ground and he started unbuttoning his dress shirt. Clothes be damned he was too hungry to care right now. He could feel his stomach begin to rumble quietly.

He kept going forward and Armin kept moving back. The kitten was tired of being held and jumped out of his arms directing the blond’s attention somewhere else for a second. In that second Armin accidentally fell back against the arm of the couch. Instinctively Eren pushed forward to catch him, but also fell down with him. Armin let out a faint brief yelp reaching out and curling to Eren’s body pressing his knees against Eren’s sides. Eren wrapped his arm around Armin’s side while the other shot out giving them the stop they needed before both rolling off the couch. Eren would have jumped back up, but his body was more exhausted than he thought and couldn’t exactly manage anymore further movement. Slowly Armin realized they didn’t fall and slowly pulled back giving Eren a confused look. Seeing the expression along with the last fadings of the previous blush made Eren laugh and as he laughed he fell down further on his friend. His muscles shook almost violently as he tried to get better footing to push himself up. Hopefully with the new apprentice position he was offered he wouldn’t be so tired afterwards.

“A-are you all right?” Armin turned his head to the side noticing the way his arms were shaking and slowly rested on their elbows. When he looked back up at Eren their faces were unbelievably close. He could Eren’s heat radiating onto him.

“H-ha, n-no, haha.” Eren gave up crashing onto Armin. He pressed the side of his face against Armin’s as he finished laughing. After the laughter died down he gave a small groan. “I’m hungry, but I’m too tired to eat…”

“Eren!” Armin’s pitch raised up just a little as he gasped out his name. It was rather odd. For a moment he managed to lift up giving Armin the opportunity to wiggle up into a more comfortable position. Guilty Eren realized he must’ve been pretty heavy on the other and must’ve accidentally squished him.

“Sorry.” Eren rolled to the side giving Armin even more room. The two of them squirmed their way up until their feet were no longer dangling off the edge. Yes, they could have simply stood up and moved…but where was the logic in that when you were both dead beat tired?

“It’s fine.” Armin closed his eyes and took a deep breath trying to fight down his blush and other things. Armin slowly rolled off the couch and started to the kitchen. “I’ll get us dinner.”

“Thanks.” Eren watched Armin walk away for a moment before spreading out as much as he could on the couch. He sighed then stretched as much as his body would allow him cracking almost every bone. The kitten came back meowing curiously at the corner of the hallway looking at him. Gently he reached out to her. “Athena, come here.”

“She’s been trying to go outside while you were gone.” Armin carefully ladled the light soup into their gigantic soup mugs. With his back turned to Eren he was able to get ahold of himself. He could feel his cheeks starting to blush all over again remembering how sexy Eren looked coming home. How good Eren’s body felt between his legs. How tantalizing Eren’s breath felt against own skin…and none of it was forced. It all felt so unbelievably natural.

“Athena, come on.” Armin could hear Eren call out to their girl kitten encouragingly while thumping his hands lightly on his chest. When she leapt onto him Eren laughed and cooed over her petting her with both hands praising her like she were truly a goddess.

“I’m coming over.” Quickly he snatched a packet of Ritz crackers stuffing it in his pocket and carefully walked over both mugs in hand.

Eren shot up instantly setting Athena on the floor before rubbing his hands together with a wide smile on his face. Armin stopped for a moment to enjoy Eren looking up at him with such an appreciative look. Eren reached up taking one of the mugs out of his hands saying a quick thanks then blew across it impatiently. Understandingly Armin took a seat beside him and did the same. The two of them sat there in momentary silence blow and carefully sipping and gulping down the Campbell’s soup. Athena at some point hopped back on the couch and curled between the two of them and purring loudly as she slept. Gently Armin reached over gently stroking from the tip of her nose down her back while softly smiling.

This was perfect. This was exactly what Eren missed and desperately needed at the end of the day.

”You’re still wearing that sweater?” Eren tried to sound as casual as he could.

”Connie let me have it.” Armin blushed a bit. “Um…did you also notice?...”

”Notice what?” Eren squinted a bit trying to take in anything else he might have missed.

”Never mind it doesn’t matter.” Armin lightly chuckled picking up his feet and curling up more on the couch as he drank his soup. “How was work?”

”It was hard.” Eren tipped his mug upright into his mouth to finish the last of his noodles that were still stubbornly sticking to it. When it was gone he put the mug down and let himself melt into the couch. “But I think I was promoted.”

”What? Really?” Armin looked too excited. “What are you now?”

”He asked me to be the cook’s apprentice.” Armin’s expression faulted for a second.

”That’s a pretty prestigious position.” Yup, you could say that again. “Are you sure you’re okay with it?”

”Well I figure I could give it a try. If it doesn’t work out then I can just go back to being the busboy.” Eren scratched his head a little. “The manager was saying how that Levi guy doesn’t really get along with others.”

”Hm, sounds like someone else I know.”

”Yeah? Who?”

”No one you would know.” Armin gave Eren a cheeky smile. Eren took a second to pull his nose teasingly then continued.

”Anyway seemed like I get along well with him and he wants to take advantage of that.” Armin rubbed his nose, but nodded. Time for the part he didn’t like. “I’ll have to go in earlier than today for tomorrow.”

”Are you going to have a long shift like today?” Eren could see Armin deflate a little. 

”Of course.” And that was it….”Eren, just to let you know…I’m going to the college grounds tomorrow.”

”Oh yeah? What for? Are classes already starting?” Eren scooped up Athena and set her on his stomach closing the gap between them. She made the spot surprising warm.

”Just finalizing paper work, getting books, and well checking out any campus clubs.” Armin bit his lip a little pausing and looking at Eren expectantly. Confused Eren made a small grunt sound confirming he was listening, but not really sure what to say. So Armin continued. “You know there’s a few clubs I’m interested in…”

”I don’t know why you’re always joining them. You nearly killed yourself being in so many in high school.” That was true.

Armin joined almost every club there was I hopes of making his college application look impressive. In a way it did pay off, but Armin found himself a little lost without something to keep him busy. He deeply missed the structure of school and clubs…plus it was one of the perfect ways for him to breech the subject he had been meaning to discuss with his best friend.

“Well, it’s a good way to make friends.” He started out carefully not taking his eyes off of Eren who was still mindlessly petting Athena. “And it’s a good way to get more involved with the community.”

“Yeah? It’s a good waste of time too.” Eren didn’t mean for it to come out so accusatory. He just got home and here Armin was talking about being separate again. Something about it really rubbed him the wrong way.

”Eren…” Armin nervously tightened his lips for a moment then continued with a determined look while clenching his fists in his lap. “I don’t think I need to say it, but you and I have different interests. There will be times when I really need someone to talk to who may understand situations a little better.”

This caught Eren’s attention. What on earth was Armin trying to say? Yes he thought clubs were really unnecessary, but from the way Armin was praising them made them seem like small mini cults. It made him worry a little. Still he stayed quiet listening to what Armin had to say. His eyes were attentive letting the blond know he was seriously taking each and every word he was saying now.

”I-I’m thinking…of joining some…humanity based clubs…” Armin’s courage started to fade little by little and he could feel himself sweating nervously. It felt utterly disgusting, but this needed to be done.

“Okay, that’s fine. I’m just worried you’re going to try and take on too much and end up burning yourself out in the first year.” Okay, that was good. It was a good calm and logical response.

”I was already able to transfer over a few college credits from the classes I took in advance.” Armin relaxed a little, but his nerves were still jittery. “I’m thinking more of the arts, more of the social kind of clubs they’re offering. I say a few online that I wanted to look for on campus.”

”Oh yeah? Like what?” There was a pause and Armin looked scared. “Armin?”

”A LBGTQIA+ club…” The air felt very cold.

”A what club?” Of course Eren wouldn’t know what it stood for! Armin mentally smacked himself in the head. Slowly he started to explain.

”It’s a club for the gay community. It stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, intersex, and asexual. The plus includes anything else that might not have been stated or the small sub-categories of the main groups.” Eren’s brow slowly scrunched up. Armin could tell he desperately wanted to say something, but just couldn’t find the words. “Supporters can join too. They’re referred to as allies. I’m still learning about all of this…which is why I’d like to join.”

”So you’re joining…cause you’re an ally?” There it was…With confidence he didn’t know he was capable of Armin gulped and wet his lips before looking Eren in the eyes.

”I’m joining…because I’m gay, Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O u O
> 
> .......
> 
> .............
> 
> ............................he finally said it and it's only chapter 26......
> 
> AHHHH!!! I hope everyone liked this chapter!! Thank you for staying with me and sorry it's taken me so long!! Comments much appreciated cause I'm just DYING to know how you all reacted so far! It always helps.


	27. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The feeling that something was taken then broken, shattered into a million pieces never to be put back together again.

“Thomas…can you pick me up?”

“Huh? Where are you?”

“I have no fucking idea…”

Eren tried to hide the nervousness in his voice as he stood underneath the light of the lamp near the phone booth. He lucked out seeing how it was nearly impossible to find them now-a-days and that he had enough change on him. Out of all the numbers besides Armin he could only remember Thomas’. It wasn’t because he wanted to. It was merely due to the fact he stared at the number for so long that he memorized it. He wished he could have remembered Marco’s or his boss’ number.

“Can you describe what it looks like? Are you near anything that I can recognize?” Eren took a glance around.

“There’s a gas station next to a Jack in the Box…and I think it’s around the apartments…I can’t be too sure.” Panic started gurgling itself in the pit of his stomach. “Does that help?”

“Yeah, I think I know where you’re at. There aren’t too many phone booths around here.” Thomas’ confidence gave him some comfort. “Is there like a lamp there and a mailbox? I had to mail something yesterday. If there is then it will take me at least half an hour.”

“Um…” Eren held onto the phone and tried to squint as best as he could into the darkness. He took a few steps until the phone line pulled back and tried to get a better look. There was a newspaper container…and… “Yeah! I see it!!”

“All right. Stay there then.” Thomas chuckled a little at his enthusiasm before hanging up.

What was Eren doing out in the middle of nowhere so late…Thomas glanced tiredly at his clock beside his bed…so early in the morning? It must’ve been something definitely must’ve happened. Maybe his truck broke down again or something worse. Thomas hopped on one foot pulling the rest of his boots on and grabbed a jacket from his closet just in case the smaller man might have forgotten to take one. Never mind he didn’t have a shirt himself, one of the perks of being a guy he supposed.

Quietly he left his small motel room and started up his truck. He hadn’t seen Eren since he accidentally ran into him while down Bodt’s apartment. That had been a small shocker especially seeing the way Eren was looking at him. Eyes like Eren’s didn’t hide much, but that’s what he liked most about him. Honesty is a hard quality to find in a person. Yes, he could tell Eren didn’t really want anything to really do with him and it hurt to admit. But even if there was a small chance he’d take it and make the most of it. Eren may not see him in that kind of way now, but Thomas hoped that someday he might if he continued to be there for him when he needed it. Even if nothing came out of it in the end, he could at least be a friend to him.

Thomas reached out turning the radio on while he was at a stoplight. It was a song he knew and unconsciously he sang along. Driving so early in the morning felt so peaceful in this busy city. Originally he did want to open up a car shop in the area. He didn’t see too many so it would definitely be a profitable business if he could talk his dad into letting him manage it. Heck he could make it an auto slash handyman shop if he really wanted to. However he wasn’t sure he could manage the fast pace everyone seemed to go. It made him feel like a fish out of water and made him miss being on the open road. Thomas was a traveling man, no way he could simply settle down no matter what the profit. He had a feeling that Eren was a traveler too. A few of the buildings started to look familiar. A couple more minutes on the road and he could see the glowing Jack in the Box sign from miles away. When he pulled up to the mailbox he could see Eren huddled next to the phone booth shivering with his arms wrapped around himself.

“Eren!” Thomas shouted then drove over. He quickly opened the door for him then pulled his windows up. He handed Eren the jacket and turned on the heater. Personally he was used to the cold, heck, he used to go out playing in the snow shirtless with his brothers. “What the hell happened?”

“Could we get something to eat first…I’m starving.” Eren shivered out pulling the jacket closer to his own body. It appeared to be a little too big for him, but the sight was utterly adorable.

“Sure…” The blond man sighed tiredly going through the Jack in the Box drive through. When he finished paying at the window he thought about pulling in the parking lot, but something told him Eren didn’t really care where they went right now. “Mind if I take us back to my place?”

“Is it close by? I have work in a few hours.” Eren picked his feet up putting them on his chair as he reached taking out the fries to munch on.

“It’s close enough.” Eren thought about it for a few seconds then frowned.

“I’m sorry…I still don’t really know yo—“

“You know me well enough to know I’d come get you.” Thomas interrupted. Eren looked surprised then slightly blushed pouting then looking away with the fries still in hand. “You knew that I’d pay for your food. Hell Eren, you might as well say we’re on a date—“

“Don’t you try and fuck with my head like that, Thomas!” Eren’s legs kicked out from underneath the sweater and Eren slammed the fries back into the bag nearly spilling and scattering out all the contents inside. Underneath the parking lot’s street light Thomas got a good look at the trail of dried tears on Eren’s face. Something big had definitely happened. Maybe it involved that blond fellow he saw Eren with from before.

“Hey…cool down. I was only joking…” Thomas tried to put some space between them sitting up straight with his hands up. Eren blinked a few times then let his face crumble out of pure frustration before roughly wiping his tears while scooting back as far as he could into the opposite corner. “Eren, what the hell happened? You’re falling apart.”

“Marco’s.” Eren managed to sniffle out. “Take me to Marco’s.”

“Who’s that—“

“Where I saw you last time. You were fixing something down their house.” Eren gave an ugly sniff wiping the sleeve with his nose then looking embarrassed about it. His blush increased as he made brief eye contact with Thomas before he brought up his knees again burying his face and running his hand through his hair. “Please, can you take me there?”

“…you know Eren…” It took every ounce of control in him not to pick on him more. “You’re damn lucky you’ve got me wrapped around your finger.”

With that Thomas did as Eren requested taking him to the parking lot just outside of Bodt’s apartment. However, when they got there it looked like there was a party of some sort going on inside. Eren mentally cursed at them for it. He desperately wanted to talk about all this with Marco. When Eren didn’t get out Thomas loudly cleared his throat. 

“You know…if you need to talk about it…we could talk about it down your place.” Thomas leaned on his elbows on the steering looking off to the side.

“I don’t want you there.” It was a cruel response, but Eren didn’t know how else to put it. “I only called you because I forgot my phone before going out and I was…”

“You were what?” Thomas turned to look at Eren curiously. He should’ve really prepared himself more. Eren’s stare was directed down at his lap and his fists were tightly clenched while his couldn’t fight off his quivering bottom lip.

“Scared.” Eren managed to choke out before furiously wiping at his face. “I’m so fucking scared and I couldn’t fucking tell Armin what I really thought!!”

“Whoa there…” Thomas reached over holding Eren’s arm still. Eren looked up at him shocked and still very upset. The areas around his eyes were now bright red due to the roughness on the cloth. There were slightly bags under his eyes as well and the poor boy looked like a walking wreck. Once he was sure Eren wouldn't rub his eyes so harshly he reached over in the glove compartment pulling out some tissues and handed it to him. “You’re going to make yourself sick.”

Eren’s hand shook taking the small pack and his body still shook just a little while hiccupping. Everything felt like it was falling apart right when he thought they finally had it all together. His body started feeling so cold again and he shivered more. Thomas said nothing, but courteously turned up the heater for him. Thomas didn’t have any plans later. It was obvious Eren needed to get something off of his chest and out of his system with this Armin guy…

“Did he do anything to you?” Eren shook his head taking in small gasps to get his breathing back to normal. “Did he kick you out?”

Eren again shook his head. So this was how they were going to do things…it was fine. Thomas waited a couple of minutes between each of his question where Eren would either nod or shake his head. From what he managed to gather this Armin guy did nothing to physically hurt Eren. No one had died and work was going well. The Armin guy told something to Eren which made him upset.

“What did he say?” How badly Thomas just wanted to shake Eren for a direct answer. It was frustrating.

“He said…he told me…he was gay.” Eren looked so confused and heartbroken that Thomas wanted to laugh. He sincerely thought it was something more serious.

“And do you have something against that?” Thomas was really curious to hear his answer.

“I don’t care about that…it’s just that…it’s Armin saying it.” Weakly Thomas offered Eren some of the fries they got. Hesitantly Eren reached for some and nibbled on a few.

“What about Armin makes it so different?”

“Because it’s Armin!” Eren didn’t mean to shout it. “Because-because---“

“Looks like to me you feel betrayed.” Eren froze. “It’s not like you were dating Armin…were you?”

“N-no…” Eren shrank down a little bit. Someone needed to not baby Eren. If that made Thomas the bad guy then so be it…

“You can’t be mad or feel betrayed that he’s just trying to find his own happiness, Eren.” Again the smaller man looked like he was ready to start crying again. Okay, it was cute at first now it was getting annoying. “If Armin is gay then that’s his own business. The fact that he’s telling you is a sign that he’s trusting you.”

“I know that!” Eren’s expression changed so quickly it scared Thomas. “In my head I KNOW it doesn’t make sense. But I can’t change how I feel!! I told him I was fine with it! I told him it didn’t matter to me who he liked like-like THAT! But it DOES!!”

“Then that sounds like something you need to tell him about.” Thomas slowly stated watching Eren pant looking at his hands with a terrified expression. Slowly the boy turned to him as if looking to him for some kind of answer that could patch everything up and make it all okay again. Thomas gave him an apologetic look. “The best things in life are some of the hardest things you have to fight for, my friend. Even against yourself.”

“…does it make me a bad person?” Eren’s voice was incredible delicate right now. As if just raising it anymore might completely break him into a million pieces.

“I’d say it proves you to be human.” Thomas paused before adding. “And that you’re trying. That’s the important part.”

“Y-yeah…I really am…” Eren gave up letting himself sink back into the passenger seat. He turned his head to take one long look out the window. He really wished that Marco was available right now. Maybe he could make it make more sense to him. Maybe he could put it more into feelings than words.

“How about I take you to your apartment, huh?” Thomas lightly put his hand on Eren’s shoulders. “You can go home, take a long shower, and try to get some sleep before going to that job of yours.”

“That sounds really nice right now…” Eren let his shoulders sag and for the first time since getting in the truck he let himself chuckle a little. “And I can try and get this washed for you too…”

“Go ahead and keep it…It barely fits me anyway.” Now that was a lie. He barely bought it a few days ago. But by giving something of his to Eren to help comfort him during this time made him feel a little…special…and if he dared a little more, important.

“Thanks…for everything…” And Eren meant that with his whole heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter! Sorry I've been working all week!!  
> And I wanted to get at least a little something out there for all of you.  
> You can probably imagine how things went for Eren and Armin after him telling Eren he was gay.  
> More will be mentioned about it in the next chapter which I hope to make a longer one for all of you.  
> Just think it's important to show things as they progress and not to any magic pixie dust that suddenly solves all problems. Humans are so full of complicated emotions that we ourselves can even begin to comprehend. :)


	28. Labels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can either break you or give you strength

Armin woke up to the feeling of something sharp pushing and pulling on his face. It made him flinch and whine just a little until he opened his eyes to see Athena only centimeters away from his face with her tiny paws tightly hugging his cheeks. She must’ve been really comfortable because she started kneading them again. The blond lightly laughed before stopping her. Her claws were tiny, but man, they were still fierce. Athena chirped when Armin sat up in the bed and gently scratched behind her tiny ears. The day came too fast if you asked her. With a big stretch and yawned she padded quickly after the blond boy into the kitchen. No doubt he was going to cook something and if she played her cards right that meant bits of crispy crunchy omelet edges for devouring along with tiny bits of bacon.

While she was daydreaming she crashed into the man’s back heel. He stopped standing at the doorway entrance to the living room and seemed to notice something. Athena tried to walk around him to see, but was nearly stepped on when he walked ahead again. He stopped by the couch and picked up a large blanket. He looked at it for a while before letting out a long sighed. The other human was nowhere to be found again.

“He must’ve fell asleep over here.” Armin said out loud, but to no one in particular. Having a cat will do that to you he came to realize. “I wonder…if it was right to tell him…”

With a quick glance Armin realized he didn’t have time to get into his muddled thoughts. Part of him was glad he decided to come out to Eren before things got worse. Even though Eren assured Armin he would always be his best friend, the blond could see the uneasiness in his skin. He made sure to keep the touching to a minimal, but other than that nothing really changed. Judging from the sheets on the couch Eren must’ve had a hard time sleeping in the same bed as him. Maybe he could look into rearranging a few things so they had their own rooms instead of a study. Armin stopped cooking his breakfast for a moment. Maybe…Eren didn’t even want to be there anymore now that he knew. The thought made something drop from the top of his head to the bottom of his toes.

The small spat of oil from the frying pan shook him out and he pulled away with a small yelp. Athena quickly ran towards him and stopped sitting by his feet calling out to him in a small meow. Reassuringly Armin reached down and gently scratched the top of her head. He was all right. Just a little distracted with things that weren’t too important right now. If Eren wanted to leave then he was free to do so. It wasn’t like he forced him to in the first place. It wasn’t like he was trying to stop him now. It wasn’t like…he needed him here…then again…it was nice. He didn’t need Eren, but he wanted him. A shiver crawled up his legs and changed in a way that made him blush. Oh God…did he want Eren in every sense of the word. Realizing that made his stomach turn with guilt and a certain delight. If only Eren could say the same back to him…well…he was sure he’d collapse right there from pure joy and happiness.

But that wasn’t happening…

Eren had no interest in being in a relationship with anyone nor did he show any kind of interest in anything sexual. Armin started to notice more and more when they were in high school. It wasn’t like he didn’t see the way people would look at his friend and it wasn’t like someone came up to them while they were hanging out to ask Eren out. Luckily Armin and Mikasa were often there so someone could go give comfort to the confessor and the other stayed to explain things to Eren if he didn’t catch on. Since the whole Thomas thing Armin looked a little into some kind of description of anyone who might be similar to Eren. Hearing Eren call himself broken nearly broke Armin’s heart.

Eren was not broken, he was beautiful. Eren had something most people lost while growing up in a harsh world. Maybe it was naivety or maybe it was the wonder he could still feel discovering hidden treasures in the world like a fantastic sunset, but it was all part of Eren’s passion and identity. It was all part of Eren that made him wonderful. How badly Armin wanted to kiss Eren and tell him all this…but he couldn’t…not without scaring Eren off.

Small steps, he told himself. If Eren in the end couldn’t return his feelings then maybe Eren wasn’t the one for him. Maybe there was someone else out there better suited for him like Eren remarked so many times, but then would Armin ever really be interested in anyone else besides Eren in a romantic way? These were answers and questions he hoped to bring up in a safe club environment of other queer people. How badly he wanted to find people who he could relate to. How badly he needed confirmation that he would find the answers someday.

“I left some food and water for you in the kitchen. I only have to do a few things on campus so I’ll be back soon.” Armin had no idea why he felt the need to explain to Athena from the doorway. Athena walked over for a second then sat down on her hind legs not too far in front of Armin. She cooed a bit then purred loudly as if confirming she understood and hope her human that he stayed safe out there. It was a loud, busy, cruel world out there. She knew from personal experience.

With a firm nod Armin locked and closed the door as he stepped out. Quickly Armin put in his earbuds and turned up the player’s volume as he made his way to the closest bus stop. It helped to clear his mind, these small repetitive motions and usual morning routines. It gave him something to focus on and quieted his mind. Back at home Grandpa was always trying to cultivate Armin’s knowledge in music so he didn’t become one of the many younger generations who listened to nothing but “trash” he referred to it as. Armin missed hearing the record player singing its heart out to them as Grandpa would often sing along to. Grandma would come over when she heard her own favorites playing and then Grandpa would take her hand and dance with her not missing a single lyric. Moments like that warmed and strained his heart. His grandparents were nearly their 70’s and still they were so much in love. Armin wanted to share that with someone in his life too.

“S-Sorry, but…” Someone quietly stuttered reaching out with a shaky hand and poking Armin’s shoulder lightly. It nearly made Armin jump off the street directly into the oncoming bus. Luckily the hand that poked him pulled him back to avoid such a disaster. Armin looked up wide eyed at the stranger. He was so tall!

“Oh! T-thank you!” Armin blushed and nervously laughed to himself pulling himself away from the stranger. The man returned back to where he was and nodded before boarding onto the bus with the small group gathered around it.

There had to be a little over ten of them that got on. Armin guessed they too must’ve been attending the same college he was going to. It reminded him that he needed to give Reiner’s friend a text. Maybe he would be interested in joining a club. If Reiner’s friend was anything like him then maybe he could add yet another possible friend to his growing list.

Armin: Hi, my name is Armin. I recently made friends with Reiner Braun and he told me that you were attending Titan University too. Are you going to be on campus today for the freshman orientation?

The thought made him smile as he finished the last touches to his text. When he was done Armin took a moment to glance around the passengers. They all looked pretty average. A few were either on their phones like how he just was or in their own little worlds with their headphones on. A small buzz alerted Armin that he had gotten a reply. Man, that was quick.

Sender: Hi, and yes. I’m actually on my way there. Do you want to go together?

Armin: Great! So am I. I should be there soon. Can you meet me by the bus stop on the east side?

Sender: Are you on the bus right now?

Armin: Yes.

Armin paused after sending and looked up just in time to catch someone also looking around near the back of the bus. When they caught each other’s stare Armin fought his first instinct to look away. Instead he stiffly held his cellphone up pointing at it then pointed at himself mouthing his own name. The man looked at him then looked down for a second. Curiously Armin’s cell buzzed again.

Sender: Are you the blond holding up your cellphone?

Armin couldn’t help lightly laughing which cause a few passengers to either stare or throw a dirty looks at him.

Armin: Yes.

Sender: There’s a seat by me if you want to come back here and talk. I do have to warn you I’m not the best conversationalist tho. Reiner usually handles that part.

Armin: Thanks.

With that Armin carefully made his way over to where the other man was. It was also comical how the stranger had his feet pulled up and sitting on top of the hump where the bus’ wheel was instead of the regular seat beside him. The man tried to offer a friendly smile, but it was oozing with so much nervousness that it could make anyone near him start to feel nauseous. Maybe that was the reason why with even the bus so full that no one was sitting beside him. Armin pushed the sick feeling away and thankfully took the seat. For the first couple of minutes neither one of them said anything and Armin could see that the darker haired man was currently listening to some kind of music. Curiously Armin sent him a text. The man looked surprised looking down at the cell in his hands.

Armin: Sorry, I didn’t get your name.

The man smiled, but didn’t look up at Armin as he texted back his response.

Sender: It’s Bertholdt. You can call me Bert for short.

Armin: Which do you preferred to be called?

Sender: Honestly, by my full name…Bert makes me think of that muppet from Sesame Street.

Armin: Nice to meet you Bertholdt. My name is Armin.

Not expecting him too, Bertholdt stopped and turned to Armin holding his hand out. Armin blinked once then smiled accepting it and giving it a friendly shake without saying another word. This seemed to please the other man. His smile became more relaxed and he turned back texting something.

Bertholdt: Reiner told me that you were new to the city just like us.

Armin: Yes, we moved in a few weeks ago.

Bertholdt: We?

Armin: Yes. I have a roommate who’s also a friend of mine. We grew up together.

Bertholdt: That’s cool. Reiner and I have been friends since high school. What are you majoring in?

As predicted, Bertholdt seemed more relaxed texting than actual talking. Armin took a moment between texts to look up at him. His eyes were focused, but his other facial expressions were calmer. The knee that was previously bouncing up and down was now calm and very still. Having a texting conversation seemed to be just what he needed. It was fine with Armin seeing how he loved to both read and write and without the use of so many emojis. Both Eren and surprisingly Mikasa had the bad habit of using so many it made it hard to understand what it was they were texting about. Mikasa…he should probably write her something at the least letting her know they were okay…then again seeing how serious things have gotten…maybe an actual phone call would be more suitable. A second later another buzz, who could it have been?

Bertholdt: Ah, sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.

Armin: Oh, no. You didn’t do anything. I was thinking about how I need to call someone back at home. I haven’t checked in with them since we first moved here.

Bertholdt: Family?

Armin: Yes. She’s my best friend’s sister. Our families are close. It’s like she’s my sister too.

Bertholdt: That must be nice.

Armin: Yes. It is. I think I’m going to major in English and minor in Linguistics. What about you? (If you don’t mind me asking.)

Bertholdt: I’m not too sure. I worked in a senior care center and that was really nice. Maybe something like that…maybe a nurse or something. My dad wants me to be an engineer tho.

Armin: That’s interesting. I’m not even sure what I’m going to do career wise.

Bertholdt: Is your friend going here too?

Armin: No. He’s actually in an apprenticeship over at Silver Platter.

Bertholdt: Wow, that’s amazing. Wait, I think Reiner works there too.

Armin smiled and dared to turn to look at Bertholdt since sitting down. The tall man curiously looked at him and Armin smiled brightly and nodded. The two of them continued to makes light conversation while texting which made the time go by a lot quicker. Even though it was an express route bus for the college it was still quite the distance. From their talk Armin came to learn that Reiner was working just as much as Eren and then some at a construction job coming home exhausted in every sense of the word, but very much happy that he could help Bertholdt pay the rent using his physical strength. Reiner was a football player in high school which was no big surprise, but lost a scholarship when he had a bad knee injury.

Bert tried really hard to help Reiner find less physically demanding jobs, but none of them seemed to work out. Reiner wasn’t the smartest person and had the habit of offending people often without meaning to which got him into a lot of trouble. Still it never dampened his spirit and he kept on moving to find the next job. The best one he had was being a freight truck driver, but the hours were too long and Reiner ended up quitting it to be home more often. It wasn’t their first fight, but their first serious one. Reiner didn’t talk to Bertholdt for months and they only meet each other again through a mutual friend’s party. It was then he told Reiner about his plans for college.

Armin: That sounds like an amazing friendship.

Bertholdt: Yes. I’m very lucky.

The bus creaked before making all its passengers fall forward as it made its final stop. Armin nearly banged his head against the back of the bus seat if it weren’t for Bertholdt pulling him back just in time. That was the second time he protected the blond from himself. Realizing that made him chuckle as he shook his head. Bertholdt didn’t say anything just gave him a confused look before standing up. His face was strained for a moment before he rubbed his long legs. It must’ve been hell to sit like that the entire way. Armin offered to switch him seats at one point, but he politely refused saying even though it was a tight fit it was the warmest seat on the bus. Since childhood he’s had poor circulation partly due to how tall he was.

“Looks like we’re finally here.” Bertholdt’s voice was more calm and collected than the personality he was texting too. “Thank you, Armin.”

What was he thanking him for? It wasn’t like he did something that deserved any thanking. Still he simply nodded then followed the others off the bus. Hardly any actual words were exchanged between them. Bertholdt was a very quiet person and Armin didn’t mind it one bit. They sat next to each other during the assembly and even checked out the library and its policies on the study areas. Armin made some light comments about how beautiful it was and Bertholdt nodded in agreement.

”I was wondering…are you interested in joining any clubs here?” Armin tried how hopeful. He didn’t want to guilt or peer pressure the man into doing anything he wasn’t comfortable with. The other paused then lowly hummed while showing a thoughtful expression on his face.

”No, not really…” He gave Armin a small smile. “But that was before I met you. Do you have one in mind?”

”Um, well…” That awkwardness again. Oh well, it was all part of coming out of the closet. “I was thinking the LGBTQIA+ club. It’s for—“

”I know what it stands for…” Berholdt looked a little uncomfortable for a second as his eyes darted across their path focusing on nothing in particular. “Are you….”

”Gay.” Armin said it with more confidence than last time. Maybe it was because he barely knew Bertholdt. Maybe it was because he didn’t have to risk years of precious friendship if he should choose to end it. Either way it was a part of himself that he was starting to come to terms with. If someone couldn’t accept it then that was their problem, not his.

”Oh…well, just so you know, I’m not.” Of course. Why would he want to join if he wasn’t somehow queer? “Would they even let me join?”

That part Armin WAS surprised by.

”As long as you’re respectful, I don’t see why not.” Bertholdt gave Armin a nervous little smile and changed their direction towards the area where all the campus clubs were set up.

”I have a lot of friends who are like that.” The way Bertholdt was slow, but decisive. There were some pauses here and there, but Armin could feel it was only because he was trying to carefully choose his words. “I don’t think it’s something you can control. Who you love or who you’re attracted to. You’re still a human being.”

”True. I wish more people could be as understanding.” Armin let out a deep sigh.

How was he going to let his grandparents know. True they often joked and teased him over his obvious crush on Eren, but he was never sure if it was just out of fun or if they were serious. How would they react if he got together with someone who wasn’t Eren. Would their reaction still be the same? More so how would his parents react? Would they try and somehow blame it on the traumatic experience he had as a child? Would they try and increase his therapy? Since the death of Eren’s parents his own mother and father became more distant to the point that his grandparents were there more than them.

”Are you all right, Armin?” Bertholdt gave the blond a concerned look before coming to a halt.

”Yes. I’m just…thinking.” Armin could barely recognized his own tired voice. The thoughts he was trying so hard to push back all morning were catching up to him and sticking to him like molasses on a cold day. “Sorry, I just told my roommate yesterday I was…”

”Gay.” It was so different to hear someone else call him them. It made him feel vulnerable.

”Yes.” Something must’ve given away what Armin was feeling because Bertholdt frowned so deeply it was almost a complete upside down ‘U’.

”Don’t do that.”

”Do what?”

”Let it be a bad word to you.” Armin tilted his head and the tall man continued. Bertholdt’s speech pattern changed to one a little faster, but more nervous in tone. “If you accept it as being bad then use it to describe yourself then you’re accepting the bad feeling with it. It’s like when people try to use ‘fat’ like a bad word. It’s not. It would be like stating any other physical fact about you and trying to use it as an insult. Like-like if I said, ‘you have blue eyes!’ and that-that was like somehow, um, bad…”

Bertholdt’s face started to turn red and his glances went in all directions. If it were possible Armin would have said he was shrinking slowly by the minute too. Even though he wasn’t confident with what he was saying it really struck something in Armin that helped him feel a little more at ease with himself. To try and return the favor Armin reached out putting his hand in the crook of Bert’s elbow before he completely disappeared. The tall man stopped immediately giving him an anxious look as if not sure he had made Armin angry or not.

”I can already tell we’re going to be good friends.”

”…me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah! Finally I got a chapter out! It's a little longer as an apology and very Armin centric. Berholdt is also one of my fav characters and I hope to give him more of a bigger role later on. Next one will probably be switching back and forth between Armin and Eren which I've tried not to do too much of so it should be interesting! :D


	29. Soul Mates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whether it's platonically or romantically you were and always will find them

Work at the Silver Platter went rather smoothly today. Thank God for small miracles. Levi was satisfied enough by Eren’s mediocre chopping abilities and they spent most of the time going over technique in the morning. Eren chopped so many carrots he swore they tinted his hands an ugly orange tint. The onions gave him the hardest time until Levi walked behind him steadily guiding his hand. It was so rhythmic that it helped to calm everything in his heart. That was until he heard Reiner shout out some snide remark about them being a couple. Apparently he had yet to find out otherwise he would have regretted it. Maybe that was the real reason why work was so light. Levi must’ve been giving Reiner so many tasks that it drew his attention away from Eren’s mistakes and usual fumbling around as a waiter.

While on his break Eren went to the back of the building again leaning against the wall. Before he could draw out his phone he heard the blond stocky man come crashing through the push doors sliding just a few feet in front of him. He stayed as still as a statue then turned around holding up his phone to Eren with one of the biggest cheesiest smiles on his face.

“Looks like your angel and my birdie met on the bus this morning.” Eren raised an eyebrow, but took the phone that was shoved in his face to take a closer look at it. It was Armin smiling up at the camera holding up a “V” for victory sign and some other nervous tall looking giraffe.

“Who’s he?” He tried not to let his bitterness show. Not even on the grounds yet and Armin already picked up who knows what kind of freak of a friend.

“His name is Bertholdt. You might have seen him with me when we were at the gas station.” Eren tried to remember for a second then shook his head handing Reiner back his phone. “Don’t worry, he’s a good guy. A hella nervous and sweaty, but a good decent guy. Your angel’s safe with him.”

“Would you stop calling him that?!” Eren growled out pulling out his phone. No messages. Urgh! That pissed him off! Why didn’t he have one?! Well…if Armin really was busy then he should’ve guessed he wouldn’t have time or even allowed to text in class…

“Why? I think it’s a perfect description for him.” Reiner sat next to Eren then held his phone up high above them. He wrapped an arm around Eren’s small shoulders and pulled him in close while making a duck face. Eren didn’t bother posing, but did look up with an exhausted irritated expression. “Armin’s probably going to see this too. Just letting you know.”

“Dammit…” Weakly Eren held up the same victory sign up like Armin had. He couldn’t make him worry while he had important things planned at school today. Pleased with the change Reiner took the pic and eagerly started including a text with it to his friend. Curiously Eren watched his expression. “Why are you so excited over texting a guy?”

“He’s not just any guy. He’s my soulmate.” The way Reiner said it so casually highly made Eren doubt that he knew exactly what it was he was saying.

“You know, people are going to get the wrong idea about you if you tell everyone that.” Reiner pocketed his cellphone giving Eren a questionable look.

“What do you mean?” Eren rolled his eyes. “Bert’s the closest person to me. We’re so in sync it’s crazy. We even—“

“Even what?” Reiner slightly bit his lip then shook his head smiling down at him.

“Doesn’t matter. We’re just really close. That’s all.” Before he could ask any other questions Reiner pulled Eren into a headlock tousling his spiky hair. “Besides, don’t you know soulmates don’t necessarily only apply only to lovers?”

“What do you mean?” Something in Eren wanted to hear. He wasn’t sure what exactly. Maybe it was some kind of need to satisfy his curiosity. Mikasa always warned him about that itch.

“Well, I mean it’s often used with lovers…but it can also mean someone you share a lot of the same interests, tastes, and values with. It’s like, oh man how do I describe it…” Reiner crossed his arms while tightly closing his eyes while humming. “It’s like…you’ve have this feeling of already knowing everything about them even though you just met. It could have been in a past life, or maybe before either one of you were even born. You just have that connection with them and keep that connection in an instant.”

“Instant connection…” Eren thoughtfully tilted his head mulling over Reiner’s definition. In a sense, according to Reiner of course, Armin must be his own soul mate. There wasn’t an instant when he didn’t feel connected to the other. They were just always together even if they were apart like right now. Eren didn’t believe in past lives, but the thought of forever meeting Armin over and over did make him a little relieved. They would never be alone.

“If Levi finds you both on break at the same time, he’s going to kill one of you.” A man came out into the area blowing on his hands. His hair was a little shaggy and the apron he worn was already dirtied with whatever today’s special was.

“Damn! With my luck today it’ll probably be me.” Reiner grumbled getting to his feet and hurrying back inside. “Talk to you later, Eren!”

Eren weakly waved goodbye to him as he was left alone with the stranger. The man looked like he had some kind of role in the kitchen, but he wasn’t the chef. Maybe he was the dishwasher? No, he looked kind of important. Wait a second, wasn’t there another guy that they said worked there?

“My name’s Mike.” The man looked out at nothing answering the other’s thoughts. “Sorry I couldn’t meet with you this morning. I had to take care of a few things.”

“It’s fine. I still learned a lot today.” Right…Erwin said he would teach him about stocking the refrigerator’s contents. “I promise I’m going to work really hard—“

“Save it for Erwin. He loves hearing that kind of stuff.” Mike interrupted him taking out something from his pockets and putting it into his mouth.

“O-oh…okay…” Eren awkwardly stuttered before looking around again. Mike had a strong presence like Levi, but a lot quieter. It made him a little nervous if he was honest. He was beginning to wish he went back inside with Reiner when he had a chance.

“I think you’ll fit in here.” The older man nonchalantly remarked out loud. He didn’t expect a response so Mike decided to put some room between the two of them after. Eren couldn’t help smiling slightly and casting his gaze out into the empty back parking lot as he left.

Acceptance, it was something rare for him to gain from others. His thoughts drifted back to Armin. No matter how much he wanted to, something inside him couldn’t accept the fact that Armin was gay. When he thought of Armin being intimate with another man, he felt like he wanted to gag. When he thought of Armin being intimate with a woman, he felt sick as well. What did this all mean? Was it him? Did “normal” people have these reactions to just the thought of people being intimate with other people? It was all too confusing…maybe…just maybe Eren should join something like that club Armin was talking about. Maybe that was one of the reasons why they had something like that. Not just for people who knew their orientations, but for people who were still questioning it.

“Eren! Look at this!” Reiner popped out from behind the doors in search of Eren again. He looked over his shoulder then hurried over taking out his phone again. Man, was there a moment when this man wasn’t on his phone? “Looks like they joined a club or something.”

Eren looked down at Reiner’s phone as he held it for him. There were a several pictures and Reiner would pause between each of them showing him. It looked like some kind of club fair and there were a fair amount of people. The next one was a booth with a large rainbow balloon arch above it and three people talking to Armin as he was taking a brochure. The one was Bertholdt with a nervous smile getting something painted on his face. Eren would guess he asked Armin to take it for Reiner. The comment read ‘Closest thing I’ll ever get to a tattoo.’ The next one was with Armin in the same position, but with his eyes closed. Half of the symbol was drawn on his cheek and the way the light hit him made Eren’s heart pound. The last one was the two of them smiling with matching rainbows on their cheeks with the booth in the background. The caption reading, ‘Official LGBTQIA+ members!’

“Looks like he really did it.” The strain on his heart suddenly yanked at it and he felt suddenly so empty. It wasn’t just this…Armin just experienced a big moment and a big step toward self-discovery in which Eren didn’t take a part in. “He looks so happy.”

“Yeah, wish I was there too.” Reiner smiled putting his phone in his back pocket them smiled crossing his arms. “That was a pretty big step for Bertholdt too. I mean he posted those to his facebook. I bet his family must be surprised.”

“What do you mean?” Curiosity wins again!

“Well, his family is really against this kind of stuff.” Reiner sighed slightly frowning a little.

“Is he…” Eren couldn’t bring himself to pry and ask, but still wanted to know. Reiner seemed to catch on and laughed.

“No, he’s not. But he sure does have a lot of friends who are.” Reiner’s expression changed to a much more pleasant one. “And that’s what I love about that guy. He’s so cool and chill with everyone and you can really just be yourself. It’s hard to find people like that.”

“I guess…” Eren stood up crossing his arms frowning. “But tell him Armin already has a best friend.”

“Oh? And who would that be?” Reiner couldn’t help teasing the other. He was so cute when he pouted like that. It was sweet in its own way.

“Me! I’m his best friend.” Eren sounded a little hurt before heading back into the kitchen. His break was over and it was time to get back to work. Reiner let out a loud laugh and patted his back assuring him that he was indeed number one on Armin’s growing list of friends.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey! I know you!” A voice called out to Armin once he was done taking the last pics of the day with Bertholdt. He turned to see a red head woman standing behind one of the booths that read, ‘Novelist club’. It took him a few moments to realize they had indeed met before. Not in the most conventional way, but it was still nice seeing a familiar face. Bertholdt looked back at him raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, sorry, but I forgot your name.” Armin made his way over and smiled taking interest in the booth she was hosting.

“It’s Hannah. That redhead who was fighting with her stupid fiancé?” Hannah laughed pointing to herself then opened her arms wide. “Who would’ve thought we’d meet again here! Have you joined anything yet?”

“Yeah, we actually have.” Armin smiled pointing to his cheek. Hannah looked surprised for a second then smiled giving him a supporting thumbs up.

“Love is love.” Another stranger showing encouragement. It was strange and comforting, but…he just wished Eren could have been more reassuring. “So how about it? Feel like joining us? We write for fun and read to gossip. It’s really a little more study hall slash get together where you can talk about your favorite books and make suggestions and stuff like that.”

“I might be. I have to make the final adjustments to my schedule.” If anyone was a pro at managing clubs with school work it would have to be Armin. “But it does look promising.”

“How about you, tall, dark, and handsome?” Hannah smiled brightly looking up at Bertholdt behind him. Bertholdt automatically tensed hanging on slightly to Armin’s sleeve. “Feel like joining with your boyfriend?”

“H-he’s not my boyfriend.” The poor man looked like he was about to pass out. Hannah looked embarrassed for a second them laughed.

“Opps, sorry. You two just looked so cute together. Kinda like me and my boyfriend.” The woman stopped laughing then sighed putting her palm against her cheek. “I have the hardest time getting him to join. He likes to read, but says reading in public makes him look like a nerd.”

Armin laughed a little at that and took one of their brochures. Bertholdt did the same seeing how Reiner recently renewed his interest in novels with the book Armin loaned to him. They took their time looking around and Armin did most of the talking and asking questions like how often do you meet, are there any requirements, can we get college credit, and how active is the club with the community. Most people didn’t point out the rainbows on their cheeks, but they did get a few looks here and there. There was a man who coughed out fags at some point, but he was quickly forgotten. Armin halted briefly, but Bert had pushed him forward to help him continue on his way. Bertholdt was used to getting looks and stared at just for being tall. When he compared it to other kinds of looks it helped to simply brush it off. It especially made it easier to be so brave when he knew a good person like Armin was being threatened or picked on. At times like that big tall helped him to fool those who didn’t know what a gentle giant he really was.

“We can wash it off if you want.” They were finally done with looking at all the booths and making their way to the bus stop. The sun was getting ready for rest as well slowly falling down behind the horizon.

“No, I’m fine.” Bert gave Armin a slight smirk. Before he could say anything else another group of rude college guys saw them making ridiculous noises at them.

“Fucking fags! You make me sick!” One of them hollered before laughing at them.

“I don’t know, that one kinda looks like a chick. I’d love to fuck her ass.” Armin did the grave mistake of looking up and accidentally making eye contact with the voice.

The man was definitely a jock wearing a tank top and backwards snapback. His group laughed and kept on moving, but the jerk walked backwards keeping his eyes on Armin vulgarly making a diamond with his hands and licking between them then thrusting his hips at him. Armin entire face turned read and he bit his lip looking at the ground with shame. One of the other men smacked him and pulled him along with the group calling him gay.

“They’re stupid, Armin.” Bert tried to comfort him, but it didn’t seem to lighten the feeling.

“I know…but we should probably wash these off.” Armin tried to smile, but the tears in the corner of his eyes were already falling down his cheeks smearing some of the face paint. Who was he kidding? Life on campus was definitely different from life out there. Maybe coming out wasn’t such a good plan after all. This was just a taste of what was certain to come. Armin already receive plenty of ridicule for how he looked as it was. “Maybe…I should get a haircut…”

“Do what you want. Not what THEY want.” Bert tried not to sigh or sound disappointed in his new friend. Bullies were going to be bullies. The more you let them get to you the more vulnerable you made yourself to them. He wanted to say this, but something told him Armin already had experience dealing with fowl humans like those men.

“Well…I wouldn’t have to worry so much about personal hygiene.” Armin joked trying to shake off the negative feelings that were starting to get to him. Bertholdt chuckled a bit then turned to continue their way to the bus stop.

“Well, I think it suits you. I mean, could you imagine me with hair like yours?” Bertholdt smiled back without any sort of stress or nervousness in his expression. Armin took a moment to imagine it and laughed pretty hard before smacking a hand over his mouth blushing. He didn’t want to be rude or anything.

“You make a good point.” Armin cleared his throat trying to contain his soft chuckles. “Thank you Bertholdt.”

“Any time.” Feeling brave Bertholdt took Armin’s hand in his for the rest of the way. Armin gave him a questionable look. Bertholdt blushed slightly clearing his throat once again. “Well, if they think I’m your boyfriend they’ll think twice before shouting at you like that again.”

“Right.” Armin laughed leaning his head on the other’s arm for a moment before smiling to himself. He was really glad to have him as a friend. For Bertholdt, well, he couldn’t remember the last time he held someone’s hand like this. It was a good feeling…one he missed very much.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Eren sighed out loud entering back into the apartment with a large laundry basket in his arms. Armin still wasn’t home and he had a few things to try and clean around the house. Athena had almost tripped him a few times already and it was starting to get annoying. So he picked her up and put her in his hoodie. He pulled the strings a little tighter to help hold her in place and somehow she ended up falling asleep purring right in his ear. Maybe he should go drive to the bus stop and pick Armin up, it was already dark.

Before he could decide what to do his phone went off. He pulled out his phone then stopped staring at the name. It was Mikasa. She rarely called first even though she was constantly nagging Eren to call her. The phone stopped and Eren groaned. She was definitely going to see it as something personal and ask why he didn’t immediately pick up. Oh well, he could just tell her the truth, no big deal. Eren held the phone in his mouth balancing the basket on his leg while trying to balance Athena and look for his key at the same time. At that moment the phone went off again vibrating loudly against his teeth. It was one of the weirdest sensations he ever had and he nearly choked on his own phone. The basket nearly fell lopsided onto the ground if it weren’t for the person suddenly showing up behind him.

“Careful there.” Marco quickly caught the basket putting a hand on Eren’s side to help balance himself for a moment. Eren jerked in reaction to the sudden contact waking Athena up. She gave a loud meow then grumbled turning in his hooding to delve into the deeper part against his shoulder blades. Her tiny claws made Eren shiver. “Are you okay?”

“Just peachy.” Eren spat his phone into the basket and readjusting himself. He took the key out and opened the door. “What are you doing here?”

“I was on my way down Connie and Sasha’s when I saw you struggling.” Marco followed Eren inside with a worried expression. “Is your kitten ok? Thought I heard her.”

“She’s sleeping in my hoodie.” Eren dropped the basket next to the couch and grunted as he plopped his rear in the sofa. His hand shot out to his knee instinctively rubbing at the soreness he felt. He shouldn’t have propped his knee against the door like that. Marco noticed and decided to sit next to Eren.

“Here, let me see.” Tenderly he brushed Eren’s hand aside and gently tested the area.

“You don’t hav—ha!” Eren shouted out bending over. His leg tried to pull away, but Marco firmly held onto it. “Goddammit, why does it hurt so much?”

“Have you been over exerting yourself?” Marco frowned trying to look up at Eren underneath all his bangs.

“No I have—ohh…well…I was jogging yesterday…” And he was on his feet the entire time for the last few days. He honestly didn’t think it was going to be an issue.

“Do you do any sort of routine exercises?” It amazed Eren how professional Marco was being. It almost felt like he was talking with his physical therapist. “Eren?”

“Um, no…I haven't done any in a while because it hasn’t been hurting me until now.”

“They give you those exercises for a reason, you know.” He gave Eren a scolding look frowning at him. It was the first time Eren had ever seen the man without a smile not due to depression. It was kind of interesting.

“You’re mad at me?” Eren leaned in watching Marco’s expression with a small smile. “Mr. Sunshine and Rainbows is actually pissed off at me?”

“Oh hush. You’re starting to sound an awfully lot like Jean.” Marco poked Eren leg while shaking his head with an irritated expression. “And yes, I’m a little pissed off at you for not taking better care of yourself. This is like 101 kind of stuff for us.”

“For cripples.” Eren tried to joke, but ended up disappointing himself. He didn’t like to be thought of as weak or defenseless yet here he was unable to even properly bring in a load of clean laundry.

“For those who are recovering.” When Eren’s brow relaxed Marco pulled back, but let his hands linger a little bit longer as he looked down at Eren’s leg. “You know, it took a lot of courage for you to tell me about this.”

“Not really. I mean, you probably would have seen it eventually once it got hotter.” It started to tingle where Marco’s hands were. He wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. “I’d use to try and hide it at home because it always made Mikasa frown.”

“Who’s Mikasa? You’ve mentioned her before.”

“Oh, she’s my—“ The phone buzzed loudly against the basket again reminding Eren he had still to return the call. “Shit! That’s right. I gotta take this or she’ll have my balls.”

“I’ll let myself out then. I’d like to check on you later too once I’m done.” Marco gave Eren’s knee a pat before standing up and stretching himself. Sasha was probably crying to Connie by now asking where he was. It made him happy in a twisted way how fast she came to like him.

“Sure, sure. Whatever.” Eren made a swatting motion at Marco and leaned forward with his hands on his knees. The phone continued to ring for a few times after Marco left the apartment. He was starting to wonder if his sister might have butt dialed him by accident. By the fifth ring she picked up and he could hear her breathing on the other side.

“Eren?” She sounded really tired.

“Did you call me?” Eren almost felt guilty for waking her up if she was sleeping.

“Yes.” Eloquent as always.

“Why?” He was no better.

“Because I found something while checking my facebook.” Was Mikasa stalking him now?

“Yeah, what is it?” Eren rubbed his brow tiredly. If it was gossip then he was going to hang up right now.

“I actually found out two things. First off Annie sent me a friend request.” That caught his attention.

“Oh yeah? I thought you two hated each other.” How long had it been since they last seen her?

“I do which is why it’s confusing.” Mikasa hummed a bit then stop making a small noise. “Oh and I saw a picture Armin was tagged in…is Armin gay?”

“Shouldn’t you be calling him if you want to ask that?” Yes. He was. It felt like everything was reminding him today and it was annoying.

“If he was, would it make you uncomfortable living with him?” Urgh!! He did NOT want to talk about it. Still she continued oblivious to Eren’s thoughts. “I can drive down and pick you up if—“

“Yes, he’s gay.” It burned him to say it. “But I’m fine with it. Just because he’s gay doesn’t make him a pervert. He’s still Armin and he’s still my best friend.”

“Good.”

“Good?” Eren couldn’t help feeling like she wanted to say something else.

“Yes.”

“What do you exactly mean by that?” Something itched him and made him nervous.

“I mean I’m glad nothing has changed with the two of you.” What did THAT mean?

“Mikasa…what would you do if I told you I was gay?” No way he was! But just in case…

“I’d have you castrated.” Eren drew his knees in a little closer to himself trying not to whimper. “But then again I’d have the same reaction if you told me you had a girlfriend. Guess I’m a little weird like that.”

“You’re a freak, sis.” Eren reached into his hoodie gently taking Athena out then sank his whole body into the couch sighing. “But I love you.”

“I love you too, Eren.” Eren scratched softly behind the kitten’s ears and under her chin making her purr loudly. “What’s that?”

“Me and Armin adopted a kitten. Her name is Athena.” Something warm chased away the numbness and negativity.

“What kind is she?” Oh right…Mikasa loved cats…

“She’s a brown short haired tabby. You’d love her.” He missed Mikasa…

“Bring her home when you visit.” Not too many would notice the excitement in her voice right now.

“Sure.” With that Mikasa hung up and Eren was alone in the room with Athena now curled up on his chest. Today was one heck of a ride.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Armin waved goodbye to Bertholdt and Reiner as they dropped him off in front of his apartment. He didn’t anticipate it to be so pitch black by the time they arrived at the bus depo. Luckily Reiner had been waiting for Bertholdt to drive him home and was more than happy to give Armin a lift. As they drove over Reiner excitedly told them both about his day and a few details including Eren here and there. It was such a wonderful atmosphere that Armin was sad to leave it. Reiner had reassured him that Eren was fine and doing fairly good from what he could tell. It did relieve him a little bit.

When Armin came in it was a little surprising due to the fact that the apartment was clean. There was dinner on the stove which was fully cooked and ready to eat. It was nicely quiet and the air felt clean and fresh as well. You wouldn’t believe that two young men lived here with a small kitten. Very impressive.

”Eren! Are you—“ Armin dropped his things at the door then went to their room to find Eren passed out on his side with Athena curled up close to him. It was such an adorable image he HAD to take a picture of it on his phone. When he did Athena woke up, but her eyes were tiny slits. Armin tried hush her before Eren woke up. From what he heard, he must’ve had an exhausting day.

”Marco?” Armin froze for a moment not looking up at Eren. Why would he be calling out for Marco? Eren turned slightly rubbing his eyes and looking around the room. He stopped when his gaze fell on Armin and tiredly smiled at him. “Oh, hi Armin.”

”I’m home.” Armin tensely said trying to keep his fake smile on. “I’m hoping whatever it is you made for dinner is edible.”

”Shut up, of course it is.” Eren groggily grumbled kicking at Armin. The blond held onto his leg playful pushing it back at him, but everything was chased away when Eren gave a short yell. “Eren?!”

”Fuck, fuck.” Eren rolled to his side hissing out several more curses trying to rub away the pain. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes and he tightly gritted his teeth. “I’m fine, I’m fine.”

”How long have you been like this?” Armin tentatively tried to turn Eren over to get a better look, but Eren swatted away his hand.

”I just need some rest.” Eren lied. He was half way done with dinner when it started acting up again. He lucked out that all the dish had to do was sit without a fire and had hoped that Marco would have been back to check on him like he said he would to get help.

”I’ll be right back.” Armin left the room and returned back with some kind of ointment. He quickly opened it and took some out with the tips of his fingers. He applied it to the rest of his palms and warmed it up before applying it to Eren’s leg. “You should’ve called me.”

”You were doing college stuff.” Eren groaned out feeling Armin apply pressure on his leg trying to massage out the cramps. “Sorry. I would’ve gone to pick you up.”

”You don’t have to.” Armin shook a little hearing Eren’s pained sounds. “I would’ve still came over.”

”Yeah I know.” Eren looked over his shoulder giving Armin a weak smile. “Which is exactly why I didn’t call.”

”Eren…” Armin gave up sighing and bending over until his forehead rested on Eren’s leg. God why did he love this stubborn man so much? Eren didn’t flinch away and allowed Armin to just lay on top of him. He even chuckled a bit as the pain subsided.

”Reiner showed me your pictures with Bertholdt today.” Armin didn’t lift his head up, but did turn it so he could look into Eren’s tired expression. ”It looks like you had a lot of fun today.”

”Yeah I did.” Armin said with a haughty expression. “It was wonderful because you weren’t there giving me a heart attack every three seconds.”

”You should be so lucky to have someone like me who helps make sure your heart is beating.” Eren shot back with just as much sass. There was a moment of silence until the two were laughing together. It was a long day for the two of them, but that didn’t matter anymore. They were together again.

”I’m sorry for reacting the way I did.” Eren took a deep breath saying it all in one breath. “It’s going to take me awhile to get used to the thought that you might want to….to do…sex…with another man.”

”You don’t DO sex. You share it with someone.” Armin didn’t budge one bit as he spoke. He continued looking up at Eren’s face. “But…I kind of understand what you mean. To be honest I can’t exactly picture myself like that yet.”

”Then why say it now? Why not say it when you had someone in mind?” Eren lifted his hand and ran it through Armin’s hair as he spoke. It was a bad habit of Eren’s, but not one that Armin could bring himself to ever hate or point out. When Eren’s hand lightly tugged against the small baby hairs in back of his skull he shivered slightly making Eren pause.

”Because…I didn’t want you to hate me.” Eren’s hand increased its grip and Armin gasped sharply slightly aroused. However it went unnoticed by the other. He was half sitting up on his one elbow moving so quickly that it woke Athena up. She looked shocked and confused and jumped off the bed scurrying out the door.

”How could I ever hate you, Armin?” The way Eren leaned in made Armin’s heart pound like a drum. He wasn’t sure if he was meant to response or not so he kept quiet. “…we’re soul mates.”

”Eren, I don’t think you know—“

”I feel like I’ve always known you and that I always will.” Eren loosened his grip letting each of the golden locks slip and slide out of his fingers. He watched each strand as he quietly continued. “I may never love anyone in…that way…or understand how…but I know I love you in some way…And I know for certain I can’t imagine living in a world or time without you.”

”I-I really think you’re just tired.” Oh God please stop teasing. “You get emotional when you’re tired.”

”Hm…yeah…”Eren’s frame sagged a little. “I am pretty tired…I’m sorry …saying all that weird stuff.”

”It’s not weird, Eren.” Armin slowly sat up then hesitated before taking Eren’s hand in his. Eren lazily held his and gave it a small squeeze making Armin’s react to his. The blond held his breath trying not to tighten his lips because he could feel the other watching his expression. Instead he tightened his own grip curling each finger over Eren’s. He looked over and saw the tired smile before Eren passed out once again. He watched him for a few moment happy with simply holding his hand. Quietly he whispered back. “Because I love everything about you. I always will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mushy mush after all that drama :)  
> Hope the scene changes weren't too abrupt.  
> I wanted to make sure this was a nice long chapter for everyone seeing how I haven't written in a while and may not in the future since the holidays are coming up. 
> 
> I've been trying to get back into drawing as well! If you have any suggestions feel free to let me know on tumblr or my deviantart. While writing I could help wondering if there are any Armin/Bertholdt shippers out there. lol or maybe if there are any now. Oh these boys...they've been going through so much and still they have yet to really get started.


	30. Underneath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's always hidden waiting to be found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Changed the rating since it's going to be in more of that rating here on out.

“Jean, what the hell? Are you STILL awake?” Marcus grumbled on the other side of the door before forcing his way into the room. Jean didn’t even acknowledge his presence keeping his glare at the painting before him.

“Something off and it’s driving me so fucking crazy.” The never ending self-critic mumbled to himself. It was obvious that the man hadn’t slept in quite some time now judging from the trash bags underneath his eyes. His hair was a chaotic mess of blond and darker streaks. There wasn’t a spot that wasn’t covered in paint in the room or on the man. Even his glasses had a bit of paint splattered on them. If he was wearing those coke bottles then it must’ve been REAL bad.

“You crazy son-of-a-bitch…” The tone didn’t match the words like it often did when Marcus talked to Jean. He sighed closing the door behind himself frowning. This happened whenever the other procrastinated on commissions and the due date was close. Marco and Marcus would take turns checking up on him to make sure their friend didn’t completely run himself into the ground. Where was Marco anyway?

“I know, I know, I just need to—“Seemed like Jean finally realized he wasn’t alone when Marcus walked towards him. “I SWEAR I’ll get some rest right after—“

“No, Jean.” Marcus stopped right in front of him tenderly taking the glasses off the other’s face. “I’m not going to tuck you in or scold you or anything…but I’m pretty sure you need a break.”

“ Man…I must be bad if you’re not cursing.” Jean weakly chuckled before tiredly rubbing his eyes. It felt like they were being stabbed by a thousand needles even after he used his eyedrops. His shoulders slumped forward and the world suddenly felt so heavy. “That doesn’t seem like a bad idea right now.”

“No duh, dipshit.” Marcus makes a noise between a scoff and a snort while glaring down at him. “Did you fucking eat yet?”

“How does one fuck and eat at the same time?” Jean joked back while grinning at Marcus. Now that he was close enough he could see some paint on Jean’s cheek and forearms. Without thinking the twin licked his thumb and tried to rub it off. “What the hell—“

“Shut up.” Marcus continued to look at the spot intently. “Where the hell is, Marco? He’s supposed to watch your sorry ass to keep you from looking like shit.”

“Ah, but I always look like shit.” Jean stayed still and the tiredness in his eyes became more evident. “He checked on me right before leaving…told him I was all right.”

“And you fucking lied.” Marcus grumbled standing back up crossing his arms like a mother scolding her child. The image made Jean want to laugh, but he didn’t dare right now when the other was being serious.

“Yeah. I fucking lied…” Marcus let out another frustrated sigh before pinching his brow with an irritated look. The silence gave Jean time to notice his surroundings outside of his painting. His arms were freezing and where did his shoes go? The chair he was sitting on was at such an awkward angle and it looked like he mixed up his drinking water with his mineral spirits. Great…did he drink from that? Shit he hoped he didn’t.

“Get up.” Jean directed his attention back to Marcus.

“Huh?” Not giving Jean a chance to respond Marcus easily pulled him up on his feet then swung him easily over his shoulder. “What the hell?! I’m not some fucking bag of potatoes!”

“Bag of potatoes look better than you do right now.” Marcus carried him out of his room closing the door behind him. The other tried to squirm away, but he was too weak to even really put up a good fight. As he went down the hall he took a glance at the living room. Again, still no Marco. Where the hell was that guy and where did he start going off to at night? The punch to his back reminded him he had to deal with Jean first. With a smirk Marcus patted Jean’s ass. “There, there, Love. I’ll take good care of you.”

“I could fucking KILL you right now.” Jean could feel the heat spreading throughout his body. No doubt, he was going to make Marcus’ life a living hell after this. He needed to finish that stupid painting. “Put me down already, jackass.”

“Geez, such a fussy bitch.” Marcus ungracefully plopped Jean onto the mattress not bothering to shut the door behind him. It was a rather pathetic sight to see Jean scramble a little before setting his feet on the floor. “You’re taking an hour break.”

“What?! No way in hell I’m gonna—“ Jean stopped as Marcus dropped to his knees in front of him. “What are you—“

“Jean…”Marcus nudged Jean’s knees apart and skillfully slid his hands up from Jean’s ankles to his knees. It made his toes curl against the carpet underneath them and he let out a small hissing sound at the contact. Why did he even think of wearing shorts when it was obviously so cold? A shiver raced from the base of his spine all the way up his neck making every hair on his body stand up on end. “Relax.”

“I don’t need—“ Marcus’ fingers delved in the backside crook of Jean’s knees teasingly making him grunt and bite his lip. “Fuck! Marcus I don’t—“

Before he could finish Marcus leaned forward kissing him fully and thoroughly until a small amount of drool fell out from the corner of Jean’s lips. A small slurping sound seemed to echo against the walls. The way Jean blushed made Marcus chuckle before indulging himself with another kiss. No…Jean was no kisser that was for sure. He was always so nervous and clumsy, but hell his reaction to being kissed was so fucking sexy. The small noises he made were good material for later when he needed to jerk off. There was something about Jean that made up for his lack of sexual experience. Gently he laid Jean out on his bedsheets.

“Ah! Marcus!” Jean arched his back lifting his ass off the bed for a moment. He voice sounded so vulnerable saying his name. Marcus ran his hands up the other’s chest again loving the way the felt against Jean’s ribs and abdomen. “Shit! Your hands are fucking freezing, asshole.”

“Would you rather I use my mouth?” He couldn’t help teasingly lick his lips.

Before Jean could really answer Marcus adjusted himself so he could kiss Jean’s nipples as thoroughly as he kissed his lips turning Jean into a melting mess of high pitched gasps and broken moans. The way the Jean’s wiry frame shook underneath his more muscular body was better than any porno he ever watched. The way Jeans tightly clenched his eyes as he bit his lips desperately fighting off any more embarrassing sounds turned Marcus insides in the worse and best ways. In a rare moment Jean opened his eyes and held his stare panting helplessly. Avoiding the emotion that shook through him, Marcus sharply nipped the bud making Jean curse loudly in the most delicious way. Slowly Marcus worked his way down Jean’s body again. A loud unzipping noise shook Jean out of his stupor.

“H-hey! Marcus—“ Jean shot up on his elbows in a panic reaching out to push Marcus away. He already let him get away with too much. Before he went further Jean held Marcus still tightly gripping him by the roots of his hair. His knuckles turned white and his arms shook.“S-stop.”

“What if I don’t want to?” Shit! Marcus face was literally against his crotch. Fuck! How did—At that moment Marcus closed his eyes licking a slow trail up Jean’s boxer covered dick. It nearly made Jean come right there.

“Doesn’t matter if you fucking want to. I’m telling you, ‘No.’” And hell he was making it harder by the second…in both ways. “You want to make out then fine, but we’re not gonna fucking have sex. Got that?”

“It’s just sex, Jean.” Once those words left Marcus’ mouth it was a sure kill. Jean’s hands shook angrily before he pushed Marcus off with all the strength he had. The other man grunted as his elbows harshly crashed onto the ground. He was mostly caught by surprise. Jean stood up zipping his shorts back up and trying to collect what dignity he lost.

“It’s not for me…I better not see your face until tomorrow.” In a hurry Jean left the room and grabbed a coke from the kitchen before slamming the door to his room closed. Once inside he paced back and forth pulling at his hair trying to calm himself down. When it failed he stopped and let himself drop onto his bed draping his arm across his eyes.

“Goddammit,” Jean shook pressing the palm of his hands against his eyes sockets. He gave an ugly sniff before weakly laughing at himself. He was acting like such a girl right now. Crying just because he was scared of what could have happened. “Where the hell are you when I fucking need you, Marco?”

Marcus stayed where he was and just laid flat on the ground looking up at the ceiling. He could faintly hear Jean behind the doors. But why should he care? Jean was being a pussy and he did this every time. Sex was great and an even better distraction to problems than alcohol. He had hoped Jean would realize this. It didn’t need to be as complicated as he made it to be. Part of him wanted to show Jean this while the other more confusing half felt something…he couldn't say what it was yet, but if he had to describe it he would say it was the Marco on his shoulder. Damn him. Even when he wasn’t here he was nagging him. And he wasn’t going to take care of himself lying on the ground like this. With a sigh he stood up and made his way to the living room. It was silent now. He briefly glanced towards Jean’s room and noticed the light no longer peeking out from underneath the door. He must’ve decided to turn in for the night.

“Whatever.” Marcus growled out before getting his leather jacket from the living room closet. It wasn’t like was desperate enough to solely focus on Jean. There were plenty of one night stands male and female just begging for a fast hard fuck and that was how he liked it. Uncomplicated, no strings attached, physical completion…what more could you ask for?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Thanks for…” Marco paused trying to remember what else he was going to say before yawning loudly at the door. It made Connie laugh. It was nice having an old friend over.

“Hey, you want me to walk you home? So you don’t crash into anything?” Marco looked like he was about to decline the offer when another yawn took over. Tiredly he smacked his lips then groggily nodded.

“If you don’t mind. I can barely keep my eyes open.” With that Connie quickly went to let Sasha know where he was going. She was already sleeping in their room with a blanket pulled over her head and their fur babies all around her. She drowsily asked him to pick up some potatoes on the way back. Sweetly he assured her he would and kissed the top of her head before leaving.

“Ready?” Marco looked like he already fell asleep waiting for him by the door.

“Yeah…thanks again…” Marco opened the door for Connie then closed it behind them. The coldness helped to wake him up a little at least enough to not feel like he was going to fall over at any moment. Today was nice. He could really get used to making this a regular kind of thing.

“I told you, you can sleep over if you want.” Connie shrugged trying to keep up with Marco’s larger steps. “Come on, a sleepover would be awesome.”

“It’s nearly morning, Connie.” Marco smiled too tired to laugh. They just marathoned three seasons of some medical drama which the two of them were insistent on. It was all right, but the acting was WAY over the top. “Besides, I don’t like being away for too long.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Marcus IS the evil twin after all.” Marco tried to give Connie a disapproving look, but it faded into a tired expression.

“I would argue you on that, but I’m too exhausted.” Marco slowed down as they walked the long stretch of pavement. He briefly thought of checking up on Eren, but the lights of the apartment were out. Besides, it was too early anyway for anyone to be up at this hour. He shrugged it off and continued to walk in happy silence with his old friend. Maybe he’d call Armin later at a more reasonable hour to check up on him.

“Marco…how’s Jean?” The question caught him unprepared. He unconsciously stopped to stare at Connie as he continued forward with his hands casually folded behind his head. Noticing Marco was no longer next to him Connie turned around with a nervous smile. “I mean, well, he’s never been good at taking care of himself, you know?”

“Oh…well he’s gotten better at that.” Marco tried to hide the uneasiness behind a smile. He hoped Connie would believe it. Apparently he did because he dropped his arms and returned it. “We still try to keep an eye on him though.”

“I bet…Does he still paint?” Marco caught up with Connie easily and nodded. “That’s good. He’s always been good at that art stuff. Hell, all I was good at was taking selfies.”

“Photography is also an artistic skill.” Connie tossed his head back laughing shortly.

“You always gotta find the silver lining, don’t ya?” It was meant to be taken playfully, but it struck a bad cord in the other. He was only trying to be positive. He could never let someone just belittle and criticize themselves right in front of him. It was just how he was. Connie could sense the sudden change so he playfully bumped Marco with his shoulder.

“Thanks.”

Who would have known one simple word had the power to chase away all of Marco’s anxiety. But Connie was like that ever since they were little. There was just something about him that was simply magical. Whether Connie was dressed as a man or a woman, that trait which made Connie unique always shone brightly. He missed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AH!! I can't believe I actually updated! :D It makes me so happy to share this with everyone after such a long time. I'm slowly getting better and starting to do things I use to love. There are days harder than most, but at least I have good days to get things done. I've noticed though that I make a lot of small mistakes in chapters. *Sweatdrop* A bad habit of mine where the typing doesn't match the word I'm think of or I just type too fast then too tired to check it. If you ever see something like that please let me know so I can fix it and become more aware of it. I've been asked a few times if English is my second language. Haha! Sadly it's not, my thoughts are kinda scattered everywhere. It's a mess. :P
> 
> But yeah! I'm so happy to post something for everyone and I really hoped you liked it. It did take a shift of directions, but no worries. You'll see Eren and Armin again soon. Oh! Also I've decided to keep Connie male in narration, but whenever Marcus refers to Connie it will be female. It's just a lot easier for me to write. I would unconciously switch back and forth and if it's confusing to me more than likely it's confusing for readers. I don't mean to offend anyone. Lastly I'm going to fix that one chapter where it's revealed Marco is taking antidepressants so keep an eye out for that. 
> 
> Ahhh!! So much I want to say, but I really don't want to bring anyone down. I post more personal stuff at fur affinity or on my twitter if anyone is really interest or send me a message on tumblr. I'm doing okay tho and still trying to get through all this. Your responses really do give me hope and normally I would delete the previous chapter because of how personal it is. But I go back and read your comments when I really do feel like giving up.
> 
> Thank you...Thank you all so much.


	31. Slipping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you think you're fine until that one moment

The night embraced the morning slowly bringing all of the creatures out of their peaceful slumber. It started with those who lived in the ground, then the ones who found sanctuary in the bushes. The sunbeams slowly extended its outstretch fingertips making sure to touch each and every leaf greedily. The birds would fluff their feathers and take flight starting every morning the same way in search of food. Whether man decided to wake up like the others all depended on his mood.

“Fucking birds…” Eren muttered under his breath not opening his eyes. Luckily the blinds they had blocked out most of the sunlight.

“Thank God it’s the weekend...” Armin sighed in relief making absolutely no attempt to move a single muscle not even with Athena’s rear so close to his face. 

“Fucking weekdays…” Eren grunted out blindly reaching for Armin’s head to gently pat him.

“Fucking weekdays…” Armin deeply sighed in and out not putting up a fight. His body was snug against Eren’s with their cat lying across the both of them. Even though his neck was at an odd angle, it was the most peaceful sleep he ever had since moving.

“Stay home.” Eren lazily grumbled out while gently scratching Armin’s scalp. The blond made an appreciative sound making the other smile. “I’m hungry and too lazy to cook for myself.”

“But you’re supposed to cook for me.” Armin didn’t even have the energy to laugh, but Eren knew he was laughing on the inside even though his tired smile said otherwise. “I’m the wife.”

“Fuck the wife. I’m the man.” Eren playfully huffed finally opening his eyes to look down at him. Armin could feel his gaze on him, but continued to use Eren as a body pillow. “But really…I’m hungry.”

“But you’re such a good cook.” Armin smiled widely then pressed his lips tightly close to keep from laughing. He could feel the huff of air that he let out and it nearly caused him to readjust himself. “What if we invaded Connie’s or Marco’s?”

“Now THAT sounds like a plan.” Eren swiftly sat up making Armin slide down his body coming to a stop on his lap.

It took a moment for Armin to figure out why the world was suddenly spinning. Eren didn’t say a word while looking down at him with a mischievous glint in his eyes. That look always meant trouble. It felt like all the energy from the blonde’s body decided to flee along with every bone in his body. That smile would soon be the death of him. Armin stretched out taking up as much room as he could while letting out a lion’s roar preventing Eren from getting up.

“Come on, lets go.” Eren patiently waited, but Armin just smacked his lips looking up at him with a drowsy look. “You done?”

Before he could say anything Armin repeated the same action, but much slower. It was really testing Eren’s patience. By the fourth time Eren lost it showing no mercy as he attacked all of Armin’s ticklish spots at once until he rolled off the bed nearly hitting the floor. Athena bolted for the door eagerly waiting by the small dish Eren had put out for her from last night’s dinner. Without too much talking, the two set into their usual morning routine. Eren would feed Athena in addition to giving her water while Armin checked the dishes. After feeding their furry friend, Eren would go brush his teeth and use the bathroom. Meanwhile Armin would check the litterbox and the trash can. By that time Eren was usually done. Armin would hand the trash bag to him then taking his turn to use the restroom. Athena tended to be quick on Armin’s heels then remembers she still had food returning to it.

While outside Eren would check for any possible laundry. They learned the hard way the first time they accidentally forgot about their clothes. When he returned back home Armin would already have the coffee ready sitting and waiting at the small kitchen table. One mug in front of himself and the other across from him while checking his tablet. Eren would thank him and take a seat quietly enjoying his warm mug. It was a ground rule after getting up there would be no further talk until after coffee. It was a really nice atmosphere and helped them both to truly center themselves and mentally prepare for the adventures of today.

“Do we even know if Connie’s awake?” Eren looked begrudgingly at his empty mug.

”I texted him while waiting for the coffee pot.” Armin finished the last few drops of his coffee with a content sigh. “Sasha’s not there though, she already went to work.”

”Must suck working weekends.” Eren remained sitting across from Armin still trying to fully wake up. Playfully he kicked Armin’s foot making him uncross them. The blond shot him an irritated look before putting it back up making Eren chuckle. “What do you want to do after?”

”To be honest, go back to bed.” Armin folded the paper setting it in front of himself then leaned forward with his elbows on the table while running his hands down his face. “But I have a paper I need to finish writing. Berholdt’s going to meet me later at the library.”

”Well, good think that’s one of your favorite places to be.” Eren tried to joke. It disappointed him that they were going to be separate even though it was the weekend.

”Yeah, guess you’re right.” Armin sat back up showing some signs of relief. “What about you?”

”What about me?” Eren tilted his head to the side while crossing his arms. He looked too adorable. Armin bit the inside of his cheek to keep from chuckling. Eren put his elbows on the table holding his hand out to Armin. Instinctively Armin put his hand out letting Eren gently hold it before turning it over so his palm was now facing up.

”What do you plan on doing today while I’m gone?” Eren stared more intently at Armin wrist as he started massaging it causing a few cracking and popping noises. Some made Armin winced slightly until Eren noticed. His touch became more gentle and soothing. Armin had to concentrate really hard to continue breathing normally and ignore how loud his heart was beating.

”Not much, but I can tell you what I plan on doing when you get back.” Eren seemed pleased with the hand massage and proceeded to the other hand. While switching he gave Armin a smirk that made the other scream like a hopeless fangirl inside. Dirty images started filling his mind. Oh GOD this was torture…and oh how he was loving it.

”Start talking about what to make for lunch or dinner depending on what time you get home…” Eren tugged lightly on each of Armin’s fingers making a few of them pop. It felt a little painful, but so nice. It took everything Armin had in him not to let something so simple arouse him so much.

”Wanna invite anyone over?” Eren shook his head.

”We’ve been hanging out with people so much. I just wanna be with you.” Dear sweet baby Jesus…Armin could feel his insides twist in the most delicious way. The blond was certain he was blushing by now and he could practically feel the heat radiating off of himself. Slowly it pooled down to his stomach and inched its way southward between his legs. Armin squirmed pressing his knees together.

”Unless…you really want to.” Eren added on looking a little crestfallen. He really did hope Armin would be all for spending time with just the two of them like they used to. He felt like they really needed to especially after finding out Armin was…gay. It felt awkward to even think it, but if Armin felt that way then he would support it like he did with everything else. They needed to clear the air and start over again. It was also Eren’s way of apologizing for before.

”No…I’d like that a lot actually.” Armin started pulling his hand away, but Eren caught him.

”Really, if you want to—“

”I mean it, Eren.” Armin turned his hand in a way that his fingers threaded themselves between Eren’s. “I’ve missed you too.”

In a rare moment Armin could see a blush race across Eren’s face. How he’d love to pull him forward and kiss him over this table. He’d cup the side of the man’s face taking his time delicately kissing those lips. He could imagine the hitched breath the other would take so nervously not knowing what to do. The blush would grow even more when Armin would move his lips down Eren’s neck—

”Armin.” Armin shook out of his daydream looking guiltily back at Eren.

”Yes?” Eren raised an eyebrow then chuckled.

“You okay? Your grip got crazy strong.”

”Yes! Ah! Sorry!” Armin released Eren’s hand as if it were on fire. “I-I think I’m still a bit sleepy.”

”Yeah. Me too.” Eren pulled away and yawned loudly before standing up. He growled out a few more unintelligible noises raising his arms above his head revealing a peek at his lower stomach just above his boxers. Armin couldn’t stop himself staring and going into another fantasy of his. “Um, Armin? Are you sure you don’t want to sleep in? You’re zoning out a lot.”

”Yes! I’m su—“ Armin tried to stand up a little too quickly hitting his knee against the table. The blond yelped falling back down in his seat while hastily rubbing at it. Eren laughed a little before getting a bag of frozen peas and carrots for Armin to hold against his knee. The coldness of the package helped Armin deal with certain developings down below as well. Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise.

”Maybe…we can do something later tonight…together.” Another image of what ‘together’ implied raced through his filthy mind. Thank God Eren had no clue. That didn’t stop the blond from feeling the guilt.

”Movie challenge?” Eren’s twinkled.

”Sure.” Armin laughed a little helping to relieve some of the pain in his knee. “Know what category?”

”Hm…yes. How about horror?”

”Are you sure about that?” It was a small tradition they had back at home. Mikasa usually won the movie challenge when the category was horror. Somehow she knew exactly which movie to pick that would leave the two of them terrified. Since it was only the two of them, they both had to pick a random movie to scare the living shit out of the other. Whoever didn’t get scared won rights to watch whatever they wanted next time with the other person regardless to what it was. Nothing was worse than having to watch a whole episode of Tele Tubbies. The baby sun gave Eren nightmares for weeks.

“Yeah. Do your worse.” Eren smirked crossing his arms. “I’ll have you know I’ve been desensitizing myself to all things horror. You don’t have a snowball chance in hell of spooking me out.”

“We’ll see.” Armin chuckled slowly standing up and putting the frozen vegetables in the refrigerator. Armin wish he could fast forward the rest of the day to get to spending some quality time alone with Eren sooner. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Welcome weary travelers!” Connie dramatically announced as he opened the door revealing a couch covered in canines.

“Oh…hello.” Armin greeted them with a small wave. All of their ears perked up as they made a mad dash towards them. Connie groaned closing the door behind Armin and Eren. These pups really needed a refresher course on how to be quiet. The three of them nearly tripped over themselves trying their best not to step on anyone’s paws.

“Are they always so…friendly?” Armin called out managing to weave through all the fur babies. Eren wasn’t quite as lucky. One of the smaller dogs bounced up in the air until it was eye level with him. Automatically Eren caught it holding it against his chest. Grateful, the dog wagged its tail excitedly going Eren’s face a full tongue bath. Connie hollered at the sight of Eren’s grimace.

“Sorry they get excited whenever anyone visits. Here, I’ll get you a towel.” Connie took the toy size dog from Eren and disappeared for a brief second. All the other dogs slowly calmed down and casually made their way back to the couch where they were sitting. The biggest one sat straight not taking his eyes off the strangers. Eren frowned trying to wipe the drool off his face.

“I’m starting to think I don’t like dogs as much as I used to.” The big dog huffed out a quiet bark at him.

”Maybe you’re becoming more of a cat person.” Armin teased. The biggest dog lifted its head up give a loud whisper bark. “Do you think they don’t like them?”

”Don’t know…” Could it be possible for these mongrels to understand them? He held the dog’s stare and sharply said- “Cat.”

Immediately the large dog howled causing a ruckus and instigating the rest in doing the same. Eren couldn’t hide his grin and shouted it once again. That time all of the dogs rushed off the couch hurrying to the nearest window to look outside. Some barks were excited, some protective, and others whine due to their short height which made it hard to look past the windows’ ledge.

”Whoa! Guys!” Connie tossed Eren the towel and went over to shoo them away from the window before anyone might see them. All, but one went back to their resting place. “Come on, Hercules! Don’t make me drag you!”

Hercules kept his eyes trained on the outside not budging an inch away from the window. If Eren knew this would have been their reaction he might have felt a little guilty for stirring them up. However, seeing Connie fighting and trying to pull the large dog away from the window was too hilarious. Armin gave him a scolding look as soon as Eren threw his head back to laugh at sight. Armin shook his head and walked over to try and help Connie.

”Whew. Thanks.” Connie panted wiping his brow even though he wasn’t sweaty at all. “Please try not to say C-A-T around them especially this fella. I swear he weighs more than me!”

”Sorry, we didn’t know. You see, we happened to recently adopt a---“ Not sure if the dogs would react the same to ‘kitten’ like they did to ‘cat’ Armin decided to spell it out. Connie gave him an appreciative look and nodded. Guess he was right not to say the word out loud. Momentarily Armin was curious exactly how many English terms the dogs understood.

”Sorry.” Was all Eren said. Armin’s eyes widen just a little before he smiled back at Eren. It may not seem like a grand gesture, but Eren Jaegar apologizing to someone rarely happened. Connie seemed to pick up on the importance and smiled back.

”It’s cool. Sorry these little monster don’t have better manners. We’re working on it.” Connie paused to look down and affectionately scratch behind one of their ears. “How do you two feel about pancakes?”

“That sounds delicious.” Eren nodded with enthusiasm.

”All right. I’ll get on it then!” Connie rolled up his sleeves then paused for a moment. “Hey Armin…mind if I practice on you again?”

”Practice what again?” Eren voiced Armin question before he could even get it passed his lips while protectively stepping in front of the smaller man. It was an instinctual habit of his. Connie smiled then leaned to the side looking more at Armin.

”I put an outfit together which I know would looks awesome on you.” Instantly Armin knew what he was referring to. He glanced nervously at Eren then back at Connie.

There were two reasons why he was unsure. One being he wasn’t sure if Connie felt comfortable telling Eren about this part of himself and the second one being he wasn’t sure how Eren would feel about Armin letting Connie dress him up. Eren lowly growled placing himself between Armin and Connie, this time spreading out his arms. The fact that he could feel the nervousness emitting from his best friend gave him the wrong impression of what it was they were talking about.

”Armin may be gay, but he’s not into weird stuff like that.” Connie’s face dropped its expression for a second. He weaved to the other side smiling cheerfully at the blond behind him.

”You didn’t tell me you were, Armin! I know someone who would be PERFECT for you—“

”You can’t just go pairing him up with some—“ Again Eren tried to block Connie, but failed as he excited weaved again to the other side.

”Unless you already have a boyfriend—”

”Leave Ar—“

”But if you don’t—“

”Connie! Would cut it—“

”Sasha and I know a TON of—“

”Why the fuck would he want a boyfriend when he has me?!” Eren pulled Connie in front of himself panting only a bit from trying to block him from Armin. Connie looked surprised for a second as did Armin. Eren was surprised as well and felt the horror increase as Connie gave him a sly knowing look. 

”Because unless you’re interested, Eren, I’m sure Armin would want a boyfriend he can fuck or have fuck him…” Every cell in Armin body lit up bright red…Maybe coming to Connie’s…wasn’t such a good idea after all…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!!! :D How has everyone been!? GOD I've missed you guys and I'm happy to say I've been getting more chapters out to the rest of my works too. Some are shorter than other, but that's mainly because I'm trying to get back in the hang of things and my focus on all these fics has slipped a little. Still I hope I can get everyone through this to the very end. 
> 
> Again any suggestions or if you'd like to participate in art sketch ideas just let me know. :) 
> 
> Also I just wanted to point out that Eren was thinking Connie meant more like sexually practicing on Armin. That's why he said what he did. It was mainly due to Armin's embarrassed reaction and his recent coming out to him that Eren assumes the worse. Not sure if that came across...Hm...


	32. Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can be as fun as they are frustrating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize in advance if anyone is offended by this chapter or sees it as a pale representation of what it is to be transgendered. If you have any suggestions please let me know so I can improve my writing. The same goes in the future for any queer community shown in this fanfic. :)

How fast he moved was really incredible. If life were a movie this would have been the point where they would have used slow mo so the audience could comprehend exactly what was happening. God knows he didn’t until he heard the sound of the front door slamming and felt his back hit against it. His heart was hammering so hard it felt like his whole skeleton was vibrating from it. All sound felt like it cut out at first then he could only hear a high pitch sound in his ears. He brought one hand up to his temple and kept the other firmly on the doorknob behind him. It was so intense he had to close his eyes for a moment and grit his teeth. Slowly he could hear the ruckus of barks and howls behind him. Connie’s voice was muffled, but he could tell from the tone he was trying to calm the pack down. Connie was fine, that was good. What about…

“What the hell, Armin?!” Armin felt like he just got off an intense carnival ride when he turned to see Eren getting up from the ground wiping off the grass and dirt on his knees. Nothing made sense for a moment. When Eren finally stood up Armin could tell he was furious. “Why—what the hell?!”

“Eren! Calm down! I won’t let you resort to violence because of a misunderstanding!” Armin could hear his voice shake, but he shouted them none the less.

“I wasn’—“ Eren took a step back not used to Armin shouting back at him. This was something new…

“You were.” Armin’s tone was firm making Eren flinch. Even though he was the one ready to start a fight he felt himself slowly feeling more insecure and unsure of himself. Only Armin had the power to ever make him feel this way. If it were anyone else he could easily start a fight and that would be the end of it. Eren stubbornly cast his stare to the ground studying his own shoes. “Eren…”

“Fine!!” Something burned inside of Eren and he snarled out the word in the ugliest way. “Yes! I wanted to kick his ass!! But Ar—“

“You can’t keep doing this, Eren!” Armin let go of the doorknob and expressively motioned his arms the desperation he felt. “We can’t keep losing friends over these things!”

“They were NEVER my friends!! They were yours!” Eren raised his voice passionately swinging his around as if he were physically fighting someone. This was so…childish. Armin ran his hands down his face groaning and gritting his own teeth. This was enough. He had enough. “If they were really your friends then they wouldn’t have cared about me!!”

“For the love of God, Eren!!” Armin tore his hands away glaring at Eren with so much intensity that a passerby would think a fight was about to break between them. It was true that Armin loved Eren, but not all love was healthy. Not all love was sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes love could be unhealthy…and hurt…“Stop monopolizing me!!”

“…what?” Eren froze not fully understanding. “What do you mean?”

“You’re always doing this and I’m getting sick of it! We’re not little kids anymore!” Armin’s whole body shook and he could feel the tears building up. What was this? What was this emotion that had took over him so intensely like. It felt like he had become a spectator in his own mind and there was nothing he could do to control what was being said in his own voice. “You’re always telling me who’s good for me and who’s not! You’re always chasing people off, never giving them a chance! They never stayed because I would never ask them too! I thought it was all my fault because I couldn’t leave you!”

“Armin…” It felt like a bullet to Eren’s heart. Armin heaved a little before choking out a sob. The boy he once called his soul mate was breaking down right in front of his eyes…and there was nothing he could do, but watch.

“Eren!” Armin’s voice broke a little. His head felt too heavy for his body. His knees were ready to give out and it felt like he just couldn’t get enough air. “Please…please go home.”

“…okay…” And with that Eren turned and made his way back to their apartment feeling numb the entire way. He didn’t dare to even look back at Armin to make sure he was fine. No doubt Connie had been listening on the other side of the door and was waiting for the right moment to check on them. The sound of the front door opening and then closing confirmed it.

At least Armin was being taken care of. At least Armin had someone to talk to that wasn’t him. At least Armin…Eren’s pace slowed the closer he came to their apartment door. He pulled out his key and stared at it in his hand. Armin was his best friend, brother, soul mate, and…and so much more. If the world was ending he would be the first person he would think of next to Mikasa. He knew it was wrong to put anyone before family, but it felt right to put him first before anything. Armin was…right. They weren’t kids anymore. It was time to grow up and leave childish things to slowly die and fade into childhood memories.

A flash of fury erupted from Eren and he raised his fist up slamming it as hard as he could against the door. The sound echoed emptily against the walls. Something started prickling the corners of his eyes. He repeated the same action a few more times until some of the pain chipped away and there was an evident dent in the door. He would have kept going until the wood started cracking if it weren’t for the sharp cry from within. Oh shit! He completely forgot about Athena! When Eren tried to open the door it refused to budge. Internally he screamed at himself for being so stupid. Armin was right…he was utterly hopeless. Athena’s cries got louder and he could hear her scratching on the other side of the door. The fight he had with Armin earlier did nothing, but exaggerate the panic he felt. How was he going to get in? What if Athena was starving? Should he break the window? How much would it cost to repair it? Should he go back to Connie’s?

“Fuck it…” Eren pulled out his phone and called the one person he knew he could depend on helping. The phone rang a few times before the person picked it up. Taking a deep Eren prepared himself to finally face the music. “Thomas?”

“Did hell freeze over or are you really calling me?” Eren could feel the smile on the other’s face over the phone. Eren wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or to throw up.

“Y-yeah…it’s me…” Most. awkward. conversation. ever.

“What can I do for you today?” Thomas laughed on the other side. Eren really was adorable. He stood up and took a moment to sit on the ground next to the vehicle he was working on at his dad’s shop. He was almost done and could afford to shower Eren with a little bit of attention.

“I-I…um…” It took a few moments for Eren to put a sentence together. Small growls and sighs came out and Thomas could imagine Eren walking back and forth. It was fine. He was patient. “I can’t get into our…apartment.”

“Did you lose the key?” He needed a few more details so he could figure out what tools to bring with him. “Or is there something wrong with the doorway’s frame structure?”

“I…ah…punched it.” Eren felt his cheeks burning. It only proved that Eren was unable to control his violent nature sometimes. However, he was thankful he took it out on an inanimate object than on a person. “M-maybe…too hard? It wouldn’t open now.”

“Damn…all right. I’ll be over there in a few minutes.” Something serious must’ve been going on unless it was a bad habit of Eren’s. “I have to finish changing the oil on a customer’s car.”

“Okay. Bye.” With that Eren quickly hung up and pressed the phone to his forehead then turned to sit next to the front door. He screwed up. He needed to apologize to Armin…and Connie…and Athen—

“Reow?” Eren opened his eyes to see the kitten sitting next to him.

She tilted her head then walked closer putting one paw on his leg and reaching up to touch his face with the other. Instantly Eren chuckled and started to cry a little. Today wasn’t supposed to be as fucked up as it became. It was supposed to be a day where he and Armin could relax and be with one another. Eren reached out and held Athena close against his chest. She didn’t make another sound, but curled against his warmth instantly falling asleep. She must’ve snuck out through a window like the day he found her in the sink. He rubbed his eyes and smiled at the memory. He glanced down at her and gently stroked from the tip of her nose to the back of her ear giving them a little scratch. She purred lifting her head up for more attention. It was amazing how she could calm him down in seconds.

“Hey…mind if I have a seat?” Eren would have jumped out of his skin if he could. How could he have not noticed another’s presence? When he turned he wasn’t quite sure what he was seeing. “Don’t worry about Armin, he’s taking a nap down my place. He must’ve really tired himself out emotionally.”

“…Connie?” Connie gave him a gentle smile before carefully sitting down after arranging her dress just right.

“Yeah I know, no makeup kinda kills the look.” Connie smiled playfully sticking out her tongue and winking at him. “Been a while since I’ve dressed up in public.”

“What are you—“

“I’m transgender, Eren.” Connie sighed nervously interlacing her hands and propping them over her knees while crossing her ankles. She looked straight ahead as she spoke. She could feel Eren’s eyes suspicious checking her out up and down. “I’ve talked to Armin about it. He let me practice makeup on him once and it helped me realize how much I loved dressing up. It always felt…so right…”

“Why did you stop?” Connie blinked a few times. Eren was taking this surprisingly well. A whole lot better than what she could’ve predicted.

“Because…someone I loved very much found out before I was ready to tell them. I hated myself for a very long time after we broke up. They said some hurtful stuff which I took to heart.” Connie held her breath for a moment. It felt like forever since she revisited those painful memories. “My parents never forced me to be a “boy” and I was lucky that they let me dress and be however as long as I was happy with myself. I could pass as either, but I love what society would label as “girl” the most. It felt more like who I was…”

“That’s…weird, Connie.” Eren frowned trying to understand. He wanted to, but it wasn’t something he could really relate to.

“Do you ever stop to think if you’re a boy or not?” Connie smile softly at him. The fact that Eren wasn’t calling her names by now or saying how sick it was, showed Connie Eren was indeed a good person at heart. Eren scrunched up his face and rolled his eyes up trying to recall if he ever had. He shook his head still frowning. It made Connie laugh a little. It reminded her a lot how…

“I’ve never really questioned myself…well…not about being a boy anyway.” Eren’s statement caught Connie’s attention.

“What do you question?” Eren bit his lip and turned his head away.

“It’s stupid.”

“It’s not.” Connie calmly replied back then slowly placed her hand on his. “Nothing about wanting to know more about yourself and who you are is stupid, Eren. It took me a long time to realize that too.”

“I’m not…completely “normal” either…” The words felt so heavy to say much less get out.

“Does it bother you a lot? Not being “normal”?” She had a pretty good idea it involved Armin. Still Connie rather be told by the person than making assumptions. The best she could do would be to help Eren find the questions he needed to help himself.

“Like…I don’t know…”Eren could feel himself getting more and more frustrated. Athena opened an eye and chirped a protest when she nothing Eren was no longer petting her. The small noise caught his attention and he softly apologized to her before continuing. “Armin’s right…I can’t help chasing off his friends.”

“Hm…he’s right…but he’s also wrong.” Eren gave Connie a confused look. She couldn’t help laughing at him. His expression really reminded her of Hercules. “I think real friends try hard to understand each other. It’s normal to get in fights and arguments. It’s normal not wanting a “friend” taking your place as best friend. When someone is as close as you and Armin are, it’s normal to get jealous.”

“I don’t love Armin like that.” Eren blushed sitting a little straighter making Connie laugh.

“You don’t have to be lovers to be jealous, Eren.” The other gave her a disbelieving look. “And I wanted to tell you too that I’m sorry for what I said. I’m so used to joking like that with Sasha that I forget it’s not “normal” for most.”

“Yeah, but I think what got to me was the idea of Armin having a boyfriend.” Eren tiredly sighed stretching his scarred up leg out. It was hurting him again and the ointment he used for it was inside. Dammit.

“But at least you didn’t let the fact that he’s gay break your friendship.” Eren slowly nodded. “Not so many people can do that. Most of the time when you come out I hear you lose a lot of people. A lot of people you love and a lot of people you thought would have accepted you.”

“Did that happen to you? I mean not coming out of the closet, but coming out transgender.” That had to be hard too…right? Maybe Eren might try googling it so he could understand better. He didn’t feel right asking Connie too many questions since it felt, well, private. It would be like how he felt whenever people saw his scars. All the questions, wanting to feel it when he wasn’t comfortable with contact in general, all the assumptions that he was doing something careless that resulted in it…he didn’t want anyone to feel that way.

”Like I mentioned before, someone I loved couldn’t accept it.” Connie pulled her hand away from Eren and wrapped her hands around herself unconsciously tightening her lips together in a nervous manner. Instead of pushing the subject Eren reached out touching her shoulder. Connie quickly turned raising her eyebrow until she saw Eren holding Athena out to her with one arm.

“Careful, she gets really grouchy if you wake her up.” Eren smiled shifting her into Connie’s embrace.

“…she’s so small…”Connie whispered then smiled widely at Eren with an excited face. Eren held back his laugh and nodded.

“She’s small, but she’s pretty fierce when she wants to be.” Eren showed Connie how to pet her while talking.

“Makes sense you two would have a badass kitten.” Connie tried to keep her voice down which proved to be really hard when you had the softest, most adorable kitten in the world purring happily in your arms. “I’ve never held a kitten before.”

“Yeah…I can understand that.” Eren smile then slowly leaned his head against Connie’s watching her coo at Athena while petting her.

It was so weird seeing Connie like this dressed in a modesty cute dress with leggings and a pair of fuzzy boots. He supposed it was one of the perks of being skinny that helped her pull off the look. The wig made a big difference as well and the scarf helped to hide her Adam’s apple while adding to the chic casual look. It wasn’t so much as looks though that made a big difference. It was the presence she now had. It was calming almost like Armin’s, but also had an underlying sense of excitement for everything. The way Connie spoke, the gestures, the body language felt so much more natural to interact with that the Connie he first met. Was this the difference of blending in and accepting yourself?

“Connie…will you be my friend too?” Eren felt stupid saying it, but he needed to know. He needed to know that someone who didn’t grow up with him, who had seen his lesser qualities, would still actually want to be his friend. He needed to know what it felt like to be accepted.

“Yes, Eren. I would be more than happy to.” Connie burst out with a laugh that made Athena crawl out of her hold and back into Eren’s lap. “Hm, I need to learn how to be quiet like you with her.”

“She’ll get used to you.” Eren smiled babying her in his arms again.

“And Eren…will you be my friend too?” Connie nervously played with the hem of her shirt. “Now that you know and seen me like this? If you don’t want to then no hard feelings. I hope we can still get along though for Armin’s sake—“

“Yes. I’d like to be your friend. Both “boy” and “girl” Connie.” Connie tried to stifle a laugh, but failed. Eren really was trying she would give him that. Maybe someday he would get Sasha to tell him about herself too. Man, she could imagine how confusing it might be to him if he still couldn’t wrap his head around transgendered people. Still it was a good step in the right direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh!! I'm always so nervous about offending anyone when these subjects come up. Like mentioned in the beginning notes if you'd like to say or add anything please please PLEASE let me know! It just felt right to post this on National Transgender Day of Visibility. I changed pronouns with Connie when presented female because not only would it be correct, but it flows a little better. Before I mentioned that Eren would take awhile calling Connie 'she', but after finally writing this I believe he wouldn't have too much of a problem. Of course he's going to have to ask Connie at some point to make sure it's all good. 
> 
> But yeah! Thank you so much for sticking with me and I want to really thank meldingseas and their friend from tumblr for talking with me and letting me know what they think so far with this fanfic. I really do want to get more updates done and posted for everyone to enjoy. Writing also helps me wait for updates on fanfics I love reading on AO3 too. ^___^ So I know the feeling. 
> 
> Have a great day/evening/night everyone!!! I love you all!!! You make me so happy!!


	33. Anticipation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when you can't focus on anything but that one moment

The sound of his cellphone was what woke Armin up. That and also Hercules was jumping on top of him giving his face one hell of a tongue bath. Normally he would have laughed, but Hercules like his name was one monster of a dog and it took everything in Armin to push the canine off. He sputtered furiously wiping his mouth feeling almost violated. Never would he tell anyone how much drool got in his mouth. NEVER. It was nearly traumatizing! When the alarm turned off Armin groaned rising up from the bed and to the door that led outside. He was surprised to see Connie standing in front of it about to reach for the doorknob in full female attire minus the makeup.

“Oh, sorry…” Armin smiled apologetically stepping to the side to allow Connie in. “I have to meet—“

“Your friend at the library, right?” Armin turned his head back towards the doorway.

“Eren—“ Before he could say anything else Eren tossed him the keys.

“I thought you might need it so I drove it over. Found your backpack and put it in there too. Get a full tank when you’re done.” The blond took a moment to look between the two. When Connie smiled and nodded it reassured him that all was well once again. Nothing could describe the relief that ran through him. Without a second thought Armin flung his arms around Eren tiptoeing just a little lightly kissing his cheek.

“Thank you, Eren.” Armin whispered back before rushing out of the door for two reasons. One, he didn’t want to keep Bertholdt waiting and the other he wanted to get as far away as possible so he wouldn’t have to explain his actions for kissing Eren. Quickly he started the truck and took a chance to glance at the rearview mirror. Connie was nowhere to be seen, but Eren was still standing on the steps waving good-bye to him. Weakly Armin waved back then chuckled at himself. No way Eren could’ve seen him, but it still gave him comfort. Maybe…today wasn’t all ruined. 

Armin didn’t mean to snap like that at Eren. He didn’t mean to let his emotional confusion get him so riled up. In a way, Armin was no better than the Neanderthals that once bullied him. On more than one occasion Armin did try to reason with them so he wouldn’t need anyone to come and save him every time. However, each time he tried he could see how what he said never really processed in their minds. It led to a harder beating out of fear of not understanding. He could tell from how sporadic and clumsy the blows were. Sometimes Armin could manage to dodge a few buying him some time to try and get away. A coldness ran through his bones. Was he becoming what he feared most?

The truck behind him honked impatiently making Armin jump. The light was green. Without any more distracting thought he focused on the road and allowed his mind to go on autopilot for the rest of the drive. Since it was a weekend the college campus had plenty of parking. Happily Armin rolled up his window and hurried inside to find his new friend. 

~*~*~*~*~

When Armin found the study room which Bertholdt was signed other he was very surprised to see that Reiner was also there sitting on top of the table with his back to the entry. He could tell that he must’ve been telling some kind of wild story from the way his hands were whipping around to the side of him and high above his head. He could hear Bertholdt laugh even though the glass managed to muffle most of it. It was…strange. Not the laugh or their interaction. It felt like he was intruding into something that was very personal and private. When Bertholdt opened his eyes again he noticed Armin. He was surprised for a second then smiled waving at him. Reiner looked confused, but before he could turn around his tall friend was already opening the door for Armin letting him in.

”Glad you could make it.” Bertholdt smiled nervously and held a shaky hand out to him. This would be their second time meeting. Even though he felt like he clicked well with the other, there was no telling if it was okay to be so familiar with Armin yet. Was it even normal to act so formally with someone now a days? Bertholdt never knew, but what he did know was that his mom always taught him to be courteous and respectful towards others. Thankfully Armin saw nothing wrong with a handshake as he returned it.

”Thank you for helping me.” Armin smiled brightly. Something really nice must’ve happened to him on his way here.

”Hey, angel! Remember me?” Reiner announced to no one before jumping off the table and making his way towards them. It took Bertholdt a moment to remember that Armin actually knew Reiner before him. So there was no real need for intro---Reiner smiled widely picking Armin literally off his feet into a crushing bear hug.

”Reiner! You’re going to crush him.” Bertholdt let go of the door and started panicking trying to find a way to get the strong man to release his hold on the Armin. “Reiner!”

”He’s fine, he’s fine.” Reiner let Armin go then playfully messed up his hair. Doing that would definitely never be approved by his mother. Then again, much of what Reiner did would never be approved. “I’m here to help out with getting books and stuff. Snacks, water, staplers, copies, you know, the essentials.”

”Oh, thank you.” It took Armin a few minutes to get the room to stop spinning. Bertholdt mentioned he was strong, but he never could have guessed how strong. With a shake of his head Armin took a seat and started taking out the contents of his backpack. “Are we waiting for anyone else?”

”No, I had a friend who was, but he had to go deal with something.” Bertholdt gave a depressed sigh. It was one of his few friends before Bertholdt ever met Reiner. They were fairly close friends in middle school and slowly drifted apart in high school, but met again. It was as if things never changed between them and they tried to find time to do things when they could. Like Armin he didn’t push Bertholdt to be more social or outside of his comfort zone much like Reiner always did.

”Oh, well, maybe next time.” Armin shook Bertholdt out of his thoughts with the sound of a few books hitting the table. “I went to the local public library and found some resources that I thought might help us.”

”You really didn’t have to.” Tentatively he picked up one of the books and flipped through the information. Damn, this was a good one. With quiet excitement he carried the book to the seat beside Armin while getting a few of his colored notecards in hand. “Was there a specific detail that caught you attention in this?”

”Yes! In matter of fact if you turn to page—“ 

And that’s how the rest of their study session went. Comparing resources, searching for reliable and factual internet resources, pre-writes and editing, and countless searches for books within the college library. The elevator was due for repairs which meant having to use the stairwell up and down back to their room. Thank God Reiner was with them and able to carry large amounts for them. By the end of it even Reiner looked as exhausted as the two of them felt.

”I’m surprised you nerds don’t have bigger guns.” Reiner leaned his head back slouching horribly in his chair with a tired groan. “You’re gonna have to carry me back to the car bride style, Bert.”

”You and I both know what a horrible idea that is.” Bertholdt replied not looking up from his writing. With a few last finishes he handed it to Armin. “I think we should call it a day after these last few edits.”

“Yeah, it is getting late.” Armin looked up out the window.

The little bit of sky that was visible was turning from a light blue to a darker shade. Without realizing it Armin’s body started to become heavier from just looking at it. Vendor snacks could only keep his stomach full for so long. For sure Eren was already making something instead of waiting for him to come home like he said he would. On cue Armin’s stomach made a very loud and furious protest. Embarrassed, Armin tried to muffle it as best as he could collapsing into himself with a hand tightly wrapped over his stomach. He was unsuccessful in his attempts making Reiner and Bertholdt chuckle.

”It’s settled! Time to go home.” Reiner stood up and started stacking the books in a neater pile for the librarians to pick up later. Bertholdt smiled and helped him by handing him a few books before packing up his belongings.

”We can give you a ride home, Armin.” The tall man turned to him looking very tired.

”And by we he means me, so don’t worry.” Reiner taunted Bertholdt and roughly patted him on the back while helping him up out of his chair. “This guy might as well be drunk right now.”

”Thanks for the offer, but I drove over here.” Armin blushed slightly. How he wished someday he could say how his boyfriend lent him his car today. It felt less like a small lie if he could say that. Sharing one car like a new couple. Luckily neither of them made a big deal out of it or out of the fact how Armin suddenly started blushing like a school girl. “Maybe next time.”

”Definitely.” Armin was about to part ways when he stopped himself and turned around cupping his hands around his mouth to make a small megaphone for his voice.

”Hey Reiner!” Armin could feel his heart beating so loud in his chest. He knew this was a dirty trick to do, but he really wanted a guaranteed good time with Eren tonight. When the two of them stopped and both turned around giving him curious looks he tightly clenched his fists to his side. “Do you know a horror movie involving aliens?” 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“No fucking way.” Sasha laughed loudly pointing at him.

“Come on! A bet’s a bet, Eren!” Connie grinned. “You have to cook for us for a week now.”

“I would if you guys bothered buying actual ingredients.” Eren sneered then smirked.

“Ohhh! He’s burning our fridge, yo!” Sasha stopped laughing giving Connie a dead serious look across the table. “No one insults our fridge, baby.”

“Damn right.” Connie leaned in close to her in mocking seriousness. They both gave Eren an unnerving look before commencing in a secret huddle. Nothing good could come out of this. Eren was seriously fearing whatever scheme it was they were making. “All right. Double or nothing.”

“Fine, if I win then you’re doing laundry for a week for both me and Armin. That includes towels, bedsheets, and blankets AND paying for the laundry detergent.” Sounded like a stupid thing to bet, but GOD! He HATED laundry. Having to wash it, having to dry it, having to walk back and forth all day long carrying the stupid loads basket by basket, only to wear it again and have to do it all over. It was started to wear his leg down a little, but no way would he ever tell Armin.

“If I win then you cook for us, buy the groceries, and…”Sasha leaned over whispering something to Connie. “And let me give you a make-over since I didn’t get a chance to practice on Armin.”

”Why don’t you practice on Sasha then?” Eren wrinkled his nose.

”Man or woman, Sas hates makeup.” Connie looked over at Sasha who made a face sticking out her tongue.

“…hell no…” Connie couldn’t help laughing.

“Come on, it’ll be fun.” Connie put her arm on the table bracing herself. “Plus you’ll be playing me this time instead of Sasha. Sounds fair right?”

“Yeah…but I can’t take you seriously dressed like that.” Eren sat down chuckling a little and shaking his head as he prepared his arm to wrestle. “Don’t get your panties in a bunch if you lose.”

“Soon you’ll be wearing these panties, mister.” Sasha let out a loud ‘Ohhhh!’ before officially counting off their arm wrestling match. All three of them were a little tipsy due to Sasha coming home excitedly with a six pack of imported beer from Australia. She also had some kangaroo meat which a coworker shared with her. After talking about other kinds of food with Sasha and about work, she came up with the idea of having an arm wrestling match with Eren.

With the first few beers Eren was definitely winning over the both of them. This caused loud protests and booing demanding rematches which Eren was more than happy to do. He couldn’t play like this with Armin. He couldn’t play like this with even Mikasa due to her competitive streak. Eren nearly forgot how nice it was to play with others like this. It was rare, but it happened. When Eren would play tag, chasing games, and have pretend battles with the other kids in the neighborhood. Sasha and Connie proved to be harder to beat than he initially thought gaining them a few wins. Before this match they were winning by a single point and that was with combining both Sasha and Connie’s scores. This was going to be eas—

“Hey Eren…ever been kissed?” Eren snapped his head up and felt Connie’s lips on his. It was quick, but the sensation it left on Eren made his whole body shiver out of pure disgust and in that moment Connie managed to pin down Eren’s arm with a loud thunk. “We won!!”

“What the hell, Connie?!” Eren gagged furiously wiping his mouth off with his sleeve.

“Ooo, it was the mint flavor lip gloss, huh?” Sasha gave Eren a sympathetic look. “I told him that one tastes nasty, but he likes it cause it feels like you’ve just brushed your teeth. If you can’t get the flavor right then what’s the point?”

“A deal’s a deal. Lip gloss or not.” Connie smiled evilly flipping her hair to the side in a queen like fashion. Eren even though angry and confused started laughing. He sure had some weird ass friends…friends none the less…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost made this longer, but this was a good stopping point. :) Thank you princess-eremin for chatting me a little this morning and giving me a few ideas in which direction I should go. Meant to be Armin centric in this chapter, but it ended up being a good setup for the next chapter. ;D Thought it was about time we all have a little fun with all this seriousness.


	34. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when you can no longer deny what may sometimes scare you the most

”What on—“ Thomas stepped out of his truck with tool kit in hand staring dumbly at what or more of who was in front of him. At least he thought it was.

”I lost a bet.” Eren could feel himself start to sweat. He totally forgot that he needed to still get the door fixed. Thomas had called his cell to tell him he was close by and Eren ran back to his apartment without really thinking.

”I’m sorry—just—“ Thomas shook his head the closer he came the more he laughed. “I’m sorry, dresses don’t suit you, but I will say that a mighty fine color on you.”

”Yeah, well, I doubt you could even come close to looking half as good as I do.” Some of the tension left him as he imagined how ridiculous he must’ve look at the moment. Connie really outdid herself with the help of Sasha. “How bad does it look?” 

”Not too bad. I guess. From a distance I thought it was kinda cute.”

”…I meant the door…”

”Shit. Right, right.” Thomas blushed and leaned in for a closer look at the damage obvious avoiding the awkward misunderstanding. “It doesn’t look that bad. Just a little jammed. I’ll have it fixed in a jiffy.” 

"I’d pay ya, but my wallet’s inside.” Eren step back slightly and leaned against the wall crossing his arms and putting one of his feet up against it as he watched Thomas. He was in a fairly good mood. He hoped to keep it going. “Thanks for helping me out.”

“Well, that IS why I gave you my number.” Thomas opened up his toolbox and set to work. “You seem like you’re in a good mood.”

”Yeah, today’s been fun.” It felt weird to admit it out loud. A good kind of weird. It made Eren smile a little wider and his eyes held a childish excitement in them as he continued talking with Thomas.

”I’m glad. Maybe it’s the outfit, huh?” Thomas lightly teased Eren pausing for a moment to side glance Eren up and down.

He was dressed in a rather short emerald dress that gave the illusion of curves. He let out a chuckle seeing the black cat tights. The choker hid his adam’s apple well and whoever did his makeup did one hell of a job making him look feminine. That had to be what he liked most. Whatever they did made his eyes stand out so brilliantly that they almost looked fake. But no matter how you dressed him Eren’s manliness stuck out like a sore thumb breaking the illusion.

”You fucking WISH, asshole.” Eren hissed out blushing slightly. He hated how Thomas was looking at him. Connie made it look so easy. The longer he waited the more he felt uncomfortable and the immediate need to change out of the outfit and try to take off whatever the hell they did to his face.

”Sorry…” Thomas cleared his throat and continued in silence. Damn, he really messed up a good opportunity to get Eren to talk to him more. But those legs…they were REALLY distracting especially when Eren would tug on the end of the dress he was wearing. What on earth was he so insecure about? A click told him his job was done and the door swung open. “There you go. Don’t go beating the poor thing again though. I don’t know if we’ll be so lucky next time.”

”Ha, yeah…” Eren blushed a little hurrying inside to retrieve his wallet. “What do I owe you?”

”Hm…you sure you wanna phrase it like that?” Thomas couldn’t help leaning against the doorway giving Eren one last look over. Eren had a VERY lovely backside. The dress accentuated the small dip in his lower back to his rear VERY nicely.

”Would you fucking quit it already?” Eren snapped out knowing too well what Thomas was staring at. He hated it; this was a horrible idea. Eren wadded up a few fives and shoved it at him frowning. “Probably more than enough. If not then consider not kicking your ass part of the payment.”

”This is plenty.” Thomas grunted out a little from the harsh push on his chest and quickly pocketed the bills with a smile and a wink. “Maybe next time.”

”Hell no.” Yep that was the Eren he knew. With a tip of his cowboy hat he left the apartment. Someday, someday he would get Eren to agree to let him take him out. He was sure of it.

~*~*~*~*~

Armin nervously held the Blu-Ray which Reiner highly recommended to his chest as he approached the steps of their apartment. His heart pounded a little louder with each second. He wasn’t doing anything underhanded…was he? Eren DID tell him to bring it and do his worse. Well, he sure was bringing it or more of hoped to. With a deep breath Armin unlocked the door and a waft of popcorn flooded pass him.

”Crap! I’m not done yet!” Eren’s voice shouted at the door making Armin smile. “Give me like ten minutes!”

”What are you making?” Armin dropped his backpack on the floor and slipped off his shoes making his way to the kitchen where Eren was standing. He stopped dead in his tracks. “Eren…why are you dressed like that?”

”Shit! Ah! Well—“ Eren jumped a little suddenly feeling too self-conscious. He was so focused on making sure they were ready with snacks that he forgot to change. The makeup was another story. Quickly he started to explain himself. “I lost a bet to Connie and I let him-ah-her? I don’t even know what to call Connie anymore, but anyway! Ah, I let them practice makeup crap on me since, you know, you left. I tried washing it off, but—“

”Here.” Armin quickly got a paper towel and dabbed a little bit of olive oil on it and stepped close enough to Eren before gently pressing it to Eren’s closed eye. The gentleness caught Eren by surprise and not to make it anymore awkward that what it already was he closed the other eye and patiently waited. “It must’ve been waterproof. This is a natural way to remove it. You should still however wash your face after this.”

”I’ll remember that for future reference.” Eren chuckled a little and blindly turned off the stove. All it needed to do was cool down for a little bit and then they would be more than ready for movie night. He could feel the small swipes of the napkin on his eyelid before it switched to the other side. He was starting to feel a little silly dressed how he was now that Armin was home. He could only imagine how he must’ve looked like.

”What’s so funny?” Armin chuckled lightly with him making sure to get all the makeup off the man. Connie really went all out with this than he had done with him. Gently he peeled off the false eyelashes.

”Just thinking how stupid I must look right now.”

”I barely noticed a difference.” Armin laughed as he gave Eren’s eyes one last swipe. Eren blinked hard opening his eyes. Armin reached for another paper towel once again putting a smaller amount of oil on it.

”Gee, thanks.” Eren rolled his eyes. Armin smiled pressed the napkin to the other’s lips this time. It caught the man by surprise, but he remained still.

”Um…this is going to sound weird…” Armin managed to get most of the lipstick off, but there was still a little bit he could see in the corners of Eren’s mouth. “Can you…open your mouth? Like this?”

”Um, ah?” Eren copied him then started laughing pushing Armin away slightly. “Shit, just give me the napkin. This is so stupid. I must look like a fucking moron.”

”No, no you don’t.” Armin laughed hard holding the napkin away while holding Eren still with his other hand. “Trust me. You don’t.”

”You’re a horrible liar.” Eren shielded his face with the hand Armin wasn’t holding to hide the blush on his face. The embarrassment was crippling. Armin suddenly let him go and when he turned to look at him again he could feel something holding his jaw rather firmly. His mouth fell open slightly out of surprise and the napkin was inserted gently making small strokes.

”I’ve almost got it…can…can you open a little wider?” The way Eren looked back at Armin made him think he pushed him a little too far.

He was pleasantly surprised when Eren quietly obeyed relaxing his jaw while holding his stare. Fuck! That was incredibly hot. How good the patch of skin underneath Eren’s jaw felt on the pad of his thumb made Armin almost whimper in want. How would it feel to have his tongue against it. No doubt in his mind that Eren would be a wonderful mixture of sweat and musk. It was a horrible time to note the apron which Eren was wearing while cooking. Good Lord, he was surely testing him right now.

“You can look up if it feels weird.” Armin started reciting a few science equations in his head to keep his mind from falling further in the gutter.

”Ha…” Eren took Armin suggestion wondering what the hell was going on. Something was radiating between them. They were suddenly too conscious and aware of each other’s presence. They could both feel something happening between them, but neither one had the courage to make sense of it.

The lipstick was sure stubborn. Armin had to press a little harder making Eren grunt a few times accidently causing his tongue to brush against Armin’s fingers. The first time it happened must’ve scared Armin because he pulled back rather quickly. It made Eren laugh and lightened the mood some…whatever the hell the mood was. From Armin’s sudden movement he finally noticed the bag that was hanging from his wrist. Instead of looking up he curiously tried to exam it through the clear colored plastic. When Armin finished he pulled and with a smile and followed Eren’s gaze.

”I brought a movie while on my way home.” With a devilish smile he dramatically made the reveal. “Reiner and Bertholdt said it was really good. They used actual alien prosthetics so hardly any of it was CG which makes them more realistic.”

“OH.” Eren could feel himself start to sweat and it wasn’t from being in the kitchen. “You…sure you wanna watch it?” 

“Yes.” Doomed. Thoroughly fucked. Eren was internally cursing at everything in world, but mostly at himself for not knowing better than issuing Armin Arlert of all people, a challenge.

”Let’s get started then.” Armin smiled looking over at the melted cheese Eren was preparing. “Nachos for dinner?”

”Nah, just cheese to dip popcorn in.” Eren smiled taking a piece and showing Armin making a small show out of it. Armin rolled his eyes blushing and started serving himself. “Do you wanna do this with the lights off?”

”Is there any other way to watch a scary movie?” Armin calmed the beast that wanted to jump at that innuendo. Good thing he got a movie neither one of them had seen. It would help divert his thoughts from dreaming about a certain sexy roommate slash childhood friend in some of the most desirable positions.

”…I’m going to get Athena too. She needs some kind of culture in her life.” Eren placed his bowl on the coffee table and quickly looked for the kitten. Sure he said it was to expose her to “culture”, but in truth Eren was praying she could help him stay calm while having to sit through the movie. Out of all things Armin had to pick, why on EARTH did it have to be ALIENS!!

”Reow…” Athena came out from under the bed making a curious chirp before stretching. She must’ve been taking a nap.

”I hope you’re not a scaredy cat like me.” Eren chuckled at his own joke before scooping her in his arms. When he came back to the living room Armin already fast forwarded the previews and went right to the main menu. He turned and gave Eren another angelic smile.

”The music sound amazing already.” The quick flashes of the extraterrestrials made Eren’s skin crawl. He held Athena a little closer not saying anything. If this was just the menu then he was fucked. The smile faded from the blond’s face. “Eren…are you sure you want to watch this?”

”Hell yeah.” Eren bluffed setting Athena between them and wrapping himself in one of the light blankets. “It doesn’t look that bad. I mean, look at the graphics. They look so cheesy.”

”I guess you’re right. I’m a little disappointed. From the way they went on about it, I expected it to look phenomenal.”

”Maybe it has a better storyline.” Yeah. This wouldn’t be as bad as he thought it would. Eren sighed feeling slightly better as he took the remote pushing play. This was just a stupid cheesy 80’s movie about things that couldn’t POSSIBLY exist…or could they?

~*~*~*~*~*~

”Don’t! Don’t you fucking do it!!” Eren pulled at his hair leaning as far back into the couch as he could while staring in horror at the screen. The soundtrack had gone eerily quiet a couple minutes ago and all you could hear was her breath as she carefully made her way down the hall with only her empty military gun slung across her shoulder.

”Eren…Eren…I have to pee.” Armin quietly spoke up nudging Eren with his foot. This was a terrible mistake cause it made Eren jumped with a short yell spilling out most of the popcorn on the couch.

”FUCK! ARMIN!” Something crashed on the ground and Athena bolted out of the living room hissing.

Eren grabbed the remote pausing it. Armin jumped up and turned on the lights. When he looked back at the couch he could see Eren tangled in the sheets with a pillow clutched to his chest and popcorn everywhere. Tears were forming in the corner of Eren’s eyes and he would’ve felt more guilty if he hadn’t been holding it for the past half hour.

”Sorry, Eren.” Armin apologized rushing to the restroom.

”Wait! Armin!” Eren tried to jump up, but crashed on the ground. “Armin!!”

”Wha—Eren!” Armin stuck his head out for a minute to see what was wrong, but stopped seeing Eren suddenly in front of the doorway pushing his way in. “What—“

”I’ll turn around. I swear! J-just this one time.” Eren quickly went to the corner next to the door and turned his back to him. He really was shaking like a leaf.

”Eren…” Armin sighed. “I’m not going to pee with you standing there.”

”It’s fine! Like when we were kids. Remember?”

Armin used to be scared of the dark and would often wet the bed due to it. Eventually Armin got over it, but it started happening again when they started going to summer camp. To save Armin from possible bullies at camp Eren took the bullet for him when the camp leader asked their cabin members about it. Eren claimed to have pissed in it due to pure laziness of not wanting to make the trip to the one stall bathroom. Most of the kids agreed saying they rather piss in the woods. Later Eren came up with the idea of going with Armin every time and wait for him inside the single bathroom stall with his back turned. That way Armin was never alone and Eren wasn’t waiting by himself either. It was incredibly embarrassing, but worked without anyone ever knowing.

”Fine, fine…” Armin knew he was redder than a tomato right now. Judging from Eren’s slight slouch he was relieved that the blond didn’t push him out. Armin prayed for a quick steady stream. The sound of his zipper felt like it echoed along the tile and to his horror Armin realized he no longer had to pee.

”Hey…Armin…everything ok?” Eren lift his head just a bit waiting in silence.

”Um!...”Oh God…why on earth was he hard?

”…Sorry…I…that movie…shit…this is stupid.” Eren covered his face with his hands leaning further into the corner with his shoulders shaking. “Ah…sorry, shit! I fucking HATE aliens.”

”It’s fine.” No it wasn’t!! Seeing Eren so vulnerable made him want to walk over and wrap his arms around him. It made him want to kiss those tears away and apologize. He only meant to scare him and not scar him for life. Slowly Armin felt his arousal die down which helped Armin do what he initially came to do. Quickly he flushed then washed his hands. After he dried them he walked over to Eren gently touching his shoulders. Eren whipped his head up so fast it made him a little dizzy.

”Fuck…sorry…Aliens…really scare the shit out of me.” Eren leaned his head against the wall laughing bitterly as a few tears slid down his face. Armin bit his lip in a guilty manner.

”I know…sorry.” Eren’s eyes widened as he stared at Armin for a couple of seconds not saying anything. “I…wanted to scare you.”

”It fucking worked!” Instead of being mad or angry Eren started laughing wiping away his tears. “Damn that’s the last time I tell you to do your worse.”

”I’m SO sorry.” Nothing could describe the relief Armin felt. He didn’t resist the need to hug Eren tightly to himself this time. Eren more than welcomed the touch trying to wrap his arm up around Armin too. “I’m so sorry, Eren. I swear I didn’t know you’d be THIS scared.”

”I know you wouldn’t have done it if you knew.” Eren let out a shaky sigh and surrendered to Armin’s embrace. It felt so good and exactly what he needed right now. “Fuck…I’m such a baby.”

”You’re my baby.” Armin couldn’t take the words back, but it made Eren snort in a rather cute way. His body relaxed even more and he tucked his head in underneath Armin’s neck. It made every one of Armin’s hairs stand on end.

”Does that make you my Daddy?” Armin could feel the smile form against his neck and nearly fainted when he felt the breath of his laugh hit his skin. How amazing it felt going down his chest along with the gentle humming sound he made. “I guess…I was bragging too much again, huh?”

”Just a little…and I also got a little competitive too.” Armin slowly sat down more comfortably with Eren sitting between his legs.

The boy adjusted himself accordingly and curled his body so he could still lay his head against Armin’s chest. It was oddly comforting and he needed more of it. Armin waited a second before unsurely lifting his hand up to lay it against Eren’s back. Before it could make contact Armin stopped himself biting his lip nervously. What was he doing? This wasn’t right. Putting Eren in such a situation and taking advantage of his vulnerability? What would his parents think?

”Armin…it’s ok.” Eren’s voice shook Armin’s thoughts.

Slowly Eren reached out wrapping his arms more firmly around the blond snuggling so close they could feel their chests beating against each other. The warmth washed away everything. All the fear, all the angry, all the awkwardness. It made them into something they were always meant to be.

”Eren…” Armin’s throat went dry. How he wanted to say it, but couldn’t. He never could.

”…what is it?” Eren didn’t lift his head away for a second. He had a feeling Armin wanted to say something important, but was too scared to ever say it.

”I think…I like you.” Oh God he was going to be sick. "Like...LIKE you..."

”…I can't say I feel the same way--in the way that you want it to mean...but…that doesn't mean I don't want it to.” Eren’s tense a little. “I mean...I'm sorry--I…need more time to figure it all out.”

”All right…take all the time you need.”

”Thank you…” Eren paused then slide his hand down to Armin’s threading their fingers and giving them a light squeeze. It felt so perfect that Armin wanted to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update? Yes, because I couldn't wait to write this.  
> I hope you all enjoy this! :D


	35. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what is it exactly?

Needless to say Eren didn’t end up sleeping that night even though he was comfortably lying down next to Armin in the same bed. He carefully balanced his laptop on his knees and mindlessly surfed the web. Athena hopped on to join them curious rubbing against the screen of his laptop. Quietly Eren scolded her and helped her to settle between the two of them. There was a chiming sound from one of the chat devices he had open that almost woke Armin up. Quickly he turned down the volume and curiously checked to see who else was up at this hour. He held his breath reading the name on top of the bar, it was Mikasa.

Mikasa: Why are you up so late?

Blunt as always. Eren took a deep breath and looked at Armin sleeping so peacefully. Why was he up? Because his mind was too full to think and he still had the silly fear that aliens were just waiting for him to fall asleep to make their move. Loudly he shivered and physically shook his head. Nope, not going to give THAT another thought…but just in case…Eren inched his less dominant hand towards Armin’s hand holding it gently underneath the sheets. Unconsciously, the blond tightened his grip and relaxed it again murmuring something quietly. It brought a soundness to his heart and chased away the unnerving feeling he had.

Shifting into a more comfortable position, Eren brought the laptop a little closer to himself and scooted until Athena was squished between them. She woke up briefly giving Eren a stink eye then stretched making her way on the other side of Armin. It made him chuckle a little before he started half spooning with Armin. He was half tempted to ignore Mikasa and turn off his laptop so he could spoon the blond properly, but he really did owe his adopted sister an updated on his life.

Eren: we watched a scary movie. why are you up?

Mikasa: You shouldn’t do that. You’ll have nightmares.

Eren: not if I dont sleep :P

Mikasa: You’ll have to eventually.

Eren: nah

Mikasa sent a small angry cat gif at him. He had to choke back a laugh. He liked typing and texting with her more than actually calling or skyping with her. The silence and pauses always made this a little awkward and put him on edge. It was like she was reading all the ugly parts of his mind…Was Mikasa an alien? No! No, of course not…was she?

Mikasa: I was chatting with a friend.

Oh? That was interesting. It took some time to type so Eren tried to keep his responses short. She probably preferred it that way anyway.

Eren: wat friend

Mikasa: You wouldn’t know them. I’ve only recently started having conversations with them.

Eren: oh r u sure its a real person

Mikasa: Yes, we’ve skyped a few times. Please use correct punctuation and no shorthand.

Eren: cant

Mikasa: Did you lose an arm?

Eren: with armin

Mikasa: Did he fall asleep on it again?

Eren: no

Mikasa: Then what?

What indeed…It was really a conversation he knew he should be having face to face with her or at least over the phone. She deserved at least that. Plus there was so much to say to her and he was rather limited at the moment. Then again the logical little Armin voice in his head told him to simply stop holding his hand. Yeah, like that was going to happen.

Eren: holding him

Mikasa: Did something happen?

Eren: yes and no

Mikasa: You’re not making any sense, Eren.

Eren: i can explain l8r

Mikasa: All right. I’m calling you around 5 o’clock. You better pick up.

Eren: yeah i will how did u meet ur friend

Mikasa: I saw some of their art and commissioned a piece.

Eren: cool of wat

Mikasa: Mom and Dad’s wedding picture. It should be done soon. I’ll send you a picture of it.

Eren stared at the screen for a while. A numbness felt like it was poured on him slowly dripping from his head all the way down to his toes. A mixture of guilt and horror made him suddenly sick to his stomach. The chat binged again and showed a picture reference that Mikasa was having done. Mom and Dad looked both so young. Armin’s parents were standing next to them. Mikasa went further to explain the dimensions that she ordered it in and where she was thinking about placing it.

_“Eren, you need to put on your seatbelt.” Mom gave him a disapproving look. “Don’t make your dad take back the wheel.”_

_“Fine.” Eren clicked in his belt tossing his mom a sarcastic look. “Are you happy now? It’s choking the life out of me.”_

_“Eyes forward, Eren.” Mikasa was sitting shotgun._

_“Don’t forget to fix your mirrors.” Eren’s mom sat forward a bit touching Eren’s shoulder from behind. “You always forget to do that part.”_

_“I know, I know.” Eren sighed then grumbled. “I’ve been driving for nearly a year now, Mom.”_

_“And we’re all proud of you, Eren.” His Dad smiled a little nervously. “But if there starts to be too much traffic there’s no shame in giving up the wheel.”_

It was their first family trip with Eren in charge of driving. They agreed to meet the Arlerts at a timeshare both families paid for. They had been saving for years to make this trip and everyone was pretty excited to having a fun time on the beach. It was supposed to be a happy time. He could remember Armin calling Mikasa while they were stuck in traffic. Both their parents fell asleep peacefully in back leaning against each other for comfort and a blanket over them. Mikasa and Eren decided to let them be seeing how hard they worked all the time to support them. The Arlerts left early to pick up the grandparents and were taking a different route from them.

_“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Eren leaned forward looking up at the sky. Huge clouds hung over them and it started raining._

_“We should stop.” Mikasa frowned looking up at the sky too then at Eren._

_“I would, but there’s nowhere TO stop.” Eren angrily sighed until he noticed the flow suddenly moving swiftly and becoming less congested. “All right!! Finally! Some good luck!”_

_“I wonder what happened.” Mikasa relaxed a little more in her seat and settled for looking out the window. She really loved the rain. It was so peaceful. “Do you think it’s raining by the ocean?”_

_“I don’t know. Probably.” Eren noticed an ambulance and two cars on the sidebar. “Turn on the radio will ya?”_

Another bing sounded shaking Eren out of his thoughts. When he looked down he saw a long list of silly stickers ranging from crying cats to angry fish headed business men. Quickly he scrolled up to see what he missed. It didn’t seem like much. It looked like Mikasa took her time writing a whole novel to him.

Eren: sorry im tired

Mikasa: You know it’s not your fault.

Eren: it is

Mikasa: No. It’s not. You need to forgive yourself.

Eren: i dunno if I ever could

Mikasa: I’m sorry for bringing it up.

Eren: no don’t be

Mikasa: All right…Do you want me to drive up for a visit?

Eren: not really :P

Mikasa: And the asshole brother is finally back. : )

Eren gave a short bark of a laugh. He clamped a hand over his mouth and looked over at his two sleeping beauties. A warmness chased away the cold at that thought. Right now, he was really happy with his life. Happy was a word he didn’t use too often. He was finally at peace. He finally understood what his mother meant when she mentioned not knowing who she was without his father being there with her. Dad had said something similar about her as well. He never understood how someone couldn’t know themselves without someone. It felt like a lie grown-ups made to be grossly romantic. Like ‘you’ll understand when you’re older’ or ‘you’ll regret growing up too fast’. They felt like stupid things to tell your kids, but right now…in this moment…he felt like he finally understood.

Eren turned back to stare at the screen again. His hand hovered for a moment and he took a long breath. She would find out sooner or later and knowing himself, later may never come. He tended to run away instead of facing things later. His fingers stiffly moved over the keyboard typing out the words he couldn’t say or admit to himself just yet, but ones he knew to be undeniably true.

Eren: i think i love armin

Mikasa: Love platonically?

Eren: maybe yes and no

Mikasa: I honestly don’t know what to say, Eren.

Eren: u dont have to say anything

Eren: i wanted to let u kno

Mikasa: Have you told Armin yet?

Eren: kinda

Mikasa: Don’t mess it up. I love you, but if either one of you hurts the other I’ll be there putting the hurt on both of you.

Eren: g thanks

Mikasa: I do it out of love.

Eren: love my ass

Mikasa: I’m pretty sure Armin already does. He’s always staring at it when you’re not looking. ; )

Eren stared at the screen wanting to laugh with a small mixture of disgust. No way she meant that. She had to be joking or trying to get under his skin. The thought of Armin staring at his ass with less than innocent intentions…made him unbelievingly uneasy…Then again if one of them was a girl or if both of them were definitely gay, wouldn’t it be a compliment? Shouldn’t he feel flattered instead of it being off putting? The more he thought about it the more he sank slowly into self-doubt. Maybe it was just platonically. Maybe he could never truly return Armin’s feelings. Maybe Armin was better with someone else as a possible boyfriend like Connie had jokingly said. He had to admit, the thought of Armin being with someone made him insanely possessive. He didn’t want to hear it or even think about it. Then that reaction itself was all the more confusing.

“Eren…” The brunette felt his whole body going rigid. “you’re thinking too loud.”

“Sorry…” There was a prickling in the corners of his eyes. Dammit! He was NOT crying.

“It’s fine.” Armin stayed still for a moment simply listening.

“I…give me a second.” Eren quickly type to Mikasa saying he was falling asleep and log off his account. Carefully he placed the laptop on the nightstand then turned back towards Armin. The blond glanced over his shoulder curiously and smiled to himself when he felt Eren’s arms embracing him from behind.

“Hmm…” Was all he could say. As smart as Armin was, his brain was slow to start up and talking proved to be difficult. So instead he managed to turn around wrapping his own arms slowly around Eren’s waist. He could hear Eren take in a sharp unsteady breath. “Eren?”

“Your hands are cold.” Eren tried not to stutter. He was caught off guard by the sudden embrace. His body shivered. Eren wasn't certain if it really was from the temperature difference or from his body wanting to reject the intimate touch.

“Can I…” Armin slowly became more awake and aware of the atmosphere. He was DYING to at least lightly touch Eren in this way. He needed to know how Eren’s skin felt beneath his fingertips. It was like buying the newest novel of a series and never cracking the spine open to read it. Slowly he let his fingers touch the small amount of skin on Eren’s spine where his shirt had ridden up. “…please?”

“Um…I…” Eren suddenly felt too hot and too aware of his body. It was making his head dizzy and making his stomach turn. It really was disgusting, but this was Armin. If he couldn’t trust Armin then who the hell COULD he trust. Stiffly he gave a nod pressing his lips tightly together to stop the immediate protest that his body wanted so desperately to express. If he really wanted to try this then it was only reasonable he’d be at least a little uncomfortable, right?

“I’m just touching your back.” Armin shifted a little more forward until he could comfortably put his head on Eren’s chest. The heartbeat sounded like a hummingbird’s. Eren’s finger twitched just a little on Armin waist, but he didn’t make any real motion to stop the blond.

Slowly Armin slid just his fingertips up Eren’s spine. On instinct Eren’s body tensed, every muscle drew taunt trying to make sense of what it was feeling. Blindly Armin traced the back muscles and started lightly massaging them. Eren hissing at a few particular knots, but started relaxing more into Armin’s healing touch. Armin’s hands were no longer cold and Eren literally felt like putty in his hands. He couldn't stop the soft hums and small hitches his breath took.

“That…feels so good, Armin.” Not hearing any sort of response from his friend made him a little curious. He tried to get a peek down at him, but Armin hide his face more against his chest. “Armin?”

“Um, ah, good.” Still he didn’t look up at him. “I was hoping it might help you fall asleep…”

“Yeah, think it is. Thanks.” Slowly Armin started putting space between then, but Eren decided he wasn’t going to have any of that. He pulled Armin back into place by his waist and unashamedly snuggled into him with a satisfied sigh.

“Eren!” Armin’s gasped in a high pitch pushing his small hands against his chest. Worried Eren let himself be pushed back. “I-I’m…ah…you see…it’s not a good idea…to be too close…now.”

“What do you mean?” Eren really had no idea what the other meant.

“Um, just…Jesus.” Armin bit his lips and bolted up from the bed tossing the sheets aside making his way to the bathroom. Athena woke up too and quickly followed after him waiting at the bathroom door meowing and pawing at it.

What the hell? Oh well…guess he really had to pee. With a shrug Eren let out a long yawn and rested his head on his pillow with his arm stretched out in case Armin wanted to still cuddle when he was done. Past memories were once again forgotten and the light massage really did help him fall asleep. He’d have to ask Armin to do it more often for him. It was nice to finally indulge in small loving touches like these. Maybe it really would work out.

When Armin came back to bed he noticed the smile on Eren’s slumbering face. How he wanted to kiss that smile, but he could wait…but GOD he couldn’t. Just looking at Eren now made him so excited. So much it took him a long time to fall back asleep. Athena jumped back on the bed settling close to his head. Normally he would have shooed her off the pillows, but she was already fast asleep purring. The low rumbles helped Armin join the two in peaceful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks StillSinging for being my motivation for this chapter. :) Thank you all readers who leave comments and support this fanfic. I know I say this every chapter, but with every chapter I really do mean it. I wouldn't have continued with this if it wasn't for all your feedback, encouragement, and support. Thank you all so very very much. You are the fuel that keeps this enginine going.


	36. Appearances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> can be misleading sometimes

Marco quietly knocked on the bedroom as he leaned his ear against it. No signs of life inside, but he decided to give it one more try just to be sure.

“Go to hell…” Marcus grumbled out turning over while tossing off his sheets. Damn it was already starting to get hot.

“If you want breakfast, you’ll have to get up.” Marco taunted through the door.

“Not hungry.” Marcus opened the door then looked his twin up and down. “Where are you going all fancy, huh?”

“Hm? Oh, I have the day off and thought I’d go check out the mall.” Days off were rare for him.

But since telling his boss about his situation he was more than agreeable giving him a decent amount of recovery time. Marco was one of the best employees he had and was willing to grant his request. It took him awhile to fill out all the necessary paperwork, but it was well worth it. He’d tell the others soon. He needed some alone time for now.

“Hang on, I wanna go.” Marcus went to his closet not bothering to close the door. It had been a while since it was just the two of them. Deep down Marcus missed it. It was getting harder and harder dealing with Jean on his own and he was really getting sick of it.

“Sure. I’ll see if Jean—“

“Don’t bother.” The response came out angrier than he meant to. “He’s been staying up all hours trying to finish that stupid commission.”

“How was he last night?” Guilt sank down in the pit of Marco’s stomach. He knew he should have stayed home to keep an eye on their friend.

“Stupid and hard headed as always.” The memory of Jean pushing him off and shutting himself in his room flashed through his head. “I think he’s almost done though.”

“At least there’s that.” Marco smiled waiting for Marco to finish dressing. “I was thinking of going to—Marcus Bodt, are those mine?”

“Yeah, unless you want me going commando.” Marcus held a pair of boxer briefs in his hands ready to change into them.

“You’re lucky we’re twins.” Marco sighed leaving the room.

“…So is that a yes or no?”

“Put them on, but we’re doing laundry as soon as we get back!” Marco shouted from the kitchen as he filled up the bowls for their cats. “Jean! If you’re awake, we’re going to the mall and be right back!”

“Idiot. If he wasn’t awake he is now.” Marcus finished pulling his head through his hoodie while walking over to join Marco in the kitchen. “Let’s eat there. I need something greasy.”

“Is today one of your cheat days?” Marco lightly taunted him again.

“Fuck yeah it is.” Marcus started pushing Marco of the kitchen and towards the door. “And I’m gonna start dragging your ass to the gym too. No twin of mine is gonna be fat. What would people think of me?”

“That you’re the better looking twin?” Marco wanted to laugh, but his whole body was too tired to. Going to the gym was the last thing on his mind.

“That’s an obvious…besides,” Marcus held the door open for him and followed him out. “…it’s good for you. It helps with that.”

“I know. It’s hard just getting out of bed sometimes.” Marco lowered his voice letting out a sigh.

“Yeah I know. I’ve been there too.” Marcus bumped his shoulder against Marco’s good one throwing his twin off balance for a moment with a cheeky grin. “But if I can do it then you can do it too.”

“You’re stronger than me, Marcus.” Marco frowned catching his balance in time before falling into the sidewalk. “You also don’t look like Frankenstein’s monster.”

“Dude, you think people care about that with a face like ours?” Marcus lifted his head high. “If you want ugly then I’ll introduce your face to my fist.”

“You don’t understand.” This conversation was starting to bring him down. “People don’t ask you what happened or give you the same looks they give me.”

“I’m sick of you saying that.” Marcus frowned. “You’re good people, Marco. So stop shitting on yourself all the time.”

“I’m not as good as people think.” He felt like he would never be. He was a fake and really ugly on the inside. If only people knew—There was a sharp hit to his head. For a moment he wasn’t sure what had happened until he saw Marcus’ furious face.

“Next hit I’m really going to smack ya. Got it?” That made Marco finally laugh.

“Yeah.” Today would be about hanging out with family. Not spending all day hating on himself. “Thanks, Marcus.”

“Whatever. Don’t expect me to start making out with you.” Marcus stuck out his tongue. “Not into twincest.”

“That’s surprising.” Marco gave Marcus a haunty smirk. “Seeing how narcissistic you are.”

“Fuck you!” Marcus grabbed him into a headlock as they continued their walk.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Jean woke up in time to hear the door shut close. They were off. Guess they needed their ‘twin bonding’ time. Whatever, they were always like that. He knew Marco didn’t mean to do it, but Marcus on the other hand would do it on purpose keeping Marco away from him like some kind of revenge. He knew too well how he would seek Marco whenever he needed to vent. It wasn’t like Jean had too many friends. Well, there used to be Connie…LONG time back. A small tune played from his laptop. Someone was calling him on skype. Tiredly he pushed himself up and walked over to it pushing the button. He would have been more concern with how he looked if he were feeling better.

“You look like shit.” Was the first thing she said to him.

“Thanks.” Jean yawned and looked for a chair he could pull up and sit on. “Are you sure you wanna say that to the guy you’re commissioning?”

“If I don’t like it, I won’t pay for it.” Damn, that was a witty comeback. It made him let out a raspy laugh.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” Jean turned the chair backwards so he could slouch over leaning on it. These times were rare when he could have an actual conversation with his commissioners. “What’s up?”

“I wanted to talk to someone.” Simple enough. Although it made him feel a little less important. Not talk to ‘you’, but just someone. Then again he was a bit honored that she thought of him at all.

“Yeah, well I had a rough night getting your order perfect.” Jean licked his lips wishing he had brushed his teeth first. Last night’s coke and rum made it feel like something crawled in his mouth and died.

“I told you take your time.” The woman on the other side looked concerned. God, she was beautiful even when looking distressed. It made him smile.

“I wanted to get it done as soon as possible for you when you told me about it.” Was that…a blush he saw?

“Thank you.” Just two little words…and it chased away all the bad feelings in him. Yes, Marcus could hog Marco’s time all he wanted and make him inaccessible to him. Before it would drive him crazy, but now he had this gorgeous goddess to turn to.

“You wanna see it?” Jean teasingly smirked. He could feel how she really wanted to.

“…no.” She pressed her lips together firmly. “I rather wait.”

“Didn’t think you were such a romantic.” The woman smile lightly at this.

“I like surprises.” Jean had to press his face into his arm when she said that. God! She was so cute without even trying. “I had a bit of a surprise last night.”

“Oh yeah?” That caught his attention. “What happened?”

“Well…my brother is with an old crush I had.” Her eyes looked a little confused and troubled even though it didn’t show on her face.

“Damn, didn’t know your brother was gay.” From what she told him he never would have guessed.

“He’s not. Well, I think he might be bi and not know it yet.” He must’ve been giving her a curious look because she continued. “He had a small crush on a girl we used to know. I broke her nose once.”

“Damn, was it the same one who liked the guy you did?” All this drama. It made him a little more grateful for his drama-free childhood. Although he had all his drama happened in high school.

“Yeah, her name was Annie. I hated her.” Damn, well at least she never seemed to struggle with her feelings. Jean was a bit envious of that. “She kissed him before I could.”

“Damn, girl.” Jean openly laughed. “You broke her nose over a kiss?”

“Yes.” In a way…that was kinda hot. Once Jean’s laugh died down he simply looked back at her smiling.

“You know, you’ve never told me your real name and I already told you mine.” The girl sighed leaning forward on her desk lightly playing with the edge of her red scarf. It must’ve been cold where she was, it was already starting to get hot in California.

“I didn’t tell you because people mess it up.” Must have been an ethnic name.

“That I can relate to.” If he had a nickel for every time someone butchered his first AND last name, well, he wouldn’t be a starving artist. “I promise I won’t.”

“Mikasa.” What a beautiful name for a beautiful woman.

“Mikasa, did I say it right?” She gave him a genuine closed smile and nodded. Damn, he was falling for Mikasa more and more each time they talked like this. It nearly made him forget about all the messed up shit with him and Marcus. It may even be enough to get him over…A pang hit him hard in his heart. Nope, nothing could ever heal that…

“Jean, are you okay?” He shook out of his thoughts and looked into Mikasa’s eyes on the his screen. He must’ve zoned out. He wished he could reach out and hold the side of her face while stroking her hair behind her ear. It was one of the first things he noticed about her the first time she agreed to video chat with him.

“I’m just…thinking.” He didn’t need to say anymore and he appreciated how she never pushed him to talk about it. He made a few light mentions here and there about an ex. However, he never fully told her the whole story. It was something that would be etched across his heart forever.

“You should talk to her.” Damn, was she psychic or something. Jean sighed pushing up from the back of the chair.

“It’s not that easy.” He looked to the side rubbing the back of his neck. “Each time I see her, I lose my shit. Did I tell you she’s still living at our old apartment with her fiancé?”

“No.” Mikasa leaned her head to the side more into her palm in a lazy manner. It must’ve been her day off because she didn’t seem to be in any sort of a hurry. “But you need closure.”

“I don’t need closure, I need to forget.” He only heard about Connie getting married when he was scrolling on facebook to look for a game request Marcus nagging him about. While looking for it he saw Marco’s comment congratulating them and it showed in his feed. He really wished he hadn’t seen it.

“Jean.” Again she brought him out of his thoughts. “I’ll be in your area soon.”

“Oh yeah?” Mikasa let out a soft noise confirming him.

“I wanted to check up on my brother.” Man, if he didn’t know any better he would think she had a crush on her adopted brother as well. Guess when you had siblings you tended to be protective of them…well…GOOD siblings. “I looked up the address and it’s in the same city as you.”

“Really, cool. You need a place to stay?” The words flew out before he could really think about it. “I mean our apartment is small, but I can sleep on the couch so you can have my bed.”

“That’s very kind of you.” Oh God, he was blushing like a school girl. “I’ll let you know as soon as I figure things out.”

“Oh.” Jean tried not to sound too disappointed. Then an idea popped in his head. “You know, I could use a model for my next commission piece. I can lower the price of yours if you can help me with it.”

“Sure.” Whoa, that was easier than he thought. Maybe…he could push just a little more to see…

“Hell, I’d give it to you for free if it takes more than a few days. If it does then you might as well stay over here if you’re going to be here for a few days. Save you some extra money and you won’t have to worry about being a bother to your brother all day.”

“…you really want me to stay over.” Ack! Damn! There was no tricking her! Seeing Jean suddenly caught and flustered made Mikasa laugh. Jean froze with embarrassment then looked away to the side pouting with an obvious blush.

“I-I just…well, you know…this is a once in a life time opportunity.” The way he said it was really too sweet.

“Fine.” Jean didn’t respond for a minute then he turned towards the screen again flabbergasted and speechless. It made Mikasa smile.

In spite of his tough looks, Jean was such a sweetheart. One of the reasons why she enjoyed their conversation was because of how much they had in common. People always assumed things about them that weren’t true. At first it was a few comments on his blog entries here and there. Once she saw some of his drawings she commissioned him a few times especially when he was in need of rent money. Then one day he sent her a private message thanking her for all her comments and support. She didn’t think he would have noticed. Thus began their online friendship. It was one of the things that kept her mind off her brother.

“That-ah-Great!!” The smile Jean gave her was so pure. It reminded her a little of Armin and Eren in a way…she really missed them both and couldn’t wait to see them once again. “Shit! I gotta make this place livable.”

“Don’t go through too much trouble.” Mikasa reach over pulling her webcam over so he could see her room. “I’m used to living in trash.”

“Holy—Mikasa…I think there’s something seriously dead in your laundry.” Jean wasn’t sure if he was terrified or mystified by how horrible her room was.

“Probably…I thought of hiring a housecleaner.” She came home too tired to even bother cleaning and seeing how it was only her living in the house anymore she often walked around in her underwear. Piles of clothes could be found throughout the house and the kitchen was starting to look pretty ugly too with dishes and pyramids of takeout containers.

“It looks like one of those houses from Hoarders.” Mikasa hummed an agreement fixing her webcam back to where it was. “Whoever you get, make sure to tip them good.”

“I plan on it…if I can find anyone.”

“Good luck with that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I worry I'm going to spoil all of you, but I wouldn't have it any other way. :) Ahh!! It's so nice being on a writer's streak, but I think it may be awhile again for the next chapter. Gotta show other fanfics some love especially "Paint to Canvas" man, I haven't updated that one in ages. 
> 
> Anyway let me know what you think! What you love, what you hate, any theories or guesses on what you think may happen next. I love hearing them. :)
> 
> Also...I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!!!
> 
> http://traitorofsanity.deviantart.com/art/Chapter-36-604052449


	37. Affair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when does it start becoming one?

"I don’t really wanna wear the dress.” Connie gave Sasha a confused look so she elaborated more on the subject. “I’m sorry, but I could never really picture myself like that. How about you wear it? You’d look so much hotter than I ever could.”

“I’m not doing that anymore, Sas.” Connie tensed up trying to hide his nervousness with a smile. “Besides, your family still doesn’t know. What if they see it as a big joke?”

“It doesn’t matter. I want you to do what you want. “ It would have felt sweet if Sasha didn’t look so bothered and irritated. “You don’t have to go pleasing my parents so much, Connie.”

“I do.” Connie let out a sigh sinking a little more into the couch. The movie they were watching was soon forgotten. “I’m the ‘man’ remember? I need them to trust me.”

“Like hell you do.” Sasha sat up crossing her legs and turning to Connie. “I don’t give a shit about whether or not they approve. They’re nothing, but a bunch of fucking hypocrites!”

“I’m not going to wear the dress.”

“You fucking KNOW you want to!”

“Sasha, I don’t wanna fight.”

“You really are a fucking pussy.” Sasha narrowed her eyes gritting her teeth. The date for their wedding started getting closer and closer. The two of them started out planning it together, but Sasha started to care less and less about everything. Connie had brought it to her attention and it was one of the biggest fights they had ever had.

“I’m going for a walk.” Connie sighed getting to his feet and getting Hercules leash. The canine must’ve recognized it as his leash because he was up in a flash. Sasha growled a few curses under her breath then turned her attention back to the movie. It really pissed her off when Connie didn’t agree with her especially on important things like this.

“You know I just want you to be happy, right?” Neither one of them turned to face each other as Sasha spoke. With a hand on the doorknob, Connie thought about all the possible responses he could have given her. All the positive ones, the negative ones, the funny ones, but nothing came out. Instead he just opened the door and closed it behind himself.

What the hell was happening?

Connie looked down at his feet for a few minutes taking everything in. Sasha had noticed how happy Connie had been recently. When he told her about everything that had been going on she became pretty insistent that Connie go back to his old ways. Part of him was infuriated that she would even suggest it. She knew how hard it was for him and how hard he had been trying to fit in. Her good intentions accidentally overlooked all his efforts. It was her idea for a big wedding, why couldn’t she be more…mature? Connie let out a bitter chuckle. Sasha mature? Just the thought was really laughable. It was so hilarious that it was sad. Connie could feel his eyes getting teary and his chest feeling tight. If things didn’t get better…what would happen to them?

“Woof! Woof!!” Hercules suddenly barked pulling against the leash. Connie stumbled forward barely catching himself.

“Hercules! What the hell, man!?” Again Hercules tried to get away standing up on his hind legs before bolting for it. Connie flew forward with a yell letting go of the leash. “HERCULES!!”

Without thinking Connie raced after the large dog. He could hear cars honking and people yelling at him as he chased Hercules into traffic. His blood was rushing and his whole body racing with adrenaline. Hercules never did this. The big oaf was going to get himself hit if he wasn’t more careful or what if he accidentally knocked down people? What if a cop saw him trying to play with a small child and mistakenly think he was attack them. So many people assumed the worse about larger dogs. It really was unfair. When the dog was in sight again Connie sprinted with all his strength.

“Hercules! Where the hell—umff!!” Connie made a sharp turn following Hercules into the alley and accidentally crashed into someone who was working there.

“Ahhhsssshhhiiittt…” Something cold was crushed between the two of them. Some of the ice started falling into the front of Connie’s shirt.

“Ah! Cold!” Connie jumped back untucking his shirt shaking it crazily. He never did well with anything cold. His skin was rather sensitive to temperature changes. “I’m so sorry! I was chasing—“

“Hercules?” For the first time Connie looked at the stranger and felt the whole world stop. It was Jean…and he was bend on one knee smiling gleefully while scratching behind Hercules’ ears.

“Holy shit!! You’re HUGE!!” Hercules’ tail wagged with so much excitement he was sure it would fall off. He barked and whined trying to topple Jean over, but obediently knew to wait for permission. As if sensing it Jean laughed and widely opened his arms in front of him giving him the ok signal. In less than a second Hercules was licking all over his face being careful not to knock him down just yet.

“W-w-hat—“ Connie felt pale and completely lost. “H-how—“

“You kept him.” Jean calmed Hercules down and stood up holding a crushed Styrofoam cup in his hand. His shirt was ruined, but he didn’t seem to really care. It reminded Connie about his own shirt which had unfortunately been white. He blushed touching his chest and glancing down at it. Yup, it was see through and goddammit! The ice made his nipples rather…perky.

“Shit…can today get any worse?” He never felt so embarrassed! Jean seemed to follow Connie’s thoughts and glanced down blushing as well. Connie definitely gained more muscle from being in the army. Other than that he was roughly the same size from high school and hadn’t changed much. Connie looked as if he was going to start crying for a second…that was weird…and unsettling.

“…fuck…” He hated Connie. He hated how they broke up. He hated…that Connie didn’t change much. He shrugged off his hoodie and draped it across Connie’s small shoulders. Connie froze not making eye contact with Jean. It made Jean smirk a little. Connie lost for words? He thought he’d never see the day. Carefully he zipped the hoodie up over Connie’s crossed arms. He gracefully bent down to pick up Hercules’ leash then led Connie back to the main streets wrapping an arm over his small shoulders in a manly buddy kind of manner.

“I think it’s about time we talk.” Connie could feel his heart jump up this throat. He always hoped and dreaded when he would hear those words from Jean. Then again it felt like the right time to. So Connie quietly nodded not putting a fight as Jean led them to one of the closest dog parks. Hercules happily trotting in front of them totally oblivious to the drama he just caused.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“So I don’t have to work so much this week.” Armin looked up with excitement in his eyes. It made Eren chuckle a little. He highly doubted the blond was paying attention until he heard those words. From the look of it Armin was already coming up with some kind of plan. Carefully he set the tray of food between them.

“How do you feel about camping tomorrow then?” Armin quietly thanked him and closed his textbook. The two of them figured they could splurge a little at the mall which meant mall food and videos. Their collection seemed to be growing rather nicely, but so different in genres. They needed some movies they could actually agree on to gain more variety.

“Depends on where.” Eren smiled unwrapping his cheeseburger. “GOD, I ‘ve missed you.”

“You could make them at home if you really missed them.”

“MMMmmm fuck! That’s good!” Eren closed his eyes and leaned back reveling in the deliciousness. He could feel some of the special cheese sauce drip down the corners of his mouth. Without thinking he swiped it off with his thumb and suck on it letting out another moan almost too indecent for public. Armin didn’t even notice he squeezed his ketchup packet too hard and it spilled on his shirt until Eren pointed it out.

“Huh? Oh.” Armin looked down and frowned looking around for a napkin. Guilty Eren admitted to forgetting them and focusing only on eating his precious cheeseburger. It made Armin laugh and he quickly excused himself to the bathroom. The ketchup made a good cover for his other reason of needing to use it. “He’s going to kill me. I just know it.”

Armin grumbled to himself as he leaned his head against the wall of one of the stalls. He was starting to run out of excuses and thank God Eren never really pushed wanting an explanation. He very innocently believed him and part of him always felt guilty. However in situations like now he almost felt like Eren was doing it on purpose if he hadn’t known him better. He ran his hands down his face letting out a frustrated groan. Yes, he finally told Eren. Yes, he didn’t exactly reject him, but he didn’t really confirm anything either. Were they dating? Were they boyfriends now? What exactly did it all mean? Nothing really felt like it changed so much…other than they snuck in a few little physical gestures here and there.

For Eren it was more of allowing Armin to do small things like closer hugs that lingered a little longer, letting him wrap his arms around him as they slept, and accepting small massages when he was obviously achy from work. The more Armin thought about the more it did physical things and the more he became familiar with their bathroom. Quickly he unzipped his pants to get it over with already. He could feel himself blush over how hard he allowed himself to get. It was really pathetic and frustrating. If he could think more clearly he would feel ashamed doing this in a public bathroom. Then again he would be ashamed walking around with such an obvious erection. At least the restroom was empty.

“Ha…” Armin tried to be as quiet as possible, but now having better material…he couldn’t help it sometimes. It was all bittersweet and karma’s sick sense of humor. He did good and good things were happening…too good that it was becoming bad. “Ah!”

“Hey…is someone fucking in here?” A harsh voice boomed through the restroom making Armin jump. His hands shook uncontrollably as he quickly tucked himself back in and tried to zip his jeans.

“Come on.” Armin hissed out at his pants. What a time to get it jammed.

“Some people gotta piss in here!” The closer the voice got the more he started recognizing it.

“M-Marcus?!” Armin slapped a hand over his mouth cursing at himself. He gave himself away.

“Princess?” Marcus howled with laughter and figured out which stall the blond was behind. He lent against it with such a big wolfish smirk. “Are you getting off in there?”

“N-no! I-I’m constipated!” Armin internally groaned hiding his face.

“Shit, sorry.” Thank God he bought it. “You need medicine or something? I’m sure Marco has something. Being such a boy scout and all.”

“No, thanks.” Armin gave a sigh of relief. “I’m about finished.”

“Remember, don’t force it.” Marcus gave another laugh then went to one of the urinals. “You should be more careful making noises like that. Someone might take it as an open invitation.”

Was Marcus REALLY talking to him while he was peeing? Feeling defeated Armin choose to sit down on the toilet. At least most of his erection had died down. Now all he had to do was get the damn zipper unjammed. He frowned shimming out of them so he could get a better grip on it. Marcus continue mindlessly babbling about random subject Armin plainly had no interest in.

“Then Marco wanted to get another soda—“ The sound of something ripping echoed against the walls. “Shit! Armin?!”

“I’m fine…” Armin stared down in horror. “I…ripped my jeans…”

“What the fuck?!” Marcus finished up then walked back to Armin’s stall with his hand firmly planted against it. “What do you mean you ripped your jeans?”

“The zipper was jammed…I guess I pulled too hard.” Today started off as such a good day.

“Shit, that sucks…how old were those jeans?” Marcus chuckled lightly and he glanced under the stall. He could see Armin curl his sock covered toes. It was really cute.

“Over a decade…” The blond stared down at the jeans in his hand not knowing what to do. He swore at himself wishing he had chosen to wear a longer shirt. Maybe then he could easily hide the tear long enough to get back home or purchase a new one.

“Heads up, Princess.” When Armin looked up he saw a shirt falling down on his head. “It should cover you. I don’t know how bad the rip is, but it sounded pretty bad.”

“You’re a lifesaver!” Armin happily tried it on and it did the trick. When he opened the stall door he was VERY surprised to see Marcus in a very tight undershirt. Those abs were so sculpted Armin could probably use it as a washboard.

“Damn, I knew I was bigger than you, but never thought I was THIS big.” Marcus uncrossed his arms and laughed again playfully tugging at the sleeves of the shirt.

“Good thing you wore an undershirt today.” Armin was very grateful and he gave Marcus a small smile in return before going to the sink to wash his hands.

“I still would’ve done it.” Marcus did the same beside him. “But I gotta say, you look really good in my shirt.”

“I look like a child in your shirt.” Armin lightly laughed drying his hands and taking a good look in the mirror. He looked utterly ridiculous. The thought slowly brought him down. How could Eren even consider being physical with him when he looked like…like such a…”I hate how I look.”

“Come on, Princess.” Armin didn’t mean for Marcus to hear him. He looked up at his reflection again to see Marcus standing right behind him. Slowly he wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close to his chest. “Don’t say that.”

“I wish I looked more like you.” More like a man. Armin was tired of looking so fragile. He was tired of not being taken seriously. People always assuming he was so innocent as if he could never have an indecent thought in his mind. Armin was tired of hiding his sex drive from Eren. He needed more. Armin shivered feeling Marcus’ hand on hip.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Marcus whispered lowly into his ear not taking his eyes off of Armin as he spoke. “Come on, Princess…you can tell me anything and I won’t judge ya.”

“I’m…I’m just lonely…I guess.” Marcus hummed in understanding putting more pressure in his hand running them up and down in a soothing manner as he kissed the side of Armin’s neck. The simple touch felt so wonderful. When Marcus touched the delicate insides of his thighs he had to tightly grip the edge of the sink. “Ah! W-w-wait!...I can’t.”

“Why not?” Noticing the reaction Marcus leaned forward more turning Armin around and lifted him slightly by his thighs sitting him on the edge before peppering kisses along his neck. Armin couldn’t stop himself from gasping and enjoying all the attention. Part of his mind screamed out for joy while the other was already dreading the consequences.

“Be—cause…Eren…” Marcus pushed forward more palming the slight bulge in Armin’s pants making him give out a shaky weak moan. It felt…so good.

“It’s nothing.” Marcus lost himself in Armin second by second. The boy was really something. His reactions were quite honest and he loved that. It made him bold enough to actually kiss him like a lover. Sadly that had been a big step for Armin. He planted his feet against Marcus’ thighs and pushed him back as hard as he could.

“Not for me.” Marcus stared back at Armin in shock. Not because he was rejected, but because those were the same words Jean used.

“What the hell? You two are so much alike it’s freaky.” Marcus mumbled angrily to himself. Instead of backing down Marcus firmly planted his hands on either side of Armin and leaned forward until their noses were almost touching. “Armin, listen.”

“Mar—“ Before Armin could say his name even once Marcus rested his forehead on his shoulder. Instinctively the blond wrapped his arms around him holding him in place. “Marcus?”

“I don’t believe in relationships. I don’t get them and I’ve never been in one so I don’t really understand what the big deal is. I’ve had sex though and that makes sense to me. When I hear you putting yourself down like that it reminds me of how I used to feel and I want to make it go away. You get what I’m saying?”

“I…maybe…” Armin blushed slightly and sighed leaning his own chin against the back of Marcus’ shoulder blade. It all sounded so complicated. He was starting to see the division between love and sex.

“What about you? Ever do it with someone?” Marcus smirked feeling Armin go tense and his skin suddenly growing warm. “It fine if you haven’t. Virgins are cute.”

“There’s someone…I’d like to someday.” Why did Marcus make it so easy to talk about things like this? Why was he even responding back? Perhaps it was because he was tired of keeping all of this in. He needed to talk to someone who could understand. His body started growing weaker and he shifted more of his weight onto Marcus. “But…even though I love them so much…it’s hard to cross that line.”

“I could show you a few things.” Armin’s heart skipped a beat. “No strings attached. If you ever get so pent up I can help you pop that cork so to say so you can keep going at the pace you want to with that someone.”

“As tempting as that sounds…no, thank you.” It took every bone in his body not to take him up on the offer.

“Hm…well…if you ever change your mind…” Marcus smirked running his hands up and down Armin’s thighs with his diligent fingers. He took advantage of Armin’s surprise lifting up so he could whisper hotly into his ear. “You know where I live.”

“Y-yeah…” Armin shivered in delight against his will. It made Marcus laugh.

“Come on, if you’re done, we should go back.” Marcus looked Armin over before offering him a hand to help Armin off the sink counter. It was the least he could do. With a small hop he was off and gave him an appreciative smile. Marcus…was a good guy deep down he decided. If it got any worse…maybe he might actually take him up on his offer. “My brother probably found Eren.”

“Yeah…Marcus…” Armin paused from taking another step looking up at him.

“What is it, Princess?” Marcus smirk casually turning on the balls of this feet leaning down just a little to look down at him with his hands casually in his pockets. 

“…thank you…not for the offer, but…for wanting to help me feel better.” The man barely knew him yet here he was telling him he was more than all right. It may sound selfish, but Armin really needed to hear someone assure him. He needed to hear those words and needed all the small flirtations that Marcus didn’t mind showering him in.

“Ain’t ever a problem.” Marcus smiled then gave Armin’s lips a quick peck. Armin blushed from the top of his head to the ends of his toes. It made the other man laugh. “Come on, now. We better hurry up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OuO;;;


	38. Martyr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Complex or Saint

“Hi Eren.” Eren looked up and was surprised to see Marco dressed so casually in front of him. “Mind if I sit down?”

“Why would I?” Eren raised a thick eyebrow and shrugged going back to checking his Neko Atsume account. Dammit he missed them again. Oh well, at least they left him a good amount of fish.

“Oh, I like that game too.” Again Eren looked up, but was surprise how close Marco was looking down at his phone screen with a pleasant smile. Marco suddenly looked at him with such gentle eyes it made him very aware of himself. “I see you’re a serious cat collector. I never have the patience to save up for the room expansion.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t really catch them really. They’re always gone.” Eren quickly pocketed his phone and Marco made a soft sound in agreement leaning back in his own seat. His legs momentarily brushing against Eren’s. The smaller man couldn’t stop his knee jerk reaction. “Crap!”

“Sorry!” Marco panicked trying to shrink back as much as he could. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, fuck….” Eren sat up with a small groan rubbing his bad leg with a hiss. “It’s just…been real sensitive lately that’s all.”

“Have you seen a doctor about it?” Marco frowned.

“I don’t need any more doctors. They all say the same crap anyway.” Eren sighed leaning back again not giving a shit that he was now taking up most of the room.

Marco was more than generous accommodating to his needs at the moment. From the looks of it Eren must’ve came with someone. If he hadn't, no doubt he would have pushed himself this much instead of returning back home. Eren kept glancing towards the restroom almost nervously. His other leg had a rather impatient twitch to it. The soda he had next to him was long forgotten and the burger wrapper was empty.

“What are you doing here?” Marco shook out of his observations and smiled towards Eren.

“Oh well, I’m looking for Marcus. He said he needed to use the bathroom.” They spent nearly the entire day together without stopping to drink. The line they were in was the shortest, but still very long. Marcus griped and groaned asking why Marco didn’t buy one from one of the vending machines. It was a simple fact, soda with ice just tasted better. Hearing that response Marcus swore enough to make sailors blush and went off towards the restrooms.

“Oh.” Was the only reply he got in return followed by an awkward silence.

“Are you here with someone too?” Looks like if he wanted to keep the conversation going he would have to take the lead. He didn’t mind it though, he was good at small talk and these kind of situations. Or at least he had become better at it.

“Armin’s in the bathroom too.” Ah, he should’ve guessed as much.

“It must be great having such a close friend like Armin.” Eren felt something strong surge through him when Marco said that.

“He’s not a close friend.” Marco’s eyes widen just a bit.

“Oh? Really? Sorry I just assumed—“

“Frankly I don’t know what we are anymore…” Eren’s voice shook ever so slightly and Marco’s ears seemed to perk up. Eren ran his hand up his forehead and fisted his bangs out of his face. “Shit Marco…”

“It’s all right, Eren.” Instinctively, Marco reached out to him firmly holding Eren’s bicep in a comforting way. The gesture suddenly reminded Eren of how Armin would reach out to someone placing his hand on them as if he were casting some kind of healing spell. “Please, don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying!” Eren snapped rather loudly breaking free of Marco’s grip feeling embarrassed.

“Okay, sorry. My mistake.” Marco calmly apologized giving Eren more personal space. He had been around Eren enough to know how nervous he got whenever someone other than Armin got too close to him. It was an interesting observation, but he never really asked about it. “I’m sorry that I said something to upset you.”

“It’s not you, Marco.” With a few rough wipes from his sleeve, Eren cleaned up his tears. He sighed obviously looking drained. “It’s just---Shit…I suck…”

“Would you like to talk about it?” If anyone knew about self-depravation, Marco had to be the damn master of it.

Eren paused for a moment then took in a deep breath letting it out. He ran his hand through his hair again sliding down slowly onto the table. He murmured something and Marco carefully leaned in a little closer straining hard to hear him. The food court made it difficult to have any sort of conversation really. He looked around trying to find a better spot, but sadly there wasn’t any…inside.

“How about we go to the patio area?” Marco ran his hand through Eren’s hair lifting his head up slightly so he was looking back at him. The way Marco’s long finger brushed against his skull cause a strange tingle down his spine. He gave Marco an almost frightened look similar to a child’s. Marco couldn’t help, but chuckle. “Come on, the air will be good for you.”

With that Eren reluctantly nodded and got up walking with Marco outside. It was closer to the bathroom and Eren was starting to get sick of how crowded the food court was getting anyway. It must’ve been closer to lunch by now which meant they already spent three hours wandering the mall and haven’t even bought anything yet. It made his bad leg start to ache again. He was very grateful they took the first seats available in the outdoor patio area. He hissed sorely crashing onto the bench. Marco gracefully took a seat, but frowned down at Eren’s leg.

“You’re pushing yourself too hard.” Yes, Eren knew that already.

“I know.” They still hadn’t seen the book store. Armin’s favorite place in the mall. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” Marco gently probed Eren leg. It was strange seeing the usually jovial man look so sternly solemn. When he looked back up at him he swore he looked more menacing than his twin. “Seriously, you NEED to get this looked at. I’ll carry you if I have to.”

“Like you could.” Eren crossed his arms slapping his hand away. “You’ve only got one arm.”

That was all he said before he felt his line of vision suddenly turn upside down. His bottom was sitting firmly on Marco limbless shoulder and his actual arm held him firmly against his torso flipping him half way upside down with his feet helplessly kicking in the air. When he looked down he could see he was quite far from the ground which meant Marco was standing up.

“Holy shit! You’re strong!!” Eren looked up at Marco with eyes large as saucers.

“Don’t make me laugh or I’ll drop you.” Marco bite back a chuckle and slowly sat back down on the bench carefully setting Eren back down on his seat. Eren however didn’t scoot off like he thought he would. Instead Eren remained sitting on Marco’s lap looking at him in pure adoration.

“Fuck, how did you do that?” Marco laughed out loud this time. It wasn’t really anything to him.

“It helps that you’re so light.”

“Can you do it again?” Who WAS Eren? Marco couldn’t understand him. One minute he’s moody and hissing wanting his personal space and the next he has no regards for it. Before he could answer Eren practically threw himself at him tightly wrapping his arms around his neck. “Come on! Try to stand up now!”

“Eren, didn’t you want to talk about something?” It wasn’t that Marco didn’t enjoy Eren’s innocent reactions to things; he knew there was something really important the other needed to get off his chest. He looked so distressed over it before. The mere mentioning of it change Eren’s playful mood instantly. Marco nearly regretted redirecting their conversation back on track. He rather see peoples’ smiles than their frowns.

“Um, yeah…” Eren took his seat beside him again and glanced over at the bathroom. Still no sign of Armin. Maybe he was constipated. He DID eat a lot of meat…

“I’m betting it has something to do with you and Armin’s…relationship, right?” He had a good hunch, but it was better to hear the facts than going around and assuming these things.

“Ah…yeah, you see…” Eren nervous started biting on his thumb. “I um, he…shit…”

“You really are horrible at this.” Marco laughed again, but out of sympathy. Eren took on a more frustration expression. For a moment he thought he was going to cry again. “Take your time.”

“A few nights ago…” Eren started to give Marco the gist of everything that happened that day.

Marco didn’t interrupt, but did make small encouraging sounds there and there. It was really awkward for Eren to say half of the stuff out loud, but it was also relieving having someone who agrees with him in some points. By the time he was done he noticed that Armin was taking unnaturally long. It started making him uneasy and he kept side glance towards the restrooms. Marco was quick to pick up on it and fully turned to look in the same direction.

“They sure are taking their time, aren’t they?” Eren frowned and nodded. “Maybe they ran into each other?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Eren did NOT like Marcus. Just the thought of him talking to Armin made his blood boil.

“He’s not a bad guy.” Eren did a double take. He must be hearing things. “Yes, I really do mean that.”

“No offense, but I get big douche vibes from him.” Instead of being angry Marco sighed nodding in agreement. “What’s his deal? Why are you so nice and he’s so—“

“Maybe I’ll tell you someday. Right now we were talking about you.” Playfully Marco tapped Eren’s nose then pushed him away on the forehead with the same finger. Eren looked so offended it made Marco laugh again. He really did like Eren in some ways. His presence was really refreshing.

“Asshole.” Eren pouted rubbing his forehead.

“That’s mean.” Marco pouted back. “But seriously…have you talked to Armin about all this? From what you’ve told me it sounds like you’re dating.”

“We’re not…”Eren sighed he couldn’t even say it. This wasn’t good. “I mean, not really…”

“You need to stop denying it. It will only make you feel worse.” That was the pot calling the kettle black. Still Eren didn’t need to know that. “ I kind of identify with the asexual spectrum myself.”

“Spectrum? Like as in that light thing?” That didn’t make sense…

“Ha, well, how should I put it…” Marco rolled his eyes up in a thoughtful way. “It’s like a general category filled with a bunch of sub ones. If you think of it in terms of color it might make more sense. Like how there’s Blue and then there’s light blue, aqua, turquoise, navy, etcetera. They’re all blue, but not the same shade.”

“That…sounds complicated.” It felt like science talk.

“My point being, from what I understand you don’t find being in a physical relationship appealing with anyone in general.” Marco looked at Eren who confirmed his thoughts with a nod. “Then do you think you could ever give into someone else’s need still?”

“Why would someone need it?” Oh boy…Eren sure was something.

“Well, those kinds of things can help you feel closer to someone.” Eren scrunched up his face a little. It was adorable. “You may not feel the need for it, but that’s not to say Armin feels the same.”

“What do you mean?” Some icy felt like it took grip of Eren’s heart. “That I might lose him?”

“I highly doubt Armin would, but it could make your relationship…more difficult if he is having that sort of need.” Eren looked completely lost. How could he put it in terms he could understand more easily? Well, Eren seemed quite passionate about food. “You see, sex drive is like an appetite. Some people have little to none while others can be average to large. Think of it in terms of hunger.”

“So…it’s like I’ve been starving Armin?” The mere thought of it made Eren feel a little pale. “And he hasn’t said a damn thing cause he’s Armin.”

“That is a possibility.” He really was trying to put it in the simplest way he could think of that could get through to Eren.

“Shit, he’s like that too with actual food!” Eren stood up in a panic disregarding the amount of stares he was receiving. “Like that one time after a football game in high school. I didn’t want to go to the drive-thru and didn’t bother asking Armin if he wanted to and just drove him home. His mom said he passed out right after I left!!”

“Um, I wouldn’t say it’s that severe—“

“I gotta go Marco.” Eren hurried off leaving Marco behind. He intended on making it up to Armin, even if he himself didn’t like attention. Hell, he planned on showering Armin in every way possible.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Ain’t ever a problem.” Eren heard Marcus voice as he approached and was stunned to a complete stop by what he saw.

Marcus gave Armin a kiss so casually and Armin simply stood there in a shirt he hadn’t been wearing before and was blushing from head to toe. Neither of them seemed to notice him. Marcus smirked disappearing off into the packed food court and Armin stayed there watching after him. There was a look in his eyes he didn’t recognize.

“Armin?” Eren’s throat felt so dry and not like his own. Snapping out of whatever trance he was in Armin turned towards him with wide surprised eyes.

“Eren? What are you doing—nevermind.” Armin blushed making his way over to him. Eren stood where he was and waited. Marco’s words ringing in his ears. “My zipper…ah, well to put it shortly my pants ripped.”

“They what?”

“Please don’t make me explain it here.” Armin blushed harder looking around then down at his feet nervously pulling the ends of the shirt he was wearing down. “Let’s go home…please?”

“…sure…” Eren reached out holding his hand to him. “I was getting tired anyway.”

“You were?” With a shy smile he took Eren’s hand. There were so many people in the mall it would be hard for anyone to really notice unless they were really looking to spot a gay couple…could Armin even call them that though? Armin started frowning a little. “You should have told me. I wouldn’t have minded going home earlier.”

“I wanted to wait until after we went to the book store. I know how much you nerds love your books.”

“I love books, but I love you more.” Armin nearly tripped over his own feet.

“…Armin…why did you let Marcus kiss you?” Armin really did trip this time. Luckily Eren caught him just in time. He managed to get into one of the small areas that had two old creaky drinking fountains and in front of one of the several employee exits. Armin’s back hit against the wall knocking the breath out of him.

“Y-You saw?!” Eren put his forearm against the same wall just above Armin’s head and leaned in closely looking him in the eye.

“Yeah.” Eren lowered his voice not breaking eye contact. It caused a reaction in Armin which he knew too clearly he shouldn’t be having. Armin started tugging down at the edges of Marcus’ shirt again trying to keep his hands still and arousal hidden. “Why did you let him kiss you?”

“I-I didn’t expect him to.” He didn’t and it happened so quickly. He wasn’t even sure it had happened at all. Eren leaned in closely so he could talk into Armin’s ear.

“Did you like it?” Armin started feeling a little faintish.

“Huh?” Slowly his brain went into sensory overload.

“Being kissed?” Eren pulled back enough to look at Armin again. Instead of a sexy bad boy look that Armin secretly hoped for he was surprised by sad puppy dog eyes. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Tell you…what?” Armin almost whined out. Goddammit!! Seeing those sad eyes shouldn’t turn him on either!! “You’re not making sense, Eren. Can’t we go home al—“

Eren pushed forward trying to catch Armin’s lips in a kiss. Armin gasped going on his tiptoes and clutched onto the shirt for dear life. Eren was kissing him…or at least trying to. Eren pulled back looking determined for a moment then tried to kiss Armin again except this time Armin turned his head away. Instead Eren kissed the area right behind his ear.

“Eren!” Armin gasped out shaking. God it felt so good. Noticing his reaction Eren kissed lower and down the rest of the side of his neck. Armin forgot about his whole pants ordeal and desperately draped his arms around Eren’s neck. It felt like a fever’s heat, but far more intense in the spots Eren had kissed. It was painfully wonderful. “Eren…oh, Eren…please.”

“You never have to ask for anything, Armin.” Eren pulled away hoping to God he was doing the right thing. He slowly pulled away and held Armin close to his chest wrapping his arms around him. Armin was precious. Someone he couldn’t live without and someone he would never willingly give up. “Just tell me.”

“I want to go home… “Armin could feel tears running down his cheek. He sniffed and brought his hand up to cover them. Eren only held him tighter to himself. “I want…so much Eren…”

“Okay.” Eren tried to soothe Armin best he could. “Sorry I didn’t notice how much you needed this.”

“It’s all right. I don’t need it if it makes you uncomfortable.” Armin calmed down and sighed enjoying the simple joy of being held against Eren’s chest. His heartbeat helped to comfort him from all these foreign feelings.

“It makes me uncomfortable, but I don’t want to be a bad boyfriend to you.” Armin went still and slowly looked up at Eren. He finally said it. Eren looked as if he realized it himself as well.

“I can’t imagine anyone else being my boyfriend.” The corner of Armin’s eyes crinkled up from the smile so big it nearly took up his whole face. He even laughed at little before hiding his face in Eren’s chest. “I’m so happy.”

“…me too…” And he really meant it. That smile…was one he never truly seen before. He hoped to see it more often from this point on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interesting article here that inspired title: http://lonerwolf.com/martyr-complex-symptoms/
> 
> Wanted to make this a little longer than what I intended to post. I'm sick....again, but starting to feel better. I don't know what happened, but I was babysitting for my oldest sister when it happened. So confusing cause I was fine a few days go. Oh well...THE SLOW BURN HAS FINALLY REACHED MEDIUM HEAT!! LOL sorry sorry it's taken this long and I really do appreciate all for being so patient. It really does mean a lot to me and I know I say thank you so much and so many times, but I really do mean it each time. :) So THANKS and THANKS AGAIN!! I can't wait to kick it up a notch *nudgenudgewinkwink*


	39. Exploration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes a little bit of courage, a little bit of patience, and a lot of passion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right! So I thought I'd update you a bit on RL stuff. I got my medical stuff all taken care of, but I may need to go to the doctor's again cause my wrist has been hurting and all tingling some times. I've been writing still in little bits and really hope it's nothing too bad. I know a lot of you out there are hurting with recent spoilers released, but please don't let it get you down. Fandoms are made to help support one another and so we can relate with others who may be feeling the same. :) That's all I'll say on that. 
> 
> I wanna say this has a little lime in it and not lemon yet, but we will get there! I assure you! Baby steps.  
> Also wanna thank all of you who have kept reading and been so supportive of this. I honestly didn't think anyone would get too invested in this or I would have wrote so many chapters. You all really do inspire me and I love all the comments and feedback you give. 
> 
> Thank you!

Connie shivered lightly as they continued to walk. Neither of them said a word after starting and it was becoming unbearably tense. Why did Jean want to talk after all these years? Hercules seemed to be having a good time at least. When they came to a large area Jean stopped and unleashed the huge dog.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Connie resisted the instinct to snatch the leash out of Jean’s hand. Needless to say Connie didn’t like anyone other than himself handling his ‘babies’ especially in areas he wasn’t familiar with.

“It’s fine. This area is specifically for unleashed dogs.” Jean gave Hercules a firm pat on his side and lifted his head up looking around at all the other dog owners and their furry companions. Connie did the same and relaxed only slightly. Hercules wagged his tale furiously, but obediently sat waiting for Jean’s signal. Connie felt a surge of jealousy seeing him suddenly focused on Jean than himself.

“Aren’t you going to give him the sign?” Jean stood up raveling the leash around his knuckles.

“He’s looking at you.” Connie could feel the tension growing in his shoulders. Betrayed by his own dog…their first dog…”Better give him the nod or he’ll stand there all day.”

“Oh…” Jean blinked dumbly for a few seconds then looked at Hercules give him a nod to the right. Once seeing the motion Hercules jumped up while turning dashing to sniff everything he could. It made Jean smile and feel a little special. After all these years the crazy mutt could still recognize him.

“So, what did you want?” Jean shook out of his memories and looked down at Connie who kept his stare forward watching all the dogs in the area. He put his arms through the sleeves and now wrapped his arms close to himself while pouting out his lips. “I have places to go.”

“I…don’t know.” Jean half sighed and growled rubbing the back of his neck. “…heard you were getting married.”

“Yeah, and she’s wonderful.” Why did those words suddenly feel so forced.

“She, huh?” Jean kicked himself the way that came out. Hopefully Connie wouldn’t notice.

“Yes. She.” Connie bit back.

“Listen, Connie.” At this rate he would never get out what he meant to say and they would either end up fighting or hating each other even more. He was thinking about what to say almost all night beforehand. Every scenario he thought of never seemed to end well and it kept him up for the entire night.

“Jean, I just-I don’t-goddammit—“ Connie groaned hiding his face with his hand blushing. Jean stopped waiting for Connie to take the lead. “I…I don’t hate you, all right?”

“What?”

“I understand. As much as I hate it, I can understand it.” It didn’t excuse Jean for what he did or how he handled it, but time apart allowed Connie to realize they were still both so young and new. “We were scared and we didn’t know who to blame. So we just blamed each other…it’s no one’s fault…”

“Damn, Connie.” Jean breathlessly chuckled hanging his head until his chin touched his chest. He needed to sit down. Slowly he sat down on the slightly wet grass. He physically felt drained psyching himself out for a fight that never came. Connie sat beside him after a few moments and curiously kept his eyes on him.

“What were you going to say?” There was something…different about Jean now.

“Honestly, I can’t even remember.” Jean ran his hands over his face with a deep sigh before looking at Connie again. “I really loved you, Connie.”

“Shit, don’t go saying that.” Connie playfully bumped Jean’s shoulder with his making the other sway a bit. Even though they were laughing now, Connie felt his heart banging against his ribcage begging to be let out. “Especially when I’m about to get married.”

“You keep mentioning that.” Jean raised an eyebrow which Connie still found so charming. “Getting cold feet?”

“God, you don’t know the half of it.” Was this it? How easily things could go back to how they used to be? All those precious moments and night spent crying from a broken heart all fix by a simple ‘we need to talk’.

”Does she know about…” Jean purposely trailed off for two reasons. One, he wasn’t who might hear them. The other, because he still couldn’t accept Connie being male the entire time he knew her.

“She does…but her family doesn’t. I’d like to keep it that way.” Connie slouched over sighing and started tugging on random blades of grass. “Not sure if you’re familiar with the term, but she’s genderfluid.”

”That sounds gross, man.” How could a person be fluid? Then again the human body is mostly water, but how the hell did that work? “So…why does she think herself to be like water?”

”Holy shit, Jean!” Connie let out an unrestrained laugh nearly folding himself in half while holding his stomach. Jean clueless waited for an answer. They had a lot of catching up to do, that was for sure.

As Connie started chatting about unimportant things the back of his mind kept cynically criticizing the whole meeting. Jean tried to listen, but couldn’t help chuckling seeing Connie’s signature pout. He missed it. He missed everything about Connie more than he cared to ever admit. He missed Connie’s way of talking, way of telling a story, and that mischievous twinkle in her eye. All sound quieted and all of Connie’s words turned into a soft murmur as Jean pressed Connie’s lithe body to the ground in one fluid moment claiming those lips once again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

From the moment they left the mall to now, Eren made sure to keep holding onto Armin’s hand even as he drove. Armin seemed more than thrilled by the simple contact. In truth, he didn’t know what exactly Eren meant earlier, but he was more than happy to be how they were at this moment. Eren quickly opened the door to their apartment with one hand pushing the door open. As soon as Eren turned to face Armin, the blond placed both of his hands on the sides of his face and hungrily starting kissing him on his lips.

“W-wait, Armin—“ Eren muffled out turning them so he could close the door. Athena ran over happily trying to run against one of their legs. Unfortunately for her she only caused Eren to trip falling harshly against the door. The loud thump made Armin jump letting go of Eren almost immediately.

“Eren?” Armin blinked and blushed seeing Eren dizzying rubbing the back of his head. “Eren! Are you all right?”

“I think—“ Eren reached the part where his skull hit against the door and hissed. “Ow…”

“I’ll be right back!” Armin hurried over to the kitchen and Eren slid down against the door until he was sitting on the floor.

Athena came back out of her hiding place and hurried over to sit in Eren’s lap loudly meowing. Tiredly Eren scratched under her chin patiently waiting for Nurse Armin to come back. The imagery made him laugh a little. Man, he must’ve hit his head harder than he thought.

“I don’t see what’s so funny.” Armin paused in his search for supplies giving Eren an irritated look.

“It’s nothing.” Athena looked up at Armin meowing loudly at him not moving an inch from her current spot. “I think she’s hungry.”

“Here hold this against it.” Armin walked over and showed Eren how to hold the towel wrapped bag of ice to his head. He then hurried to refill their baby girl’s bowls.

Seeing her happily trot next to him made something just glow in Eren’s heart. It was truly an adorable sight. The longer he watched Armin getting her food and water, the more he started noticing small things. Like the way Armin would roll his sleeves up to his elbows or the way he would hold part of his hair from spilling past his eyes as he poured something. The speed of his smile and the softness of his speech. It was all so elegant and an art in its own way.

These were the small elements that all added to who Armin Arlert was. It wasn’t like Eren realized all this, but more of he gained an appreciation for it. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for Armin even before they became boyfriends. He desperately wanted to give Armin all that he wanted…but…slowly Eren’s confidence started to fade.

What if he couldn’t satisfy Armin’s needs? What if it didn’t end up working out in the end and they only came to hate one another? What if it didn’t matter how much they love each other? Had he been under rating sexual relationships the entire time? Eren was so stuck in his head, he didn’t notice how close Armin came to him again until he was nearly sitting in his lap trying to get a better look at Eren’s bump.

“It doesn’t look too bad.” Delicately Armin moved Eren’s hands off the bag and adjusted it slightly at a better angle. It felt…nice. Like a hug after a bad day. Who could’ve known a simple touch like this could ease the panic in his heart so quickly. “Good thing you were born with a hard head.”

“What was that?” Eren snuck his cold hands up Armin’s spine making him let out a small high pitch shrill.

“Eren! You’re too cold!” Armin lifted up on his knees trying to force Eren’s hands down while still holding onto the small ice pack. Eren gleefully laughed then leaned forward pressing his forehead against Armin’s torso. For the second time Armin couldn’t control his reflex slightly jumping. When Eren’s laugh died down they stayed like that for a few minutes without any words.

Slowly, as if testing the waters for the very first time, Eren placed a small kiss on top of Armin’s clothed torso. Armin shivered looking down at Eren trying to keep himself from making any sudden movements that might scare the other. When those green eyes connected with his blue ones, he knew something was about to really happen for once. The questioning in Eren’s eyes refused to go unanswered though. Gulping Armin carefully slid Eren’s hands down the small of his back until they settled nicely on his ass.

”Go ahead.” Armin voice trembled only slightly. “As long as you’re not forcing yourself to.”

”And if I was?” Eren slid his hands back up and sighed hugging Armin to himself. He was still scared. It was frustrating. He wanted with all his heart to make love to Armin like normal couples did, straight or gay. “Would you still want me?”

”Well, I could always buy a sex doll for that.” Eren’s head shot up making Armin giggle. “But I could never love it like I love you, Eren. Don’t worry.”

”How can you be so casual saying that?” Eren wrinkled his nose.

”Eren…have you not SEEN my porn collection?” Both of them blushed after hearing Armin say this.

”I thought you read it for the articles?” The smirk Eren gave him chased away all the sudden awkwardness and helped ease some of the tension.

”Oh! You-I oughta-hush!” Armin rambled growing redder the louder Eren’s laugh became.

The more he saw Eren laugh the more in love he fell the more turned on and less able to think clearly he became. Seeing Eren had no intention on stopping Armin did the first thing that came to mind. He straightened himself slightly and pulled his own shirt over Eren head in attempt of muffling out the noise. For a moment it worked, but only doubled a few seconds after. Armin lifted his head up letting out a frustrated whine of the other’s name. He really wanted to hide right now.

”Wha-ha!! HAHA!!” Eren buried his head closer to Armin’s body as he shook with laughter.

He could hear Armin mumbling something about the situation being ‘too embarrassing’ and how ‘cute’ he was being at the moment. Cute, huh? Normally he hated being called that…and he still did. Playfully Eren licked Armin’s stomach. Eren often did this whenever they wrestled. Whenever he was close to losing he’d lick the other person in hopes of grossing them out and making them let go. He tried it on Mikasa once, but was immediately punched in the face and scolded by his parents later.

”Gross!! Eren! No!!” Armin’s voice shrilled into a laugh as he tried to get Eren out from underneath his shirt. Eren strengthen his grip and repeated the action adding in a playful nip this time. The more Armin tried to wiggle away the more they leaned back until they both tumbled down once again. Once Eren was free he wasted no time tickling Armin until he couldn’t breathe.

”Say it! Say it again!! I DARE ya!”

”You’re cute!!” Armin squealed out trying to fight Eren off. “Cute like a puppy!!” 

”Fuck you!” Eren’s skin felt hot, no doubt he was blushing now. It was time to really show Armin who was boss! “One more chance!”

”E-Eren!! Sta! Stop!! I-I’m gonna—HA!—“ Eren slowly came to a stop giving Armin a chance to collect himself. He almost felt a little bad. 

Armin’s entire body had turned pinky. His cheeks were like strawberries and his nose like a cherry. Sweat beaded down the blonde’s forehead and his body was still convulsing a little from all the tension. Slowly Armin caught his breath letting himself sink into the carpet floor. It felt like his whole body was contradicting itself. Wanting and fighting the closeness, twisting and pulling in the most torturous and pleasurable ways. He squirmed just a little bit pulling the end of his shirt down as much as he could over his crotch with his other hand pulling at his hair to help him think straight.

”Armin…are you okay?” Eren shrank back a little watching Armin cough trying to catch his breath. Eren kicked himself mentally. Armin was…delicate so to say. He always had a doctor’s note that excused him from too much physical activities, mainly P.E.

”Y-yeah…just give me a minute.” Armin peeked underneath his hand to catch Eren’s slightly worried expression. God, it did things to him.

”Okay.” Eren tiredly smiled at him and gently rubbed the outer sides of Armin’s thighs in a comforting way. It wasn’t his intention of doing something so erotic, he only meant to try and help Armin relax.

”Eren!” Armin nearly kneed him in the face out of pure reflex. Luckily the other was quick enough to stop him. Unfortunately it gave his a perfect view of why Armin was pulling his shirt down.

”That…looks painful.” Eren coughed clearing his throat before forcing his eyes to look up at Armin’s face. Mixed feelings filled his mind. On one hand, he hadn’t meant to arousal Armin like this. It was…kinda weird…and flattering? No, that wasn’t the word, surprising felt more like it. On the other, these things would more than likely happen if he wanted to be more physical with Armin. It was a good sign that Armin did indeed find Eren attractive.

”S-s-sorry.” Armin groaned covering his face with his arm. “Give me a minute. It will go away…”

”All right.” Eren tried to be polite and not look, but he couldn’t help it. The bulge in Armin’s jean was a lot bigger than he anticipated. It made him wonder when was the last time he saw Armin in the nude.

”Maybe, we should stop here today.” Armin bit his lips. It wasn’t going down like he usually did. In fact, it only got hotter and tighter. He guessed it was because he could feel Eren’s stare. Knowing he was being openly stared at by his love made his heart do all sorts of flip-flops. Maybe a cold shower would—

Something feather light trailed from the top button of his jeans, down his crotch, to where all the stitching met just underneath his anus. The sound he release didn’t even sound like himself. He didn’t dare look though in fear that Eren might stop his curious exploration. Besides, it was rather nice. He read somewhere when one sense was taken all the other heightened. Blindfolded sex was definitely on his list of things he wanted to try. Now the possibility of trying them with Eren, didn’t seem as impossible as it once had.

”Eren…” Armin could feel his hesitance. “Don’t stop.”

Eren snapped his head up looking at Armin. No longer was he tense in the same way. It was a little more relaxed and he could see Armin’s legs part slightly allowing him more space to get a little closer if he wanted. He could see how Armin tightened and licked his lips every once in a while and how hard he was trying to breathe evenly. Shifting his weight to a more comfortable position he curiously continued his actions with a little more confidence. Armin wanted to be touched. It didn’t have to be heavy. Like this was fine. This was a good beginning to something wonderful. Eren’s thoughts soothed his fear and tiredly he leaned his head against the inside of Armin’s bent knee as he traced his finger over the same path with more pressure.

The silence helped a little too. It made the whole thing feel serene and peaceful. Eren shifted his attention more to the inside of Armin’s legs mainly the one he was leaning against. Slowly he crawled his hands up them taking note of how Armin would suck in a breath letting out a slow hiss with a few particular spots. They were surprisingly soft, it made him want to--

”AH! EREN!” Armin quickly brought his arm down while his other hand found its way into Eren’s locks. He half sat up and curled his leg slightly around Eren. What the hell did he? Armin’s question was answered when Eren repeated the action. This time he kept his eyes connected with Armin as he gently bit the inside of his upper thigh.

That was it for the Armin. Seeing it and having Eren not break eye contact was more than he could handle. He curled panting and with one last surprised ‘ah!’ he felt himself buck up and release. It felt so hot in his boxers and a little slimy. He could feel his dick pulsing and twitching with each little movement he felt. It didn’t occur to him how Eren must’ve felt until he saw him wrinkling his nose again.

”You smell kinda weird.” Armin gave a tired chuckle raising his eyebrow while trying to sit up. His legs had that after tingling sensation.

”What did you expect it to smell like?” Eren blushed a little and gave a shrug while crossing his arms defensively.

”I don’t know…did…um, well…”

”It felt…God…” Armin nervously laughed looking down at the ground. “Um, why…”

”You didn’t—“ Eren panicked for a second trying to lean in and get a look at Armin’s face.

”No, no! I did…but—“ Armin looked up briefly pushing him back then immediately grew shy keeping his stare down. “Um, what made you—“

”I don’t know…you looked like you liked it.” Eren calmed down a little more. “So, I did.”

”Oh…well…thank you?” Armin blushed finally looking up at Eren with a shy smile before chuckling. Leave it to Eren to make things easier to understand. “Did you—“

”Sorry, but I didn’t—“ Eren clear his throat looking down at his own crotch.

”Oh…” The disappointment in his voice was undeniable. “Not even a little…”

”Sorry.” Eren let out a long sigh hanging his head. He wanted to cry.

”It’s okay.” Armin reached over wrapping his arms around Eren’s shoulders pulling him close and kissing his forehead then his nose then his lips with a smile. “I’m not mad at all.”

”Shit, I’m really sor---“ His lips were pulled deeper into the kiss.

”Shhhhh, don’t worry about it.” His cheeks were showered in small quick ones.

”I wish I could—“ He felt butterfly kisses on his eyelids.

”Eren Jaeger,” Armin pulled back leaning their foreheads together and looking into Eren’s eyes. “I will never stop loving you.”

”But—“ Eren tried to look down with self-doubt, but Armin wouldn’t allow it pulling his chin back up.

”Do you know why?” Armin smiled seeing the tears falling down Eren’s face. Not trusting himself to speak anymore without sobbing Eren shook his head. Armin’s eyes had a mischievous twinkle to them. “Because I think you’re the cutest person on the face of this earth.”

And THAT got Eren to laugh once again.


	40. Haircuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> are so symbolic and refreshing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! It's been so long! So much has been going on and I've been trying to get some updates on stories in. This chapter is basically domestic fluff and humor. Enjoy! :D

The knock on the door woke Eren up, but he seriously considered ignoring it after discovering how complete Armin’s arms made him feel. The doorbell rang out not to long after the knocks and he could feel Armin start shifting.

“Someone’s…” Armin didn’t bother finishing the sentence because from the way Eren groaned he could tell he must’ve already known. He let out a yawn reaching up hearing his bones crack. It wasn’t that he didn’t love being close to Eren like this…it was just…well, they could REALLY use a bigger mattress. Especially since they were together now. Armin couldn’t hide his small quiet giggle. It still felt too good to be true.

“They’ll go away.” Eren scooted closer to Armin snuggling a little closer until his chin rested comfortably on the other’s shoulder. Armin let out a sound scolding noise letting his arms fall back down slowly to rest on Eren’s shoulders.

“It could be important.” Eren groaned again burying his face against the side of Armin’s neck.

“It could be UN-important.” Armin laughed letting Eren indulge a little longer in the closeness.

“You make a good point.” Eren grunted agreeing with him. “But we have to get up and eat dinner soon.”

“What?” Eren pulled back looking at him then turning to look at the digital clock in the room. It was only 7p.m. 

“It’s still the same day, Eren.”

“Noooo…” Eren groaned loudly letting his entire body turn boneless. Armin let out a surprised sound almost falling off the bed.

“Eren!”

“Go away!!!” Eren sat halfway up shouting at the door.

The suddenly burst of noise and movement really did fall. Half of his body crashed on the ground and the other still on the bed. Yup, definitely time to get a bigger mattress. Quickly Eren apologized and reached out to help him up. Not long after his cell started buzzed. When he was sure Armin was all right he glanced down at the screen.

“Well, I guess you were ri—“ Eren cursed out loud and leaped off the bed pulling Armin with him. Painfully he bumped his shoulder against the doorway, but it went unnoticed by the other. He didn’t let go until opening the front door like his life depended on it. “Eren!! What are you do--”

“Good evening.” Mikasa stared back at them with scarf loosely wrapped around her neck.

“Mikasa!” In spite of this aching shoulder Armin was the first to step forward and give her a welcoming embrace. She smiled fondly return the gesture. “Did you just get here? Do you want to stay over?”

“Yes and please.” Mikasa released Armin and held stare with Eren. “Did you eat yet?”

“Yeah-well-not really…” Eren nervously scratched his hair trying to guess what she was hinting at. Man, he hated this guessing game. It was getting old. “We were about to make something.”

“Liar.” Eren cringed. How did she know?! ” You slept all day.”

“What?” She was only half right. This was the first.

“You have bed head.” Mikasa reached up frowning as she attempted to make him somewhat presentable. “You need a haircut.”

“Too expensive.” Before Eren could say another word she dragged him inside the apartment by his hair.

“It looks unprofessional.” She closed the door behind her and looked around finding the kitchen area. Armin followed close behind them not sure what to do, but thought it better to be close just in case anything serious happened. “I need scissors.”

“Ah! Right!” Armin raced to his office. Eren flailed as Mikasa pulled out a kitchen chair with her foot and slammed him down on it. Poor Eren never realized it was better to give in than to fight someone like Mikasa. “Please be careful.”

“Armin, no—“ 

“Sit still, Eren.” Mikasa took the scissor opening and closing them checking out their sharpness. All blood seemed to drain from Eren’s face when he looked over his shoulder at her. “I’ll cut you.”

“Not on purpose though!!” Armin walked around in front of Eren taking the other kitchen chair to sit in front of him. Eren quickly turned to face him instead of the Mistress of Horror behind him. “Here, hold my hand.”

“What good is that going to do?!” SNIP! Eren felt the handle of the scissors brush against the back of his ear.

“To keep you still.” Without missing a beat Mikasa cut off more of his locks. “Armin’s trying to help. Be grateful.” 

“Fine. Just don’t cut my ears off or I’ll tell—“ Eren froze realizing what he was about to say. Both Armin and Mikasa shared a look then directed their gazes back on Eren. “Just…don’t.”

“I’ll try not to.” That was good enough for him. He was in no mood to fight anymore.

How pathetic was he still using Mom as a threat against his sister? Sometimes it would backfire at him and he would have to run to their Dad for help against the two of them. His dad would attempt to defend him, but in the end he was just as scared of them as Eren was and gave in. (Unless it was REALLY serious) Quietly, he let out choked chuckle that morphed into something of a sob. Having Mikasa here reminded him of them. He hated it, but he could never hate her for it.

Without a word he reached out to Armin. Understanding the gesture, Armin filled in the gaps between Eren’s fingers with his. It wasn’t his usual way of comforting someone. Knowing this brought a soft flutter in Eren’s heart. He looked up as much as he could at Armin through his long bangs mouthing a quiet ‘thank you’. Armin blushed for a moment then softly smiled back nodding.

“Where did you get these?” Oddly enough, Mikasa made an attempt to change the subject. Eren was more than grateful for her efforts. They both knew it was still too soon for Eren to talk much about their parents. “They’re not office scissors.”

“I got them from a fabric store. It came free when you bought a scissor sharpener.” Armin looked up smiling brightly at her. “It was the store by the pizza parlor we used to go to. “

“I never noticed it.” Mikasa paused to look thoughtfully at the pair. “They’re nicer than mine.”

“Everything Armin has is nicer than yours.” Eren snidely remarked showing he was listening.

“I could kill you.” Mikasa lightly tugged at his hair tapping the closed scissors again his cheek. “Don’t make me laugh.”

“You’re really good at this.” Armin laughed then tilted his head watching her work. The technique which she held the tool looked very professional. On closer examination he could see small faded scars on the inside of her pointer and middle finger. Her own hair was much shorter now as well. “Mikasa…did you quit your job?”

Mikasa stopped briefly then nodded.

“What?!” Eren tried to look up at her, but she held him firmly in place. “Is she nodding?! She better not be nodding!”

“What happened?” Armin couldn’t hide how upset he was either. Mikasa had been with the company for nearly five years now. He could remember how excited she was when her dad was able to get her in as an intern even though she was just a freshman in high school.

“I needed a change.” That they both could understand. “And I like hair.”

“Don’t go shaving me bald now.” Eren nervously spoke half-jokingly and half-seriously.

“I have enough practice.” Mikasa smile finishing up the back of Eren’s hair. “Armin, switch me spots.”

“Okay.” Armin smiled giving Eren on last look before separating from him. Eren’s horrified expression was near comical. As they switched spots Armin trailed his hand up Eren’s arm and let it rest innocently on his shoulders. He couldn’t help himself from running his other hand down Eren’s trimmed hair.

“How’s it look?” The hair on the back of his neck stood straight up as Armin delicately scraped his nail on the nape of his neck. He would have literally jumped out of his seat if Mikasa hadn’t been holding his hostage.

“It looks good.” Amin glanced over at Mikasa. She was totally focused on Eren right now. With a small smile he leaned in close to whisper in Eren’s ear.

“Very cute.”

Eren made an unusual sound. It sounded like he was choking something of a laugh and a snort. Both Mikasa and Armin stopped their actions looking down at Eren curiously. Their stares made his face heat up. Then silence went on for a while until it was Mikasa who started laughing. It was a faint sound, but clearly hers reminding Armin of the soft sounds of a wind chime on a sunny day. If Eren remembered it correctly, he hadn’t heard her laugh since he overflowed the washing machine. In his defense, he was trying to do something nice for her doing the laundry. It wasn’t his fault the machine was so complicated! Soon all three of them were laughing forgetting the reason why they started. It was good to be home again with the two of them.

”Mikasa, can you cut mine too?” Armin stood straight holding the ends of his hair between his fingers with a nervous smile. Both Eren and Mikasa shared similar looks as if Armin grew another head.

”Why?” Her eyes were filled with surprise. Was it really such a foreign idea that he would want to get his hair cut? Armin couldn’t help puffing his cheeks trying his hardest not to pout.

”Did someone say something?” Eren frowned then started gritting his teeth. “I’ll kick their ass!”

”I’ll help.” Mikasa’s glared at the thought of anyone picking on Armin.

”I just want to try it.” Armin lied.

”But…” Mikasa spoke, but the words seemed to fly away from her.

”We like it.” Thankfully Eren found them. She firmly nodded. She really loved everything about Armin. How he looked, how he responded to things, how kind he was…Guiltily she looked at the floor before finding a broom to clean up the cut pieces of hair.

”I’ll grow it back out.” Armin chuckled at their puppy dog looks. Was it really such a big deal? Armin leaned forward putting his head on top of Eren finally giving into the urge to pout. “It’s my hair after all.”

”No ,it’s mine now!” Eren bit back a laugh reaching up behind and ran his hand through his hair making one heap of a mess out of it making Armin growl slightly.

”See! If I had shorter hair you couldn’t do that!” Mikasa pressed her lips together tightly then sighed.

”What do you want?” Armin shot up with his sparkling blue eyes and excited smile.

”Hold on! I have some references!”

”What?! You were going to do it anyway with asking me?!” Eren barked at him as he left to the office. He really didn’t like the idea of Armin getting his hair cut. Armin was fine how he was.

”Maybe he needs change.” Mikasa ran her hands through Eren’s hair in a similar fashion that he did with Armin earlier. Eren didn’t fight it. In fact he leaned into the touch before looking up at her.”

”I wish he wouldn’t change. Not even for me.” Mikasa gave him a curious hum encouraging him to explain. “He does so much for everyone that he forgets to do stuff for himself.”

”It’s how he is.” Mikasa pressed her forehead against Eren’s then closed her eyes and smiled. “He loves you, Eren.”

Eren’s skin prickled for a second before he felt the goosebumps form. The idea of someone loving him so much and so completely was a little scary. Hearing Mikasa say it out loud and so effortlessly gave it a whole other level of reality. This was happening. This was changing. There would be doubt, but there would also be hope. 

”I was thinking of this one!” Armin rushed over beside Mikasa completely unaware to Eren’s mini existential crisis.

”That’s really short.” Mikasa looked a little worried for a moment taking the tablet which Armin was showing her.

”Yes, but if I’m going to make a cut I might as well go all out.” Armin’s voice shook a little. “I mean it’s scary, but it’s also exciting.”

”Like Eren.” Mikasa slyly smirked watching Armin’s face turn red out of the corner of her eyes. “If he treats you bad, I’ll kick his ass for you.”

”Oh…so you know?” Armin blushed harder looking guilty as hell. “I’m sorry I didn’t—“

”Mind your own business, Mikasa!!” Eren stood up shaking the hair off his shirt. “Who the hell tells their sister about their relationships anyway?”

”Did you kiss yet?” Mikasa only meant to tease because she knew how much her brother hated talking about that kind of stuff. She never expected him to go bright red gaping like a fish out of water trying to find his words. “Kissing is important.”

”Shut up! I know it’s important!” Armin watched them argue back and forth for a few minutes. Eren really must’ve have missed someone to fight with. Maybe this was what he needed.

”I lied.” Eren went completely silent. “You’re bald.”

”I-I-I knew it!!” Eren face looked so horrified Armin had to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep from laughing.

”Bald like an alien.” Mikasa’s deadpan expression was unreadable. A small squeak came from Eren as he took a step back. Tears started welling up and before Armin could assure him he wasn’t bald he ran to the bathroom to check.


	41. Vulnerable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you don't look past that smile or tear down the wall, you'll never really know the person...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O__O;;;....I know it's been a long time since the last update. I'm finally doing therapy and they recently increased my meds. Before that, it was so difficult to even think at one point and I was slipping back. I'm doing better now and actually sleeping more regularly! :D I wanted to make this chapter longer like an apology to readers. You all really do inspire me to keep writing along with my Attack on Titan socks. They really do make me smile and I wear Armin and Eren as one set. lol It the small things that make the biggest difference.
> 
> Also, I apologize in advance if I get any facts wrong. I've only had one friend who identifies as being lithosexual so I'm going based off that and what I've learned through research. If you have any further facts, details, or experiences you'd like to share then please do! :D Every little bit helps a lot. 
> 
> Again thank everyone who hasn't given up on me. I am a fighter and I'll always do my best to continue on until the end.

All right, it was time to go. Right notebook, right textbook, and schedule already memorized. Carefully Berholdt pulled on his sneakers and even more carefully shut his bedroom door. All he needed to do now was quickly grab something from the refrigerator for breakfast. While getting an apple, he left a note to remind him to go grocery shopping later. Perhaps Armin might want to join him. It had been a few days since he talked to him other than their short conversations, if any, on the bus. It was such a relief finding out how the blond didn't mind texting more than actually talking. Previous friends he had, always scolded or teased him about it. Friends...it was nice having a friend again.

"Hey!" Reiner suddenly appeared next to him placing his arm lazily across the lower door. "I can give you a ride. I have today off."

"Ah! Reiner." Bertholdt nearly jumped out of his skin making Reiner grin even wider. "I-I'm fine."

"Awww, come on. It's been forever since I've taken you." The way Reiner pouted reminded Bertholdt of an English Bulldog. The thought made him chuckle a little.

"Fine. But only if you go grocery shopping after." That would be one less thing to worry about.

"Sure, how hard can it be?" They stood in awkward silence staring at one another.

"...I'll make you a list."

"I'd appreciate that." Nervously Reiner laughed rubbing the back of his head. Bert really did know him inside and out...well, he hoped he would someday.

"Are you ready to go right now?" Bert took a pen out of the small basket on the fridge and started looking through the kitchen drawers for a notepad. "It will take me a few minutes to make the list."

"I woke up like HOURS ago."

"It's six o'clock in the morning."

"HOURS ago." Bertholdt stopped looking up at Reiner then sighed shaking his head. "What? There's nothing wrong with waking up early."

"I will never understand why you need to be so---" Berholdt bit his lip slightly trying to find the right word so as to not offend his friend. Regardless of what people thought, Reiner could be rather sensitive about a few things. One of them being his physical appearance. "Active?"

"So I can be active in the bedroom." Reiner laughed loudly then walked over nudging Berholdt playfully in the ribs. "No one wants to sleep with a chubby guy or one with noodle arms like yours."

"Yeah, I guess you would know that." Reiner froze then slowly backed off. Bertholdt mentally cursed and kicked himself for being so cruel. They had been over this before time and time again. It wasn't going to put things back to how they used to be. It wouldn't unbreak the hearts that were broken. It wouldn't do anything, but bring back all the hurt and pain.

"Yeah...guess I would." Reiner quickly put space between them then cleared his throat. "Just remembered I need to take a piss."

"Okay." And like that Berholdt was alone again. Once he heard the bathroom door click shut, he put down his pen and sighed heavily running his hands over his face. Their friendship had always felt special to him. No matter what happened, it would stay strong. Reiner had even gone as far as to claim them being soulmates in high school. It seemed to solidify the idea that whatever it was that they felt towards on another was special and nothing could ever change it. They were both so young and naive. Making plans for the future like it was the easiest thing in the world. Ignoring the weird looks people gave them and not having a care in the world.

"Maybe...this was a bad idea." Bertholdt mumbled to himself then glance over at the bathroom. But he couldn't stand seeing Reiner cry like how he did back then. Never had he seen the other man so broken and overcome with guilt. The sound of a shower shook him out of his memories. Right now...he couldn't do it.

He ripped the list off and carefully placed it next to the notepad with his new note. He didn't want to hurt Reiner more than he did already. He needed his own space for a while to forget and forgive. The sound of the shower made it easy to sneak out.

Well, there was no WAY he would be grocery shopping by himself. He didn't even know where to start. He only said he would because he really wanted to drive Bertholdt to college. Chances like that were getting rarer and rarer. Now, who would know a lot about food and shopping?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Armin gave Eren a nervous and excited look once they parked in the college parking lot. They were a little early so they stayed there together watching some of the students walk by them. The morning was so beautiful and Eren actually had a day off due to some kind of meeting the senior workers were holding at the restaurant. According to Eren, they were talking about making some important renovations to the establishment. It was a rare chance for Eren to have the whole day AND the day after off. It gave Armin a good opportunity to ask Eren something he had always dreamed of asking.

"Eren...after I get out of my classes...well, did you want to go do something together tonight?"

"Huh? Like what?" Eren shook out of his daze. It was really peaceful right now and almost too early for him to be awake.

"Like...I don't know, just out."

"Like...on a date?"Eren slowly raised an eyebrow.

"Only if you want to!" Armin blushed grabbing onto his hand trying to stay calm. "I-I just--well, I've always want to-to go on...with you."

"Um, I'll think about it." Eren jumped a little slowly pulling his hand away from Armin. Hurt flashed across Armin's eyes, but it changed to a more understanding look. "Sorry, maybe after Mikasa goes back home."

"Oh right." Armin sat up straighter and gave an embarrassed chuckle. "I forgot how you two must want to do something after not seeing each other for awhile."

"Well, yeah, but you'd be with us Armin." That was partly the reason. "She did come all the way out here on her own."

"Yeah, it was certainly surprising." Armin smiled fondly looking back at Eren. "She really is amazing."

"Yeah, I guess." Eren grunted leaning back in his seat with his wrists draped on top of the steering wheel. "But not as cool as me."

"Hmmm..." Eren whipped his head to look at Armin, but the blond cheekily turned towards the passenger's window biting the inside of his cheek slightly.

"What? I am!" Eren tried to sound angry, but couldn't help laughing at his friend...his boyfriend...man, it still felt a little weird calling him that now. It be a while before he would actually call him that in public without the small cringe after. Not that Armin wasn't an amazing and wonderful person, mind you. More of because...well...Eren wasn't too sure why yet...

"I didn't say anything." Armin spoke in a hurried tone turning more away from him. It took everything he had not to openly laugh at Eren. He was so cute when he got jealous.

"Hey, Armin..." Eren attempted to scoot closer to turn Armin towards him. Thus began their small playful wrestling in the truck. At one point Armin gave a small yelp after Eren managed to push him down on the seat and slide him towards himself by the belt loops of Armin's jeans. "Who's cooler?! Me or Mikasa?!"

"Mikasa." Eren froze looking completely insulted. 

"What the HELL?" That's when Armin lost in. "What do you MEAN Mikasa?!"

"No, no, Eren--" Armin reached out still laughing pulling Eren down so their foreheads were touching. The closeness made Eren blush rather cutely. When Armin opened his eyes all Eren could see was love. It made him so nervous. "Don't worry. You'll always be adorable to me. Even if you're not cool."

"Oh really?" Eren flatly replied giving him a look. "Adorable."

"Mmmhm." Armin lazily challenged Eren's displeased look with a smirk. "You got a problem with that?"

"You--"Eren blushed getting ready to pull away. This was a side of Armin he didn't know yet. It was a little scary and dare he say...sexy? Not that wasn't the right word.

"Kiss me." Eren stopped looking down at Armin. His pupils were so dilated and the dust of pink across his cheeks made him look like something right out of a boy love graphic novel. Side note, Armin slowly started showing him his "true" porn collection which he called 'literature'. You wouldn't have guessed how aggressive he was a little earlier. "Please?"

"Maybe I will...maybe I won't." Eren leaned in just enough before saying this then pulled away again. He had to get back at him somehow. The surprised expression on Armin's face made him laugh.

"Eeereenn..."Armin tugged on Eren's sleeves groaning. "I need to go class soon."

"I don't see how that's my problem." Armin wanted to smack that arrogant smirk off Eren's face. Smack it, then smother it in kisses, most likely. God, he really needed to get his thoughts back in check. Who could blame him? He had this adorable green-eyed brunette nearly chest to chest laying on top of him right now.

"I'll be thinking about it all day and I won't be able to concentrate." Eren let out a breathless laugh before trying to hide it by smothering his face against Armin's chest. The vibration it sent through Armin's ribs was making it difficult for him to even leave the truck. It was one of the moments he wanted to, 'screw school'. But his grandparents always stressed how important it was that he further his education. Then again, they told him to enjoy his youth. What could be more enjoyable than wasting the day away with long time crush and friend."Eeeerrreenn...I really do need to go."

With a chuckle Eren granted Armin's wish giving his a soft chastise kiss then running his hands through his blond locks. Greedily, Armin chased Eren's lips as they both started sitting up. He loved Eren so goddamn much! In midst of the beginning of their make out session Eren accidentally pressed against the truck's horn scaring both them and the poor unsuspecting student in front of them. The two of them jumped in their seats staring with horror out the windshield at the person.

"S-Sor--Bertholdt?!" Armin blinked owlishly with his hands still caressing the sides of Eren's face.

"Um, don't mind me!" Bertholdt nervously waved his hands in front of himself. "I-I'll save your spot."

And like that he was gone before Armin could say another word.

"Is that the guy you've been talking on the bus too?"

"Yeah," Armin raised an eyebrow leaning over to get a better look at Eren's face. "what's that look for?"

"I get a bad feeling from him." That was surprising. Bertholdt wouldn't hurt a fly. In fact, he was more than likely to run away from the fly. "Be careful."

"Eren--"

"Please." Eren should never be allowed to make that puppy dog look. It should be illegal and considered a sin against humanity. It was illogical and such a ridiculous presumption that Bertholdt was a danger to anyone. "For me."

"Fine." Armin let out a long sigh with his shoulders sinking.

He already lost the moment Eren said, 'please'. That was how life was, no matter how stupid the request was. Eren Jaegar could ask him for the moon and he would somehow come up with a way to. If Eren asked for the stars, he'd pluck them from the skies. If Eren wanted the world, then it would be done as soon as those words hit Armin's ears...but if Eren wanted to break up... 

"Armin." Eren interrupted his thoughts leaning over giving him a kiss. That was a nice surprise. It made his stomach flip like a hot pancake. Even without asking Eren could always tell if something was troubling him. A small curious brush from Eren's tongue was another nice surprise. Armin couldn't help giggling after giving Eren a curious look. Eren merely smiled then reached across him to open the door. Armin gave Eren's cheek a quick peck before leaving the truck waving goodbye.

"Fuck..." Once Armin was no longer in sight, Eren slammed his forehead against the wheel. Did he do it right? Was that too bold of him to do so early? Why did Armin laugh at him after? Oh God, he must've fucked something up. "SSSsshit...Dammit, Armin...you gotta help me out here." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jean paced around his room, fixing his canvas and oil paints for the hundredth time. Everything had to look perfect...well, half-way decent at the least. That meant the floor was visible and all rotten food removed. He had a horrible habit of forgetting where he would set his food down while working. Maybe he would ask Marco if he had any of that Febreze shit he was always using.

"Jean, have you---ddddaaammmnnn." Marcus opened the door and stopped in his tracks while still holding the doorknob. "I didn't know you had a floor."

"Yeah, me either." Jean nervously and tiredly scanned the room for anything he might have missed. "Have I what?"

"Had breakfast yet. Marco's making pancakes." Marcus chuckled a bit as Jean started to drool a bit. "You want some?"

"Heck yeah!" Jean wiped his mouth then grinned widely. "When have I not?"

"When you're sleeping like the dead." Marcus lightly poked his ribs as he followed him down the hall.

"Even sleeping I'm dreaming of eating them." Jean twitched slapping his hand away.

"We were worried about you for a second." Marcus lowered his voice and stopped Jean from entering the kitchen for a moment. He gave Jean a stern look up and down before resting on his face again. "Are you okay? You locked yourself in your room as soon as you got home yesterday."

"What do you mean? I do that all the time." Jean looked to the side nervously chuckling. He hated it when either of the twins got serious on him like this."I was fixing up my room. That's all. I really wanna impress a customer. You know, look all professional instead of the starving artist look."

"If that's what you were going for, you're seriously failing." Marcus smirked leaning in a little closer making Jean even more nervous. "The ghetto half-tone bleach job has to go for that."

"Better than strutting around like wanna be go-go boy." Jean smirked back at him before ducking to the side successfully escaping him. "Marco!! My favorite person in the whole world--!!"

"They're not ready yet, Jean." Marco didn't even turn to look at him. Marcus closed his eyes for a moment smiling before following Jean into the kitchen.

"Awww, come on baby. Just a taste?" Wow, if that didn't sound sexual...Marco laughed as Jean snuck up behind him wrapping his arms around his waist while pouting like a child. Seeing them close like that made him literally sick to his stomach.

"Oh my God, you two are so fucking gay." Marcus walked to the refrigerator getting himself a glass of milk. The two continued on as if he wasn't there."

"So, what kind are you making today?" Jean tried to keep serious while he lowered his voice while leaning close to Marco's ear. "I'm so hungry, I could eat you up."

"Jean, that would be cannibalism." Marco calmly smiled turning slightly to look at him. "And that's highly unsanitary, not to mention rude."

"I bet you'd taste as good as your pancakes. God, I'm already drooling." Jean curled more against Marco letting out and indecent moan. "Please go faster! My stomach is seriously eating itself."

"Hmm, how about I make you something else to eat while you wait?" Marco lowered the flame of the stove and wrapped his arm more around Jean pulling him close enough to lean his forehead on Jean's. "I swear you'll be more than satisfying."

"What if I'm hungry for more, big boy?" Jean bit his lip slightly fighting the urge to burst up laughing in Marco's face. He didn't expect all this fake flirting to get so far. It felt like a game of chicken and not blinking first, but with laughing. He was more than up to the challenge. Marco's uncontrollable laugh would be worth.

"Well, I'm pretty confident you'll beg for more as soon as you get a taste." Hot damn...Marco looked a bit like Marcus right now with that confident smile on his face. Suddenly Marco pulled him even closer making him tiptoe and leaning back on instinct. Before he could make sense of what was happening, Marco leaned in and blew a big fat raspberry on his neck causing an uncontrollable shrill out of him.

"Marco!!!" Jean pushed back wiping his neck furiously as both twins laughed at him.

"That's what you get!!" Marcus hollered holding his side with one hand and the other tightly gripping his glass.

"HA, um, sorry Jean. I saw an opening." Marco guiltily smiled with his eyebrows drawn nervously together. "...you didn't really think I was serious, did you?"

"O-of course not!!" Jean shivered while blushing. "So gross. I'm gonna go wash it off."

"Stop acting like your virginity was taken!" Marcus shouted after him causing Jean more embarrassment. Marcus chuckled and turn around in his seat to give Marco a look. "I didn't think you had such a darkness in you, brother."

"If I didn't, then who knows how long it would've went on for. You know how competitive Jean gets." Marcus hummed then smirked.

"In other words you couldn't think of more comebacks?" Marco blushed slightly then scratched his nose while clearing his throat.

"I don't really like talking...dirty like that."

"You called THAT dirty?" Marcus looked at Marco with both shock and amazement. This made Marco more nervous.

"With Jean it felt that way when he would respond back." Marco hesitated for a moment and blushed more while turning his back to finish cooking breakfast. "I'm not comfortable with the attention."

"What if you were getting a blow job?" Marcus enjoyed the shock on Marco's face a little TOO much. "Come on, we both know you're not the saint everyone thinks you are."

"I-I don't, that is, well--" Marco sighed lowering the flame once more before turning to face Marcus. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and frowned. "I don't know how else to say this, but I'm lithosexual."

"Um, oookk?" Marcus gave himself away with the confused look on his face. Marco tried not to laugh.

"It means I feel...sexual attraction, but I don't necessarily want it reciprocated."

Another dumb look. Oh boy, he would really have to break it down to even simpler terms...maybe a metaphor would be something he could understand more. Worth a shot. Marco never thought he would tell Marcus this, but here they were discussing things. Best to do it now while Jean was not within hearing distance.

"Think of it as a gift. Do you like giving people gifts?"

"Hmm, depends on the person. I ain't giving nobody gifts unless they deserve one. Or you know, like a fucking asshole."

"Okay, well do you like accepting gifts more?"

"Hell yeah I do!!" Marcus sat up a little straighter with enthusiasm. "It feels like I won the fucking lottery when I get something really nice like a motorcycle or a sweet watch-" 

"All right then--who gave you a motorcycle?" Marco just HAD to ask. He knew people liked his twin, but never enough to give him a motorcycle.

"Old friend of mine. His wife didn't like the idea of him being on one. He was low on money and he loved the damn thing so much. So I gave him an offer letting him know I'd take good care of it. He said thanks, but refused to let me pay for it." 

"Wow, it's wonderful to hear you have someone like that." Marco widely smiled with his eyes twinkling. It only meant one thing.

"Marco, NO!" Marcus pushed back his chair while quickly standing up with his hands sprawled out on the tabletop. "I swear!! I'll beat your as--"

"I'm so happy for you Marcus!!" Marcus tried to escape, but he was caught and pulled into the strong bear hug. Thank God Marco only had one arm. Marcus was for sure he would have a few broken ribs if he had the full strength of both arms. It was easier to give up and let Marco have his way, the little punk.

"All right I get it." Marcus groaned harshing patting Marco's are. "Get off. So I'm the kind of guy who doesn't mind giving gifts once in awhile, but I'm always excited to receive them, right?"

"Yeah." Marco released him and waiting until he was facing him to continue. "I'm the kind that loves giving gifts, but I'm not comfortable receiving gifts."

"Why wouldn't you love getting gifts, Marco?" That he didn't have an answer for so he shrugged.

"Not really sure. I could ask you the same thing concerning why do you like receiving gifts so much?"

"Because they're awesome. It makes me feel good." Marco nodded to everything his twin was saying. But what came next really blew his mind. "It helps me not to feel so fucking insecure about myself...like the person actually does like me for being me. Hell, I'd be happy if they just bought and paid for my coffee, you know. It's like getting that single thank you from someone without having asked for it and when nobody besides that person thanked you all day."

"...That's really deep, Marcus." For the first time, Marco saw Marcus blush. Not in a small way, but in the way you would have thought he got a bad sunburn.

"Yeah, well I answered your question. You gotta at least try to answer mine even if you don't know. You have no fucking idea how nervous I was spouting that shit. I hate talking about it too." The last sentence was said in a lower voice trailing off in silence. Marcus looked to the side to avoid Marco's stare and tightly crossed and wrapped his arms around himself. "It's not easy being the 'evil' twin and having to deal with this stuff. Even I can have a broken heart once in a while."

"I'm sorry for making you relive those memories." Marcus couldn't help scoffing but chose to remain silent. "I like giving because like you said, it makes me feel good."

"No fair using my answers, stupid."

"It's true. I feel like, I don't know...like I have to be Superman in a way?"

"Superman sucks. I rather be Batman."

"Classic Superman, before they messed him up."

"Oh, well, yeah I can see that then."

"Yeah...I think...I like making people feel good. You know, helping them feel loved and loving themselves too. I want to shower them with all the affection I can...but I'd hate it if someone did that to me."

"Why?" This was more confusing that the term Marco first used. "Wait a second...when you said gift you actually meant sex, right? We're on the same wavelength?"

"Yes, Marcus." Marco couldn't help leaning his head up laughing while he covered his eyes. This was getting dangerous. His emotions were spiraling out of control.

"Okay, just making sure." Marcus looked lost in thought for a moment. "Have you ever received a 'gift' from someone?"

"A few times, but I felt a little sick after. I hate that feeling." Marco sniffed rubbing his nose and choking back on his tears. "Sorry, I know I'm messed up and broken--"

"Who said that?!" The shout made Marco literally jump. "I'll kick their ass like a pinata! And spill their guts out like fucking Mexican candy!!"

"Marcus--"

"You tell me, I'll show them what broken really means!!" Was it wrong that Marcus' immediately instinct to protect made him feel flattered? Even though he doesn't say it, he knows Marcus loves him. Even if he were to remain forever alone, it was nice to know Marcus would always be there cheering at the sidelines. "What kind of person tells that to someone? Where's my brass knuckles?"

"Marcus." Marco pulled on the back of Marcus' shirt. Marcus stopped spinning on his heel to turn around. Maybe he would give him the address of the fucking bastard. Instead, Marco gave him another intense hug minus the inhuman strength. "Please don't. I really am broken, physically and mentally. But I swear I'm trying to get better. I've been going to therapy for awhile now. So don't worry."

"...What you really mean is that you don't want me getting hurt."

"That...and I don't want to see anyone else hurt."

"You rather hurt yourself." 

"Yeah I guess..." I'm not worth getting upset over...More said to himself. Instantly, Marco lost control of everything he was trying hard to hold back. Marcus knew him too well. He could never truly hide from him. With everyone, all he had to do was speak positively and share a warm smile. All their troubles would be chased away. But his remained, repeating over and over those words which never failed to shatter the mask he hid behind. 

"...fine..." Tears started falling down Marco's face. "Go ahead and cry. I know how talking about these sort of things can scare you shitless."

And so cry he did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...in case you're wondering, Jean is having his own little mini crisis in the bathroom talking to his reflection. It's either that or he's having a big poop due to the fact that he's so nervous about things. 
> 
> I'll let you choose which to believe. XD
> 
> Sorry, I had to lighten the mood SOMEHOW. Also, you may notice if you re-read some parts have been changed along with minor edits. I tend to do that no matter how many times I check it. Sorry.


	42. Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the feeling of something bad going to happen to others or self.

“I think we should call it off.” Sasha froze hearing those words from her fiancé. When she turned to face Connie she thought it was some kind of nightmare. “I-I h-honestly think…w-we need to…ah, c-call it off.”

“WHAT. THE. HELL?!” Sasha shouted so loud he was sure all their surrounding neighbors heard. Even the dogs went silent and whimpered a little trying to press themselves as low as to the ground as they could. “What do you mean you want to call it off?!”

“Sas, calm down for a second—“

“Do you KNOW how much work I’ve put into this without my parents’ support?” The more Sasha started to rant the more hurt Connie felt. Was this really Sasha? It was like he stole her leftovers from her favorite restaurant…he rather that happened than what was happening now. “Answer me, Connie!”

“W-what?” Man, he didn’t hear a thing she said.

“I see…” Suddenly Sasha became silent and slammed the small bowl of pancake mix on the counter. She took off her apron and headed to her room closing it so hard the pictures nearly fell off the wall. Then it was quiet as if someone stole all the music in the world.

It wasn’t as if Connie came out of the blue with this suggestion. In fact, he had been protesting since the mention of any sort of wedding. Sasha was insistent for some reason and her motives were showing the closer the date came. She wanted to marry him to piss off her parents.

Yes, they were good friends and he did enjoy how physical they were in both a non-sexual and sexual way…But there was always an emptiness he felt when he was she and when Sasha was her. They couldn’t connect, but did share an interest in fashion…he needed someone who loved him, not someone who was just interested in him. He needed and was starving for a real love from a lover. Seeing Eren and Armin’s relationship start to bloom proved that to him. Those two were so in love before realizing it. Connie would give up everything for a love like that. 

“Good luck paying off this month’s rent, motherfucker!” Connie did a double take seeing Sasha walking out of the house with a suitcase and all their babies except Hercules.

“Sasha? Sasha! Wait!!” Connie nearly tripped over himself trying to stop her. “Where are you going?!”

“As far away from you as I can!”

“But why are you taking the kids?!”

“These are MY dogs. You can keep your big monster dog from your last break-up.” Sasha tossed her bags in the back of the truck. “Like how this is MY truck.”

“Sasha, please don’t—“

“Connie Springer, you better get the hell back before I kill you!!” Sasha stopped and turned around glaring at him. “I will run you over without a second thought.”

  
Connie shivered and coward in fear trying to put enough of a safe distance between them. All the smaller dog stood up with their paws on the sides. Their little tails wagging excitedly thinking they were going on a fun trip with Mama. Little did they know they were never coming back. How Papa’s hard shattered into pieces at that moment and how he was left for dead by someone he thought he was so in love with.

  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  


“Well,” Jean nervously rock on the back of his heels waiting for an answer. “What do you think?”

“It’s beautiful.” Mikasa gazed at the painting. “Can I touch it?”

“Yeah, it finished drying a week ago.” Something inside Jean burst with excitement. He couldn’t stay still anymore. “You see I waterproofed it too, because, you know. Never know what will happen to stuff. Oh yeah! Um, hope you don’t mind that I brighten up their eyes too. If don’t like the background looking so blurry I can fix that and--”

“John.” Mikasa placed her hand on his shoulder smiling at him. “It’s beautiful.”

“Well, if you say so.” Jean face turned red. He knew she was talking about the painting, but hey! What man didn’t like being called beautiful by their crush. “I’m sure since you’re beautiful then you’d recognize beauty yourself.”

“…was I supposed to hear that?” Mikasa pulled her hand back from looking insulted if not for that playful smile across her face.”

“Oh, god. No.” He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Mouth gaping and flopping around like a fish starving for water. “I-I-‘m just saying—well—look at you!!”

“You flatter me too much, Jean.” He thought her smile was so heavenly, never could he predict how amazing her laugh sounded. It made his soul shiver with such delight. He would forever play the fool if it were to only make her laugh for the rest of his life. “How much was it?”

“Free.” GODDAMMIT!

“Free?”

“For you.” STAAAPPPP!!! Jean screamed mentally.

“To pay you nothing would be an insult to my parents.” Mikasa opened her wallet and gave him a couple of hundred bills. “Please take this.” 

“…Only because you ask me too.” Surprised he took the cash. If was nearly double for what he would normally sell. This painting must’ve meant a lot to her. “So…your parents must’ve been good people?”

“They tried to be.” Mikasa looked back at the painting with a heavy heart. “Dad was much like Eren.”

“Oh…well…that guy isn’t THAT bad.” Yes he was, but he would never tell her that.

“It’s fine. I know my brother.” Mikasa glanced at him with a smile. “They both had bad tempers.”

“Um, mind me asking…” He needed to put it gently as he could. Curse his curse filled vocabulary. Maybe he shouldn't ask. He had a bad feeling something might happen if he finished that damn sentence.

“Car crash.” As if reading his mind she answered slowly wrapping her arms around herself. “We were going on vacation. Only the family and Eren was really upset that Armin couldn’t come. We told him over and over that Armin and his parents were taking their family reunion first then meeting up with us at a timeshare.”

“So they knew each other as kids too?” Mikasa nodded and continued.

“At one point to help Eren calm down Mom let him drive instead of Dad. I sat shotgun. Eren had been driving for about a year. Everyone was a little nervous.” She chuckled lightly then became solemn. “It started to rain and our parents were sleeping in the back. Eren wanted to wake up Dad because it was getting harder for him to drive, but there wasn’t anywhere TO stop.”

“Oh God…I don’t like where this is going.” Jean bit his lip slightly. “Hey, do you need a drink or something.”

“I’m fine, thank you.” Mikasa stared at the painting. “We saw an ambulance drive ahead. There was some accident and that’s why traffic was so bad. Eren really was trying his best to be patient. Some of the other cars were doing crazy shit.”

“Mikasa, really you don’—“

“Finally it cleared up and we were moving again. We thought everything would be all right now. The scare was over. Then we were hit by two impatient vehicles. A freight truck and a gray car.” Mikasa held her breath for a second, her hands tightly clenching her sweater. “The grey car was speeding and was in Eren’s blind spot. The car crossed into our lane even though there wasn’t room. Our truck spun into the other lane..”

“Mikasa—“ Jean stood her and guided her to the sofa to sit. Gently he wrapped an arm around her trying to help her stat calm. Mikasa put a trembling hand over her mouth. “Please…”

“The freight truck crashed into the backseat area, killing our parents instantly. Another car in the freeway lane almost crashed into my side, but Eren speed up into the turn so it would hit his side instead. We finally crashed into the impact attenuators. My brother and I…we were taken to the hospital and I woke up before he did.”

“Oh my God…I’m so sorry.” Jean pulled her closer rubbing her arms and her back. “I’m sorry, Mikasa. I didn’t know and—“

“I miss them so much.” Mikasa tightly shut her eyes and leaned into Jean’s embrace. Tears fell, but nothing came out vocally.

Her teeth were tightly clamped and small quick inhales were all that could be heard. It felt as if the pain leapt into Jean’s own heart. There wasn’t much he could do, but hold her as she broke. Honestly, he could never understand the loss of any family member. His parents were well, he was an only child, and both his grandparents up and kicking. He would hear stories about the pain from friends. How does one show empathy when the emotion brought by it could be felt.

He didn’t really KNOW know Mikasa, but he struck her as the kind of woman who didn’t cry often. She was strong, calm, and collected. Moments like these were rare and few. So for this moment, he would be there for her for all her needs. She was his broken goddess which he would mend back together by prayer and pure adoration…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Needed to cut it off short because of mood.  
> I wanted to get at least a lil something out for everyone. :)  
> So any thoughts? more comments=sooner updates.


End file.
